The Greatest Practical Joke in History - Part I

[GonzoStyle]

Do you like hot dogs, because I want to be frank with you

This tops jays 'knock knock' quote, I can't wait to use it.

[GonzoStyle]

I don’t want to have you get the wrong idea again from an email but I think the 3 places you listed might be a bit much for me on a first date. I don’t mind going all out on a date but I think a first date is not the place to do that.

You didn't even have to say he was jewish.

[HedCold]

so he's still solo in bean town?

[HollywoodJewMoses]

where did this man attend college, he does not sound too bright.

[Galt]

He went to UMass. But so did Cesar. So it cancels out.

and WTF, I'll post the other one in case anyone wants to see it. It's fucking long......

-----Original Message-----
From: Lucas
Sent: Saturday, November 22, 2003 16:25
To: Lucas
Subject: RE: Match.com Message: Hi Lucas

Oh Lucas, that Cowboy hat was so charming! My you are a bright light in this sea of gray. I don't know if I woud call Boston a small city though? Have you been to bigger places? If so, please tell me of your travels. You are an interesting man and I want to know more.

Sydney
-----Original Message-----
From: Lucas
To: Sydney
Subject: RE: Match.com Message: Hi Lucas
Date: Sat, 22 Nov 2003 16:28:37 -0600

Yippeee ki yay!
I got that hat in San Antonio, I've lived in LA, NYC, Atlanta, and Miami I've been to all but four states in the US and driven deep into Mexico and up to Canada. I love traveling. What do you make of Boston? You sure have a wide range of music you like, what do you like to do for fun?

Lucas
-----Original Message-----
From: Sydney
Sent: Monday, November 24, 2003 14:44
To: Lucas
Subject: RE: Match.com Message: Hi Lucas

Wow, I've only read about those places.
Please give me details...what did you do in those cities? I think cyclist are kinda hot, they have great bodies. My girlfriend actually has a shirt that says, “Cyclists know how to ride hard!" Do you belong to any S&M clubs? Are you Bi-sexual?

Sydney
-----Original Message-----
From: Lucas
To: Sydney
Subject: RE: Match.com Message: Hi Lucas
Date: Tue, 25 Nov 2003 20:14:18 -0600

I'd like to give you the details of those
cities but email wouldn't do this justice. How about we grab dinner? You do sound like a wild woman I REALLY want to meet and know more about
Call me at 617 xxx-xxxx - go for it!

Lucas

--- _o
---- `\<,
--- (*)/(*)

-----Original Message-----
From: Sydney
Sent: Tuesday, November 25, 2003 22:29
To: Lucas
Subject: RE: Match.com Message: Hi Lucas
Boy Lucas, you do sound like fun. I think that is a fantastic idea, when can we meet up?

Before I call you, I just want to make sure that you are cool with my lifestyle. I don't want to disappoint you and I want everyone out in the open from the beginning. Do you mind dating a stripper? Please don't think less of me, but I am just earning a living and paying for college. Also, just to make sure we're compatible, please answer my questions. Are you Bi-sexual? Do you belong to any S&M clubs? Bi-sexual men turn me on!! If so, I'll call you this week and hopefully we'll schedule something after my Friday night dancing shift.

Looking forward to hearing from you......

-----Original Message-----
From: Lucas
To: Sydney
Subject: RE: Match.com Message: Hi Lucas
Date: Wed, 26 Nov 2003 06:49:41 -0600

The fact you're a stripper is even better

Yes to your first question and no to the second

Friday night is cool, gimme a call

-----Original Message-----
From: Sydney
Sent: Wednesday, November 26, 2003 16:21
To: Lucas
Subject: RE: Match.com Message: Hi Lucas

Sounds great Lucas, I can't wait to meet up!!! I like freaky men, so you have to tell me all about the S&M place. Where is it? What kindof fetishes are you into? Into feet? I wear a size 6 and I love to have men lick my painted toenails. Also, how large are you? Finally, ever been in a threesome? Me and a male friend have never tried it, but you sound like you might be interested.

Friday may not work for me, but can we try Sunday night? Where do you live? Looking forward to meeting you. I must say that you are a very unique man. I am getting turned on just thinking about your toned, cyclist body.

