R.i.p. - Board member obits take two.

[Sean Cold]

In one of my shining moments on the OA board, I was talking to Kid and came up with the idea of writing board member obituaries. Now, some of you may recall that some assfuck stalker of an admin from that site went and ruined that whole thread by starting a fight with our favorite jigaboo Kid A and the thread went astray from it's original purpose. Also, if I do recall, Teq fucked it up as well cuz the lowly mexican couldn't figure out the difference between and obit and a fuckin tombstone. Suprised by this I am not but I will try and resurect this thread here.

Today marked the passing of The Gooch. Under his many alias, Goochie, Twinkee, Goochburger, ect. he was best known for his cutting edge writings on a little known site called OTL. While eating, yes, sure, what else is new, at the latest meetings with the powers that be from OTL, he noticed a burning sensation in his throat. Unbeknowst to Gooch, he was poisoned by one Matt Godfroy in an attempt to steal all his ideas and also to avoid giving over any payment for his effort. Gooch is also known for making the shittiest trades ever in Fantasy Sports on Yahoo and is survived by his brother and his love slave room mate that he kept hidden from all. A truer tragedy has never been felt by the Jewish community for he was on the verge of repaying the Germans for stuffing his relatives in ovens but his thesis went unfinished by his untimely death. A memorial service will be held at Hooters of NY on 7th and will feature a toss the tomato at the casket and all are welcomed to spill bear on his bloated corpse.

[Gooch]

Now that is fuckin funny...i'm not sure everyone will get all the inside joke.

[Galt]

Gooch is also known for making the shittiest trades ever in Fantasy Sports on Yahoo

That trade wasn't as bad as you think

[Gooch]

Snuka

Actually killed by a pissed off Grumpy's Mom...go figure.

[Hey Ladi]

i'm not sure everyone will get all the inside joke.

I don't think we are supposed to.

Today we gather to mourn the passing of Jimmy Snuka, ... hey you, sit down and stop cheering.... ahem.... We all know he was one sick fuck, but there was a softer side too. He spent his days at the Day care centers, tutoring children privately and giving all the time he could. He would have anyone over to his trailer for Piels and General Tao's Cat, and take everyone out to the junk yard for a bout of Rat Shooting. Many of you will remember how his face beamed when he showed off his abortion in a jar collection, or the stories he shared of climbing Mount Grumpy's Mom. He will be 'sorely' missed, especially by these children in the front row. Thank you for coming, and please don't bathe in the holy water, we will have barrels out at the fish fry picnic reception behind the Church after the service.

[JIMMYSNUKA]

We are gathered here today to witness the merger of one HeyLadi with the big trailer king in the sky.

Although she was trailer trash wearing recycled Kmart clothing, Ladi will always hold a special place in my heart. She was always there to help me clean out the kids like a thawed out Thanksgiving Day turkey. I loved the way the back of her 84 Nike Air Jordans flopped around like a pair of flip flops. I also will miss the way she use to jump in the rain barrel for a bath during a lightning storm and let me watch, and let me think she really didnt know i was there. She was very handy as well. For instance, making a dining room table from a aluminum garbage can and a broken broomstick. And rolling up some construction paper and dipping it in melted wax for some drinking cups. Although the rest of the town is thankfull the green fog and low tide smell is dwindling down, cause she has been cryogenically frozen and placed in an old corn psylo I miss Ladi. Everyone lift up your can of Piels and pour some on the fresh cow shit to remember Ladi.

[Sean Cold]

Today, we are deeply saddened by the loss of Maynard. A one time Asst. Administrator of the lowly internet cess pool, CDIH, Maynards life took an unexpected twist by winning the Tour De France while wearing his lumberjack vest. At first, he was considered ground breaking for his apparel but later it was learned that his vest wa not unlike Linus' blankie and he was ridiculed into seclusion. He died alone because he forced everyone to hate him. He was found in a cabin, naked except for his little red ankle socks with skulls imprinted on them. He aparently died while trying to carve a name of some sorts into his shaven chest. Police are befuddled for all that was on his chest were what they feel are random letters a, r, p, i, , k and a. He leaves behind only the remains of his goat tee, which, even in death, still grows where it has been burried on the mountian side of his death.

[Grumpy]

Here we mourn the loss of KensPen. Known for his enthusiastic love of manjunk, S&M and large double headed dildos, Ken made his final farewell in a way that would make him proud. he was found bound and gagged with Matilda, his favorite dildo, shoved up his ass. His apparent cause of death was asphixiation from having one too many male partners stuff their infected meat poles in his mouth. Utter his last words "I can take one more. Where is Arpi", he gave his last breathe to his favorite pastime. KensPen leaves behind an adoring sister, Gertrude. Although their relationship was rough at times, Ken still found time to let her give him his weekly bukkake lessons followed by a round of "what can shove up his ass". We will mourn the loss of Ken. May he rest in peace.

