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| Posted By | Discussion Topic: Saturday, September 1st, 2001...a day that will live in infamy | ||||
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| FoundryMusicJeff | posted on 09-02-2001 @ 7:35 PM |    | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Jan. 01  | Saturday, September 1st, 2001 A day that will live in infamy. I feel really sorry for the people who were unable to attend yesterday. The only word I can think of that best describes the entire night is....disturbing. Last night it all came out, and suprisingly, I didn't do anything remotely embarassing or funny. In fact, I just sat back and watched while everyone ELSE made a fool out of themselves. 5:30 Jeff Shain enjoys dinner with his family at a restaurant in China Town in celebration of my brother's 21st birthday. The topic of dinner conversation was LSD, smoking and cancer, my brother and his proclivity for menage a trois, and the inevitable failure of my grandmother's mind. (Who, by the way, was sitting at the table, completely oblivious to what was going on.) 8:00 Plans are made for a night of drinking in the Big Apple. Plans are set for 10:00, when Kevin gets off work. Jeff kills time at Sue Walsh's house in a desperate attempt to get her to like me. He failed, and instead spoke with her mother about getting hired and fired the next day. 9:30 Felix Glazer - Pussy of the Night. In perhaps the most obnoxious display of impartiality, Felix invites Kristen Backlund. Backlund, who recently broke up with her boyfriend, realized she had no friends AGAIN and proceeded to call us for fun. Of course, no call was made these past months when she was dating. That, in addition to a boyfriend who threated Jeff 's life vicariously through Mike as well as me directly, made her presence unwelcomed and undesired. Felix's arguement: "She's part of the group, she's friends with Lauren, and I don't want to tell her she can't come." (Backlund's overall contributions to the night: NOTHING.) 9:45 Jeff picks up a fuming Mike Birnbaum. He empathizes with his disgust with the Glazer/Backlund situation, and proceeds to point out flaws in his arguement while laughing at Mike's observations. 10:30 We pick up Kevin at his house. Kevin, now a single man, is extremely bitter...and one of us now. He recounts conversations in the car he had with Felix on the way to Albany...how Felix called people white trash and made fun of everything beneath him. We also found out Kelly (Paul's girlfriend for those not in the know...) despises Felix. 11:00 We are informed that Lauren and Lauren's friend Dana, who is also single, will be joining the caravan to the city. A few moments later, Jeff's brother Randy calls to let us know he's on his way to the city as well and is bringing a friend. That's right....Lauren, Felix, Kristen, Dana, Mike, Randy, my brother's friend, Kevin and myself...all single...all horny. 11:35 We arrive at Ryan's Irish Pub. Jeff has Felix check the bar for activity. Ryan's is dead. Plans are made for Rodeo Bar. As we leave for Rodeo Bar, Jeff drives by Kristen and smiles at the cunt, letting her know a full night was ahead of her. 11:45 We arrive at Rodeo Bar. The usual crowd of honky tonk losers are in absentia tonight. Scattered punks talk in dark corners, but the bar is mainly preppie hot chicks. Jeff smiles at Mike in acknowledgement of the fact that we're not getting any tonite. (This is where my memory gets fuzzy. At about 12:15-12:30...my cold kicked in...I went home and recorded my temperature, I had a fever of about 101...so I kept falling asleep from exhaustion. ) 12:30 ish Jeff wakes up to the sounds of two guido punks slapping each other in the head. Mike informs me one of the punks went to slap the other in the head, missed, and hit his mohawk. Jeff turned around and saw the mohawk point to the right. Comedy. 12:30-1:00 Everyone basically sat around and looked at each other while Felix babbled and brought up inane topics for discussion like what would our MTV Diaries be. Mike, slightly buzzed and falling victim to the classic "Make fun of Shain" pack mentality, encouraged Felix by participating. (I actually caught someone yawning.) 