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 Displaying 1-25 of 30 messages in this thread. |
| Posted By | Discussion Topic: BAD CYBER SEX | ||||
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| GonzoStyle | posted on 04-11-2001 @ 4:03 AM |    | |||
| Hanger-On Registered: Jan. 70  | BAD CYBER SEX  Online computer users often engage in what is affectionately known as "cybersex". Often the fantasies typed into keyboards and shared through Internet phone lines get pretty raunchy. However, as you'll see below, one of the two cyber-surfers in the following transcript of an online chat doesn't seem to quite get the point of cybersex. Then again, maybe he does... Wellhung: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like? Sweetheart: I am wearing a red silk blouse, a miniskirt and high heels. I work out every day, I'm toned and perfect. My measurements are 36-24-36. What do you look like? Wellhung: I'm 6'3" and about 250 pounds.I wear glasses and I have on a pair of blue sweat pants I just bought from Walmart.I'm also wearing a T-shirt with a few spots of barbecue sauce on it from dinner...it smells funny. Sweetheart: I want you.Would you like to screw me? Wellhung: OK. Sweetheart: We're in my bedroom.There's soft music playing on the stereo and candles on my dresser and night table.I'm looking up into your eyes, smiling. My hand works its way down to your crotch and begins to fondle your huge, swelling bulge. Wellhung: I'm gulping, I'm beginning to sweat. Sweetheart: I'm pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest. Wellhung: Now I'm unbuttoning your blouse. My hands are trembling. Sweetheart: I'm moaning softly. Wellhung: I'm taking hold of your blouse and sliding it off slowly. Sweetheart: I'm throwing my head back in pleasure. The cool silk slides off my warm skin. I'm rubbing your bulge faster, pulling and rubbing. Wellhung: My hand suddenly jerks spastically and accidentally rips a hole in your blouse.I'm sorry. Sweetheart: That's OK, it wasn't really too expensive. Wellhung: I'll pay for it. Sweetheart: Don't worry about it. I'm wearing a lacy black bra. My soft breasts are rising and falling, as I breathe harder and harder. Wellhung: I'm fumbling with the clasp on your bra. I think it's stuck. Do you have any scissors? Sweetheart: I take your hand and kiss it softly. I'm reaching back undoing the clasp. The bra slides off my body. The air caresses my breasts. My nipples are erect for you. Wellhung: How did you do that? I'm picking up the bra and inspecting the clasp. Sweetheart: I'm arching my back. Oh baby. I just want to feel your tongue all over me. Wellhung: I'm dropping the bra. Now I'm licking your, you know, breasts. They're neat! Sweetheart: I'm running my fingers through your hair. Now I'm nibbling your ear. Wellhung: I suddenly sneeze. Your breasts are covered with spit and phlegm. Sweetheart: What? Wellhung: I'm so sorry. Really. Sweetheart: I'm wiping your phlegm off my breasts with the remains of my blouse. Wellhung: I'm taking the sopping wet blouse from you. I drop it with a plop. Sweetheart: OK. I'm pulling your sweat pants down and rubbing your hard tool. Wellhung: I'm screaming like a woman. Your hands are cold! Yeeee! Sweetheart: I'm pulling up my miniskirt. Take off my panties. Wellhung: I'm pulling off your panties. My tongue is going all over, in and out nibbling on you...umm... wait a minute. Sweetheart: What's the matter? Wellhung: I've got a pubic hair caught in my throat. I'm choking. Sweetheart: Are you OK? Wellhung: I'm having a coughing fit. I'm turning all red. Sweetheart: Can I help? Wellhung: I'm running to the kitchen, choking wildly. I'm fumbling through the cabinets, looking for a cup. Where do you keep your cups? Sweetheart: In the cabinet to the right of the sink. Wellhung: I'm drinking a cup of water. There, that's better. Sweetheart: Come back to me, lover. Wellhung: I'm washing the cup now. Sweetheart: I'm on the bed arching for you. Wellhung: I'm drying the cup. Now I'm putting it back in the cabinet. And now I'm walking back to the bedroom. Wait, it's dark, I'm lost. Where's the bedroom? Sweetheart: Last door on the left at the end of the hall. Wellhung: I found it. Sweetheart: I'm tuggin' off your pants. I'm moaning. I want you so badly. Wellhung: Me too. Sweetheart: Your pants are off. I kiss you passionately-our naked bodies pressing each other. Wellhung: Your face is pushing my glasses into my face. It hurts. Sweetheart Why don't you take off your glasses? Wellhung: OK, but I can't see very well without them. I place the glasses on the