CDIH

10 RULES FOR BEING A YANKEE FAN
1. It's important to point out past post-season success as often as possible. However, if anyone points out anything in the past that doesn't reflect positively on the Yankees, then argue that it happened in the past and doesn't matter now. For example, it is okay to point out that the Yankees beat the Mariners in the 2000 ALCS. However, if anyone points out that the Mariners beat the Yankees in the 1995 ALDs, then argue that it happened in the past and doesn't matter.
2. Nothing in the regular season matters, unless it's favorable to the Yankees. For example, Roger Clemens is 16-1 this year, and has dominated. However, if anyone points out that the Mariners have beaten Clemens twice this year, respond by saying, "Regular Season doesn't mean crap". Regular Season wins and losses are especially irrelevant, unless you are the 1998 Yankees.

3. Statistics are for losers. Whenever someone posts a statistic that you find confusing, quickly point out that the Yankees have won 4 out of the last 5 World Series.

4. If anyone accuses the Yankees of "buying" their championships, argue that Jeter, B Williams, Pettitte, Soriano, Rivera, and Posada are all home-grown talent. Then, hope that nobody notices that this represents only 6 out of 25 players, and hope they don't bring up Clemens, Mussina, Hitchcock, Witasik, Wohlers, Stanton, Martinez, Sojo, Knoblauch, O'Neill, Brosius, Justice, Lilly and more. Also hope they don't mention the fact that Gerald Williams was recently acquired but never plays, much like Jose Canseco last year.

5. Whenever you argue with a Red Sox fan, always bring up 1918. This will infuriate them and while they type a response, you can point out that the Yankees have won 4 out of the last 5 championships. See Rule #1

6. Statistics and records are never as important as name recognition. Statistics should always be dismissed unless they are favorable to the Yankees. For example, Clemens is 16-1. That's a good statistic. Mussina is 12-10, but that doesn't matter because . Well-known names are always better than any statistic. If anyone argues with that, see Rule #2.

7. Defend Derek Jeter and Roger Clemens at all costs. Resort to name calling and threats of violence if necessary.

8. All other fans of all other teams are bandwagon fans. Nobody has a more loyal, more dedicated following than the Yankees. If a team is hot, or is playing well, call that team's fans bandwagoners. Then point out how many championships the Yankees have won. See Rule #1.

9. The Yankees are the Defending World Champions until baseball adopts a policy forbidding them to play in the post-season. Such a policy will never exist, because George Steinbrenner vehemently opposes anything that doesn't directly contribute to the success of the Yankees, so therefore, the Yankees will forever be the Defending World Champions. If another teams wins the championship, then it was because of . Refer to Rule #1.

10. The following traits should be avoided at all times: logic, humility, reason, and class. You are the World Champions. You should act like it and point it out at all times. See Rule #1.

Little Johnny was in his 4th grade class when the teacher asked the children
what their fathers did for a living.

All the typical answers came up -- fireman, policeman, salesman, etc...

Johnny was being uncharacteristically quiet and so the teacher asked him about
his father.

"My father's an exotic dancer in a gay cabaret and takes off all his
clothes in front of other men.
Sometimes, if the offer's really good, he'll go out to the alley with some guy
and make love with him for money."

The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the other
children to work on some coloring, and took Little Johnny aside to ask him,

"Is that really true about your father?"

"No," said Johnny, "He plays for the New York Yankees, but I was
too embarrassed to say so.

oldest joke ever.

A policeman arrives at the scene of a crime where a yankee fan, a cubs fan, and a mets fan are standing over the body of a naked female. In the interest of the young ladys dignity, the mets fan covered one breast with his mets cap, the cubs fan covered the other breast with his cubs cap and the yankees fan covered her crotch with his yankees cap.

The officer goes to lift the cubs hat and looks briefly. Then he proceeds to lift the Mets cap and quickly puts it back. He then lifts the Yankees hat, lowers it, lifts it again, lowers it, lifts it once more, taking a long close look and then puts it back down.