1:30 - PARTY BEGINS Twenty one year old Randy Shain and friend John arrive at Rodeo Bar. Brandishing back stage passes he recieved from a man on the train, he made an immediate impression on the crowd...an obnoxious, yet fun loving drunk musclebound guido wanna-be. His enthusiasm and inebriation was infectious. Everyone, excluding Dana and Kristen, joined my brother in tequila and vodka shots at the bar. (Kristen, who didn't have ONE drink the entire night, sat on the couch with a big ugly puss on her face. C-U-N-T). Jeff's brother informs the group that his date for the night is on the way, a young woman who dances naked at parties for money and looks like a "whore version of Jessica Simpson with big tits." Mike begins to talk with Dana. 1:45 Jeff's brother befriends a bald, depressed indian man in his late fifties named Raj. Raj proceeds to spend well over a hundred dollars buying drinks for my brother and his friend. Why? Apparently my brother promised he would get Raj laid. It was speculated the man was attracted to my brother and his friend and would be expecting sexual favors in return for his generosity. Jeff proposed the idea to John, who responded "If he touches your brother, I will kill him with my bare hands." Lauren proceeds to drink several shots with my brother and his friend. They hit on her several times. (My brother claims she wasn't very good looking the next day. I would imagine because she wasn't interested in him.) Mike confronts Kristen on her hypocrisy. In a drunken stupor, Mike claims he was "trying to be friends with Kristen again". 2:00 The topic of my brother's three-way with John and the girl who looks like Jessica Simpson is brought up. The word gay is thrown around all too many times, especially by Kevin. John notices Kevin's animosity towards him, and they start to verbally provoke each other. Jeff steps in to diffuse the situation. Raj joins us at our table. My brother spends the rest of the night milking the man for drinks and rubbing his bald head. Mike continues to talk with Dana. 2:30 Last call is announced. The anticipation to meet this Jessica Simpson look alike has now become unbearable. Apparently Randy and John had every intention of having a three way with this girl in her hotel room that night. What they were supposed to do with Raj, nobody knows. (Nobody really trusts Randy's description of the girl or the fact that she was on her way...after all...he is a Shain.) The conversation between Mike and Dana has come to a hilt. 5 jack and cokes and two shots down, Mike proceeds to hit on Dana in classic Birnbaum fashion...by calling her a cunt and a bitch and asking her to rate the looks of all the guys around him. Dana responded with a smile and a good attitude, which was suprising considering the abuse she was recieving. Mike, clearly interested in her, was flirting the only way he knew how...by showing his hatred for women. He was so bitter and rude, Jeff had to chime in to diffuse the conversation. 2:45 We leave the bar. Mike is clearly shitfaced, as are Raj, Randy, and John. Raj tries to grope Dana, who screams "Get the fuck off me" as loud as she could. A weird looking bum with two pairs of glasses on his head asks John for a blowjob. John responds, "I don't flow that way.", and proceeds to get the attention of female passerby's by shouting compliments in Italian. Randy joins him, flirting with any girl who passes by. John asks Kristen and Dana for a blowjob, who declines. Jeff turn to Felix and begs him to get the girls out of here. Felix, in his infinite stupidity, asks what we were going to do next. As he delayed, the girls continued to get manhandled by drunks and bums on the street. Finally, Jeff convinces Felix to leave. 