night table. Sweetheart: I'm bending over the bed. Give it to me, baby! Wellhung: I have to pee. I'm fumbling my way blindly across the room and toward the bathroom. Sweetheart: Hurry back, lover. Wellhung: I find the bathroom and it's dark. I'm feeling around for the toilet. I lift the lid. Sweetheart: I'm waiting eagerly for your return. Wellhung: I'm done going. I'm feeling around for the flush handle, but I can't find it. Uh-oh! Sweetheart: What's the matter now? Wellhung: I've realized that I've peed into your laundry hamper. Sorry again. I'm walking back to the bedroom now, blindly feeling my way. Sweetheart: Mmm, yes. Come on. Wellhung: OK, now I'm going to put my...you know ...thing...in your...you know...woman's thing. Sweetheart: Yes! Do it, baby! Do it! Wellhung: I'm touching your smooth butt. It feels so nice. I kiss your neck. Umm, I'm having a little trouble here. Sweetheart: I'm moving my ass back and forth, moaning. I can't stand it another second! Slide in! Screw me now! Wellhung: I'm flaccid. Sweetheart: What? Wellhung: I'm limp. I can't sustain an erection. Sweetheart: I'm standing up and turning around; an incredulous look on my face. Wellhung: I'm shrugging with a sad look on my face, my weiner all floppy. I'm going to get my glasses and see what's wrong. Sweetheart: No, never mind. I'm getting dressed. I'm putting on my underwear. Now I'm putting on my wet nasty blouse. Wellhung: No wait! Now I'm squinting, trying to find the night table. I'm feeling along the dresser, knocking over cans of hair spray, picture frames and your candles. Sweetheart: I'm buttoning my blouse. Now I'm putting on my shoes. Wellhung: I've found my glasses. I'm putting them on. My God! One of our candles fell on the curtain. The curtain is on fire! I'm pointing at it, a shocked look on my face. Sweetheart: Go to hell. I'm logging off, you loser! Wellhung: Now the carpet is on fire! Oh noooo! Sweetheart: | logged off |  Have you come here for forgiveness Have you come to raise the dead Have you come here to play Jesus To the lepers in your head She-Mail Me Here This message was edited by GonzoStyle on 4-11-01 @ 4:06 AM | ||||
| EvilEd | posted on 04-11-2001 @ 5:32 AM | | |||
| Hanger-On Registered: Apr. 01 | lmao | ||||
| Sean Cold 3:16 | posted on 04-11-2001 @ 6:04 AM | | |||
| Hanger-On Registered: Jan. 70 | Damn it GS, that restraining order finally came through? BTW, funny story! Sounds like you may have had this happen before!  Get On The Plank Fuck!!!!! This message was edited by Sean Cold 3:16 on 4-11-01 @ 1:17 PM | ||||
| Mr. Brownstone | posted on 04-11-2001 @ 7:16 AM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Dec. 00 | Well GS, that wasn't nearly as bad as I was expecting, not a single Phillipino 6 year old boy in sight. We'll roll on with our heads held high Our conscience in the gutter Our dreams up in the sky ---The Living End This message was edited by opak on 4-11-01 @ 7:24 AM | ||||
| FaithfulListener | posted on 04-11-2001 @ 7:39 AM | | |||
| Psychopath Registered: Sep. 00 | that's prety funny. I don't know why I thought it was going to get really gross. But basically it's just really Bad cyber sex! Adopted by: PanterA..Thanks for the Sig pic! Your the best! | ||||
| TeenWeek what's a status? | posted on 04-11-2001 @ 8:05 AM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Oct. 00 | I have to admit that was very funny. Teens, making the world a better place to live in. | ||||
| weinie | posted on 04-11-2001 @ 9:12 AM | | |||
| Psychopath Registered: Oct. 00 | Would've been better if farm animals were somehow worked into the story. | ||||
| Sean Cold 3:16 | posted on 04-11-2001 @ 9:13 AM | | |||
| Hanger-On Registered: Jan. 70 | listen weenie, keep your sick, sad things your mother taught you to yourself damn it! Get On The Plank Fuck!!!!! | ||||
| weinie | posted on 04-11-2001 @ 9:19 AM | | |||
| Psychopath Registered: Oct. 00 | SC - You're just pissed 'cause you didnt think of it first. | ||||
| Reign | posted on 04-11-2001 @ 9:22 AM | | |||
| Psychopath Registered: Oct. 00 | GS Thats f-en funny as hell! :) O&A Tribe | ||||
I Need An Old Priest And A Young Priest | posted on 04-11-2001 @ 9:27 AM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Oct. 00 | Sadly Gonzo, that is my actual sex life. Officially Part of JWO: skitchr4u & JasonFromRiverEdge Adopted Newbie: drkn2forget | ||||
| Cap'n Fudge | posted on 04-11-2001 @ 9:30 AM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Oct. 00 | Gonzo, You are the man...or muppet, ah whatever the hell you are...funny shit!!! He should have seen it coming, but it happened way too fast  capnfudge@opieanthony.com | ||||
