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 Displaying 1-25 of 28 messages in this thread. |
| Posted By | Discussion Topic: Growing Apart from friends. Am I wrong for this? | ||||
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| GonzoStyle | posted on 08-16-2001 @ 10:36 PM |    | |||
| Hanger-On Registered: Jan. 70  | Now this is something i have been thinking about and i value the opinion of some of you the other's can puncture their veins for all i care. But this is my problem i have a friend who i have known since kindergarten. We grew up together and we have been friends since then going on 18 years now. The thing was in high school i felt our friendship was strong and he is a great guy and all but very timid and shy. I realized during college when our whole clique of friends split up and there were three of us left. That i could not stand to just hang with him alone, i couldn't go to the bar with him alone cause he is boring as all hell. He never says anything, he doesnt drink much, he sits there with his arms folded and starts to dose off at about 11pm. Not like he works hard he's a silver spoon kid. That was also a problem between us his biggest problem is where he is going on vacation next mine is how am i gonna help my mom make the rent. All the coupled with the fact that I am who I am. Meaning anyone who has met me knows i am no different even worse in person than I am here. I like to be the life of the party and i like to have fun and make sure others have fun. His versionof being wild is staying out past midnight and eating an apple before washing it. He just bores me to no end but i feel the need to be loyal to him. I value and cherish friendship but it makes me sick to hear him call. He whines to no end, he always complains. He is just a major pain to me but i feel bad for him cause he has driven everyone away. This is a 23 year old man who spent 5 years in school to be a lawyer then he got scared when he did his first mock trial and quit school and now he teaches children. A 3 year old man who has never had a girlfriend nor sex. A 23 year old man who would rather shop with momma than go to a bar. Bottom line is am i wrong for not hanging out with him? I don't wanna keep him around just for the sake of it. I told him what i felt and he just won't take that for an answer he calls everyday. I know he loves me and looks up to me and has always had me to be his mouthpiece but time to grow up man. Time to start talking for yourself, am i too cold hearted on this one? My mom said i was an asshole but she always says that.   If I could capture the rage of today's youth and bottle it Crush the glass from my bare hands and swallow it Then spit it back in the faces of you racists and hypocrites who think the same shit but don't say shit You Liberace's, Versace's, and you nazis Watch me, cause you thinkin you got me in this hot seat You motherfuckers wanna JUDGE me cause you're NOT me She-Mail Me Here | ||||
| Sluggo667 SLASH's New Buddy, but shhh... I am not allowed to tell anyone. | posted on 08-16-2001 @ 11:19 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Apr. 01 | Gonzo, It may be true that you're an asshole... But I don't think so in this case. Your friend needs to grow up and live his life for himself,maybe this will end up being the kick in the pants he needs. Still...It sucks to be you man.  Sluggo667...Neighbor of the beast... | ||||
| GonzoStyle | posted on 08-16-2001 @ 11:28 PM | | |||
| Hanger-On Registered: Jan. 70 | quote: ummm wow thanks dude, love you too.  If I could capture the rage of today's youth and bottle it Crush the glass from my bare hands and swallow it Then spit it back in the faces of you racists and hypocrites who think the same shit but don't say shit You Liberace's, Versace's, and you nazis Watch me, cause you thinkin you got me in this hot seat You motherfuckers wanna JUDGE me cause you're NOT me She-Mail Me Here | ||||
| Lent Black Rock Coalition Do you have a basketball in your car? | posted on 08-16-2001 @ 11:30 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: May. 00 | Well you gotta do what you gotta do. You told him what he needed to know and moving on is the best thing for him. Who knows maybe one day he will stop and realize what he's doing with his life or he'll be just happy and accept what he currently is.  --Lent, the poster formerly known as Rowelentless-- LET'S GO RED STORM! | ||||
| FeelMyFunBags | posted on 08-16-2001 @ 11:38 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Jan. 01 | I am actually going through the same thing with a friend of mine right now so I know what you are feeling. I know it might seem as if you are being selfish by not wanting to hang out with him, but it really isn't so. Sometimes the people who were our best friends in kindergarden never grow out of that mentality and it becomes hard to be around them. You're not ditching him for shallow reasons and you don't seem as if you are being mean about it, so don't feel so bad. Good luck. why do I say I'm fine when it's obvious I'm not? why's it so hard to tell you what I want? why can't you just read my mind? | ||||
| Sluggo667 SLASH's New Buddy, but shhh... I am not allowed to tell anyone. | posted on 08-17-2001 @ 12:07 AM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Apr. 01 | quote: You're welcome. And I said,you MAY be...:) Sluggo667...Neighbor of the beast... | ||||
