Favorite Comedic Bits... - AKA - Comedy Quotes

Kid Afrika · 08-04-2003, 12:56 AM

...how in the hell is a black man go'n fail black history...

you know fat people don't fail cooking! - Chris Rock

Keyser Soze · 08-04-2003, 12:57 AM

that was weak.

Kid Afrika · 08-04-2003, 12:58 AM

I didn't write it. I just found it funny. Of course, it's probably funnier with the set up and the timing. Anyhoo, if mine sucks, why don't you one-up me with something better?

diceisgod · 08-04-2003, 01:02 AM

....i don't know it verbatum but Chris rock said something about the media getting blamed for this and that but when he's at the ATM he ain't looking over his shoulder for Ted Koppel....he's looking out for niggers. That's also one of his classic lines.

Keyser Soze · 08-04-2003, 01:05 AM

thats much better. im just here to critique. i have nothing to add to this. entertain me.

Kid Afrika · 08-04-2003, 01:11 AM

So I went to a place to calm down. I went to my health club. Not one of those places where people pump iron, tae bo, fuck you. That is bullshit. I like to go to a place where the odds are even up. My favorite health club is the internation house of pancakes. 'cause no matter what you weigh, there will always be someone who weighs 150 lbs. more than you will ever weigh. It's guaranteed, it's on the back of the menu. Read it sometime. - Lewis Black

diceisgod · 08-04-2003, 01:17 AM

The California school system is amazing because you can go to any school and all the children already speak fluent Spanish. -Kevin Neiland (former SNL guy)

Edited By diceisgod on 1059959879

Keyser Soze · 08-04-2003, 01:20 AM

that sucked. the best chris rock line is....

Niggers always want credit for some shit they're supposed to do. They'll brag about stuff a normal man just does. They'll say something like, “Yeah, well I take care of my kids.” You're supposed to, you dumb motherfucker. “I ain't never been to jail.” Whaddya want? A cookie? You're not supposed to go to jail, you low-expectation-having motherfucker!

Kid Afrika · 08-04-2003, 01:23 AM

What about...

Don't go to parties with metal detectors. Sure it's safe inside, but what about the niggas outside with guns that know you ain't got one? - Chris Rock

Keyser Soze · 08-04-2003, 01:24 AM

i like that one. another favorite...

Everything white people don't like about black people, black people don't like about black people. It's like our own personal civil war. On one side, there's black people. On the other, you've got niggers. The niggers have got to go. I love black people but I hate niggers. I am tired of niggers. Tired, tired, tired.

Galt · 08-04-2003, 03:18 AM

How about that time when he said...."white people are like blah blah blah...black people be like blah blah blah blah"

:laughter:

Keyser Soze · 08-04-2003, 03:21 AM

i think thats every black comic basicially.

Galt · 08-04-2003, 03:24 AM

And that's why they are all sub-human in my book. Well, that and drugs, crime, and AIDS

Keyser Soze · 08-04-2003, 03:36 AM

richard pryor is overrated. discuss.

LyricalGomez · 08-04-2003, 03:36 AM

Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they? - Carlin

Galt · 08-04-2003, 03:47 AM

why do you drive on a parkway and park on a driveway?

Wakka wakka wakka.

Keyser Soze · 08-04-2003, 03:54 AM

PUSSY FARTS!

JimmyBlueEyes · 08-05-2003, 12:09 AM

Where do you find a turtle with no legs??? Right where you left it!!
What's the biggest advantage of having Alzheimers, you can hide your own easter eggs.

Carlins bit about the confessional and teenage masturbation are classics along with just about anything by Kinison. His starving children bit is hysterical. THIS IS SAND, NOTHING GROWS HERE, NOTHING's GONNA GROW HERE, YOU LIVE IN A FUCKING DESERRRT!!!!!

diceisgod · 08-05-2003, 03:34 AM

Smokin drinkin snortin suckin

PlasticMan · 08-06-2003, 02:10 AM

"Nigga, I can't read, I'm keepin' it REAL!" --Chris Rock.