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Displaying 1-13 of 13 messages in this thread. |
| Posted By | Discussion Topic: Jokes | ||||
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| TFEC Coming Soon!!! The Grand Opening of The Junkyard Bar & Grill! | posted on 04-23-2002 @ 9:37 PM |    | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Sep. 00  | A little boy was sitting on the curb with a gallon of turpentine and shaking it up and watching all the bubbles. A little while later a Priest came along and asked the little boy what he had. The little boy replied, "This is the most powerful liquid in the world, its called turpentine." The Priest said, "No, the most powerful liquid in the world is Holy Water, If you take some of this Holy Water and rub it on a pregnant women's belly, she'll pass a healthy baby boy." The little boy replied, "That ain't nothin'. You take some of this here turpentine and rub it on a cat's ass and he'll pass a motorcycle -------------------------------------------------- Father, it has been one month since my last confession. I have had sex with Nookie Green every week for the last month." Nookie Green seems to be very popular with my male parishioners the priest thinks. Then he tells the sinner, "You are forgiven. Go out and say three Hail Mary's." Soon another man enters the confessional. "Father, it has been two months since my last confession. I have had sex with Nookie Green twice a week for the last two months." This time the priest has to ask, "Who is Nookie Green?" "A new woman in the neighborhood," the sinner replies. "Very well," says the priest. "Go and say ten Hail Mary's." The priest leaves the church wondering who in the world is Nookie Green? The next morning the priest is preparing to deliver his sermon, when suddenly a gorgeous tall woman enters. All the men's eyes fall upon her as she sashays up the aisle and sits down right in front of the priest. Her dress is green and way too short, with matching shiny emerald green shoes. The priest and altar boys gasp, as the woman in the matching green shoes and dress, sits with her knees slightly spread apart. The priest turns to one of the altar boys and asks, "Is that Nookie Green?" The altar boy's eyes are popping out of his head, as he replies, "No, Father. I think it's just the reflection off her shoes!" -------------------------------------------------- A guy walks into a pet store and says, " My dog just died, I need a new dog." Pet store owner says, "Buddy, it's 2002, you don't want a dog, you want something new. Try this," and he pulls out a small brown rodent. Guys says, "what the hell is that?" Pet store owner says, "It's a toothless gerbil." Guys says, "Toothless gerbil? What the hell would I want with a toothless gerbil?" Pet store owner says, "Pull down your pants and I'll show you." Guy pulls down his pants (wouldn't you?) Pet store owner holds the gerbil down and the gerbil lunges out of the owners hand, latches on to the guy's dick and proceeds to give the guy the best blowjob he ever had. Guy buys the gerbil (wouldn't you?) Guy goes home, takes out the gerbil and releases it in the house, and the guys wife goes nuts!!! "What the hell is that thing?!?!?" she screams. Guy says, "Don't you worry what that is. You just teach it how to cook and get the fuck out!" --------------------------------------------------------- Three men were discussing aging at the nursing home. 'Sixty is the worst age to be,' said the 60-year-old. You always feel like you have to pee. And most of the time, you stand at the toilet and nothing comes out!' 'Ah, that's nothin',' said the 70-year-old. 'When you're seventy, you can't even crap anymore. You take laxatives, eat bran, you sit on the toilet all day and nothin' comes out!' 'Actually,' said the 80-year-old, 'Eighty is the worst age of all.' 'Do you have trouble peeing too?' asked the 60-year-old. 'No, not really. I pee every morning at 6:00. I pee like a racehorse on a flat rock, no problem at all.' 'Do you have trouble crapping?' 'No, I crap every morning at 6:30.' 'With great exasperation, the 60-year-old said, 'Let me get this straight. You pee every morning at 6:00 and crap every morning at 6:30. So what's so tough about being 80?' 'I don't wake up until 7:00.' --------------------------------------------------------- A man walks into a pharmacy and asks for some condoms with insecticide. "I think you mean spermicide," says the cashier. "No," he says, "I need condoms with insecticide. My wife has a bug up her ass, and I'm going in after it." --------------------------------------------------------- An old maid wanted to travel by bus to the pet cemetery with the remains of > her cat. As she boarded the bus, she whispered to the driver,"I have a dead > pussy." The driver pointed to the woman in the seat behind him and said, > "Sit with my wife. You two have a lot in common." Sig Pic under construction HA HA Rangers FAGS!! NO PLAYOFFS FOR YOU AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!!!111 | ||||
