+- CDIH (https://www.cdih.net/cdih)
+-- Forum: General Discussion and Entertainment (https://www.cdih.net/cdih/forumdisplay.php?fid=4)
+--- Forum: Noise Pollution (https://www.cdih.net/cdih/forumdisplay.php?fid=10)
+--- Thread: Funniest song - Like this hasn't been done before (/showthread.php?tid=1067)
- Galt - 04-01-2002
Coming in a close second is Givin up the Nappy Dugout by Ice Cube.
However, the all time funniest song in the history of the world if Gangsta of Love by the Geto Boys. I was at a bar the other weekend, and the band broke into Gangsta right in the middle of Sweet Home Alabama. Most of the people were just stonefaced as the band started playing, I was laughing my ass off.
It made me think of all the laughs me and my boys Qtip, G-Money, Sho, and Dizzy had growing up in the hood.
Quote:Artist: Geto Boys
Album: Grip It - On That Other Level
Title: Gangster of Love
I've never been played by a ho!
If the bitch is acting stupid,
She's got to go!
Some mutherfuckers [missadden']
If she fucks with me, I'ma kick her little monkey ass!
See you hoes got it wrong!
Think that if some Nigga says he loves you he ain't strong.
Girl you taking shit the wrong way.
And I can tell right now. It's gonna be a long day!
I got to educate you brothers
If the bitch won't give up the plate
then fuck her!
Move along to the next trick.
See I'm teh type of guy who tells a girl
"suck dick!"
And if she ain't suckin'
That's a waste of time
conversation and my fuckin'
I'll just put my fuckin pants on
And tell the idiotic freak
to take her tramp ass home!
Cuz I don't need to fuck a dumbie!
I need a bitch to lick my nuts
until my dick is coming
And after this she'll earn your gloves
Just call me the gangster of love.
I like bitches
All kinds of bitches,
To take off my shirt
and pull down my britches
If she has big tities
I'll squeeze them and hold'em
While sucks my dick and licks my scrotum
If she's got another friend then I'll fuck her too
Together we can play a game of switch-a-ru
I ain't the type who gets all mushy
I like to sit back
and watch them eat each other's pussy!
Weak people might say I'm insane
But that's the other fucking love of the game
I'll turn your sister out if she fucks with me
You want to know my identity???
Bitches look at me like I'm a faker
Knowing goddamn well
I'm a mutherfuckin heartbreaker!
I'll have them crying for months
Cause I done fucked their best friends
and put a whipping on their cunts
They have their mothers to call
But if you fucked one mom
You done fucked them all
And I really don't give a fuck
Cause if your mother give up the pussy
she's stuck
See that's the type of Nigga I am
I'm always game to run a train, damn
Six different hoes a night
I use lubricated rubbers
To make the pussy feel right
Better to be safe than be a vicitim
If you got a jimmy hat, go ahead and dick 'em
I put the pussy in its place
Right before I nut
I pull it out; then to the face
And tell the bitch to keep sucking
And prepare herself for her first butt fucking
And when I'm done--straight to the tub
Just call me the gangster of love.
I'm a mutherfucker
I put a bitch through a test.
If she don't pass, she don't get blessed!
If the test consist of
fuckin my whole crew
Bitch, goddamnit that's what you gotta do.
You say you want to be down with Willie-D
But yet you find it difficult to listen to me
Everytime you fuck up and skip a class
I'ma put my goddamn foot in your ass
ANd if your father wants to buck up
I'll beat the wrinkles out the old mutherfucker
I'll treat a bitch like a queen,
But she's got to realize that I'm the goddamn king
Some jealous punk in town
Told my girl I was fucking around and she's still down.
To do the same
Yo've got to have game
You want to know my name???
While we on the subject of hoes,
whatever happened to the hoe you used to fuck named Cathy???
Ok Cathy
That hoe was hot.
The first peace of pussy that I ever got!
She fucked me till I was coming
Put her nuts in my mouth
and started humming
I said shit comense the checking
She started scratching my dill-bag
and said hold up a second.
Turned me over on my back, Gold.