3:00 Jessica Simpson arrives with enterage of good looking women and musclebound guy friend, and by g-d Randy was right. She was a whore, she had big tits, and she looked exactely like Jessica Simpson. (I hugged her to experience, just for a second, what it felt like to be a good looking guy or a rock star.) Randy turned to Mike, who'd been vehemently calling Randy on his bluff the entire night, and said "what you got to say now?" Mike capitulated. We watched as Randy, John, and Jessica Simpson left to do g-d knows what. 3:30 Jeff drives Mike and Kevin home. Mike, now completely drunk out of his mind, proceeds to exclaim Dana's name at the top of his lungs. "DANA!!!!!" He makes several calls to Felix's cell phone to talk to her. Too drunk or too afraid, all attempts failed. Jeff and Kevin mock him openly. In his drunken bitterness, he makes fun of Kevin and Jeff for not getting any pussy either. They drive home in relative silence. THE DAY AFTER Jeff wakes up at 5:00. The fever has passed. Randy is home and sober. After a night of well over $200 of alcohol, he had no hang over and was in good spirits. He recounts a story of an after hours bar. Apparently they left Raj passed out on the floor in some Irish pub uptown. Jessica Simpson didn't fuck Randy and John that night...apparently one of the musclebounds in her enterage was her new hookup flavor of the month and wouldn't allow it. I spent the rest of the day looking at computer porn and practicing bass..because in the end...when you're Jeff Shain....all you have is your left hand...and your music. Chief Engineer of the Starship Foundry. (NCC 1841-A) Visit FoundryMusic & Chat   | ||||
| Sluggo667 SLASH's New Buddy, but shhh... I am not allowed to tell anyone. | posted on 09-02-2001 @ 8:20 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Apr. 01 | quote:You use your left hand?!? Isn't that GAY? j/k LMMFAO!  Sluggo667...Neighbor of the beast... UH...I forgot what I wanted to say... AIM-Slugggo667 | ||||
| Kid Afrika | posted on 09-02-2001 @ 8:33 PM | | |||
| Hanger-On Registered: Jan. 70 | Jeff... Jeff... do you think we care about your life? ;) But seriously, maybe GonzoStyle will "loan" you a 4 year old Phillipino boy for the night.
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| FoundryMusicJeff | posted on 09-02-2001 @ 8:39 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Jan. 01 | Why did we unban you again, Kid Afrika? Chief Engineer of the Starship Foundry. (NCC 1841-A) Visit FoundryMusic & Chat | ||||
| Kid Afrika | posted on 09-02-2001 @ 8:40 PM | | |||
| Hanger-On Registered: Jan. 70 | I was banned? ;) (I think it was because of my charm and wit, I could be mistaken though.)
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| Sluggo667 SLASH's New Buddy, but shhh... I am not allowed to tell anyone. | posted on 09-02-2001 @ 8:40 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Apr. 01 | AWWW...Jeff, he's just f-in with ya... Just like I was... you didn't get mad at me did you? ::coughcough::'ere... Sluggo667...Neighbor of the beast... UH...I forgot what I wanted to say... AIM-Slugggo667 | ||||
| Drunken GW I Pissed on a Church to get this Status. | posted on 09-02-2001 @ 9:05 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Dec. 00 | Damn that sounds liek a good night. To fucking funny. I still don't think your brother is gaey even though he rubbed the head of an Indian man. Bi.....maybe.:)  Proud Member of the S.T.O.N.E.R./Swillers Alliance. | ||||
| heyladiladi STONER ON THE SNUKA CBH ROTISSERIE | posted on 09-02-2001 @ 9:17 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: May. 01 | quote:Well it was the big head, so that can't be all bad.... Isn't that like slappin ass in the locker room? Oh, wait, that's kinda gay too ;) j/k Anyway - cool night - nice description!  Boo Boo Kitty Fuck | ||||
| ClusterF@#$ | posted on 09-02-2001 @ 9:17 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Jan. 01 | hey.. why not combine the two, so instead of punching the clown and playing bass, you can just masturbass. ::Crickets::
Message to those concerned with my smoking habit.... mamma didn't raise no quitter. | ||||
| The Sleeper Being a Minor is a Threat to my Social Life PoseUr i ahve 2 threads at teh top, i feel like maynard | posted on 09-02-2001 @ 9:30 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Oct. 00 | Will this be made into a movie? "A Day in the Life of FoundryMusicJeff" has a nice ring to it. | ||||
