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| Posted By | Discussion Topic: Beer Humor | ||||
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| Kim | posted on 04-17-2001 @ 6:27 PM |    | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Jan. 01  | Just thought some would enjoy these! :) An Irishman's been at a pub all night drinking. The bartender finally says that the bar is closed. So he stands up to leave and falls flat on his face. He figures that he will crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up. Once outside he tries again to stand up and falls flat on his face. So the Irishman crawls home. At the door he again tries to stand up, only to fall flat on his face. So he then crawls through the door and up the stairs. When he reaches his bed he tries one more time to stand up. This time he falls right into bed and is sound asleep. He awakens the next morning to his wife standing over him shouting. "So you've been out drinking again!" "How did you know?" he asks. "The pub called, you left your wheelchair there again ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Tony and Harold, two avid fisherman and well-known drunks, were out in a boat on their favorite lake one day drowning some worms and polishing off some brews. Suddenly, Tony got what he thought was a nibble. Reeling it in he found a bottle with a cork in it. Naturally curious, he uncorked the bottle and a large genie appeared. The genie said, "I will grant you one wish." Tony thought for a second and said, "I wish this whole lake was beer." Poof! His wish came true. The lake was now filled with their favorite brew. Harold looked at Tony in disgust and said, "You dunce, now we have to piss in the boat." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver." --Jack Handy Why is American beer served cold? So you can tell it from urine! -- David Moulton Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. -- Benjamin Franklin He was a wise man who invented beer. -- Plato Give me a woman that loves beer and I can conquer the world. -- Kaiser Wilhelm You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline. It helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer. --Frank Zappa Beauty lies in the hands of the beer holder. -- Anonymous If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs. -- David Daye 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case, coincidence? -- Stephen Wright Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza! -- Dave Barry If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose. -- Deep Thought, Jack Handy I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer! -- Homer Simpson Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world. --Kaiser Wilhelm Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer. -- Dave Barry  POFCThis message was edited by Kim on 4-17-01 @ 6:31 PM | ||||
| Kid Afrika | posted on 04-17-2001 @ 7:03 PM | | |||
| Hanger-On Registered: Jan. 70 | I guess these jokes were too funny for one of the joke threads that already existed.
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| johnny hairdo | posted on 04-17-2001 @ 7:05 PM | | |||
| Psychopath Registered: Sep. 00 | I like Ant's little line about the bottles of Sam Adams lined up like soldiers to help you combat the battle of life. R.I.P. Joey 5/19/51-4/15/01 | ||||
The sky is blue | posted on 04-17-2001 @ 7:07 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Veteran Registered: Oct. 00 | Here's another one: You know what makes bad joke threads better? Beer. -Fez  See My Sig Pics! If you want to be adopted by me IM me at fezoanda and email me at meguyelvis@hotmail.com Currently I've adopted giraffe raper and drkn2forget Visit the best of the Hell Hole here | ||||
| Kid Afrika | posted on 04-17-2001 @ 7:10 PM | | |||
| Hanger-On Registered: Jan. 70 | Fez, even malt liquor can't help this thread.
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The sky is blue | posted on 04-17-2001 @ 7:12 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Veteran Registered: Oct. 00 | quote: Then why don't we just turn this thread in the direction of cocaine.... See My Sig Pics! If you want to be adopted by me IM me at fezoanda and email me at meguyelvis@hotmail.com Currently I've adopted giraffe raper and drkn2forget Visit the best of the Hell Hole here | ||||
| Kid Afrika | posted on 04-17-2001 @ 7:14 PM | | |||
| Hanger-On Registered: Jan. 70 | How much you need?
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| johnny hairdo | posted on 04-17-2001 @ 7:14 PM | | |||
| Psychopath Registered: Sep. 00 | Coke is too expensive, I prefer heroin, it lasts longer. R.I.P. Joey 5/19/51-4/15/01 | ||||
| geedagreek | posted on 04-17-2001 @ 7:17 PM | | |||
| Psychopath Registered: Sep. 00 | what happened, everybody forget LSD? by the way, whats the difference between an irish wedding and a funeral? 1 LESS DRUNK..... its funny cuz im half irish... official drunk driver of the fuck truck.... i'm still here sean...:-) | ||||
| King f-tard | posted on 04-17-2001 @ 9:04 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Feb. 01 | Weed is the great equalizer, it brings people of all demoninations and races together in one common goal: munchies. Plus, it makes this thread a lot funnier.  | ||||
Displaying 1-10 of 10 messages in this thread. |