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Posted By	Discussion Topic: *Stages of Mourning*
windowlck	posted on 09-13-2001 @ 8:07 PM
Psychopath Registered: Oct. 00	For all of you who like me are going through multiple mood swings/feelings/emotions and might want a better understanding of what's comming over you, I hope this might help someone out. ------------------------------------------------ Five Stages of Mourning The stages of mourning are universal and are experienced by people from all walks of life. Mourning occurs in response to an individual's own terminal illness or to the death of a valued being, human or animal. There are five stages of normal grief. In our bereavement, we spend different lengths of time working through each step and express each stage more or less intensely. The five stages do not necessarily occur in order. We often move between stages before achieving a more peaceful acceptance of death. Many of us are not afforded the luxury of time required to achieve this final stage of grief. The death of your a family member might inspire you to evaluate your own feelings of mortality. Throughout each stage, a common thread of hope emerges. As long as there is life, there is hope. As long as there is hope, there is life. 1. Denial and Isolation: The first reaction to learning of terminal illness or death of a cherished pet is to deny the reality of the situation. It is a normal reaction to rationalize overwhelming emotions. It is a defense mechanism that buffers the immediate shock. We block out the words and hide from the facts. This is a temporary response that carries us through the first wave of pain. 2. Anger: As the masking effects of denial and isolation begin to wear, reality and its pain re-emerge. We are not ready. The intense emotion is deflected from our vulnerable core, redirected and expressed instead as anger. The anger may be aimed at inanimate objects, complete strangers, friends or family. Anger may be directed at our dying or deceased Family member. Rationally, we know the family member is not to be blamed. Emotionally, however, we may resent it for causing us pain or for leaving us. We feel guilty for being angry, and this makes us more angry. The Doctor who diagnosed the illness and was unable to cure the disease, or who performed euthanasia, might become a convenient target. Health professionals deal with death and dying every day. That does not make them immune to the suffering of their patients or to those who grieve for them. Do not hesitate to ask your doctor to give you extra time or to explain just once more the details of your family members illness. Arrange a special appointment or ask that he telephone you at the end of his day. Ask for clear answers to your questions regarding medical diagnosis and treatment. Discuss the cost of treatment. Discuss burial arrangements. Understand the options available to you. Take your time. Both you and your veterinarian will find that honest and open communication now are an invaluable long-term investment. 3. Bargaining: The normal reaction to feelings of helplessness and vulnerability is often a need to regain control. If only we had sought medical attention sooner. If we got a second opinion from another doctor. If we changed our habits, maybe it will get well. Secretly, we may make a deal with God or our higher power in an attempt to postpone the inevitable. This is a weaker line of defense to protect us from the painful reality. 4. Depression: Two types of depression are associated with mourning. The first one is a reaction to practical implications relating to the loss. Sadness and regret predominate. We worry about the cost of treatment and burial. We worry that, in our grief, we have spent less time with others that depend on us. This phase may be eased by simple clarification and reassurance. We may need a bit of helpful cooperation and a few kind words. The second type of depression is more subtle and, in a sense, perhaps more private. It is our quiet preparation to separate and to bid our family member farewell. Sometimes all we really need is a hug. 5.Acceptance: Reaching this stage of mourning is a gift not afforded to everyone. Death may be sudden and unexpected or we may never see beyond our anger or denial. It is not necessarily a mark of bravery to resist the inevitable and to deny ourselves the opportunity to make our peace. This phase is marked by withdrawal and calm. This is not a period of happiness and must be distinguished from depression. "What are you gonna do?Release the dogs?! Or the bees?! Or dogs with bees in their mouth so that when they bark they shoot bees at you?"
djgrrrl	posted on 09-13-2001 @ 9:14 PM
Psychopath Registered: Nov. 00	I took psychology in HS (seems like eons ago), and I kind of remember them talking about this. Is it normal to flip back and forth between emotions constantly? I don't know about the rest of you but day #1 was shock and fear. #2 was extreme sadness and most of today was anger, but now I'm bordering on downtrodden and helpless. http://us.f1.yahoofs.com/users/ea29fad2/bc/Yahoo!+Photo+Album/O%26A+Cat2---1.jpg
Mr. Brownstone	posted on 09-13-2001 @ 9:22 PM
O&A Board Regular Registered: Dec. 00	Yes, it's comepletely normal. These are not linear steps to be gone through in order but rather phases of an ongoing process that may cycle in many different ways depending on the individual. Two openings available at Mr. Brownstone Academy of Dance . I see stupid people...They're everywhere...They don't know they're stupid...
kindredbabe	posted on 09-13-2001 @ 11:48 PM
Psychopath Registered: Aug. 01	I can't express enough that everyone grieves differently. What one person may do in response to their grief, another person may think is completly absurd. The different stages mentioned above will also last different lengths of time. Some people will prefer to mourn alone while others will seek out support groups. Just remember that everyone is in this together, and together we can help each other get through it. Thanks Nana's Precious

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