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Displaying 1-19 of 19 messages in this thread. |
| Posted By | Discussion Topic: More jokes | ||||
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| Tequila Fez claims this land in the name of Portugal! Why worry about the train if it never makes it around the tracks?? IrishAlkey wuz here!!! | posted on 04-15-2001 @ 8:50 PM |    | |||
| O&A Board Veteran Registered: Jan. 01  | One day there was a big lady swimming at the beach when she noticed that she had lost her top. She thought that no one would notice if she covered herself with her arms and walked overto her towel. Then a little girl came running up to her. "If you're going to drown those puppies, at least let me have the one with the cute little pink nose." A man is looking in the classified ads for a job. He notices an advertisement for a toothbrush salesman and figured that couldn't such a bad job. So, he calls in, he goes in and they hire him. The next day, he heads out to a neighborhood to make some sales. Five hours later he comes home and says, “Man, I only sold one toothbrush. That's not enough†So the next day he goes to a richer neighborhood, thinking maybe those people would buy more toothbrushes. He ends up selling two toothbrushes. So he goes to his boss for advice and his boss says, “Look, you're a great guy and all, but you gotta come up with a gimmick or something.†So, the salesman thinks about it and, later that night, he finally comes up with one. So the next day, he sets up a booth near the subway with a sign that says “Free chips and dip†A guy walks over and puts the chip in the dip and says, “This tastes like shit.†And the salesman replied, “Yeah, it is. Wanna buy a toothbrush?†Two doctors are in the hallway complaining about nurse Nancy. ''Shes out of control!'' the first doctor says. ''She does everything backwards. Just last week I told her to give a man two milligrams of morphine every ten hours, she gave him 10 milligrams every two hours, he alomost died!'' ''That's nothing,'' said the second doctor, “earlier this week I told her to give a man an enema every 24 hours, she tried to give him 24 enemas in one hour!'' All of a sudden they heard a blood curldling scream from down the hallway. ''OH MY GOD! I just realized that I told nurse Nancy to prick Mr. Smiths boil!'''  This message was edited by Tequila on 4-15-01 @ 8:56 PM | ||||
| adolescentmasturbator | posted on 04-15-2001 @ 8:54 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Jan. 01 | I see you took fez's advice and started another joke thread.  E-Mail Me IM me at stickysituation2 | ||||
| Fyfetallica | posted on 04-15-2001 @ 9:10 PM | | |||
| Psychopath Registered: Aug. 00 | Two pretzels were walking down the street. One was Assaulted A man lies in his bed in a room with no door He waits, hoping for a presence, something, anything to enter After spending half his life searching He still felt as blank as the ceiling at which he stared He is alive, but feels absolutely nothing, so is he? :)Official UN-Official Newbie father to radio-star and Claire:) | ||||
| hangupthephoneuSKANK | posted on 04-15-2001 @ 9:12 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Oct. 00 | coughWHAT?cough "Like PELE and Muhammed Ali, I'm the culture of personality. Ask not... what a MOD can do for you.... ...Ask what YOU can do for this board!" | ||||
| adolescentmasturbator | posted on 04-15-2001 @ 9:17 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Jan. 01 | Goddamn you screwed up the page layout. Now you have to scroll to the right. E-Mail Me IM me at stickysituation2 | ||||
| hangupthephoneuSKANK | posted on 04-15-2001 @ 9:19 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Oct. 00 | please.. Im not xplaining one more time that scrolling pics does not affect the size of the page. heheh.. I'm funny. what's the difference anyway?... it does not suck. it looks good. "Like PELE and Muhammed Ali, I'm the culture of personality. Ask not... what a MOD can do for you.... ...Ask what YOU can do for this board!" This message was edited by hangupthephoneuSKANK on 4-15-01 @ 9:26 PM | ||||
| adolescentmasturbator | posted on 04-15-2001 @ 9:24 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Jan. 01 | I know but it sucks you have to scroll. E-Mail Me IM me at stickysituation2 | ||||