Sydney

-----Original Message-----
From: Lucas
To: Sydney
Subject: RE: Match.com Message: Hi Lucas
Date: Wed, 26 Nov 2003 18:33:25 -0500

Yes I'm bi, no I don't belong to any S&M clubs

I'd be into the threesome as long as your male friend has a nice body

Threesome's are fun, I'll bring some toyz
L

-----Original Message-----
From: Sydney
Sent: Friday, November 28, 2003 10:35
To: Lucas
Subject: RE: Match.com Message: Hi Lucas

Get me excited for Sunday!! Tell me about your bi experiences!!! How often do you do it? How do you like it? What kind of men are you into? My fantasy is to pick up another man at a gay club and bring him back for my lover. I think you'll be perfect.

Getting wet just thinking about you, and looking for to your nude pic,

-Sydney

-----Original Message-----
From: "Lucas"
To: "Sydney "
Subject: RE: Match.com Message: Hi Lucas
Date: Fri, 28 Nov 2003 12:10:21 -0500

I can fuck you up, down, and every way

You mentioned that's the only pic you have, I'd love to take some pics of you with my professional camera, we could do some old fashioned porno video too with you and a couple of my cute male
friends

See attached pic
L
-----Original Message-----
From: Sydney
Sent: Friday, November 28, 2003 19:17
To: Lucas
Subject: RE: Match.com Message: Hi Lucas

Very impressive Lucas, but how do I know it’s you? For all I know, you pulled this pic from the Internet!! Send another nude showing your face, so I can get really excited and fantasize about Sunday night. I've never been with an uncircumsized man before!! I can only image how it looks hard. Email me 2 pics, one with you soft and one hard. I want to know what I'm getting into I can picture my tounge all around it as we speak.

Your group porno idea sounds good, but I would need to get a little more comfortable with you before we videotape it. Believe it or not, I am somewhat shy. Perhaps after a few dates we can graduate to the videocamera. Untill then, lets just keep with you and me.

Lets start talking about where to meet up on Sunday.

I'm not sure I want you to to visit my place untill we talk alittle and I get a little more comfortable, so how about a neutral location. What area of town do you live? This is the first time I have ever met someone from the internet, so I am a little nervous. Looking forward to the pics, and I"ll call you Sunday.

--Sydney

-----Original Message-----
From: "Lucas
To: "'Sydney
Subject: RE: Match.com Message: Hi Lucas
Date: Sat, 29 Nov 2003 18:43:35 -0500

He he, hmmmm, you never know so here

L
-----Original Message-----
I must have missed an email or something here because they planned on talking Sunday, and then it became Thursday.

-----Original Message-----
From: Sydney
Sent: Monday, December 01, 2003 15:50
To: Lucas
Subject: RE: Match.com Message: Hi Lucas

I hate Mondays!! Oh well, there's only about an hour Left before 5pm!! Can’t wait. I'm, going to the gym after work for a quick workout, then meeting some friends for a late-night dinner. What are your favorite foods? I Love pasta. Is this email address your work one? If so, I will keep it clean. If not, I'm definitely in the mood to talk dirty. So, where did you raise hell" on Sunday? A fun club? Was it a gay club? I can't wait to see you in action. Ever been with 2 girls before? If Thursday works out, would you mind if I brought a stripper friend of mine into the mix? She is a short, beautiful Puerto Rican dancer that is really into groups. I don't want to make you uncomfortable, so please let me know right off the bat if that is not your thing. I want everything out and into the open from the getgo. I am very free and sexually open, so if that turns you off, then I'm the wrong girl for you. I apologize. What do you use to take the pictures of yourself? Is it one of those webcams I've read about? How much are those? I need one of them. Can you send me more pics of yourself? I really want to see your ass. I can only image what a tight, byclist ass you must have. Please email ASAP. Also, give me a juicy close-up of your cock. I can imagine my lips around it as we speak.

Lucas, before I meet up with you, I want to make sure you are sincere, and not just a guy who wants a "sure thing". One of the things that really turns me on is that you are open, honest, and sexually free (it is sooooooo hard to find a guy like that these days). You are also comfortable with your sexuality, and that is a major turn-on. Tell me about you bi experiences. That turns me on!! What have you done? With whom? Do you like anal? I've always been a little nervous about that and have never tried it. All of my dancer friends do it and love it, but I'm afraid it will be painful. Was it painful your first time? What should I do to not make it so painful?

Looking forward to hearing from you, and getting wet thinking about Thursday.

-Sydney

-----Original Message-----
From: "Lucas
To: "'Sydney
Subject: RE: Match.com Message: Hi Lucas
Date: Mon, 1 Dec 2003 20:59:01 -0500

I love pasta too, as a racer I need the carbos.