| GrkqtOandAfan Claim staked by FTL. | posted on 08-17-2001 @ 12:17 AM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Oct. 00 | YOu are not wrong at all Gonzy, people change and we can't help that. What used to be a good time for you guys back a few years is not as fun as it used to be, and that is perfectly normal. People grow older and mature and realize what makes them happy and what they need in life, and the people surrounding them is a huge factor. Surrounding yourself with negative people will in turn make you a negative person. Also, when you grow up you begin to understand what people are about. You may have spent your whole life with this person and thought they were great all these years, but thats because you were both kids and kids never deeply think "hey am i going to benefit from this friendship" I was best friends with this girl starting from kindergarten all the way up till last may. We were attached at the hip, finished each other's sentences and all that cute stuff but once she went away to college, she changed, her priorities changed and our friendship fizzled out. I made her leave a bar with my 5 minutes before we had to because I got a huge migraine and she flipped on me and never spoke to me again. A person I was best friends with for 15 years dropped me over something so petty. Ok i am done with my rant, the moral of my story is people change and its something we cant't help  CIT (Cuties in Training): none, have room for 2 email me if you want to be a Cutie Yahman - Certified Cutie as of 6/19/01 | ||||
| Mrs. Moosen You think Flock is the real mod? Ha! Think again. USA | posted on 08-17-2001 @ 12:41 AM | | |||
| Psychopath Registered: May. 01 | Here's my take GS. I too was in a situation similar to yours. I have a friend who I've out grown. She and I used to do everything together. In fact I even lived with her and her mom for a while before I found my own place... (long story) Anyway, it seemed like we would never be less than best buds. Slowly though, I came to realize that she was bringing me down. I was trying to grow, I needed to grow, and all she kept wanting to do was stay the same. Finally, I just stopped answering the phone and let the machine get it. I returned her calls less and less often, and kept on moving along with my life. She and I still talk to this day, and I consider her my "oldest friend", but truth be told, we aren't as close as we were, and God forgive me, I'm better for it. I guess what I'm trying to say it that it's okay to move on and to change your circle of friends. Sometimes you need to do it for your own sanity. Hell, we've all done it, most of us without even thinking about it. The fact that you are thinking about it shows that you have character.
Sig pic compliments of LtBoogaloo, Flock of Moosen, & PanterA | ||||
| MaynardGKrebs | posted on 08-17-2001 @ 1:56 AM | | |||
| O&A Board Veteran Registered: Jan. 01 | I have to agree with most of the responses here. I too have a friend like this. We have been close friends since 4th grade. After HS he went to Penn State to school. Not too far away, but just far enough to make it a hassle to visit each other all the time. So we would hang out maybe once a month. Then it became less and less. We still talked all the time online, but we didnt get to hang out in person much. WEll, we both changed. He stayed in that HS/college party mentality. I didn't. Instead of getting into that, I got my education on the streets and in clubs in NYC. He was a little more sheltered. So we drifted. After college, he stayed in PA, and we still talk. I know we will never be the way we were, but we will always be friends. In fact I go and visit him around once a month, and we go partying and drinking. Live up the party life. My advice in this situation is to try and do what I did. Just try and distance yourself and hang out when you can. Don't try and force yourself. Talk on the phone, and e-mail or whatever. But you don't have to physically hang out to still be good friends.  It's just "I love you" can mean a lot of things, like "You'll do till someone better comes along", or "I can't describe how I really feel but I know I'm supposed to say this", or "Shut up, I'm watchin' TV"...  Adopted Dukey77777 on 8/13/01. Let me know if he pisses in your wheaties. | ||||
| Psycho Bitch
| posted on 08-17-2001 @ 2:16 AM | | |||
| Psychopath Registered: Jul. 01 | Gonz...you've gotten some really good advice heaar. just remember you don't have to cut him out of your life completely, just take a breather and don't spend so much time with him anymore for aawhile. Who knows, in a few years things may change again and you guys could become close again. Just keep in touch every now and then and you won't feel like you've abandoned an old friend and he won't feel abandoned.  Much thanks to Grumpy and my "master" for this kick ass sig pic :) ~~Psycho Bitch~~ "The definition of insanity is repeating the same behavior over and over expecting different results" Proud graduate of Metalfan's purgatory for newbies....but still his "slavegirl" :p | ||||
| The Painter 1/2 a bottle of Jack Daniels... it's a cure-all | posted on 08-17-2001 @ 6:14 AM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Sep. 00 | quote:I assume you meant 23 year old man. Get him laid!!! His whole demeanor will change after he's been laid. As for friends drifting away. Yeah it happens. It will happen several times through out your life.  | ||||
