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+--- Thread: Farts (/showthread.php?tid=12383)
Farts - 2 tired 2 give N F - 12-06-2006
Quote:NASHVILLE, Tenn. -- An American Airlines flight was forced to make an emergency landing Monday morning after a passenger lit a match to disguise the scent of flatulence, authorities said.
The Dallas-bound flight was diverted to Nashville after several passengers reported smelling burning sulfur from the matches, said Lynne Lowrance, spokeswoman for the Nashville International Airport Authority. All 99 passengers and five crew members were taken off and screened while the plane was searched and luggage was screened.
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The FBI questioned a passenger who admitted she struck the matches in an attempt to conceal a "body odor," Lowrance said. She had an unspecified medical condition, authorities said.
"It's humorous in a way but you feel sorry for the individual, as well," she said. "It's unusual that someone would go to those measures to cover it up."
The flight took off again, but the woman was not allowed back on the plane. The woman, who was not identified, was not charged in the incident.
http://www.orlandosentinel.com/news/local/newsletter/mu-html/sns-ap-plane-passing-gas,0,3862526.story?coll=orl-business-headlines&track=mostemailedlink
- funsnapsdyno - 12-06-2006
fartman802 must have been on that flight.. hah
- Bloody Anus - 12-06-2006
Oh man, I just had one of my most perfectly timed farts ever. At least a top 5.
I was in the bathroom stall about to take a shit but first let out a nice loud 5-6 second fart. At about the 3 second mark I heard some guy a few feet away connect a call on his cell phone. All I heard was "Hi, this is...." then the rest faded away as he hurriedly exited the bathroom.
- Bloody Anus - 12-07-2006
The other 4:
4. At the movies, watching the Dawn of the Dead remake. During a moment of suspenseful silence - I think it was right before the baby gets shot. It wasn't too loud, but just good enough for my friends and some random unsuspecting kids to hear
3. At my old job my boss was a spineless dick that nobody liked. One time he was walking by my cube and I let out just a massive one, not even realizing he was behind me. That was probably the closest sound to thunder I've ever come to. He just kept on walking, acknowledging nothing.
2. At that same job I had a client on speakerphone while my supervisor (different guy from #3) was sitting a few feet away helping him. The client asked a question and I answered with a soft, even toned fart. I didn't think much of it, but then there was an extended silence. I turned and saw my supervisor's face bright red trying to contain his laughter. After about 30 seconds the client's like, "hello hello?" and started pushing buttons on the phone. After a minute I just hung up and waited for him to call back. I don't think he did.
1. Same job. I was on my way to the bathroom to take a piss and walked by a guy's cube while he was on the phone and ripped out a nice juicy one. He started laughing uncontrollably and put the phone on hold. Then as I was walking back I did it again, same length, same volume. He lost it again, and tried explaining to his caller that "someone's telling jokes".
Good times.
- diceisgod - 12-07-2006
you're so awesome I hope sleeper and galt kill themselves because of aforementioned awesomeness
- Mad - 12-07-2006
So true.
- Keyser Soze - 12-07-2006
ive been a bloody anus supporter since day one, you're all just jumping on the bandwagon now.
- Galt - 12-07-2006
Only 506 posts. Frightening. He's the Bo Jackson of messageboards.
- The Jays - 12-07-2006
Maybe he oughta be getting the lifetime achievement award.
- funsnapsdyno - 12-07-2006
I have more posts than bloody anus! Can that be right? no way
- Keyser Soze - 12-07-2006
i already nominated him. he's a legend.
- Galt - 12-07-2006
I will humbly withdraw myself from nomination of lifetime achievement and refer my legions of supporters to BA
- GonzoStyle - 12-07-2006
I just ripped ass so bad, like I left and came back and it was still here.... its been 10 minutes and it is still wafting.
I usually quite enjoy a really bad one, cause it is like you accomplished a great thing but this one is making me wanna vomit. Which is awful but even more awesome at the same time.
It smells like burnt toast, with some really bad cheese, toe jam, puss, and with a hint of blech!