Observations

[Keyser Soze]

Guys will watch any television show that involves ranking. Top ten plays, fifty greatest movies, hundred richest men, anything. Hell, one of my favorite shows is "Around the Horn" on ESPN where they argue about arguing about sports. And get ranked at the end.

Ever notice that when youre sitting at a restaurant and the waiter comes over to take your order, you instinctively re-open and look at your menu even though you know exactly what you want?

How come they sell blank tapes and floppy disks that hold so little data in boxes of five but blank CDs that each hold like half your hard drive only come in packages of a hundred?

In my bathroom, there is a can of air freshener with the scent "Butterfly Garden." Thats great, when someone takes a shit and then uses the spray, it smells like someone took a shit in a butterfly garden.

Mapquest never works quite the way you want it to, does it? Its like you hit zoom in once and youre looking at the bathroom of the bar and you hit zoom out and it shows you the continental United States. All Im looking for is cross streets here.

No matter where you live, every white-collar twentysomething in the country has one priority as soon as they get home from work: get undressed as soon as possible. I used to go from three-piece suit to boxers and dress socks in under six seconds flat.

To many New York twentysomethings, going out on Friday and Saturday night pales in comparison to the scene during the week. If you havent partied hard on a weekday, I suggest you check it out. You will not believe what goes on at 3am on a Wednesday at some lounges in this fine city. Sometimes Ill just stand back and watch the drunken mass of bodies and wonder, doesnt anyone here have a job? And more importantly, where are all you people on the weekend?

How many more blades can they possibly add to razors? I just saw this new one with four blades. The Mach 5 cant be far behind. Of course they just introduced a new Mach 3, which is just the same as the old Mach 3 but in red. What do they take us for?

Who are these people that cant swim? Im always reading about people who cant swim getting rescued and seeing people drowning on the news and in movies and shit. Every single person I know can swim. Maybe not well, but at least they can float. Its really not that difficult people.

[Arpikarhu]

weekdays have always been the best days to go out in town. mapquest works just fine for me.

[Goatweed]

I see Keyser is in the middle of cleaning out his Gmail inbox.

[The Sleeper]

No matter where you live, every white-collar twentysomething in the country has one priority as soon as they get home from work: get undressed as soon as possible. I used to go from three-piece suit to boxers and dress socks in under six seconds flat.

I do this too. The rest of those observations were pretty weak. The Mapquest one made no sense.

[Black Lazerus]

gmail gets no spam

[The Sleeper]

I fully believe that Keyser wrote these himself.

[Danked]

I'm gonna start throwing punches soon if people don't tell me thank you when I hold the door open for them going into Quik Chek.

Is it so hard? Sonsabitches...

[Gooch]

That Mach razor that vibrates is actually the best shave i've ever had...it gets it so close, i won't have to shave again for two days.

Yahoo maps sucks worse than mapquest

You can smoke in cigar bars in NYC. Hudson Bar & Books rocks. 12 year old Glenlivet on the rocks & a stogie is now the Friday night regular event.

3 day old chinese food make my stool soft.



Edited By Gooch on 1089656018

[HedCold]

i heard there are actually new mach3 blades that are a little better then the old ones. don't know if thats true though

[Black Lazerus]

I have to buy one of those vibrating razors.

[Galt]

The restaurant menu observation was actually quite keen.

Around the Horn is unwatchable without Kellerman.

Light candles in your bathroom before you squat and you won't have to worry about any air freshener. Plus courtesy flushes aren't just for public toilets.

mapblast is the best mapthing.

Black people can't swim because they stand in front of fire hydrants, not in pools, and they're nowhere near water since it's too expensive to live there.

How come all mens clothes are in logical sizes where they measure your waist size, inseam, neck size, arm length, etc. All these things are very easy to know and quantify.

Yet women's clothes are all in retarded arbitrary numbers with no idea how to know what size is what? Is it becuase women are THAT insecure that even the people that are selling them clothes can't know how big their waist is? If that's the case, don't we need an overhaul of the bra industry?

[Arpikarhu]

seems like galts man boobs are starting to become a vexing problem

[Black Lazerus]

"No, no, a bra is for ladies. Meet the Bro!"
"Bro's no good. Too ethnic."
"You got something better?"
"How about the Mansiere?"
"Mansiere."
"That's right. A brassiere for a man."

[Galt]

I am a bastion of health. I workout, run more than 3 miles a day, and eat very healthy (why is it that shit stinks the healthier your food is?)

But if leatherpants says that I have manboobs then manboobs I have.

[Black Lazerus]

I am a bastion of health. I workout, run more than 3 miles a day, and eat very healthy (why is it that shit stinks the healthier your food is?)

But if leatherpants says that I have manboobs then manboobs I have.

slamming vodka and red bull makes you sweat but i don't think it qualifies as working out.

[Galt]

Nope. I don't drink caffine. No coffee. No diet cokes. It's Fresca for me. Quite simply the greatest carbonated beverage ever.

I do normally drink Captain and Cokes on the weekends if the beer isn't working and I need a pick-me-up

[Black Lazerus]

caffeine free coke?
or did you decide to lie this week also in observance of Arpi?

[Galt]

What I am saying is that when drinking I do sometimes drink caffine, but for the vast majority of the time, I don't. I don't even know that caffine is bad for you. It's not really a specific choice I made, I just loves me some Fresca

[Arpikarhu]

Nope. I don't drink caffine. No coffee. No diet cokes.

What I am saying is that when drinking I do sometimes drink caffine

and i am the liar.



Edited By Arpikarhu on 1089660461

[Keyser Soze]

My cousin Daniel is two years old. I have absolutely no concept of what his abilities should be at this point. I was thinking he?d be potty trained and working on multiplication tables by now. In reality, he watches "Dora the Explorer" all day while shitting himself.

What the hell is the point of 40-second shock protection on a Discman? It really makes no sense. Have you ever hit a bump that lasted 40 seconds?

On one of my favorite shows on television, "Curb Your Enthusiasm," theyre always discussing the cut-off time for calling people at night. Its generally recognized as 10 or 10:30pm, with special extensions for birth or death. Twentysomethings? rules are a little more lax. We can pretty much call each other until 1am on a weekday, with special extensions if you have a really funny story about hooking up with a girl rated above a twelve-pack. The more important cut-off time is how early you can call a twentysomething on a weekend morning. I dont even turn my phone on until noon. But for some reason, my parents always try to call me at 9am. Maybe because they have nothing better to do.

Memo to dudes who gel their hair up into a little mohawk: see, that was cool like way back in the day, then it was out for a while, then it came back. And now that youre doing it, well, I think its pretty safe to say its lame again.

I dont quite know why, but I just hate people who put bumper stickers on their cars. It just seems so pointless to me, like seeing your political views while Im stuck in traffic is going to change my opinion. Maybe it speaks to the unity of this great country. Because whether youre for the war or against it, were all still dumb enough to deface our fenders for no reason.