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It had been a long day at work. It's not rare for me to order lunch and then have to set it aside for the rest of the day for me to pick at or otherwise take home to eat either later in the evening after dinner or later on in the week. I don't have a set lunch hour. While the rest of the guys are eating lunch in the back of the shop, I eat mine at the desk in the office often stopping to answer the phones or helping customers that happen to walk into the office. This particular day, there just wasn't a chance to eat. We were busy, I was pissed and starving. By 6, when we officially closed, I just wanted to go home. I collected payments from the remaining customers in the office, closed out the credit card machine, locked the office, and crossed the street to the corner bodega to buy some cigarettes for the following night. I bought my pack of Camel Lights and two packages of Combos, Nacho Cheese Pretzel if I remember correctly. If I couldn't eat my linguini with red clam sauce in the car on the way home, then I was going to eat something, goddamnit. I went back to the shop, grabbed my stuff and secured the building for the night. Then I hopped into my car, tore open a bag of Combos, and headed home trying to put the grueling day behind me. Now driving on Springfield Ave between Newark and Springfield is quite the hellish experience. Between the many streetlights, you've got asshole drivers trying to turn one lane into two, pedestrians oblivious to oncoming traffic trying to cross anyway, the occasional old lady pulling away from the curb fresh from her perm appointment high on hairspray fumes who doesn't signal so that I know she's pulling out and doesn't even look to see if there's someone driving by alongside her, etc. It's quite the obstacle course. Now as I approach the intersection of Prospect St and Springfield Ave, listening to the traffic report on 101.5 to see what 78 holds in store for my ride home and picking a pretzel from the package of combos to eat, I spy a woman sitting in the opposite direction waiting to turn left at the intersection up ahead. I'm following the car ahead of me at a brisk pace, about 25 mph and with about 15 feet between us. This portly woman in her blue Chrysler New Yorker thinks she will try to turn as the car infront of me passes her hoping that I will notice her and come to sudden stop and let her pass. As the car passes her she tries to gun it, but halts as soon it becomes apparent to her that I'm thinking she's better of fucking herself where she sits. She throws her hands up in frustration and shouts something indiscernible to me. As I pass through the intersection, with pretzel still in hand, the hunger and the frustration of the day reaches it peak. That this sow, this selfimportant portly woman in a rusty sedan, would think that her destination would supercede anyone elses on the road at that time that she felt she could tear through the intersection without regard for anyone else on the road at the time. With the pretzel almost to my mouth, I spied her window open and as I passed I flung that goddamn pretzel out my open window and saw it connect with her furious fat little nose. Then I continued on home.
God that felt good.
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Danked has taken over duties for jays.
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Fuck you and your pretzels.
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This is a pretzel fan site. All negative comments will be editted and the poster banned. I feel this is fair.
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Edit
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Sucks to be him.
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The spooks come out at night.
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Edit my shit one more time.
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keep this on topic, last chance
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any off topic posts will be banned
I hope laz made himself clear
<center>E-A-G-L-E-S</center>
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GonzoStyle Wrote:Danked has taken over duties for jays. shouldnt he then edit his post to make it less interesting and add more teen angst?
I love him. He's like those happy old people who become known for sitting by the side of a busy street and waving to passing cars. People drive by regularly and beep just to see him and get him to wave to them.
That's just like our Arpi... except he doesn't wave or anything. He just says mean things to you.
GonzoStyle Wrote:I pledge my undying love for Arpi, any retraction of this undying love is to be ignored.
Nominated for," 2005 poster of the year", by 4 out of 6 mods!
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Well I also think in the cloth of jays stories this is also a fake story, I refuse to believe danked could be this mean even for a single second.
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I did throw a pretzel at her nose!
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You wish you had but then you realized it wasn't the laid back stoner thing to do and you had to upkeep your board rep, so you just drove and ate the pretzel instead.
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Ok... maaaaaaaybe it only hit her in the cheek, but I did throw a pretzel at her.
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Its ok, now you are just being silly we all know a stoner would never waste junkfood.
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I had two bags! That's a lot of pretzels.
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If you wanna persist with this silly game then be my guest but we all know the truth.
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I don't care what you think.
I shared my pretzel revenge story hoping that others may have pretzel revenge stories of their own.
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I am not a pretzel fan but combos are an exception, they are yummy and I for one would never waste a combos on anyone. If I had a bag of plain pretzels just laying around then yeah I would probably toss them at someone, I wouldnt even wait for someone to piss me off to do so.
Bearclaws are cooler though.
I did toss a pint of lo mein at someones car window though.
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I once killed a man with a bag of pizza flavored combos during a drug deal gone bad.
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