Member Obituaries/News Headlines - ***NOT A CONTEST***

Jack · 03-21-2003, 03:01 PM

This is not a contest though we have done it as so in the past. I just think its fun to do every once in a while and there really aren't any game threads around here anymore.

The Rules:
None really.. just write an obituary or newspaper headline about a fellow member.

I'll go first. (Don't laugh at my week attempt)

Baker finally kicks it.

Baker was found dead this morning after an apparent heart attack. It seems as though time just finally ran out. A preliminary autopsy and study on his face has revealed that in his last few seconds as he gasped and gasped for air something frightened him terribly. After questioning family members, it was learned that he had been complaining about some Damn pubic hair earlier in the day. It is unclear at this point what relevance that may have. We will all miss Baker very much as it just wont be the same without him. Our condolences to his family.

2 tired 2 give N F · 03-21-2003, 03:08 PM

Jack commits suicide.

As the Third Reich crumbled around him Jack could only think of one thing to do. He beat off to an Alanis Morsette CD cover and had his secreatary talk dirty to him. His secretary, known to some as Arpi, was unavailable for comment because he was in Fla. During his wild sexcapade Jack shot himself in the head just moments before orgasm according to the corronor. God Bless America.

2 tired 2 give N F · 03-21-2003, 03:15 PM

Danked Suffocates in Bedroom

Late last night, Danked was found dead in his bed. The coronor's examination showed that he had smoked so much weed that he could not process oxygen anymore. It was a very sad day for his parents, even sadder for that bag of cheeze doodles he coughed his lung into. RIP Danked...

Jack · 03-21-2003, 03:19 PM

1/2 Teen Tomato Boys found dead..

1/2 of the former Teen Tomato Boys was found dead in a pool of his own blood. It seems after breaking apart from his former better half, the spice in his life just didn't exist anymore. He complained for months on end how he was only mild salsa now, not the hot and spicy he used to be. Upon trying to reach the other 1/2 for comment all we got was the sound of someone crunching a chip. God rest his soul.

2 tired 2 give N F · 03-21-2003, 03:28 PM

The Toucher has been stopped.

Gonzo was found dead earlier today. Well at least part of him was. All but his penis and right hand were recovered. The pieces were cut off according to eye-witnesses, who say there was a young boy and his mother involved. The mother, who's name has been asked not to revealed. was on vacation with her son. They being Philipeno natives had never seen Brooklyn. She refused to comment further saying she was appauled and whipped out her machete and sliced the deceased hand off as it was attempted to assist the little boy in touching his "sckmel"(sp). An annyomous source has said that in fact the mother kept the pieces of the deceased body as a trophy.

Danked · 03-21-2003, 03:36 PM

The funny died today. Witnesses said it never stood a chance.

HollywoodJewMoses · 03-21-2003, 03:40 PM

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

2 tired 2 give N F · 03-21-2003, 03:45 PM

Hybrid found dead.

Car accident to blame. Film at 11.

Sorry I couldn't resist. :disappointed:

Buttmunch · 03-21-2003, 03:47 PM

Quote:This is not a contest though we have done it as so in the past. I just think its fun to do every once in a while and there really aren't any game threads around here anymore.

The Rules:
None really.. just write an obituary or newspaper headline about a fellow member.

In other news, spontaneity has taken a train for warmer climates.

Ken'sPen · 03-21-2003, 03:52 PM

Tragic Suicide:
The Body of Keyser Soze was discoverd today. He killed himself with a single shot to the head. A note was found by the body explaining that the 50 year time limit he gave himself to make it big in the rock industry passed. His single room dwelling in a Union City Assisted Living Apartment gave insight as to his mania. Mirrored tile adorned every wall. Keyser was found naked in his bed, viles of Botox everywhere. As well as pictures of the female residents, Soup Soup written on their saggy breasts.

Keyser Soze · 03-21-2003, 04:14 PM

:bow:

Arpikarhu · 03-21-2003, 04:22 PM

$10 says jack ends up locking this thead and putting all of ifs participants in the cell.

Keyser Soze · 03-21-2003, 04:24 PM

OAS died today. He was really fucking old.

Arpikarhu · 03-21-2003, 04:31 PM

Quote:In other news, spontaneity has taken a train for warmer climates.

jack only likes spontaneity when he has laid out the ground rules, pre-planned all of the posts, and screened all entries.

GonzoStyle · 03-21-2003, 11:17 PM

Quote:--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Toucher has been stopped.

Gonzo was found dead earlier today. Well at least part of him was. All but his penis and right hand were recovered. The pieces were cut off according to eye-witnesses, who say there was a young boy and his mother involved. The mother, who's name has been asked not to revealed. was on vacation with her son. They being Philipeno natives had never seen Brooklyn. She refused to comment further saying she was appauled and whipped out her machete and sliced the deceased hand off as it was attempted to assist the little boy in touching his "sckmel"(sp). An annyomous source has said that in fact the mother kept the pieces of the deceased body as a trophy.

CAUSE I MOLEST 6 YEAR OLD PHILIPINO BOYS :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

D00D IT'S AN EGGPLANT GET IT!!!!! :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Danked · 03-21-2003, 11:39 PM

I don't get it.

GonzoStyle · 03-21-2003, 11:41 PM

I FUCK YOUNG CHILDREN WITH MY GRANDFATHERS KEYCHAIN :fuggin: :fuggin: :fuggin:

Danked · 03-21-2003, 11:42 PM

You must be so high right now.

Should I call an ambulance?

GonzoStyle · 03-21-2003, 11:43 PM

I can't breath dude...

FNMoron · 03-21-2003, 11:45 PM

Danked.... did you turn Gonzo into a pothead??? :crackhead: