12-08-2004, 11:46 PM
You know those lists that sports writers make where they recap recent events and put their own witty spin on it. We'll me and matthew are better than all of them so we made our own last night. What a week! Here weeee goooooo:
1. Word is going around that a professional mens slowpitch softball league just signed a television deal which will put the sport on during primetime this coming summer. No word if Rick Barry will join the league.
2. Reports from Hollywood confirm the rumor that a script has been sold for a third Ace Ventura movie. No word on if it will center around the 2004 Season of Martin Gramatica.
3. The BCS is once again being criticized after leaving undefeated Auburn out of the championship game. Boise state, also undefeated, did not make it either. When asked to comment on the teams in the championship game, BSU head coach proclaimed, "I am blue with envy!".
4. Oklahoma State was forced to forefit a game earlier this week due to problems with the team bus. When asked to comment on why they chose to take the bus instead of fly through four states, Coach Eddie Sutton said "what are you fucking crazy, and have everyone die again?"
5. On Monday night Vinny Testeverde set a peculiar record, by throwing a TD to his 63rd different reciever, besting Steve DeBerg. When asked to comment, Deberg said "He may have that record, but I was way better in Tecmo Super Bowl"
6. Real Madrid won its 3rd straight super league title. Word out of America is, no one cared.
7. After a good start, the Giants offensive line has become a disaster again, causing Eli Manning to run for his life. When asked if they will take an offensive lineman as their top pick in next years draft, Giants GM Ernie Acorse said "Sure, if Tom Coughlin's daughter starts dating him!"
8. President George W. Bush had the honor of tossing the ceremonial coin toss at last week's Army/Navy Game. Bush, a former cheerleader for Yale, called it "an honor". He was especially relieved at the warm reception he got, after being discharged from last week's Air Force game.
9. Notre Dame is currently looking for a replacement for recently fired coach Ty Willingham. Willingham had the shortest Irish tenure since George O'Leary was fired after a week for lying on his resume. Surprisingly, it took Notre Dame 3 years to figure out that Willingham lied about being white.
10. ESPN is set to premiere their new movie "3", chronicling the life of NASCAR legend Dale Earnhardt. After a long debate on what to call the movie, ESPN finally chose "3", as it was the average number of teeth the movie's target audience has.
Tune in next week for more crazy sports observations!
1. Word is going around that a professional mens slowpitch softball league just signed a television deal which will put the sport on during primetime this coming summer. No word if Rick Barry will join the league.
2. Reports from Hollywood confirm the rumor that a script has been sold for a third Ace Ventura movie. No word on if it will center around the 2004 Season of Martin Gramatica.
3. The BCS is once again being criticized after leaving undefeated Auburn out of the championship game. Boise state, also undefeated, did not make it either. When asked to comment on the teams in the championship game, BSU head coach proclaimed, "I am blue with envy!".
4. Oklahoma State was forced to forefit a game earlier this week due to problems with the team bus. When asked to comment on why they chose to take the bus instead of fly through four states, Coach Eddie Sutton said "what are you fucking crazy, and have everyone die again?"
5. On Monday night Vinny Testeverde set a peculiar record, by throwing a TD to his 63rd different reciever, besting Steve DeBerg. When asked to comment, Deberg said "He may have that record, but I was way better in Tecmo Super Bowl"
6. Real Madrid won its 3rd straight super league title. Word out of America is, no one cared.
7. After a good start, the Giants offensive line has become a disaster again, causing Eli Manning to run for his life. When asked if they will take an offensive lineman as their top pick in next years draft, Giants GM Ernie Acorse said "Sure, if Tom Coughlin's daughter starts dating him!"
8. President George W. Bush had the honor of tossing the ceremonial coin toss at last week's Army/Navy Game. Bush, a former cheerleader for Yale, called it "an honor". He was especially relieved at the warm reception he got, after being discharged from last week's Air Force game.
9. Notre Dame is currently looking for a replacement for recently fired coach Ty Willingham. Willingham had the shortest Irish tenure since George O'Leary was fired after a week for lying on his resume. Surprisingly, it took Notre Dame 3 years to figure out that Willingham lied about being white.
10. ESPN is set to premiere their new movie "3", chronicling the life of NASCAR legend Dale Earnhardt. After a long debate on what to call the movie, ESPN finally chose "3", as it was the average number of teeth the movie's target audience has.
Tune in next week for more crazy sports observations!