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Posted By	Discussion Topic: dumping at work
Banana_juice	posted on 03-09-2001 @ 11:46 AM
O&A Board Regular Registered: Jan. 01	in honor of GonzoStyles "Different types of shit" list, here is some etiquitte to use while shitting at work, for those of you who dont know the rules. 1. Escapee: A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing poop in a stall. A sudden wave of panic / embarrassment usually accompanies this. This is similar to the hot flash you receive when passing an unseen police car and speeding. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter at the urinal, pretend that you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee, it is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy. 2. Jailbreak: (Used in conjunction with Escapee) When forcing poop, several farts slip out at a "machine gun's" pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen do not panic, remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom so to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred. 3. Courtesy Flush: The act of flushing the toilet the instant the nose cone of the poop log hits the water and the poop is whisked away to an undisclosed location. This reduces the amount of airtime the poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the "walk of shame." see below > > 4. Walk of Shame: > > Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have > just > > stunk-up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if > someone > > walks in and busts you. As with farts, it is best to pretend that > the > > smell > > does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of a courtesy flush. > > > > 5. Out of the Closet Pooper: > > A colleague who poops at work and is damn proud of it. You will > often > > see > > an out of the closet pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or > > magazine > > under their arm. Always look around the office for the out of the > closet > > pooper before entering the bathroom. > > > > 6. The Pooping Friends Network (PFN): > > A group of coworkers who band together to ensure emergency pooping > goes > > off > > without incident. This group can help you to monitor the > whereabouts of > > out > > of the closet poopers and to identify safe havens. > > > > 7. Safe Haven: > > A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can > least > > expect > > visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. > This > > will > > reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom. > > > > 8. Turd Burglar: > > Definition: A pooper who does not realize that you are in the > stall and > > tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking > and > > vulnerable moments that occur when taking a dump at work. If this > occurs, > > remain in the stall until the turd burglar leaves. This way you > will > > avoid > > all uncomfortable eye contact. > > > > 9. Camo-cough: > > A phony cough which alerts all new entrants into the bathroom > that you > > are > > in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a "watermelon" or to > alert > > potential turd burglars. Very effective when used in conjunction > with an > > "Astaire." > > > > 10. Astaire: > > A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential turd burglars > that you > > are > > occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is > occupied. > > If you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom immediately so the > pooper can > > poop in peace. > > > > 11. Watermelon: > > A turd that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. > This is > > also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a watermelon coming > on, create > > a > > diversion. See "Camo-cough." > > > > 12. Havana Omelet: > > A load of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in the > toilet > > water. Often accompanied by an escapee. Try using a "Camo-cough" > with an > > "Astaire." > > > > 13. Uncle Ted: > > A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend > extended > > lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An > "uncle > > Ted" > > makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should > always > > wait > > to drop your load when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you > as well > > as > > the other bath-room attendees. > > > > 14. Fly By: > > The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in, check > for > > other > > poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back > again. > > Be careful not to become a "frequent flyer." People may become > suspicious > > if > > they catch you constantly going into the bathroom. > > > > 15. Crack Whore: > > A crapper that has seen more ass than a greyhound bus. > > Tell tale signs of a crack whore include pubes, piss stains and > shit > > streaks. Avoid a crack whore at all cost. Try finding out when > the > > janitor > > cleans each particular bathroom. Don't forget; with a good > cleaning, a > > crack whore can become a "safe haven." > > proud graduate of Newbie University. Honor Student of Lord Magus's class. E-Mail Me
Fez The sky is blue	posted on 03-09-2001 @ 11:55 AM
O&A Board Veteran Registered: Oct. 00	Thats really funny! Good job ------------------------ See My Sig Pics! Froy's going to ban me so if you have any last words.... ;)
Banana_juice	posted on 03-09-2001 @ 11:57 AM
O&A Board Regular Registered: Jan. 01	well i figured with everyone posting there threads on different types of shit , then i would put my two cents in on how to shit at work. thanks fez proud graduate of Newbie University. Honor Student of Lord Magus's class. E-Mail Me
knock411	posted on 03-09-2001 @ 11:57 AM
Psychopath Registered: Oct. 00	Hey what about when ya run out of shit tickets.

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