| Danked Dankarella! | posted on 04-23-2002 @ 9:59 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Aug. 00 | The funniest thing about this thread is that you've only had two views and I'm the second one. | ||||
| Norton's Victim | posted on 04-24-2002 @ 12:07 AM | | |||
| Psychopath Registered: Jan. 02 | Damn I guess I am the third. FUCK. In lighter news, I didn't actually read any of your 7,000 words that were the original post. What was the joke? Is this post a joke? ;) Too many beers during "The Godfather" tonight. | ||||
| YellowDiscipline IS STILL REALLY GAY | posted on 04-24-2002 @ 12:09 AM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Nov. 01 | A man walks into a bar and says "ouch!". I am teh most funniest!!11!1    | ||||
| Norton's Victim | posted on 04-24-2002 @ 12:12 AM | | |||
| Psychopath Registered: Jan. 02 | What do you call crime prevention in Harlem? AN ABORTION CLINIC!!!! Hudala, Hudala. | ||||
| skitchr4u G.O.O.F.B.A.H.G.S. Xtreme Skiing Assualt Force | posted on 04-24-2002 @ 9:15 AM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Dec. 00 | 42 | ||||
| RonRon5477 | posted on 04-24-2002 @ 9:35 AM | | |||
| Psychopath Registered: Apr. 01 | My cat's breath smells like cat food.
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| Grumpy SAGILLID The Midget Message Board Mauler rides his trusty mount Wilbur once again!! Internet Idiots beware!! | posted on 04-24-2002 @ 9:59 AM | | |||
| O&A Board Veteran Registered: Dec. 00 | if it wasn't for my horse,. . . . . . As I look out my window watching the tornadoes and hurricanes pass, and rain falls from the top of skyscrapers, I warm food in my microwave as it ZAPS the tomatoes warm The tomatoes are effable, wouldn't you say? | ||||
| I swear it was this big Tussle King | posted on 04-24-2002 @ 10:09 AM | | |||
| Psychopath Registered: Mar. 01 | The left side of my brain just turned to my right side and said, "It's dark in here, and we may die." ___________________________________________________________________ I'm bigger than the Devil combined with Schindler's list. | ||||
| skitchr4u G.O.O.F.B.A.H.G.S. Xtreme Skiing Assualt Force | posted on 04-24-2002 @ 10:15 AM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Dec. 00 | quote: we know grumpy, you wouldn't get laid | ||||
| barch97 BBTB The barch gots lots a dick I kind of enjoy my anonymity on the board WOW Forum Ambassador | posted on 04-24-2002 @ 10:17 AM | | |||
| O&A Board Veteran Registered: Jul. 00 | I would have never spent that year in college... Long Live the "Syndication Underground" | ||||
| Tequila Fez claims this land in the name of Portugal! Why worry about the train if it never makes it around the tracks?? IrishAlkey wuz here!!! | posted on 04-24-2002 @ 6:46 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Veteran Registered: Jan. 01 | A blonde comes into the local auto parts store and asks for a seven ten cap. All the guys looked at each other and said, "What's a seven ten cap?" The blonde says "You know, it's right on the engine. Mine got lost somehow and I need a new one." "What kind of a car is it on?" they asked. The blonde replies, "It's a Buick." "OK lady, how big is it?" She makes a circle with her hands about 3 1/2 inches in diameter. "What does it do?" we asked. She said, "I don't know but it's always been there." They give her a note pad and ask if she could draw a picture of it. So she makes a circle about 3 1/2 inches in diameter and in the center she writes 710. The guys behind the counter are looking at it upside down as she writes it and they just fall down behind the counter laughing.  | ||||
| Gamepro100 G.O.O.F.B.A.H.G.S. Gameshark Thinktank | posted on 04-24-2002 @ 10:34 PM | | |||
| Psychopath Registered: May. 01 | There once was this dog, and it fell down. LOL. Everyone laugh. graduated from the adolescentmasturbator school of newbies | ||||
Displaying 1-13 of 13 messages in this thread. |