I need your help - This is serious

[Suzie]

I have 3 or 4 friends here that I'm in touch with personally during the week, and that's who i need to rely on. I have decided that I need to stop doing coke. Not just buying it, doing it AT ALL. Only on weekends or just when someone else has it isn't enough. I have to just give it up.

Soemtimes you have to hit rockbottom before you can change something. I don't wanna talk about the incident that lead to my decision. They say the first step on the road to recovery is admitting I have a problem. I wasn't willing to do that, addict is such an ugly word. It's so easy to make excuses to justify to myself why it's ok to keep doing it in moderation. But I know I can never just do that one line, or keep it for a rainy day. Please remind me of that. If I have it, I'll do it, and therein lies the problem.

I really do believe I can beat this. I am stronger than this drug. But I needed to put it in wrtiing so I couldn't tell myself later that I only said I'd stop because after a 2 week sleepless mal-nourished bender I wasn't thinking clearly. That's just the point. I want to be able to start thinking clearly again.