| ClusterF | posted on 04-15-2001 @ 10:29 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Jan. 01 | Hey skank... don't roon it, u scrolling deek. :)Funny stuff tequila. ps.. skank.. this one's for you, and a belated one at that for the chat you had with the boys the other day.       This message was edited by ClusterF on 4-15-01 @ 10:52 PM | ||||
| Tequila Fez claims this land in the name of Portugal! Why worry about the train if it never makes it around the tracks?? IrishAlkey wuz here!!! | posted on 04-16-2001 @ 7:11 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Veteran Registered: Jan. 01 | Thanks for being tools! A guy walks into a bar and approaches the barman, "Can I have a pint of Less, please?" "I'm sorry sir," the barman replies, looking slightly puzzled, "I've not come across that one before. Is it a spirit?" "I've no idea," replies the guy, "The thing is, I went to see my doctor last week and he told me that I should drink less." A man walks into a bar and orders a 12-year-old scotch. The bartender, believing that the customer will not be able to tell the difference, pours him a shot of the cheap 3-year-old house scotch that has been poured into an empty bottle of the good stuff. The man takes a sip and spits the scotch out on the bar and reams the bartender. "This is the cheapest 3-year-old scotch you can buy. I'm not paying for it. Now, give me a good 12-year-old scotch." The bartender, now feeling a bit of a challenge, pours him a scotch of much better quality, 6-year-old scotch. The man takes a sip and spits it out on the bar. "This is only 6-year-old scotch. I won't pay for this, and I insist on, a good, 12-year-old scotch." The bartender finally relents and serves the man his best quality, 12-year-old scotch. An old drunk from the end of the bar, who has witnessed the entire episode, walks down to the finicky scotch drinker and sets a glass down in front of him and asks, "What do you think of this?" The scotch expert takes a sip, and in disgust, violently spits out the liquid yelling "Why, this tastes like piss," The old drunk replies, "That's right, now tell me how old I am." A guy walks up to a girl in a bar and asks, "Do you want to play magic?" "What's that?" she replies. Grinning a little, he continues, "You come back to my place, have sex, then disappear." | ||||
| zootybang | posted on 04-16-2001 @ 7:41 PM | | |||
| Psychopath Registered: Oct. 00 | A woman goes to her doctor complaining of a terrible rash on the inside of her thighs. The doctor tells her to disrobe,and observes two horrible greenish black blemishes on the inside of the womans legs. "Hmmm,i see"says the doctor."You're a lesbian,right?" "yes i am,how did you know?"asks the woman. the doctor replies"tell your girlfriend her earrings arent real gold" VEOWEB AND GEOCITIES HATE ME God loves you.it's everyone else that thinks you're an asshole. Posting regularly,yet still a lowly lurker. HERE I SIT,BROKEN HEARTED, TRYING TO PROVE I'M NOT RETARDED. | ||||
| Tequila Fez claims this land in the name of Portugal! Why worry about the train if it never makes it around the tracks?? IrishAlkey wuz here!!! | posted on 04-22-2001 @ 10:30 AM | | |||
| O&A Board Veteran Registered: Jan. 01 | Two elderly women were eating breakfast in a restaurant one morning. Ethel noticed something funny about Mabel's ear and she said, "Mabel, did you know you've got a suppository in your left ear?" Mabel answered, "I have? A suppository?" She pulled it out and stared at it. Then she said, "Ethel, I'm glad you saw this thing. Now I think I know where my hearing aid is." | ||||
| Kid Afrika | posted on 04-22-2001 @ 10:32 AM | | |||
| Hanger-On Registered: Jan. 70 | What do you call a black man running south in Manhattan? a suspect What do you call a black man running north in Manhattan? a perp "waddle doodle"
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| HUDSON | posted on 04-22-2001 @ 10:36 AM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Jan. 01 | A mushroom walks into a a bar, the bartender turns and says "hey we don't serve your kind in here!" The Mushroom replies "come on I'm a Fungi" A man buys a classic motorcycle from an old guy. The old guy says "there is only one thing: the wires are so old that when it rains you have to protect them with this silicon lubricant" The guy takes the lube and leaves. That night, he rides his motorbike to his girlfriend's house for dinner with her family. As he is walking in the door, his girlfriend says "I forgot