| DR. Buster Hymen | posted on 09-02-2001 @ 10:37 PM | | |||
| Psychopath Registered: Oct. 00 | Hey Jeff, "When you tell these little stories, at least have a point. IT MAKES IT SO MUCH MORE INTERESTING FOR THE LISTENER" But seriously, that was sooo boring. Couldn't you have at least made up some interesting SEX stuff??? Talk to Teen Slut for pointers. For reading that, will you please post the video from the last Lesbian Couch Episode (same day as Summer Slam Safari). Thanks Alot. DOC Buster DR. Buster Hymen "Spread Your Legs & Say Aahhh" Buster_Hymen@opieanthony.com This message was edited by DR. Buster Hymen on 9-2-01 @ 10:48 PM | ||||
| FoundryMusicJeff | posted on 09-03-2001 @ 12:34 AM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Jan. 01 | quote: No. Chief Engineer of the Starship Foundry. (NCC 1841-A) Visit FoundryMusic & Chat | ||||
| Sluggo667 SLASH's New Buddy, but shhh... I am not allowed to tell anyone. | posted on 09-03-2001 @ 12:46 AM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Apr. 01 | quote:Good to see you haven't lost your sense of humor. :) :) Sluggo667...Neighbor of the beast... UH...I forgot what I wanted to say... AIM-Slugggo667 | ||||
| GonzoStyle | posted on 09-03-2001 @ 1:26 AM | | |||
| Hanger-On Registered: Jan. 70 | quote: Yeah afrika you were banned.  I wanna slit your throat and fuck the wound I wanna push my face in and feel the swoon My wormwood meets your pesticide You'll never get out, coz you were never alive I am infinite, I am the infant finite Come a little closer and I'll show you why She-Mail Me Here | ||||
| Kid Afrika | posted on 09-03-2001 @ 1:27 AM | | |||
| Hanger-On Registered: Jan. 70 | What is this, pick on Kid night? Oh yeah, that's every night. :p
This message was edited by Kid Afrika on 9-3-01 @ 1:28 AM | ||||
| IrishAlkey Chucky Official OA.com Homo CUNT ROCKETTE Look who's laughing now, fuckers!!! Is It In Yet? JYD-4-LIFE [Sarcasm]Subzero316 fan since day one!!1!![/Sarcasm] "my mod powers are on temporary hiatus" This status is sponsored by: P®oJë©T M@¥hέm | posted on 09-03-2001 @ 1:35 AM | | |||
| O&A Board Veteran Registered: Aug. 01 | quote: I sincerely apologize for my fathers behavior. I work long hours and sometimes he wanders over to Journal Square. After that its out of my hands.  | ||||
| GonzoStyle | posted on 09-03-2001 @ 1:47 AM | | |||
| Hanger-On Registered: Jan. 70 | quote: wah wah wah wah!!!! I wanna slit your throat and fuck the wound I wanna push my face in and feel the swoon My wormwood meets your pesticide You'll never get out, coz you were never alive I am infinite, I am the infant finite Come a little closer and I'll show you why She-Mail Me Here | ||||
| Kid Afrika | posted on 09-03-2001 @ 1:51 AM | | |||
| Hanger-On Registered: Jan. 70 | quote: Hey gonzo, I got something for ya... IT'S YOUR SENSE OF HUMOR I found it at the corner store, right next to fmjeff's.
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| GonzoStyle | posted on 09-03-2001 @ 1:53 AM | | |||
| Hanger-On Registered: Jan. 70 | quote: why don't you try finding your balls first, and get some thicker skin. I wanna slit your throat and fuck the wound I wanna push my face in and feel the swoon My wormwood meets your pesticide You'll never get out, coz you were never alive I am infinite, I am the infant finite Come a little closer and I'll show you why She-Mail Me Here | ||||
| FoundryMusicJeff | posted on 09-03-2001 @ 1:58 AM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Jan. 01 | quote: I'm gonna let that one lie there, Kid. Chief Engineer of the Starship Foundry. (NCC 1841-A) Visit FoundryMusic & Chat | ||||
| Cranky Ass | posted on 09-03-2001 @ 11:18 PM | | |||
| Psychopath Registered: Feb. 01 | That was great Jeff. You might have a new career as a sitcom writer if Dawson's Creek were to move to HBO and followed Real Sex 25. ________________ Sig Courtesy Of M-Ace Read My Column, Kickin Ass With FoundryMusicAntD on FoundryMusic.com , the most difficult site to navigate on the net and tune into my midnite show on RonFez.net Radio Proud S.T.O.N.E.R Graduate of The International | ||||
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