The Yankees fan, disturbed by the officers perversion, asks "Why do you keep lifting my hat to look at her crotch?"

The officer replies "I was confused. I always expect to see an asshole under a yankees cap"

awful.

1) Derek Jeter. Is this guy really that good looking? I don't get it. Perhaps I'm jealous, or perhaps I'm letting my hatred of his team blind me, but I really think I'm being objective when I say that this guy looks like a f*cking alien. Tino Martinez? Not a bad looking dude. Paul O'Neill? Handsome, I'd say, in a rugged, alcoholic Irish sense. But Jeter? I mean, c'mon. If the guy wasn't a baseball player and he was hanging out in some sh*tty a$$ under-17 club in Rockland County, not one girl in the bar would turn her head unless they thought someone was filming Cocoon 3.

2) Joe Torre. Yeah we get it. You're a nice guy. A good manager. You cry when your team wins. But who the fu#k picks their nose this much? My mom says it's unfair to have a camera on you in the dugout when you don't know people are watching. Agreed. Yet, you could have a camera on me 24 hours a day and maybe you catch me picking a boog three times. This guy does it six times every half hour. Buy yourself a kleenex you ugly creep. He looks like someone who might molest my little cousin on Halloween. People who look like him are the reason my mom used to go through my Halloween candy to make sure there were no razor blades.

3) Luis Sojo. Yeah, this guy's awesome. He looks like he should be a busboy at the Burrito Loco. If this guy eats one more chalupa he's gonna f*cking explode.

4) Roger Clemens. This guy's a piece of work. They say he's not a "real Yankee." That the rest of the Yankees shouldn't be judged by his idiotic personality/behavior/mentality. Bull * . He's the prototypical Yankee. A mercenary superstar who only cares about money and acts like a total a$$hole. He should be the new Yankees logo. Get rid of the "NY" symbol. Just a giant picture of Clemens throwing shattered bats at players and hitting them in the heads with 100 mile an hour baseballs. And Kissing Babe Ruth's monument before the game? F- you Clemens. I hope the monument has herpes.

5) Bernie Williams. Here's a pretty guy. Not only did he fall off the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down, but then he hit the ground and got really disfigured. And to compensate for his looks, he's got the most outgoing personality this side of Adam Hirschberg. This is a guy you can really get behind and root for.

6) Andy Pettite. Kind of like him actually. Still a homo.

7) Mariano Rivera. Hate this guy as much as any of the others. Maybe he should try eating something. This dude spits and loses six pounds. I heard someone poured champagne on him after they won and he slid down a sewer drain and drowned.

8) Yankee fans. Without bias, I find you all to be the most insuferable, fair weather, ignorant fans in the world. Know this: no matter how many championships you win, you have a BORING, UNLIKABLE, UN-EXCITING TEAM. If I was a Yankee fan myself I would find it hard to root for them. May they all rot in hell.

Yankee fans are ignorant?

You just dismantled the entire team based on their looks and didn't mention a single athletic point.

It's a sport not a beauty contest.

and why throw in luis sojo? he retired.

and jeter is fuckin hot!!

Im definitely liking the direction this thread has taken.....

its plagerized. i have no original yankees suck material.

PeterDragon Wrote:Im definitely liking the direction this thread has taken.....

I knew you'd enjoy this thread neak:

Fuck Clemens, I am glad he's gone. Good riddance.

This little boy is in family court because of a custody battle involving his mother and his father. While on the stand the little boy states that both his father and mother hit him repeatedly at some point in his life. After a while the judge looks at the kid and says, "Billy who would you like to live with, your mommy or your daddy" Billy replies "Neither, I want to go live with the Mets. They don't hit a fucking thing"

Finally the Yankees bring back a true legend and a man who actually deserves to be in the HOF.

Yanks hire Darryl Strawberry

what a mother fucking teresa the yankees are. :23:

I give him 6 weeks into the season before he gets arrested again.