to tell you.. in our family, the first to get up from the table has to do the dishes, it a kinda game we play." The guy thinks nothing of it and sits down with the family for supper. Afterwards the family just sits there looking at each other. After half an hour the guy decides to test the limits of the family, so he throws his girlfriend on the table and fucks he good and hard! But no response from the family. Then he grabs the mother and fucks her like a beast, but again to no reply. Amazed the guy grabs and begins fucking the teen daughter and the wife at the same time, but no response. Just then there is a huge flash of lightening, and a loud boom of thunder, at which the guy thinks "shit my bike" and pulls the jar of lubricant out of his pocket. At which the father stands up and says "OK OK I'll do the fucking dishes!" Q:How do you keep an idiot in suspense?  "Don't you know? A clown can get away with Murder!" -John Wayne Gacy Grabmyjunk in another dimension | ||||
| Tequila Fez claims this land in the name of Portugal! Why worry about the train if it never makes it around the tracks?? IrishAlkey wuz here!!! | posted on 04-22-2001 @ 10:46 AM | | |||
| O&A Board Veteran Registered: Jan. 01 | This is a great pic lol | ||||
| Tequila Fez claims this land in the name of Portugal! Why worry about the train if it never makes it around the tracks?? IrishAlkey wuz here!!! | posted on 04-28-2001 @ 1:25 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Veteran Registered: Jan. 01 | A businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back, and had nothing left but a quarter and the second half of his round-trip ticket. If he could just get to the airport he could get himself home. So he went out to the front of the casino where there was a cab waiting. He got in and explained his situation to the cabbie. He promised to send the diver money from home, he offered him his credit card numbers, his drivers license number, his address, etc. but to no avail. The cabbie said, If you don't have fifteen dollars, get the hell out of my cab! So the businessman was forced to hitch-hike to the airrport and was barely in time to catch his flight. One year later the businessman, having worked long and hard to regain his financial success, returned to Vegas and this time he won big. Feeling pretty good about himself, he went out to the front of the casino to get a cab ride back to the airport. Well who should he see out there, at the end of a long line of cabs, but his old buddy who had refused to give him a ride when he was down on his luck. The businessman thought for a moment about how he could make the guy pay for his lack of charity, and he hit on a plan. The businessman got in the first cab in the line, how much for a ride to the airport, he asked? Fifteen bucks, came the reply. And how much for you to give me a blow-job on the way? What?!!! Get the hell out of my cab. The businessman got into the back of each cab in the long line and asked the same questions, with the same result. When he got to his old friend at the back of the line, he got in and asked How much for a ride to the airport? The cabbie replied fifteen bucks. The businessman said OK and off they went. Then, as they drove slowly past the long line of cabs the businessman gave a big smile and thumbs up and a grin to each driver | ||||
The sky is blue | posted on 04-28-2001 @ 1:58 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Veteran Registered: Oct. 00 |  This message was edited by Fez on 4-28-01 @ 1:59 PM | ||||
The sky is blue | posted on 04-28-2001 @ 1:58 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Veteran Registered: Oct. 00 | Did ya hear the one of the poster that wouldn't let a thread die? See My Sig Pics! If you want to be adopted by me IM me at fezoanda and email me at meguyelvis@hotmail.com Currently I've adopted usofar and Bumpkinhead | ||||
| Tequila Fez claims this land in the name of Portugal! Why worry about the train if it never makes it around the tracks?? IrishAlkey wuz here!!! | posted on 04-28-2001 @ 2:03 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Veteran Registered: Jan. 01 | Should I just keep posting a seperate thread for every different joke? | ||||
| Sephiroth | posted on 04-28-2001 @ 2:04 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Dec. 00 |  Image property of SomethingAwful.com | ||||
Displaying 1-19 of 19 messages in this thread. |