[Kid Afrika]

Sean "Motherfucking" Cold 197x to 2002

Sean is survived by his ex-girlfriend's cat and a 30-pack of budweiser. Passers-by at the time of the removal of the body were amazed and apalled(sp?) by the fact that the EMTs didn't even bother (or is it that they weren't able?) to remove the beer from his hand, nor the cigarette from his mouth. Also, for some reason, they were dragging behind them a computer... attached to the corpse by some sort of wire, possibly a mouse cord.

He will be sorely missed, as today is truly a COLD DAY IN hell(.net)

[Arpikarhu]

i'm a man-killer

[GonzoStyle]

That trade wasn't as bad as you think

Yeah getting Nomo sure worked out great, he fuck foiled Bonds today my friend.

Today we mourn the loss of Arpikarthu. Arpi died today in the arms of his mistress bunny. Arpi a confessed 'furry', died while suffocating on cotton balls while wearing a bear costume in a weird deviant sex game. Arpi will be survived by his male life partner molhaganu ari parahu which is swahili for "gay sex slave of a cum guzzler who translates names like 'scarybearsalesman' to get back on message boards.' Arpi will be missed by no one and left only a zippo wrapped in cotton and a list consiting of strange 'code names' such as "Maynard" "Ikeaboy" & "grumpy" all belived to be estranged lovers.

[DGW]

damn Grumpy beat me to it.

[Hey Ladi]

Today we mourn the loss of DGW. He was well know for his exploits on the field and in the bar. And although he may have had the face of an angel, his nights and days in the bar consisted of heavy consumption of beer. He was a quiet man, who was handy with a spatcula, which he weilded at many a strange and secret christian men's group meeting. He will be missed by his friends, his family, and the beer industry.

[Ken'sPen]

Today we gather to honor the memory of LZMF, a man who passed away tragically. LZ was on the short bus en route to the special school, when it was forced to stop in at a construction site. Someone read the sign to LZ which said “Slow Men Working”. LZ became excited and agitated screaming “I am a Slow Man! I want a job!”. LZ jumped off the bus and began to wander around the construction site where a load of building materials fell on his head. LZ fell to the ground though the accident was not fatal as he had his hockey helmet securely strapped on. Fate was not kind to LZ for as he lie on the ground a steam roller ran him over and forced his innards out his mouth like squeezing a tube of toothpaste. A witness on the scene, a Mr. Grumpy attempted to rush to the aide of the victim, but as he stepped off the curb on to the street, plummeted to his death.

[DGW]

Today we mourn the loss of DGW. He was well know for his exploits on the field and in the bar. And although he may have had the face of an angel, his nights and days in the bar consisted of heavy consumption of beer. He was a quiet man, who was handy with a spatcula, which he weilded at many a strange and secret christian men's group meeting. He will be missed by his friends, his family, and the beer industry.

I think I'm gonna cry.


On this day we mourn the loss of Gonzostyle. A man with a big heart, esp. for children, he was known for such antics as "Hide the Eggplant", "If I Pitch, It's Not Gaey", and "What Philipino Kid?"...he grew close to us all....or maybe those were just the oozing sores. His greatest move was as softball manager, the draft of a centerfielder back in the gold ole days of OA.com. Though his star player contributed, the lack of skill at all the other positions was the downfall of this managers dream. He will be missed. His last words......"Suck my cumstick", will live in our memory forever.

[Hey Ladi]

Though his star player contributed, the lack of skill at all the other positions was the downfall of this managers dream.

Nice!

And here I thought his last words would be Touch My Schmekel....

[DGW]

And here I thought his last words would be Touch My Schmekel....

damn you Ladi!

[Hey Ladi]

damn you Ladi!

Why does everyone say this to me.... ok ok I get it, I'm going to hell. What more do you want from me!

[Arpikarhu]

Today we mourn the loss of adolescent maturbator. AM died of a paste overdose during his 5th period art class. AM will be remembered for the joy he received from the simple things in life. His extensive collection of Pokemon cards, his encyclopediac knowledge of saved by the bell episodes, and his love of pixie sticks. His art teacher, Miss Werdle, commented, "its a real shame. Now he wont even get to finish that paper mache ash tray he was making for his mom.". There will be a memorial service this sunday in the ball pit at the Chuck E. Cheese in Ronkonkoma.

[DGW]

What more do you want from me

Your kidding right?