Sunday night we went out on a "rally ride", this is where we race through the city on our bikes at high speeds through small streets and play pursuit or race from one point to another. I'm also a scanner buff and carry a police scanner so that when we do graffiti, stickers, and paint streets I can hear when we get called in. The police chase us and that's fun, we haven't been caught because there is NOTHING faster than a bicycle in the city - unmarked and unwilling to to traffic or laws!!Yes, that's me! I'm up around the clock doing things with a passion for life.

I'm pretty uninhibited since I grew up under a traditional French Canadian family - the ones that let their children do WHATEVER they want to! I don't really go to clubs or watch sports. I like to race, have sex, eat great food, and work a lot. This city sucks, it's sooo fucking conservative and small. Oh well, it's people like you that give me encouragement.

Your friend sounds hot - wow! Those pictures were taken mostly by another girl friend who would come over for a spell.

I'd love to take some pics of you too. I'll tell YOU - I'm totally uninhibited and don't care what other people think, as I say "they aint paying my rent", in fact I thrive on the shock others experience from my public acts of impropriety, erotic, and aerobic feats!!!!! - fuck everyone Sydney

This is my own company so I sue, get sued, send and receive dirty email, crush competition, and pride myself on generally psychotic behavior. You see - every job I've had I've been fired from so I started my own shit and it worked out. BTW you been to my web site Or you can search for me and find shit out, pick up a
paper and I'm in there!

I Triple Dog Dare you to call me
617 xxx-xxxx

Enjoy the attached pix


Lucas


-----Original Message-----
From: Sydney
Sent: Tuesday, December 02, 2003 01:16
To: Lucas
Subject: RE: Match.com Message: Hi Lucas

I agree, pasta is the best. I love it. I'm waiting for your bi stories!! Please tell me ASAP. Do you like anal? As I told you earlier, I've always been a little nervous about that and have never tried it. Was it painfull your first time? What should I do to not make it so painfull? Did you orgasm from recieving anal? Please tell me what you have done with other guys. The more I know, the more you turn me on!!

--Sydney
-----Original Message-----
From: "Lucas
To: "'Sydney
Subject: RE: Match.com Message: Hi Lucas
Date: Tue, 2 Dec 2003 07:36:51 -0500

Anal is fun, a new tighter experience, I've done it with a couple of woman, a guy I know did it had an orgasm almost every time his partner stuck it in.

Use Atrolglide lube though or it will hurt

L

-----Original Message-----
From: Sydney
Sent: Tuesday, December 02, 2003 13:27
To: Lucas
Subject: RE: Match.com Message: Hi Lucas

Wait a second, you have never received anal before? I thought you said you were bi-sexual? Are you lying to me? I hate liars!!!

-----Original Message-----
From: "Lucas
To: "'Sydney
Subject: RE: Match.com Message: Hi Lucas
Date: Tue, 2 Dec 2003 15:54:14 -0500

I never denied not doing it - would you just call me - I'm not so cool with this email thing

--L

-----Original Message-----
From: Sydney
Sent: Tuesday, December 02, 2003 16:08
To: Lucas
Subject: RE: Match.com Message: Hi Lucas

I have to be honest, I can't call because I have a big-time cold I must admit that that was part of the reason why I could not see you on Sunday). I've been battling this cold of the past week, and my throat is still very sore and it hurts very much when I speak. Its been a struggle just to get myself to work. I don't want to make a bad first impression with you, so that is why I didn't call. I feel bad.

I'm sure I'll feel better come this weekend. Sorry.

--Sydney

-----Original Message-----
From: "Lucas >
To: "'Sydney
Subject: RE: Match.com Message: Hi Lucas
Date: Tue, 2 Dec 2003 16:14:49 -0500

That's totally cool, I've been a bit reserved (yes me) through email because it's so easy to record. There are a lot of good things I want to tell you but won't do over email. I hope you feel better.

Oh, also, is it possible to meet Thursday for dinner instead of lunch?

L

-----Original Message-----
From: Sydney]
Sent: Tuesday, December 02, 2003 16:41
To: Lucas
Subject: RE: Match.com Message: Hi Lucas

Thursday dinner sounds good, except I'm concerned that I won't be 100% over my cold by then. I don't want to make a bad first impression. Can we possibly push it back to the weekend? Any day is good for me; just tell me where and when.

Looking forward to FINALLY meeting you. It seems like we've been emailing forever.

