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- The Jays - 11-30-2003
Dangerous times are ahead of us. In the next few monthes, we will be dealing with a threat that will no doubt shape the world into a much different form that we have come to know over the past two years, the time period between the last shape change and the upcoming change. At this time, we do not know what the threat is, so at this time, we shall look at this awesome form of galatical power known as "earth-shaping".
Shaping the world would seem to be a very rare and incredible task, something that doesn't even occur in our lifetimes. But, upon closer examination of the 20th century, the world changed shape 39 times during that 100-year period. Some of the major changes include the rise and fall of Adolf Hitler, communism, the automobile, and the addition of Joe Piscipo to the SNL cast. Of the lesser changes, they include Armstrong walking on the moon, the desinated hitting rule, and The Fonz jumping over the shark on water skiis. All of them shaping the world into a form unseen before.
So, in this thread, I will post the 39 changes in shape of the world, and the events which caused this new shape.
- The Jays - 11-30-2003
Note: this numbering of the 39 shapes and events is purely for notation purposes only. These posts are not ranked in any way, they are numbered simply so i know how many I've done.
1) Neil Armstrong walks on the moon. Significant to pop culture, world domination, and to heretics and people holding onto Pan Hellenic beliefs.
It changed the world with one small step for man, but I assert that is been no giant leap for mankind. If anything, it was more of a freeze in your tracks, deer in headlights type of pause before the leap is made.
In a world already deep in the midst of an escapist frame of mind, the space race captured the attention of every humanoid that owned a television. Then came Kennedy's promise: to put a man on the surface of the moon. Finally, something that will shut them up so I can prepare for war.
The space race opened up the world to the thought of actually going through that blue veil which shouds us from the rest of the universe, and actually literally seeing the entire world from a different point of view. Science fiction became the latest genre of fantasy to enter the realm of entertatinment. We explored what would happen if there really were aliens, and that they wanted to serve man, and it wasn't until too late that we found out their treasured book was a cookbook on how to serve man.
We could never find this type of thinking from Twain, Dante, Homer. We had shows about star ships which explore unknown worlds and find attractive female aliens to have swing parties with. Shows where families with the name Robinson, who obviously had never read Swiss Family Robinson, go into outer space and deal with shock of being shipwrecked.
Shit, we started making themed hotels with the name Stardust, the Apollo, the Satellite, promising to bring the universe to your hotel room.
Outer space was a way out there concept. I mean, people get excited when they find a street they never new about in their town. Their fucking heads will explode if you tell them that there's eight other planets rotating about the sun. But, thanks to televsion, people found that outer space could be shown at a more human level, when they saw the Stay Puff Marshmellow man leave his capsule and take a stroll on the moon as if it was 6th Avenue.
But humanity wasn't on the thoughts of the people who participated in the Space Race. No, instead it was world domination. And we tend to think that it was only the United States and the Soviet Union who were involved, but, no, they were just the leaders of a pack that was significantly far behind. We never hear about France's brief sting in the space race, where, during a rainy outdoor ceremony, the French president announced that they will send a man beyond the clouds and into the heavens. Immediatly following that statement, a bolt of lightning sent a tremendous thunder throughout the city, and France immediatly backed out of the race.
Germany entered the race very strong for the first week, coming up with amazing plans in a short span of time. The were ready to begin construction of their first rocket within the second week, but then realized they lost all their fucking steel to the war and selling it cheaply to the United States. So they re-focused their efforts, and became the first country to significantly contribute to the new genre of electronic music.
Britain decided long beforehand to not join the race. They concluded that anything they start is just going to get finished by and credited to the Americans, so they figured theyd just let the US do ALL of the work.
And thus it was the US and the USSR, the two countries with the resources to own the fucking world and blow it up when they finally got bored of it. The US, a country that pulled up its bootstraps and built itself on the backs of its hard working citizens, and the USSR, who pulled up its bootstraps and built itself by taking everything, including the shirts on their backs, from their citizens.
USSR got an early lead, sending a dog into outer space. This was back when we still regarded dogs as animals, and not has human beings, at least not until Lassie was being shown in Moscow. The US, falling behind early, fell second to USSR in terms of getting a man in space, but, we got Alan Shepard into space a week later, and vowed to move faster. Soon, we got the first man in orbit, and the first space walks. It was up to us to get to the moon.
The Apollo program started with a bang, when three astronauts died in a fire onboard a space module that was still on the ground and wasn't even made to launch. This raised some concerns that maybe accidents like that could occur in outer space. So, we took our time, by having missions that didn't even involve outer space, such as Apollo 3, where mission control spent the next five days holding a Monopoly tournament to see who truely had the patience to finish a 64 player Monopoly bracket, or Apollo 6, where the astronauts tested themselves just to see who could hold their breath the longest. This mission was held in Waikiki, and the experment took place in the crystal blue waters of the South Pacific.
But, by Apollo 8, the US had circled the moon, taking pictures of a side of the Moon we had never seen. It calmed our fears of a whole race of aliens living on the side of the moon that we can't see so that they can sneak up on us. It also disapointed us, seeing that Jackie Gleason's face only occurs on one side of the moon.
Apollo 11 will go down as the mission that changed and shaped the world. It was a sunny day, somewhere in the world, likely Cape Canavral, FL, when a space ship launched with a lunar module that was actually going to the moon.
