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+--- Thread: I wanna be a diva. (/showthread.php?tid=9089)
- The Jays - 06-19-2004
I want to have whole areas of property fenced off when I am around. I want to have an organization of people following me around, doing statistical analysis of my every move. I want to see my name on every periodical, I don't care what it is, it can be Bassmasters Annual Bass Masters issue.
I want whole television programs, devoted to me.
I want flowers, gardinias, lillies, and blue roses. And I want a bag of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Cowabungas, and I don't care that they stopped making it 10 years ago, there's got to be a store somewhere in the south shore of Staten Island that is still selling expired foods like Pac-man Chef Boyardee and Ecto Cooler.
I want to have a cell phone, that has the ringtone of the singing performance I just gave, and I want to give out the number to all my fans in the audience, just so that I can hear my song over and over again.
I want a compound on the south end of New Jersey, and I want Kevin Costner around with a large old dog, to protect me when men in ski masks come and kill my sister.
I want to do a cover of a Dolly Parton song. I'd like to give "9 to 5" the props it deserves. And then I'll do a cover of a song from a Jerry Bruckheimer movie by a third rate pop singer.
I want to sit and eat donoughts all day long during the winter, so that I can burn it off during my summer tour, and not have to stop to eat.
I will pay 18 year old high school girls 2000 dollars an hour so that they can lick my pussy while I watch episodes of What's Happening, and the Elvis Comeback Special.
I want a slice of pizza from Joe and Pat's on Victory Boulevard, and I don't care that I'm in London, I want it on my night table at 5am when I stumble back into my room after a night of freebasing in the back seat of a Lincoln Towncar.
I want a house built so that I can say that I live there for the cover of Architectural Digest.
When I walk into a building, I want former Navy SEALs ready at my command to seek out intel on any suspicious humans within a 500 yard radius of myself, and I want 10 select members of my crew to be carrying various stuff animals, and they must be be of a jungle theme, and they must all be plush. I would like to stand at the center of this small group, where I am driving a Lark, and drinking a bottle of tropical fruit Vitamin Water.
I want a room that is totally sound proofed, as well as total private access to the pool.
I want one motel room for each of my crew members, and then one motel room each for my stuffed animals. I then want the hotel staff to ensure that the real live counterpart of each of the stuffed animals is placed in their correspoding rooms, so that when I awake in the morning from a night long session of playing Fight Night and smoking 2 ounces of weed, I can open each one of the doors, and exclaim "THEYRE MULTIPYING!" and close it in dramatic fashion. I would like to do this ten times , so be sure that the animals are found.
I then would like you to take the animals out to the back, where I will be sitting in my limo smoking a blunt while wearing a pink coat, and have take out each animal SS style, shooting into the back of each animals head, with the monkey going last. I want animal blood to squirt all over in front of my car. I then want to get in and drive in front of PETA headquarters, and scream "LOOK WHAT THE BASTARDS DID!"
I would also like a Jell-o pudding pack.
- Arpikarhu - 06-20-2004
too bad. you will just have to settle for misunderstood teen angst poet.
- Zootybang - 06-20-2004
I can supply the pudding pack, if you make me a member of your "posse".
Oh, and i want one of those cool little wireless headsets so i can keep you updated on the status of your double-mocha-latte-frappuccino. With Lemon.
Edited By Zootybang on 1087702342
- Arpikarhu - 06-20-2004
at least it will give you a break from pretending to play the guitar.
- Zootybang - 06-20-2004
Get a new gag, dickhead.
- GonzoStyle - 06-20-2004
Seriously that was trolling the bottom of the barrel for a joke.
- Velociti - 06-20-2004
edgy if I may say
- GonzoStyle - 06-20-2004
Velociti... sounds familiar but I can't quite place it.
- Black Lazerus - 06-21-2004
Castro Syntec
- Zootybang - 06-21-2004
Catro"L". Sorry to be nit-picky.
- GonzoStyle - 06-21-2004
I always wanted to fuck a DIVA, we can make our dreams come true.
- Arpikarhu - 06-21-2004
GonzoStyle Wrote:Seriously that was trolling the bottom of the barrel for a joke.1, it was ny gag originally so i may use it at will
2.yet you still use the "arpi is old" stuff and that gets pulled out 100 times more than my" zootybang is a guitar poser" stuff.
3. :21:
- Zootybang - 06-21-2004
Thats only because i never post. If i was here consistently, i'm sure you'd follow me from post to post, harrassing me with amazingly witty variations on the insult. The insult which, by the way, you have zero proof of short of me admitting i own a guitar you dub "sub-standard". Not all of us are stock market wizards or whatever it is you claim to be this week.
- GonzoStyle - 06-21-2004
He quoted my reply so if #2 was meant for me I take offense since I havent used an "Arpi is old" joke in many months.