Opened up my butt cheecks
and started licking up my asshole
That's why I guess that I'm the gangster
And Kathleen Johnson sweetheart
I'd like to thank you
Little hoes out there are getting stuck,
by niggas like me and we really don't give a fuck!
Big-ass titties are the sexy switch
Whatever you get, you deserved it bitch!
See ummm,
I like to take'em fast.
Pretend I lovem
and dog their motherfuckin ass.
Like for instance ms. "p"
The bitch ran a game
and tried to fuck over me
But I sensed it in the making
talking about she's pregnant
From me or that Jamaican???
She said me of course
So I drug her little ass
Like a mutherfuckin horse.
That's what you get for tryna play me
I'll kick the bitch
right dead in the ass
If she ever says we
made a kid when I make it
I'll grab her vile her mutherfuckin' neck
and try to break it!
Cause I knew I wore a fucking glove
You know who you fuckin with bitch???
- Spitfire - 04-01-2002
Classic funny:
<center>Bobby Brown (Frank Zappa)
Hey there, people, I'm Bobby Brown
They say I'm the cutest boy in town
My car is fast, my teeth is shiney
I tell all the girls they can kiss my heinie
Here I am at a famous school
I'm dressin' sharp 'n' I'm
actin' cool
I got a cheerleader here wants to help with my paper
Let her do all the work 'n' maybe later I'll rape her
Oh God I am the American dream
I do not think I'm too extreme
An' I'm a handsome sonofabitch
I'm gonna get a good job 'n' be real rich
get a good
get a good
get a good
get a good job
Women's Liberation
Came creepin' across the nation
I tell you people I was not ready
When I fucked this dyke by the name of Freddie
She made a little speech then,
Aw, she tried to make me say "when"
She had my balls in a vice, but she left the dick
I guess it's still hooked on, but now it shoots too quick
Oh God I am the American dream
But now I smell like Vaseline
An' I'm a miserable sonofabitch
Am I a boy or a lady...I don't know which
I wonder wonder
wonder wonder
So I went out 'n' bought me a leisure suit
I jingle my change, but I'm still kinda cute
Got a job doin' radio promo
An' none of the jocks can even tell I'm a homo
Eventually me 'n' a friend
Sorta drifted along into S&M
I can take about an hour on the tower of power
'Long as I gets a little golden shower
Oh God I am the American dream
With a spindle up my butt till it makes me scream
An' I'll do anything to get ahead
I lay awake nights sayin', "Thank you, Fred!"
Oh God, oh God, I'm so fantastic!
Thanks to Freddie, I'm a sexual spastic
And my name is Bobby Brown
Watch me now, I'm goin down,
And my name is Bobby Brown
Watch me now, I'm goin down, etc.</center>
- Maynard - 04-01-2002
damn you spit. You beat me to him. I submit to you, any Frank Zappa song. This guy looked at everything in life just a bit different, and it shows in his music. He was without a doubt, one of the greatest songwriter/composers of the 20th Century.
<center>Montana
I might be movin' to Montana soon
Just to raise me up a crop of
Dental Floss
Raisin' it up
Waxen it down
In a little white box
I can sell uptown
By myself I wouldn't
Have no boss,
But I'd be raisin' my lonely
Dental Floss
Raisin' my lonely
Dental Floss
Well I just might grow me some bees
But I'd leave the sweet stuff
For somebody else...but then, on the other hand I'd
Keep the wax
N' melt it down
Pluck some Floss
N' swish it aroun'
I'd have me a crop
An' it'd be on top (that's why I'M movin' to)
Movin' to Montana soon
Gonna be a Dental Floss tycoon (yes I am)
Movin' to Montana soon
Gonna be a mennil-toss flykune
I'm pluckin' the ol'
Dennil Floss
That's growin' on the prairie
Pluckin' the floss!
I plucked all day an' all nite an' all
Afternoon...