| Arthur Dent | posted on 08-17-2001 @ 2:46 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Nov. 00 | Two words for you Gonzo: ANXIETY DISORDER I know someone pretty close to me who has one, and the symptoms are VERY similar. It's treatable with medication, and the difference in presonality is night and day. An anxiety disorder would explain why he was afraid of the court trial, why he is hesitant to express himself with friends,and why he has so much to complain about. Send him to a shrink. He'll get the meds to put his brain chemistry back in order, and the thearopy to get past all the learned behaviors and other shit that are ingrained from years of this problem. Don't give up on your friend. Get him the help he needs.  A much wittier reply came to mind immediately after I clicked the 'Send' button. A Life? Cool! Where can I download one of those from? BTW, FWIW, IMHO, AFAIK, yes. OTOH, AAMOF, maybe not. YMMV. This message was edited by Arthur Dent on 8-17-01 @ 3:21 PM | ||||
| Jennitalia | posted on 08-17-2001 @ 2:58 PM | | |||
| Psychopath Registered: Sep. 00 | well, gonzo, not everyone in life is as wonderful a person as you are... ;p i also have a situation like with a friend. we've been very close since college, and have managed to stay in touch and all, but she's since gotten married and had a kid. our lives are just different now. she never makes an attempt to come down to see me. she lives in sullivan county, about as redneck as you can get. i just have no desire to always be the one do go up there.  | ||||
| Spuds_Buckley | posted on 08-17-2001 @ 6:45 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Oct. 00 | I think I replied the first time I saw this thread with something along the lines of different strokes for different folks. People change, if they're not willing to come along for the ride...fuck em Kiss Me I'm Duff! | ||||
| Sephiroth | posted on 08-17-2001 @ 7:03 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Dec. 00 | There really isnt much you can do. Be there for him when he absolutly needs it, but dont go out on a limb for him all the time. Try to get him to socialize with more people, go out with more friends. If you told him how you feel, but he still persists, the only thing you can do is ignore him. Granted, it is fucked up, but if you give a excuse to him everytime he calls as to why you cant hang out, he'll eventually get the message. You cant really affect how people grow apart, it just happens. It happens to everyone, even me. Its not your fault he has that personality, so you shouldnt feel bad about what you do.
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| PeterDragon | posted on 08-17-2001 @ 7:10 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Jan. 01 | Gonzo, It's been said before here, but since I'm older than most here (I'm around Anthony's age), I'll give you my perspective. Based on what you'd say, you're doing the right thing. Stay in touch, but keep doing your own thing, and don't feel guilty that it is without him. People change, people evolve. just because you had stuff in common in elementary school doesn't mean you'll always be at the same stage later in life. This stuff usually happens when one person gets married or has kids. If you are the married one, you find you start to hang out more with married couples; if you are the single one, you stop hanging out so often with the married guy. You're not doing him any favors by hanging out with him if you're not comfortable. Maybe this will force him to "grow up" a little. If he doesn't grow, he'd only be dragging you down  This message was edited by PeterDragon on 8-17-01 @ 7:21 PM | ||||
| mrbungle | posted on 08-18-2001 @ 11:38 AM | | |||
| Psychopath Registered: Mar. 01 | Gonz, I'm pretty sure that everyone has a story like these...In my case, I had a group of friends I hung with throughout H.S., some longer than that...2 in particular went off to college, one in Virginia, on at Oneonta...the one in Virginia, for lack of a better word, just changed...I don't know when it happened, but it did...about 3 1/2 years ago, he told me that he got his g/f's best friend pregnant, and that they were to be married...I never made it to the wedding, and that's the last I've heard from him...the other one, he and I remained close through college, but trips home became less frequent, and then the calls to me became less frequent...he had his frat brothers and apparently that's who he hung out with when he came home...he didn't even bother to come see my bands play... Point is, people grow apart, and you meet other people...it's only bad if you stop getting out and meeting new people...I don't hate either of those two, but we had nothing left to accomplish together, and less to say to each other...  It's not funny, my ass is on fire.... Thanks to the lovely Jolene for my sig pic... It's always funny until someone gets hurt, And then it's just hilarious!!! | ||||
| sweetasacherry | posted on 08-18-2001 @ 11:58 AM | | |||
| Hanger-On Registered: Jun. 01 | its very true that people grow apart. you two have been friends for a very long time and people just grow apart after awhile. to tell you the truth i cnat really see you hanging out with someone whose quiet and shy.  Adopted by: Jon Benet Norton | ||||
| GonzoStyle | posted on 08-18-2001 @ 1:59 PM | | |||
