My ride home

[diceisgod]

They are raising the tolls on the PA Turnpike by nearly 50% or more in some places. These fucking scumbags. So I get off my exit and I hand the guy the toll. I'm running short on dimes and nickels, but I have tons of pennies. I decided to get rid of some of them by giving ten pennies in place of a dime or two nickels. I don't think this is so bad. I hand it to the fat short guy in the booth, and he shakes his head and shows his disgust very clearly. Now I can understand if I gave him 20 or 30 pennies but is 10 so bad? So right before i drove off I said to him very kindly, "You're welcome" I'll bet his ass was steaming. I win.

So I get off the turpike and head to the hospital to visit my friends and their new child. Typical social interaction, some hellos and handshakes. There's the new mom over here: "Hey beautiful (Disgusting), you look great. Congratulations!" There's the pop, "Awesome, man, congrats (you fool)" Not too exciting. I looked at the infant sat down and stared at the wall for a half hour and got up to leave. I say my goodbyes and walk down the hall. I approach a door, the door I came in. I open it. It's siren time. The alarms going off and I'm standing there like a jerkoff. The lady's like "Hold on a second." She's going through some bullshit trying to reset the door so I can leave. Another nurse that's sitting down watching this looks at me and jokingly says, "Have you got a baby in your pocket?" So I sez, "No. Just a head." She wasn't amused. I win again.

[Arpikarhu]

and I'm standing there like a jerkoff

the only part of the story that i found believable. sorry, i am a skeptic.

[diceisgod]

it's all 100% true

[Arpikarhu]

if you are talking about the part where you stand around like a jerk off then i 100% believe you.

[diceisgod]

You got me. I actually told the nurse, "No. Two." But when I was walking out I thought of the head thing and wish i'd said that.

[crx girl]

i believe the part about raising the tolls too. that seems very believable.

[Arpikarhu]

You got me. I actually told the nurse, "No. Two." But when I was walking out I thought of the head thing and wish i'd said that.

i see through you like you are made of glass

[diceisgod]

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[drusilla]

why were sirens going off when you tried to leave?

[Danked]

He was the 1 millionth jerkoff to pass through the doors.

[Arpikarhu]

i bet sleeper has jerked off a million times

[diceisgod]

why were sirens going off when you tried to leave?

Because they have heavy security to prevent baby snatching. They've had problems in the past. The moron guarding the door didn't hit the button to kill the alarm. She looked me dead in the eyes and watched me open it.

[Arpikarhu]

she also saw through you like you were made of glass

[diceisgod]

There's a clever line here about stones and houses or something like that