A pirate walks into a bar...

[GonzoStyle]

A rich man walks into a local pub and asks for a fine 20 year old cognac. The bartender pours him some cognac. The man takes a sip and spits it out and yells; "This is not 20 year cognac!!!"

He then asks for some some 30 year old brandy, the bartneder impatiently pours him some brandy. The man stands up and spits the brandy onto the bar and yells "This is not 30 year old brandy!!!"

The bartender at his wits end says "Look pal that was 30 year old brandy, how the hell can you tell anyway how old it is?". The rich man replies that he can tell the age of any beverage he is served. The bartender asks "any beverage?", the man nods in agreement.

The rich man says to give him a glass of his finest 10 year old champagne when he returns from the bathroom. So while the rich man is in the bathroom the bartender takes a piss into a champagne glass.

The rich man returns and takes a sip from the champagne glass, he then spits it out and proclaims, "That's not champagne, it's urine!!!"

"Yes it is", says the bartender, "Now tell me how old am I?".