You have the type of parent(s) that...

[GonzoStyle]

Would talk about sex in front of you, using metaphors or some other code type language to mask the sex talk.

I was watching an episode of the simpsons where marge and homer are talking about making the sex later on that night infront of bart, maggie and lisa but they were using little code terms but it was blatently obvious.

I remember my cousins mother was like that with her mens and even my own mom would do it at times. I vividly remember sitting at the dinner table at my cousins house one night, I was about 7 or so and my cousin is a couple years older so he was pretty young as well.

I don't exactly remember what we were eating I do remember we were having corn on the cob. So my cousins mom and her boyfriend of the week were giggling and flirting and all I remember is my cousin saying "mom can we have some popsicles after dinner?" His mom said sure, and the boyfriend says "you want a popsicle too baby?" she was all like "tee hee, yeah, you want me to suck on a popsicle, daddy?"

Then he proceeds to perform a blowjob on his corn on the cob and say "thats how you gonna do it?"

Then she grabs her corn and starts blowing it as well, trying to show him how its done.

Now as young as we were we totally fuckin knew, we were pretty advanced as kids. They thought we had no clue and kept on all evening with sex talk.

This is just one incident, I mean this kinda shit went on all the time.

I remember being like 13 and my mom with her boyfriend and I was talking about something at the table about how something wouldn't fit somewhere and the boyfriend was like "yeah it was like trying to drive a tank through an alley" and my mom was all like "you should know about shoving large things in small holes" and rubbed his thigh.

I wanted to vomit, yet I got hard at the same time but its just like, have you no fuckin clue?

[The Jays]

Nope. My parents made sure that I had access to pornography, so as to avoid conversations which they deemed, in their own words, "creepy." Now, I wasn't allowed to discuss, possess, or admit to viewing pornography, but then again, I was allowed to go outside and play, and even encouraged to "stay outside of the house as long as you can." This encouragement was emphasized with the detestable tone my mother would get when she would say "Make up your mind! Are you coming in or are you going out?" She would still reach that tone even if the span of time between my coming inside the house and leaving the house was a period of several days. Anyway, since I was allowed to stay at the houses of friends whose parents my parents knew were total complete losers in the game of life, I was thus enabled access to pornography indirectly by my parents allowing me to stay over people's houses, further enabling me to look through the video cabinet with the lock that had to be removed by a ball peen hammer.

And then my hot 8th grade teacher taught human reproduction, and showed a tape of her giving birth. I realized that sex could lead to birth, and that I should use a condom for sex so that I never have to see that again.

[GonzoStyle]

my hot 8th grade teacher taught human reproduction, and showed a tape of her giving birth.

That's fine schooling.

[Mad]

Home schooling?

[GonzoStyle]

Especially if its your own mother schooling you!!!

[drusilla]

i've never had "the conversation" with my parents. but they never tried to hide anything. the earliest thing i can remember as a kid is when my parents would be watching playboy's candid camera & i would hear "hey beth, this is so funny, come here, you have to see this..."

[GonzoStyle]

I remember when I was like 9 I would steal pornos from my moms cabinet and one day I took a tape that wasn't labeled cause I was tired of the same old porn.

when I turned it on it was this hot sex scene and it seemed like one of those amatuer pornos but it got boring cause it was the same doggy position but it was from behind so I didnt see the faces.

I start noticing that the scenery is pretty familiar, then it hits me... thats my moms bedroom... yeah.. I still finished up even th... yeah I am an awful sick human being.

[drusilla]

icky. just icky.

[Arpikarhu]

I remember when I was like 9 I would steal pornos from my moms cabinet and one day I took a tape that wasn't labeled cause I was tired of the same old porn.

when I turned it on it was this hot sex scene and it seemed like one of those amatuer pornos but it got boring cause it was the same doggy position but it was from behind so I didnt see the faces.

I start noticing that the scenery is pretty familiar, then it hits me... thats my moms bedroom... yeah.. I still finished up even th... yeah I am an awful sick human being.

this explains much, you fucked up little pervert!

[Goatweed]

is that tape still around?

[GonzoStyle]

is that tape still around?

No.

I remember we went to a bungalow in upstate NY like a week or so after that and there were no doors, so I slept in the living room area but the bed faced the bedroom which my mom and her boyfriend were in.

So it was like late at night and my moms boyfriend was like "go to sleep and look the other way" and my reply was to giggle like a fuckin retard and say "it's ok I know what you're doing".

So the rest of the night my mother was in a panic repeating that the tape must be "liquidated" and all I could think of was Darth Vader in star wars "You must be liquidated!!!"

Yeah so the tape was gone the second we got home the next weekend.

[Goatweed]

damn - that would've made for a great movie night.

[GonzoStyle]

The most disgusting part in remembering that whole situation was the fact that I was upset when I learned the tape was missing.

[Arpikarhu]

you are one fucked up little camper.

[Goatweed]

The most disgusting part in remembering that whole situation was the fact that I was upset when I learned the tape was missing.

you cried, didn't you?

[GonzoStyle]

I didn't cry but I broke out into that frantic search like a crackhead looking for his pipe at 3 in the morning.