| Hanger-On Registered: Jan. 70 | quote: Painter come on this is me here, lol this is gonzo you think i haven't done everything in my power to get him laid? Maybe i should introduce him to Unicron they might get along, lol. Thanks guys appreciate it, i'll just keep in touch but ehh he has to get his own life. Plus i know it's hard to picture me with someone quiet and shy but i know the kid almost 20 years here. And jennie you so lie, lmmfao. If I could capture the rage of today's youth and bottle it Crush the glass from my bare hands and swallow it Then spit it back in the faces of you racists and hypocrites who think the same shit but don't say shit You Liberace's, Versace's, and you nazis Watch me, cause you thinkin you got me in this hot seat You motherfuckers wanna JUDGE me cause you're NOT me She-Mail Me Here | ||||
| Psycho Bitch
| posted on 08-18-2001 @ 2:07 PM | | |||
| Psychopath Registered: Jul. 01 | quote: Gonz sweetie...do you mean to tell us that in 20 years you were not able to corrupt his innocent little mind? I'm disappointed in you ;) | ||||
| i'm a walking joint I wish I was still FNMoron's wet dream... but he left me for a BONG! | posted on 08-18-2001 @ 5:41 PM | | |||
| Psychopath Registered: Jan. 01 | my advice comes from the other side....i was the quiet kid who the friend got tired of. he flat out dropped me when we were 16 and it was the best thing that happened. I was forced to find new friends and found a personality...and also became a bitter asshole who found weed and that is probably where i found my personality. but i'm 24 now and the only time i think my friends find me boring is when i smoke myself to sleep...just my 2 cents | ||||
| Nana's Precious | posted on 08-18-2001 @ 6:08 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Sep. 00 | Gonzo you are definetely not wrong bro. I have known this girl for 16 years or so and about 2 years ago I just got so fucking sick and tired of hearing her bitch and moan about her dick of the week that I decided not to talk to her for a while. Turns out it was for more than a year and it was the most peaceful year I ever had. Now she knows not to just bitch everytime we talk. Hell I didn't talk to my own mother for 9 months because she pissed me off. People around me know that I really don't need anyone and anybody can be booted out of my life at any time. Anyway, hang in there pal. And tell your buddy to get a life. "what, I thought we were all just having fun..." guardian of f_tarded | ||||
| Cunt-Twat I'm not a Cockblocker, I'm a COCKSUCKER! | posted on 08-19-2001 @ 1:17 AM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Jan. 01 | hey gonzo, don't feel bad, this stuff happens. i think that it's totally natural for you guys to grow apart, it's life. if you are secure with yourself, then don't let him hold you back. do what you have to do for yourself. METS IN 2002!! thanks FN MORON...you know why | ||||
| DR. Buster Hymen | posted on 08-19-2001 @ 1:01 PM | | |||
| Psychopath Registered: Oct. 00 | quote: Gonzo, why not try to hook your friend up with FMFB's friend; then you'll both be free. Also, have you ever considered turning your friend onto O & A??? Look what it did for Stalker Patty! But seriously, I agree with most of the advice. It's part of growing up that people change and develope other interests. Friendships will come & go. In fact, I haven't kept in touch with anyone from HS, and my list of "friends" from College, Med School, & Residencies have changed. However, be careful in cutting ties with this friend. You don't want him to feel abandoned and without a support network. Also, while he may not have a definite Psychiatric illness, I think that he has enough issues to make it reasonable to suggest starting with a Therapist. E-M me if you need a referral. DR. Buster Hymen DR. Buster Hymen "Spread Your Legs & Say Aahhh" Buster_Hymen@opieanthony.com | ||||
| Corpsegrinderjunk | posted on 08-19-2001 @ 1:09 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Veteran Registered: Aug. 00 | I can completely understand where you are coming from man. My best freind for over 16 years recently got engaged. He has been a chef for about 4 years now and usually works a 90 hour work week. I was able to understanf why he didn't hang out a lot in the past because of his work schedule, but he would always find the time to call so we could shoot the shit. About a month ago he comes to the Mrs. and I and tells us that he isn't sure he wants to get married and asks us our advice. We are not fond of the girl because she is manipulating him, and she is mentally unstable. I mean what kind of a chick gets a urinary tract infection 5 times in 2 months and trys to admit hereself to the hospital every fucking time for it. Oh, plus she comitted herself for a a few weeks after her third nervous breakdown. BUt anyway, ever since he asked us what we really feel about her, he hasn't returned a call to any of us in over a month. I think it's fucked up that he would be willing to throw away a friendship of over 16 years for the chick he is gonna marry. I understand that he loves her, but she has manipulated him and he can't see that, but I think the best thing to know, is that sometimes if you love someone you have to let them go. I'm sure you friend and you do have that brotherly love, but you really have to try and let him know how you feel. Let him know that you are bro's and you have completely different interests, and think that you shouldn't hang out all the time. You are not wrong for not wanting to hang with him. Maybe he really needs you to burn it into his brain why you don't wanna hang. Why fucking bother "Think before you write" - Froy E-Mail Me | ||||
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Displaying 1-25 of 28 messages in this thread. |