08-04-2002, 08:55 PM
sometimes my life is good, a lot of the times im just not happy with where it is going or what is going on in it. i feel like my whole life is meant for one horrible, sad movie because the things i go through are so fucked up to be real. i mean my whole life isnt just a downward spiral but it feels that way sometimes.
if you take the situations in a soap opera, mutliply them by 500 and live them out thats what im going through right now. its seems no matter what happens, i wind up getting fucked over somehow. sometimes i try so hard to make other people happy that i dont think bout myself. when i finally start doing things for myself it makes everything worse.
im afraid to disappoint people because i dont want to lose what i have with them. i dont want to end up alone, which i feel is the case sometimes. all im looks for right now is for someone i can make happy and they appreciate it and actually care about me. theyll be there for me when i need it. im living in this fantasy world that a certain person actually cared about me but that didnt turn out to be the case. everything i thought was true, turned out to be some kind of a lie.
it seems that the people who make me the most happy are the ones who wind up hurting me the most in the end. thats why it gets harder and harder to trust people with my emotions, i dont need this hurt that i suffer every time i give myself to someone. i open up just a little and they think they can just grab my heart and do whatever they want with it.
i tried to make the situation bareable for the both of us, but it seems like that wont be happening. he wants it one way or the other, never a compromise. i know i shouldnt have gotten involved in this at all but you cant really help who you start to fall for. love is blind until you step back and look at the reality, but of course its too late to do anything. when you finally step back you find wyourself caught in a whirpool of hurt and you want to protect yourself from it. when you finally do something bout it, you wind messing everything up that you had. maybe its good that my situation got messed up.
but until i find someone to care for me, i am stuck with the hurt i have gotten from people before. and i wonder when its my turn to be happy, it seems like it will never happen. people tell me that my time will come, but until that happens i am left sad. i care so much for people, when will it be my turn to have someone care for me?
if you take the situations in a soap opera, mutliply them by 500 and live them out thats what im going through right now. its seems no matter what happens, i wind up getting fucked over somehow. sometimes i try so hard to make other people happy that i dont think bout myself. when i finally start doing things for myself it makes everything worse.
im afraid to disappoint people because i dont want to lose what i have with them. i dont want to end up alone, which i feel is the case sometimes. all im looks for right now is for someone i can make happy and they appreciate it and actually care about me. theyll be there for me when i need it. im living in this fantasy world that a certain person actually cared about me but that didnt turn out to be the case. everything i thought was true, turned out to be some kind of a lie.
it seems that the people who make me the most happy are the ones who wind up hurting me the most in the end. thats why it gets harder and harder to trust people with my emotions, i dont need this hurt that i suffer every time i give myself to someone. i open up just a little and they think they can just grab my heart and do whatever they want with it.
i tried to make the situation bareable for the both of us, but it seems like that wont be happening. he wants it one way or the other, never a compromise. i know i shouldnt have gotten involved in this at all but you cant really help who you start to fall for. love is blind until you step back and look at the reality, but of course its too late to do anything. when you finally step back you find wyourself caught in a whirpool of hurt and you want to protect yourself from it. when you finally do something bout it, you wind messing everything up that you had. maybe its good that my situation got messed up.
but until i find someone to care for me, i am stuck with the hurt i have gotten from people before. and i wonder when its my turn to be happy, it seems like it will never happen. people tell me that my time will come, but until that happens i am left sad. i care so much for people, when will it be my turn to have someone care for me?