I'm ridin' a small tiny hoss
(His name is MIGHTY LITTLE)
He's a good hoss
Even though
He's a bit dinky to strap a big saddle or
Blanket on anyway
He's a bit dinky to strap a big saddle or
Blanket on anyway
Any way
I'm pluckin' the ol'
Dennil Floss
Even if you think it is a little silly, folks
I don't care if you think it's silly, folks
I don't care if you think it's silly, folks
I'm gonna find me a horse
Just about this big
An' ride him all along the border line
With a
Pair of heavy-duty
Zircon-encrusted tweezers in my hand
Every other wrangler would say
I was mighty grand
By myself I wouldn't
Have no boss
But I'd be raisin' my lonely
Dental Floss
Raisin' my lonely
Dental Floss
Raisin' my lonely
Dental Floss
Well I might
Ride along the border
With my tweezers gleamin'
In the moon-lighty night
And then I'd
Get a cuppa cawfee
N' give my foot a push...
Just me 'n the pymgy pony
Over the Dennil Floss Bush
N' then I might just
Jumb back on
An' ride
Like a cowboy
Into the dawn to Montana
Movin' to Montana soon
(Yippy-Ty-O-Ty-Ay)
Movin' to Montana soon</center>
- Sluggo - 04-01-2002
C'mon!!! The title says it all!!!
<center>Hot Poop
Frank Zappa
February 1968, 0:29 min.
He has work in the control zone
because home doziness loves the dirt knobs...
They think it is the way they can create
Wonder what everyone else is whispering about...
</center>
- Maynard - 04-01-2002
Although, Jack Black is one funny motherfucker too.....
<center>Fuck Her Gently
Tenacious D
This is a song
for the ladies
but fellas... listen closely
You don't have to fuck her hard
in fact sometimes that's not right to do..
Sometimes u got to make some love
and fuckin give her some smooches too..
Sometimes you got to squeeze..
Sometiems you got to say "Please"..
Sometimes you gotta say "Hey,"
"I'm gonna fuck you.. softly"
"I'm gonna screw you gently"
"I'm gonna hump you sweetly"
"I'm gonna ball you discreetly"
and then you say "Hey, I brought you flowers"
and then you say "Wait a minute Sally,"
"I think I got sometin' in my teeth could you get it out for me?"
That's fuckin' teamwork!
What's your favorite posish?
That's cool with me, It's not my favorite but I'll do it for you.
What's your favorite dish?
I'm not gonna cook it but I'll order it from ZANZIBAR!
And then I'm gonna love you completely
Then I'll fucking fuck you discreetly
and then I'll fuckin bone you completely
but then I'm gonna fuck... you hard.....
Hard........</center>
- Hybrid - 04-01-2002
Bran's Chinese Freestyle (cky)
Who wants to taste my general tso...you want to taste my general tso
I'm-a give it to you now
Who like my chopstick
hit you when I shit with my little-ass dick. Yellow
If you wanna see me eat Jell-O
I never seen nothin' like you before
I can kick you higher than you can kick me
I can kick you way up into a tree
Who wants a taste of my oo-long tea? Ho ha ho ha ho chi chi
Everybody in the phone book name Chang wanna see my wang?
Neva Good God hit the gong with a bang. WAAA?
Everybody wanna see me throw a fireball but that's not right not in real life
You will fall down and break a leg
Everybody wanna see me break a leg? Well I don't
but I like fried rice and I got lice
Ching chow woah ching wang woo wice
that ain't nice Four for the cookie I only touch it twice
Delivery is free but not from me I only swallow dolla fifty
fifty five. wanna see me GO GAA? Hit you with the lang. HAI YA!
War when I hit you with the shit do a split
Take a shit have to go eat my shit kung-fu
Want my buffet? You fucking gay, ah
Wai-lo hit you with the hay Stay the fuck away
Hit you in the balls. Only Americans eat duck sauce
And my soy sauce is for you, I can put it in your shoe
Watch this- I can tiptoe while you take a piss
In my bathroom spy on you while your little boy shits
WAAAAAAAAI-YAH!
