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+--- Thread: Gather round, I got a story to tell. (/showthread.php?tid=7791)
- GonzoStyle - 11-17-2003
So anyways, for those who don't know I have ventured into a new career and am now in real estate sales. It's a step up from minimum wage at blockbuster.
Anyhoo, I am still on the bottom rung of the food chain at my office but I do have some old connections who get around. So I was talkin to a friend last week who is a broker and knows a mutual acquaintance. He said that her neighbor died and her daughter is gonna be lookin to sell the house, its out of his area and he figured he'd give me a bone and ofcourse in exchange for some fazools if I get the listing.
So anyway let me give you a little background on this woman who is our mutual acquaintance, her name is esther and she is about 72 years old I believe. I know her from when I used to volunteer at a nursing home which her husbands brother was in. I liked the old man and looked in on him and she appreciated it along with her husband. This was about 7 years ago.
So anyway I call up esther, I haven't spoken to her in 5 years atleast and it turns out her husband had passed away 3 years ago. I said I was sorry, etc and told her I heard that her neighbor had died and her daughter was looking to sell the home and that I was now a real estate agent. She was excited and said that I could come down and she would take me to her neighbors house and introduce me to her daughter.
So I am excited as you could imagine. So I go down today and I meet esther and then things get weird. She starts telling me some wacky stories. She tells me about the conspirators who live up in the clouds and pour water down from the clouds over her house and make it rain... but it rains only over her home, no one elses and she doesn't like to go out in the rain. Then she tells me something freaked even me out.
She says she is gonna go do the breakfast dishes and then take me over to the house. She said she and her husband had just had breakfast before I showed up. I said "but esther, you told me your husband had died".... "oh yes he did"...."ummm ok, so how did you have breakfast with him?"
She says that they have breakfast every morning. She then says she will show me, she takes me into the living room. She has a cuckoo clock there and says that every morning her husband comes through the door on the clock and they have breakfast and then he leaves.
Ok, now I am just scared, this bitch done gone nuts since last we met. I shoulda just left there and then but I wanted to just see the house already.
Finally we go to see the daughter and the home, which is 2 houses down. We get there and knock on the door and the daughter answers and greets esther. I tell her who I am and she is lookin at me weird, I figure something aint kosher.
So finally I say "I am sorry to hear about your mother, my condolences"
She just stares at me and says "my mother is in the kitchen"
Ok now I wanna just be swallowed by the earth and disappear right now.
I look at esther and look back at the daughter and I say "Oh i'm sorry, esther musta misinformed me, she told me your mother had passed away"
Esther says "hmmm..... well I guess she didn't die after all"
AND THEN JUST WALKS AWAY!!!!!!
The daughter explains to me that esthers been long gone and does ridiculous shit as of late, thankfully she was understanding. Esther is one of those millionare ladies with no children or husband. She walks around in old rags and asks her neighbors for bread and food, yet probably sleeps on a matress stuffed with thousand dollar bills. Ofcourse she will probably leave all her dough to her cats.
The End!
- Mad - 11-17-2003
Get Power of Attorney to look after her. Either you do it or some slime ball shyster does it and puts her into some hell hole of a Nursing home and steals everything for himself.
- GonzoStyle - 11-17-2003
She has a niece who will come in and take care of shit, trust me I have thought of it all by now.
- diceisgod - 11-17-2003
You're in dude!
- IrishAlkey - 11-17-2003
Make sweeet love to her.
- GonzoStyle - 11-17-2003
I'd feel weird, what if her husband busted down the cuckoo clock doors?
- HedCold - 11-17-2003
this would make a sweet mad libs
- Goatweed - 11-17-2003
so are you sellin' it or what?
- GonzoStyle - 11-17-2003
You didnt read it, did you?
- Black Lazerus - 11-17-2003
I am glad His pain will be expressed in MAD lib form.
- Kid Afrika - 11-17-2003
After reading all of that, I have one thing to say,
"You sir, truly are a sap."
- GonzoStyle - 11-17-2003
Ok.
- Galt - 11-17-2003
You're going to invite her on Saturday, right?
- Keyser Soze - 11-17-2003
ask her to join cdih!
- Goatweed - 11-17-2003
GonzoStyle Wrote:You didnt read it, did you?oh, I read it - but if she's crazy enough to say people around her are dying, she's crazy enough to sign a contract to sell her house. I think you got a real shot there!
- GonzoStyle - 11-18-2003
It wouldn't hold up in court, when her neice sues me.
- Mad - 11-18-2003
Actually, the niece should have the title signed over to her for estate purposes and in case the old lady has to go to a Nursing Home. Those fucks want everything, including all bank accounts signed over to them to pay for the "care".
- GonzoStyle - 11-18-2003
Her husband will pop out of the clock and beat them silly.