The Monty Python Thread

[Hey Ladi]

Do songs about penis, jokes about accountants & men in wigs make you giggle? Then this is the thread for YOU my friend!

Come on now, sing out!

The Penis Song

Isn't it awfully nice to have a penis?
Isn't it frightfully good to have a dong?
It's swell to have a stiffy.
It's divine to own a dick,
From the tiniest little tadger
To the world's biggest prick.
So, three cheers for your Willy or John Thomas.
Hooray for your one-eyed trouser snake,
Your piece of pork, your wife's best friend,
Your Percy, or your cock.
You can wrap it up in ribbons.
You can slip it in your sock,
But don't take it out in public,
Or they will stick you in the dock,
And you won't come back.

:39:



Edited By Hey Ladi on 1055009528

[Arpikarhu]

monty python disbanded over 20 years ago.

[Hey Ladi]

Mother
Ah, how I hate wearing these beards.

Brian
Why aren't women allowed to go to stonings, mum?

Mother
It's written, that's why.

Beard and stone seller
Pssst! Beard, madam?

Woman carrying donkey
Oh, look, I haven't got the time to go to no stonings. He's not
well again.

Donkey
Oink! Oink!

Beard and stone seller
Stone, sir?

Mother
No, they've got a lot there, lying around on the ground.

Beard and stone seller
Oh, not like these, sir. Look at this! Feel the quality of that,
that's craftmanship, sir.

Mother
Hmm...all right, we'll have two with points and...a big flat one.

Brian
Could I have a flat one, mum?

Mother
Ssch!

Brian
Sorry! Dad!

Mother
Ehm...all right, two points, ahm...two flats and a packet of
gravel.

Beard and stone seller
Packet of gravel. Should be a good one this afternoon.

Mother
Hm?

Beard and stone seller
Local boy.

Mother
Oh, good.

Beard and stone seller
Enjoy yourselves!

[Hey Ladi]

Mr Blackitt: Look at them, bloody Catholics. Filling the bloody
world up with bloody people they can't afford to bloody feed.

Mrs Blackitt: What are we dear?

Mr Blackitt: Protestant, and fiercely proud of it...

Mrs Blackitt: Why do they have so many children...?

Mr Blackitt: Because every time they have sexual intercourse they
have to have a baby.

Mrs Blackitt: But it's the same with us, Harry.

Mr Blackitt: What d'you mean...?

Mrs Blackitt: Well I mean we've got two children and we've had
sexual intercourse twice.

Mr Blackitt: That's not the point... We *could* have it any time we
wanted.

Mrs Blackitt: Really?

Mr Blackitt: Oh yes. And, what's more, because we don't believe in
all that Papist claptrap we can take precautions.

Mrs Blackitt: What, you mean lock the door...?

Mr Blackitt: No no, I mean, because we are members of the
Protestant Reformed Church which successfully challenged the
autocratic power of the Papacy in the mid-sixteenth century,
we can wear little rubber devices to prevent issue.

Mrs Blackitt: What do you mean?

Mr Blackitt: I could, if I wanted, have sexual intercourse with
you...

Mrs Blackitt: Oh, yes... Harry...

Mr Blackitt: And by wearing a rubber sheath over my old feller I
could ensure that when I came off... you would not be
impregnated.

Mrs Blackitt: Ooh!

Mr Blackitt: That's what being a Protestant's all about. That's
why it's the church for me. That's why it's the church for
anyone who respects the individual and the individual's right
to decide for him or herself. When Martin Luther nailed his
protest up to the church door in 1517, he may not have
realised the full significance of what he was doing. But four
hundred years later, thanks to him, my dear, I can wear
whatever I want on my John Thomas. And Protestantism doesn't
stop at the simple condom. Oh no! I can wear French Ticklers
if I want.

Mrs Blackitt: You what?

Mr Blackitt: French Ticklers... Black Mambos... Crocodile Ribs...
Sheaths that are designed not only to protect but also to
enhance the stimulation of sexual congress...

Mrs Blackitt: Have you got one?

Mr Blackitt: Have I got one? Well no... But I can go down the road
any time I want and walk into Harry's and hold my head up
high, and say in a loud steady voice: 'Harry I want you to
sell me a *condom*. In fact today I think I'll have a French
Tickler, for I am a Protestant...'

Mrs Blackitt: Well why don't you?

Mr Blackitt: But they... [He points at the stream of children still
pouring past the house.]... they cannot. Because their church
never made the great leap out of the Middle Ages, and the
domination of alien episcopal supremacy!

[Arpikarhu]

hey everybody, lets do our favorite scenes from 1934's It Happened One Night, starring clark gable

[Arpikarhu]

Ellie You've been telling me what not to do ever since I can remember.
Mr. Andrews: That's because you've always been a stubborn idiot.
Ellie: I come from a long line of stubborn idiots.

[IrishAlkey]

This thread gives me the vapors.

[Arpikarhu]

Clark Gable:"In a pig's eye, you will!...Hey listen monkey face, when you fired me, you fired the best newshound your filthy scandal sheet ever had...That was free verse, you gashouse palooka!"

[IrishAlkey]

Stella?

[Arpikarhu]

Clark Gable :"I never did like the idea of sitting on newspaper. I did it once, and all the headlines came off on my white pants. On the level! It actually happened. Nobody bought a paper that day. They just followed me around over town and read the news on the seat of my pants.".

[GonzoStyle]

can we do lines from charlie chaplins masterpiece "city lights" next?

I'll start

The Tramp: ............

The Blind Flowergirl: ..............

[IrishAlkey]

You're a genius.

[GonzoStyle]

The Tramp: ...............

[IrishAlkey]

I'm on the edge of my seat!

[GonzoStyle]

the climactic ending when the tramp finds the blind flower girl is no longer blind and she realizes it was the tramp who paid for her operation, finally their eyes meet.

The flower girl: ............

The Tramp: ...........

The End.

[IrishAlkey]

<3

[GonzoStyle]

Next we do the first ever grand scale epic film made, directed by the great DW Griffith.

Birth of a Nation!!!

[Arpikarhu]

my favorite part is when the klan rides in to save the day.

[GonzoStyle]

that's when the klan member says "................"

[The Sleeper]

They speak in morse code?