I can kick you if you don't pay the bill
And if you want a little mint, that's fifty cent, bitch
Everything cost a little bit
So don't expect nothin for free, at least from me Ching Chang Chewie
I got you from Taiwan city and Hong Kong
I just smoked a bong and I can do it all night long
And don't mistake me for a Viet Cong
I can get you and tackle you take you never see me
When I get you and make you
Rope you up and put you in a bamboo cage and make you feel all my rage
Poke you with a little stick till you page your buddies to come napalm me
God damn that shit burned blew away my whole city
Ho Chi Minh Shoot a load on your chin
God damn thats a sad goygo goodbye
And if you wanna come on in
You can work in to my world where the yellow shit begins HAI YA
Can't be tamed
I got shit to control your brain and it's called
Egg Foo Yung, En Lo Main
So come on in baby and have it just the same HAI YA! HAAAAAH!
No wok tow ung di day
HA, I don't suppose ha haha Huh?
huhhhuhu huh
- Brokenjaw - 04-01-2002
Ok the message of this song is a very great one. But It stil makes me laugh everytime i hear it.
<center>Date Rape - Sublime
Let me tell you about a girl I know,
had a drink about an hour ago.
Sitting in a corner by herself, in a bar in downtown hell.
She heard a noise and she looked through the door.
And saw a man she'd never seen before.
Light skin, light blue eyes, a double-chin and a plastic smile.
Well, her eyebrow raised as he walked through the door
And took an empty seat next to her at the bar.
"My brand new car is parked right outside. How'd ya like to go for a ride?"
And she said."Wait a minute I have to think."
He said, "That's fine. May I please buy you a drink"
One drink turned into 3 or 4 and they left and got into his car
and they drove away someplace real far.
Now babe the time has come.
How'd ya like to have a little fun?
And she said." If we could only please be on our way, I will not run."
That's when things got out of control.
She didn't want to, he had his way.
She said, "Let's Go"
He said, "No Way!"
Come on babe it's your lucky day.
Shut your mouth, were gonna do it my way.
Come on baby don't be afraid,
if it wasn't for date rape I'd never get laid.
He finished up and he started the car
He turned around and drove back to the bar.
He said."Now baby don't be sad, in my opinion you weren't half-bad."
She picked up a rock.,threw it at the car, hit him in the head, now his got a big scar.
Come on party people won't you listen to me.
Date Rape Stylie.
The next day she went to her drawer, looked up her local attorney at law,
went to the phone and filed the police report and then she took the guy's ass to court.
Well, the day he stood in front of the judge he screamed, " She lies that little slut!"
The judge knew that he was full of shit and he gave him 25 years
And now his heart is filled with tears.
That night in jail it was getting late.
He was butt-raped by a large inmate, and he screamed.
But the guards paid no attention to his cries.
That's when things got out of control.
The moral of the date rape story, it does not pay to be drunk and horny.
But that's the way it had to be.
They locked him up and threw away the key.
Well, I can't take pity on men of his kind,
even though he now takes it in the behind.
That's the way it had to be.
They locked him up and threw away the key.
Well, I can't take pity on men of his kind,
even though he now takes it in the behind.
DATE RAPE
She didn't want to TAKE IT!
</center>
- Sloatsburgh - 04-01-2002
Jimmy and I were brothers,
we walked down different paths.
Jimmy always listened to our mother,
me I never liked to take a bath.
As we grew and stumbled through adulthood
the pressure caused emotional strain.
Now I'm slowly dying in the bottle,
and Jimmy has to live with half a brain.
[chorus]
Yes, me I got a bottle in front of me,
and Jimmy has a frontal lobotomy.
Just different ways to ease the pain the same.
But I'd rather have a bottle in from of me,
than have to have a frontal lobotomy.
I might be drunk but at least I'm not insane.
Jimmy let his troubles drive him crazy.
He never tried to drown them in a drink.
I know that drinking makes my thinking hazy,
but at least I still have brains enough to think.
Jimmy's got a brain that isn't stable,
He doesn't have the sense to say his name.
I'm sorry that the doctor was unable
to remove the proper portion of his brain.
[chorus]
Funny how the world works.
People can be real jerks.
Some prefer the tension over booze.