-----Original Message-----
From: Sydney
Sent: Friday, December 05, 2003 19:59
To: Lucas
Subject: RE: Match.com Message: Hi Lucas

Hi Lucas, how are things? I havn't written with you in some time.

Things with me have been pretty hectic recently. I'm writing from a friends laptop in a hotel room in Akron Ohio where I'm staying with my friend. She got some last-minute work dancing at a club down here Thursday and Friday, and we'll both are doing a few bachelor parties tomorrow in Cleveland. I've never done a bachelor party before, but you know me, I’ll try anything once!!. Plus I've never been to Cleveland, so I'm sure not to run into anyone I know. I'm kind of nervous about it, and don't know if I made the right call. What do you think? I need the money with the holidays coming up. I don't mind the sex with strangers, its just that I'm worried about the guys getting out of hand (you know how wild bachelor parties can get). My friend laughs when I tell her I'm nervous because she said that we would be escorted by a big muscular man, so I shouldn't worry. I guess as long as I drink, then I'll be fine. Its snowing down here, so we spent all day working on our dancing routine in our hotel. I'm getting really good at it!!! Maria has been dancing for years, so she knows everything. Also, she has the most perfect body I've ever seen on another girl. You would love her.

She has perfect implants, and now I want to get them. I've already talked to a few doctors about this, but it will cost me over $4000!!! She says it worth it and a good investment because it boosts your earnings while dancing. She is soo wise!! I’m trying to talk Maria into getting a 3-way with you and me, but she wants to meet you first to feel more comfortable. I hope you don't mind, but I showed her your picture. She loves your body, and thinks you are really sexy. Can the 3 of us meet next week? By the way, I looked at your website and laughed at the couch machine you drove with your bike. You are so silly!! I can't wait to see you!!! I'll check on my email all weekend long, so please write me to entertain me I'm so bored and really am nervous about tomorrow). Tell me something sexy to take my mind off of it. What are you going to do to me when we finally meet? Please include more pictures also!! I love your pictures, and they really turn me on. Promise you will send more, please. I know I can call you, but I prefer to write right now because you turn me on with your writing. I know you're probably upset that I havn't called yet, but I prefer just writing to each other for now. Once we meet, all things will ....I promise. From watching your website, I can tell that we both look at life from an adventruous and open mentality. Your writings really inspired me, and I think we're making a great connection.

Wow, its snowing pretty hard here, how is it in Boston?

--Sydney

-----Original Message-----
From: "Lucas
To: "'Sydney
Subject: RE: Match.com Message: Hi Lucas
Date: Sat, 6 Dec 2003 08:47:24 -0500

Cleveland - wow - I've only passed through there. That party Sounds like fun, I'm sure you'll be fine because the guys at those parties are large and stick up for the group - including you. Implants, if they're done correctly then they'll look natural and that would be worth it. From limited experience I know people grow tired of the oversized, bulging, round look - graceful curves with size is what I see in woman that make the bucks.

Yha, that couch site is pretty much me, I really don't give a fuck as I said. I'll be away next week, Vegas actually for a buyers' conference. That threesome sounds like fun though. Anyways, here I sit in snowed in Boston thinking about all my friends in LA and Miami. My goal is to not be here in the winter. If I can my business I'll leave here and go south.

L
-----Original Message-----
From: Sydney
Sent: Monday, December 08, 2003 13:03
To: Lucas
Subject: RE: Match.com Message: Hi Lucas

Hi Lucas, how are things? I'm still trapped here in Akron as my plane got delayed. I'm flying out on a late night flight tomorrow. Did you survive the snow I feel silly being nervous now because the bachelor party on Saturday night turned out to be fun after all. All the men behaved, and they tipped very well. Maria and I had a blast!! I made about $1500 on one night!! Maria made a lot more, because she did alot more than me. She actually wanted me to get into a threesome with her and the bachelor, but we didn't wind up doing it because he refused to wear a condom. Can you believe him!!! Anyways, I hope you practice safe sex. If not, then we have no future. If you don't practice safe sex in this day and age, then you are a loser. I hate some men.

So, why haven’t you sent any pictures? I thought you were going to surprise me. I'm a little disappointed, but oh well. If you're not interested in me, let me know and then I'll move on.

Being that the snow has pretty much filled my social life, I was looking forward to you sending out some sexy stories. Tell me more about your past and the wild sex you have had. Ever been in an orgy? What ways do you like to have sex? I like to have it nasty, and also like to lick my lover’s ass. Do you like getting your ass eaten? Also, as I mentioned before, I am very big into foot fetish. Do you like to lick your partners’ toes? How many men have you had anal with? I've told Maria about your other stories and she wants to hear more. I really think we'll be able to talk her into the group thing!!! When do you come back?

