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Displaying 26-30 of 30 messages in this thread. |
| Posted By | Discussion Topic: Jokes | ||||
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Tequila Fez claims this land in the name of Portugal! Why worry about the train if it never makes it around the tracks?? IrishAlkey wuz here!!! | posted on 04-11-2001 @ 7:08 PM |    | |||
| O&A Board Veteran Registered: Jan. 01  | A guy sticks his head into a barber shop and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop and says, "About 2 hours." The guy leaves. A few days later the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around at the shop full of customers and says, "About 3 hours." The guy leaves. A week later the same guy sticks his head in the shop and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop and says, "About an hour and a half." The guy leaves. The barber looks over at a friend in the shop and says, "Hey, Bill. Follow that guy and see where he goes. " A little while later, Bill comes back into the shop, laughing hysterically. The barber ask, "Bill, where did he go when he left here?" Bill looks up, tears in his eyes and says, "Your house." | ||||
| The Brain | posted on 04-11-2001 @ 10:10 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Feb. 01 | A farmer is trying to raise sheep. One morning, he wakes up, sits at the table for breakfast, and asks his wife, "Honey, what are the sheep doing today?" She says, "Nothing... they're all just sitting out in the meadow doing nothing." The farmer decides to get their juices flowing. He gets up, loads the sheep in his truck, drives them to a secluded valley, fucks them, then drives them back. The next day, he sits at the table, and asks his wife, "What are the sheep doing?" "Nothing... just sitting out in the meadow." So the farmer goes outside, loads the sheep in the truck, drives them to the valley, fucks them, and drives them back. On the third day, the farmer wakes up. He sits at the table and asks his wife, "Honey, what are the sheep doing today?" And she says, "It's the oddest thing-- they're sitting in the truck honking the horn!"  "ARE YOU PONDERING WHAT I'M PONDERING?" This message was edited by The Brain on 4-11-01 @ 10:15 PM | ||||
| Wendy Woodfloor | posted on 04-12-2001 @ 1:09 AM | | |||
| Hanger-On Registered: Nov. 00 | Dear Mom and Dad: It has been six months since I left for college. I'm sorry I haven't written more often and I'm very sorry for my unthoughtfulness. I'm sure you have been worried about me. Let me bring you up to date, but before you read on, please sit down Ok? Don't read any further unless you're sitting down. Ok? Good. I am getting along pretty well now. The skull fracture and the concussion I got from jumping out of the window of my dormitory when it caught on fire several months ago, are pretty much healed now. I only spent two weeks in the hospital! Mom always said the girls in our family heal fast. In fact, I can almost see normally again and I only get headaches three times a day now. Fortunately, the fire in the dormitory and my jump were witnessed by a gas station attendant who immediately called 911. He's so sweet. He even visited me in the hospital, and since I had nowhere to live because of the burnt-out dorm, he was kind enough to invite me to share his apartment with him. It's really a basement room, but it's kind of cute. He really is a good person with a kind heart. We have fallen deeply in love and are planning to get married. We haven't set the exact date yet, but I'm sure that it will be before I start to show. That's right, Mom and Dad, I'm pregnant! I know how much you are looking forward to being grandparents, and I know that you will give that baby the same love, devotion and tender care you gave me when I was growing up. We would get married now, but we both failed our premarital blood tests because of some minor infection. He told me about it beforehand, but dumb me, I carelessly caught it anyway. Not to worry though, the doctor said my daily penicillin injections should clear it up by next month. I know you will welcome him into our family with open arms. He is kind, and although not well educated, he is ambitious -- just like Dad! Also, he is of a different race and religion than ours, but I know, after all your years of teaching me tolerance, that you won't mind the fact that he is somewhat darker than we are. I'm sure you will love him as I do. His family background is good too! I am told that his father is an important gun bearer in his native African village. That's an important government position where he comes from. Well, I guess that's all! Now you know why I wanted you to sit down when you read this letter. Now that I've brought you up to date, I just wanted to let you know there was no dormitory fire, I didn't suffer a concussion or a skull fracture, I wasn't in the hospital, I'm not pregnant, I'm not engaged, I don't have syphilis and there is no boyfriend of another race or religion in my life; however, I DID vote for Gov. Bush, and I just wanted you both to see this in its proper perspective. Your loving daughter, -Chelsea P.S. Stanford is great... I love it, though I miss you both terribly...and Socks, too! P.P.S. Dad, please give my best to Monica and the others. *~*Wendy*~* | ||||
| The Brain | posted on 04-12-2001 @ 1:44 AM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Feb. 01 | Three hikers are out in the jungle when they're captured by a tribe of savages. They are held in a cage for several days, and then one day the tribe chieftain approaches their cage... "Ugh," he says. "Tribe has decided: you get one of two choices... death or Oonga-Bunga!" The first hiker says, "Well, I don't wanna die, so I guess I'll take this Oonga-Bunga." The chieftain says, "Ugh... Oonga-Bunga!" To which the entire tribe replies: "OONGA-BUNGA! OONGA-BUNGA!" Then they grab the hiker, throw him over a log, take turns fucking him in the ass, and then throw him back in the cage. The chief goes to the second hiker, "Ugh, choose: death or Oonga-Bunga..." The second hiker looks at his partner, rolling on the ground in pain and bleeding from his ass, but he doesn't want to die, so he sighs and says, "Dammit... Oonga-Bunga." The chief jumps up and says, "Oonga-Bunga." And the tribe yells back, "OONGA-BUNGA! OONGA-BUNGA! OONGA-BUNGA!" So they grab the second hiker, throw him over the log, fuck him (which of course takes longer this time around) in the ass, then throw him back in the cage. Finally, the chief approaches the third hiker and says, "Ugh, choose: death or Oonga-Bunga." The third hiker looks at his two companions and says, "I don't want to end up like them... I'll take death." And the chief says, "Ugh, DEATH! But first, OONGA-BUNGA!" "ARE YOU PONDERING WHAT I'M PONDERING?" | ||||
| EvilEd | posted on 04-12-2001 @ 4:17 AM | | |||
| Hanger-On Registered: Apr. 01 | A young couple were at visit at their granparents on farm. From some odd reason, while they were upstairs, the door got stuck. They were there two days, until the grandpa managed to open the door. -How the hell did you survive alive those two days? -We lived with juices of love. -Well you should have checked out where you throw those juices of love of yours, one of the chickens on the front yard has choken to death because of them!  | ||||
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Displaying 26-30 of 30 messages in this thread. |