Either way it ends the same.
Hard to beat the living game.
Might as well enjoy it while you lose.
When I need a drink I start to shiver.
Jimmy always did it with concern.
But I'd rather have cirosis of the liver
than an intellect that's second to a fern.
I know that Jimmy doesn't want to here it
when I tell him that his logic wasn't sound.
They'll dose him up on lots of evil spirits
when they take him to the psychiatric ground.
[chorus]
I might be drunk but at least I'm not insane!
- Sluggo - 04-01-2002
<center>You Lie...And Yo Breath Stank
Infectious Grooves
You lie and yo breath stank you lie and yo breath stank
Save your time don't give me that speech
And use that time to go brush your teeth
A good mouthwash would be a start
Cause your breath done smell like your mouth done a fart
You lie and yo breath stank
So bad it makes it hard to think
You lie and yo breath stank
Smells just like it's a septic tank
You lie and yo breath stank you lie and yo breath stank
damn homeboy won't you chew on some gum
You smell like a mixture of chili dogs and rum
Don't be cheap and juts chew on a stick
Throw in the whole pack and chew on it quick
You lie and yo breath stank
So bad it makes it hard to think
You lie and yo breath stank
Rolls me over like a Sherman tank
You lie and yo breath stank you lie and yo breath stank
Open your mouth the whole room stunk
You need a chisel to hammer off the funk
Your breath would turn a shirt into lint
So do us all a favor and suck on a mint
You lie and yo breath stank you lie and yo breath stank
Open your mouth just another lie
What's that smell did somethin' die
A funky kind of stank that makes you go phew
Took a wiff straight out it was coming from you
You lie and yo breath stank
So bad it makes it hard to thank
You lie and yo breath stank
So bad damn your breath is rank
damn yo breath stank </center>
- Doc - 04-01-2002
<div align="center">Goldfinger
My Girlfriend's Shower Sucks
The temperture changes
It chills me to the bone
It makes me wish that I
Was cleaning myself at home
It makes me Grumpy
Sometimes I lose hope
The water's hard
So I can never rinse the soap
And it's got no pressure
The water dribbles down on me
And it's got no pressure
It's like the shower's going pee
</div>
- Maynard - 04-01-2002
<center>Mister, Would You Please Help My Pony?
Ween
Mister, would you please help my pony?
He's over there behind the tree
He's down in the dirt, would ya help him?
I think it's his lung
Mister would you please help my pony?
He's chewin' bark and not the leaves
He's cryin' like a baby, would you help him?
I think it's his lung
Mister, would you please help my pony?
He's down - He ain't gettin' up
He coughed up snot in the driveway
And I think his lung's fucked up
Pony, Pony, Pony
Mister, would you please help my pony?
He's over there lookin' at me
He can't talk because he's a pony
I think it's his lung
Mister, would you please help my pony?
He's over there behind the tree
He's down in the dirt, would ya help him?
I think it's his lung</center>
- The Sleeper - 04-01-2002
Nothing is funnier than Anal Cunt
<center>You Keep A Diary
YOU THINK YOUR LIFE'S SO IMPORTANT
YOU HAVE TO WRITE IT DOWN
YOU'RE JUST A FUCKING FAGGOT
NO ONE CARES ABOUT YOU
YOU, YOU KEEP A DIARY
YOU POMPOUS asshole DICKFACE
YOU'LL PROBABLY WRITE A BOOK
ONLY ANOTHER asshole WOULD PUBLISH IT
YOU DUMB, STUPID FAG
Being Ignorant Is Awesome
I LIKE TO LAUGH AT RETARDS
I LIKE TO LAUGH AT CRIPPLES
I LIKE TO MAKE FUN OF GAYS
I LIKE TO BEAT WOMAN
I LIKE ASSUMING BLACK PEOPLE STOLE SOMETHING
I LIKE ASSUMING JEWS JERK OFF TO PHOTOS OF BANKS
I LIKE ASSUMING CHINESE PEOPLE CANT DRIVE
I LIKE ASSUMING WOMAN ARE DUMB CUNTS
I LIKE BEING IGNORANT
I LIKE BEING IGNORANT
I LIKE BEING IGNORANT
I LIKE BEING IGNORANT
I LIKE ASSUMING BLACK PEOPLE STOLE SOMETHING
I LIKE ASSUMING JEWS JERK OFF TO PHOTOS OF BANKS
I LIKE ASSUMING CHINESE PEOPLE CANT DRIVE
I LIKE ASSUMING WOMAN ARE DUMB CUNTS
I LIKE BEING IGNORANT
I LIKE BEING IGNORANT
I LIKE BEING IGNORANT
I LIKE BEING IGNORANT
I DON'T WANT TO READ THE PAPER
I DON'T WANT TO SEE THE NEWS
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW WHAT IS GOING ON
I JUST WANT TO KEEP HATING YOU</center>
- LZMF1 - 04-01-2002
<center>NWA and the Posse A Bitch is a Bitch</center>
<center>[Narrator]
Let's describe a certain female. A female with the disease of character
and attitude. If you will, a snob. However, in a view of NWA...