| Sean Cold 3:16 | posted on 04-11-2001 @ 9:34 AM | | |||
| Hanger-On Registered: Jan. 70 | No weenie, I am just pissed that you have yet to kill yourself, now stop defiling this thread before I pull a j****** and report you to the animal rights board! Get On The Plank Fuck!!!!! This message was edited by Sean Cold 3:16 on 4-11-01 @ 9:36 AM | ||||
| The Brain | posted on 04-11-2001 @ 10:52 AM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Feb. 01 | Gonzo, sorry to see your sig censored... great friggin' story, though! LMAO  "ARE YOU PONDERING WHAT I'M PONDERING?" | ||||
| NJDude | posted on 04-11-2001 @ 11:04 AM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Jun. 00 | Gah damn Gonzostyle that was some funny shit!!! E-Mail Me Sebastian Bach | ||||
...And now the battle between us and them has begun. JYD-4-LIFE. | posted on 04-11-2001 @ 11:08 AM | | |||
| O&A Board Veteran Registered: May. 00 | just replace the names wellhung and sweetheart with magus and raven, and i think you have the aftermath of the infamous ATM incident there :) | ||||
| Corpsegrinderjunk | posted on 04-11-2001 @ 11:25 AM | | |||
| O&A Board Veteran Registered: Aug. 00 | quote: Holy shit, now that is almost as funny as the story...F Jim Henson!  [sarcasm]I hope my sig pic doesn't offend you[/sarcasm]! FU Buttmunch "Think before you write" - Froy E-Mail Me | ||||
| Sephiroth | posted on 04-11-2001 @ 11:56 AM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Dec. 00 | Great Story Gonzo. I heard about the Gag order. I aint worried though. Knowing you, this is only the tip of the icebeg with your Insanity. "In my veins courses the blood of the ancients... I am one of the rightful heirs to this planet!" "What I have shown you is reality. What you remember, that is the illusion."-Sephiroth "Jesus Christ buddy, you are WHITE! Do you live underground or something?"- Vos Have any anime questions? Send me a E-mail or IM me at AIM: Hitokiri182 Go to foundry Chat, home of NUDE TEEN Chatters I am Master Shredder....I am Ninja Master | ||||
King Shit *board owner* | posted on 04-11-2001 @ 12:37 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Veteran Registered: Feb. 01 | That could be the funniest thing I have ever seen you post....you have surpassed yourself once again. ~Matt/Froy from Jersey Official Protector of Gay Marco & SwampJunk...if he ever decides to post. | ||||
| bluetarp | posted on 04-11-2001 @ 12:49 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Jan. 01 | Gonzostyle, that old gag, really. Still funny after all these years. I don't think that will ever get tired. Some people think I'm a psycho, everybody else knows it! | ||||
| adolescentmasturbator | posted on 04-11-2001 @ 3:28 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Jan. 01 | Oh hilarious shit as usual gs.  E-Mail Me IM me at stickysituation2 | ||||
| Ronreddog | posted on 04-11-2001 @ 3:52 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Oct. 00 | Well, GS, you never cease to amaze me with your posts. Now come clean, that was an actual chat you had! I can see you doing that on purpose. ;) And, try and find a woman like that chatting on the Internet. It was probably Mendi! LMMFAO Thanks for the laugh! :) E-Mail Me  WOW is here, please WOW this bully today! | ||||
| Banana_juice | posted on 04-11-2001 @ 3:55 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Jan. 01 | GS, i dont know if you find some of this stuff on the net, or if you make a lot of it up, but however you manage to get it on here, BRA-FUCKING-VO.. these posts make me crack up everytime i read it. it makes me fall off my chair, hit my head on a computer, throw my monitor into a guardrail and then fall down on the floor (that ol gag).great post. proud graduate of Newbie University. Honor Student of Lord Magus's class. E-Mail Me | ||||
| squidink | posted on 04-11-2001 @ 4:00 PM | | |||
| Psychopath Registered: Feb. 01 | Gonzo, that was funny as hell. | ||||
| o&aswallow | posted on 04-11-2001 @ 4:54 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Jan. 01 | Bravo, Bravo, Bravo. I just wish sweetheart called me after that dissapointment and I would have taken care of that itch for her. o&aswallow Recognized His Destiny Early. Too Many Hotties, Not Enough Horny Goat Weed It at first you don't succeed, keep on sucking till you do suck seed. - Curly Howard. This message was edited by o&aswallow on 4-11-01 @ 4:59 PM | ||||
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Displaying 1-25 of 30 messages in this thread. |