Are you in Las Vegas now? I love that city. I've been there twice and had a great time; A lot of partying. I agree with you on the implants. I'm nervous that mine will come out too fake looking. I'm a B-cup now, and would love to get a D.

Hope to hear from you soon.

--Sydney

-----Original Message-----
From: Lucas
Sent: Thursday, December 11, 2003 10:36
To: 'Sydney '
Subject: RE: Match.com Message: Hi Lucas

Sydney,

Glad to hear the party went well - actually a party like that is one
of the last places you would be in danger 1500 is not bad for the night either - I'm in Vegas now and this guy has a escort service, he lives in a mansion on the west side of town.

The pics are from my other computer so it's been difficult but
attached another one.

Yha, the orgy is always fun, I like getting rimmed. The best orgy is with a couple of bi guys and girls who like to get it on with anyone in the orgy.

I'd love to photograph you sometime too.

L

-----Original Message-----
From: "Lucas
To: "'Sydney
Subject: I am . . .
Date: Thu, 11 Dec 2003 21:59:02 -0500

I am . . . . really sorry

The first fucking thing I think of when I get back to Boston is
Sending dirty pics to Sydney

Not sure what that says about you - or about ME!

-----Original Message-----
From: Sydney
Sent: Monday, December 15, 2003 14:47
To: Lucas
Subject: RE: I am . . .

OK, since you have sent me all these pics, I owe you at least one.
This one was taken 2 years ago in Mardi Gras. Ever been? I'm not usually this wild, but I was super-drunk that night. I love it down south. When in Rome!!!! I didn't even now the guy. There was a balcony throwing beads and they me out from the crowd. I'm not normally an exhibitionist, but it gave me such a thrill rush. What do you think? I hate looking at myself need implants. What size should I go up to? Know of any good doctors?

-Sydney

P.S. Looking forward to Thursday. Send me more pics to get me excited. I haven’t seen your butt yet. Why are you shy showing me that? Show me your ass and also your anus. I'm into that big-time.

-----Original Message-----
From: "Lucas>
To: "'Sydney >
Subject: RE: I am . . .
Date: Mon, 15 Dec 2003 18:06:11 -0500

I don't know what to say Sydney - you have a beautiful chest, the natural look is very attractive. I love that picture! Your breasts are a perfect fit to your figure. I wouldn't change a thing!

We often perceive our body as needing something and when I started getting photographed and photographing others I realized I was incorrect.

The only way I would consider it is your pay went up substantially but again your motivations are obviously more than money judging by the awesome conversations we've had and your looks.

You are beautiful; some guy is going to be extremely lucky some day. I have to go to an awards ceremony on Thursday but if that gives I'll let you know. I really do want to meet you.


I have no idea what has happened since....

[HedCold]

did he actually send pics of himself?

[GonzoStyle]

I was super-drunk that night. I love it down south. When in Rome!!!!

I know what she meant but the combo made me giggle.

[Galt]

did he actually send pics of himself?

yes. Full nudes. Head to toe. These could ruin his life.

[drusilla]

That's totally cool, I've been a bit reserved (yes me) through email because it's so easy to record. There are a lot of good things I want to tell you but won't do over email. I hope you feel better.

the jackass won't tell stories over email, but he'll send all out nudes. real smart.

[GonzoStyle]

I can't wait to add this DVD to my guzzlefish account.

[Keyser Soze]

this makes what i did to suzie seem like a wedgie.

[drusilla]

ha

[Hoon]

I will pay good $ for a DVD copy of this meeting.
Comedy genius.

[Silera]

I'd never talk to her again for thinking that misspelling Amsterdam is funny.

[The Sleeper]

so what happened?

[Galt]

i was just thinking of this.

haven't talked to cesar in acouple weeks

[GonzoStyle]

will the dvd come with commentary and outtakes?

[Galt]

I think I rained on his parade.

He thought he was going to be able to get this done with three different cameras and mics without the restaurant being in on the gag, and without Lee seeing any of them filming. I thought they were going to set up the cameras and such. But no! He was all abou the gorilla filmaking.

I hadn't talked to him about it since. But my understanding was that there should have been some resolution by now.

[GonzoStyle]

Boooooooooooooo!!!!

[2 tired 2 give N F]

The retailiation for this prank has the potential to involve murder.