[Ice Cube]
A bitch is a bitch (bitch)
So if I'm poor or rich (word up)
I talk in the exact same pitch
Now, the title bitch don't apply to all women
But all women have a little bitch in 'em (yeah)
It's like a disease that's plagues their character
Takin' the women of America (yeah)
And it starts with a letter B
It makes a girl like that think she better than me (bitch)
See, some get mad and some just bury
But, yo, if the shoe fits wear it (wear it)
It makes 'em go deaf in the ear
That's why when you say 'hi' she won't say 'hi'
Are you the kind that think you're too damn fly?
Bitch eat shit 'n die (ha, ha)
Ice cube comin' at you at crazy pitch
(Why?) I think a bitch is a bitch
'Who the fuck you think you're callin' a bitch you little ? muthafucka?
I dunno who the fuck you think you're talkin' to. Let me tell you one
muthafuckin' thang, I'm not a...' [Eazy E] 'Bitch, shut the fuck up.'
Yo, you can tell a girl that's out for the money (How?)
She look good and the bitch won't phony
She ain't no dummy she's right the ...
Yo, bitch fuck when I'm driving
See a young nigga that's striving
You're thru' without a BMW
That's why a bitch is a bitch
I guess, or ether P-M-S
Here, test the girl that's kinda snobby (a'ight)
And I bet you dis a nigga is her hobby
And after she finished the test
Write today a B-I-T-C-H
And watch her get mad 'cause she know it's true (she know it)
But a nigga like me, I say 'fuck you'
Do like Ice Cube, slam her ass in a ditch (slam her ass)
'Cause a bitch is a bitch
'Why I gonna be a bitch?'
'I ain't call you no bitch. If you'd listen to a goddamn song it'd tell
you what a bitch is.'
'Fuck the song 'cause I'm not no muthafuckin' bitch.'
'I didn't say you was a bitch.'
'Fuck you, punk-ass nigga!'
'Fuck you, bitch!
'Fuck you! Who the fuck you think you are?
'Fuck you! Suck my dick, bitch!
I once knew a bitch who got a slack
'Cause she playing me like she was all that
A bitch can be your best friend talking behind your back (yeah)
About who's fucking who and who's getting fat
Look at yourself for me, (look bitch)
Now do you fall in this category?
Or you're the kind that won't bleak
'Cause you don't think, yo, shit stinks
Luckily I haven't had a drink
'Cause I'll down you ass
Than I'll clown your ass
'Cause the niggas I hang with ain't rich (I ain't rich)
We're all saying 'Fuck you bitch!' (Word up! )
Now, what I can do with a hoe like you
Been your ass over then I'm thru'
? that you see Ice Cube ain't takin' no shit
(Why?) 'Cause I think a bitch is a bitch
[Narrator]
There you have it. The description of a bitch. Now ask yourself,
are they talking about you? Are you that funky, dirty, money-hungry,
scandalous, stuck-up, hair piece contact wearing bitch? Yep, you
probably are.
Bitch!</center>