A day later,the world was treated to the shittiest variety show known to man, watching test pilots spend their free time in a tin can decorated with computers and lights in a weightless environment. The novelty being that we were watching men who would be on the moon within the next few days.
The space race did have its critics. There were those that tried to stop the inevitable tragedy that would occur if man should tempt the gods into striking us down if we trip to slip the earthly bonds. Those that had yet to believe in gravity held contempt for the images of the men in anti-gravity conditions, stating that "if there is no such thing as gravity, how could their be anti-gravity? Thus, this whole thing must be occuring in the Warner Bros. studio." It was arguement such as that last one which finally put the nail in the coffin for alchemists, conjurers, medicine men, pharisees, and the ilk. Rational scientific thought finally took hold in the public mindset, leaving religion and the world of magic lying in the dust. Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny managed to negotiate the rough terrain, and re-invented themselves, by taking on endorsement deals and service contracts with Toys R Us and Cadbury, respectively. The Catholic Church, looking to keep up with the hip times, made drastic changes to their appearance, by having the preist address the congregation, instead of the rear wall, and by allowing the mass to be held in the langauge of the people. It was very key that the Church realized that no one in the world knew how to speak Latin anymore, including the priests. Other religions and groups of people held onto their traditional thought steadfastly. The Jews, awaiting the Messiah, did not want to fuck anything up by changing what they did the last time he was here, except for the whole part where they give him to the Romans and execute him. The Amish stayed within a tipewarp which left them in 1700 Germany and Holland. Witches managed to lay low while Joe McCarthy hunted communists, and kept their devil worshiping to a minimum so as to not attract any attention.
Yes, now that the world was proven to be round, yet again, and that it actually orbited the sun, and had the moon orbit about itself, well, anyone still worshiping Zeus, Thor, Jeff the God of Biscuits, etc was forced to deal with the real world for the first time. They later try to re-gain power over the world in the form of the radical left wing of the Democratic party.
And then , on July 21, 1969 (I said 69), the world watched as Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin took their steps on the moon. Now, because they were on TV, and because the entire universe might be watching, they had to be very careful in their choice of words, and how they engaged the lunar surface, so as to not further disturb life as we know it by arousing the contempt of the evil Moon Monster, which as we all know lives at the center of the moon, and has twelve mouths, each signifying a mouth to be fed by one member of one particular tribe of the original Twelve Tribes of Israel. Luckily, they got out safely, and later trips to the moon allowed for some more hyjinx to occur, such as Alan Shepard's illegal smuggling of a pitching wedge aboard Apollo 14, so that he could practice his long game during his scheduled 15 minute EVA breaks, or the lesser known story about the lunar crew on Apollo 15, a field mouse, and a can of shaving cream.
Such activities were allowed because, after Apollo 11, the world really didnt care about going to the moon anymore. Soon, outer space became a real bore because there was nothing exciting happening out there. I mean, the last time the world was introduced to a new territory that they had never seen before, man had to deal with crazy red injuns, taxes on their breakfast products, buying land from the French for wholesale prices, and uppity niggers. But in outer space, there was nothing cool and exciting going on. There were no Kligons seeking to attack Earth. We didn't run into any Martians seeking to enslave our population. There was nothing but stuff even further away from the moon, and it took us a WHOLE FUCKING WEEK to travel that far. By the 70s, space travel was about as cool as a fucking sock hop, man. It was out-dated, brother. By 2000, a shuttle launch seemed to happen every other week, with a blurb about it on CNN. People would say "Jesus, another fucking space launch. Can't we use that money on something important, like a study on the effects of Coca Cola consumption on baby bald eagles diets?" Yes, contemporary popular thought starts to stray into the fucking absurd.
And thus, the moon landing shaped the world both culturally and physically. It was for a period of about 8 years that the world took on a hybrid shape of a rubber blue sphere being squeezed at the bottom half of the ball. And then, on September 20, 1977, the world changed yet again.
- HedCold - 11-30-2003
Quote:the desinated hitting ruleworst rule ever
- The Jays - 11-30-2003
I'll be getting to it.
- Galt - 11-30-2003
for the love of god. please format
- Keyser Soze - 11-30-2003
Z100
- Goatweed - 12-01-2003
Quote:TLDR
- GonzoStyle - 12-01-2003
Quote:"Jesus, another fucking space launch. Can't we use that money on something important, like a study on the effects of Coca Cola consumption on baby bald eagles diets?"
I spent a dollar and eighty five cents on a study of the effects of consuming coca cola and pop rocks, in order to disprove the myth.
I am glad to say all is well.
- Danked - 12-01-2003
It's actually six cans of coke and six packs of pop rocks. Try it again.
- GonzoStyle - 12-01-2003
I ain't got that much money, wtf!!
- IrishAlkey - 12-01-2003
Gay people must have a lot of free time.
- Keyser Soze - 12-01-2003
he's gone back into the closet with the whitewashing of his status.
- The Jays - 12-01-2003
it was obviously Sleeper's decision to turn me to the side of hetero, since he's the one who replaced the z100 status with my lovely EG Daily status.
- Keyser Soze - 12-01-2003
gay.
- The Jays - 12-01-2003
I think I now have a contribution from every moderator and admin on the board in my status.
- Keyser Soze - 12-01-2003
Reach for the stars.
- Galt - 12-01-2003
I only have the two important mods in my status
- The Sleeper - 12-02-2003
yea I un-outed Jays!