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Displaying 1-15 of 15 messages in this thread. |
| Posted By | Discussion Topic: FU to telemarketers | ||||
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| Ass4WOW | posted on 08-24-2001 @ 12:58 PM |    | |||
| Hanger-On Registered: Jul. 01  | I hate these goddamn people. Trying to sell shit over the phone, that's not right! At least I was able to extract a little revenge, which satisfied me for the moment. I answer the phone, it's some broad with a very thick Indian accent asking for my father. I know that he's not expecting any calls, let alone from someone that has less grasp of the English language than Christopher Reeves has of...well, anything. I could barely understand her myself, I could pick up every third word or so... HER: "...can i talk to you?" ME: "about what?" "...satellite...150 channels...do you watch tv?" At this point, I'm pissed because it took about 53 seconds for the above to occur, what with me asking her to repeat herself 6 times because I thought she was quoting dialogue from within the walls of Pangkot Palace in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. So I decide to mess with her... "no, i don't, i'm blind" "doop doop...you pull a fast one..." "what?" "...you are trying to put me off" "uh, no I'm not, I was born without sight" "...you don't want to talk to me...you are trying to pull one over on me" "no I'm not, and I'm quite insulted. I would like to speak with your supervisor please" "(mumbles something incoherent)...in that case, I am sorry" "I'd like to speak to your supervisor" "I said I am sorry...isn't it enough that I apologized?" "No, I want to talk to your supervisor" "Uh...he is not here right now" "Well, now you're trying to pull one over on me" "(something else that sounds like downtown Iselin, NJ* during the midst of a sidewalk sale in Mahatma Ghandi Plaza)" "I'd like his name and number please if he's not there" "...I don't have that information...(yet more unintelligible dialogue, something about Kali and eternal damnation, perhaps)" CLICK. *For those of you outside the central NJ area, Iselin is the next town over from me known for it's huge Indian population. Think Chinatown, only it's not NY and not Chinese people. On any given Sat. or Sun., if the need arises to drive through the center of town, you better drive at 3mph because of the swarms of people shopping who see no reason to look before they cross the street. And, Mahatma Ghandi Plaza is indeed real.  Cutie In Training under GrkqtOandAfan (how could I not pick her, just look at that sig pic) | ||||
USA Autoban Head Slap... Swim Move... | posted on 08-24-2001 @ 1:06 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Veteran Registered: Oct. 00 | Author! Author! Bravo! Excellent FU. Excellent!  | ||||
| spitfire421 | posted on 08-24-2001 @ 1:11 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Dec. 00 | And FU to the goddamn Jehovah Witnesses who woke me up Saturday morning at 8:30 AM!!!!! them- Are you prepared for the second coming of Christ? my bf- Shit Yeah! We got a cross and some nails waiting out back, just in case he drops by :) OK, I know this should be put in the "forwarded email" section, but hey, it's topical lol (and I've used a few of these) Top 10 things to do to telemarkters 10. When they ask "How are you today?" Tell them! "I'm so glad you asked because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems; my arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died..." 9. If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary. 8. Cry out in surprise, "Judy! Is that you? Oh my God! Judy, how have you been?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of pause as she tries to figure out where the hell she could know you from. 7. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and Friends Plan, reply, in as SINISTER a voice as you can, "I don't have any friends....would you be my friend?" 6. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money. 5. Tell the telemarketer you are on "home incarceration" and ask if they could bring you a case of beer and some chips. 4. After the telemarketer gives their spiel, ask him/her to marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them that you could not just give your credit card number to a complete stranger. 3. Tell the telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask them if they will give you their HOME phone number so you can call them back. When the telemarketer explains that they cannot give out their HOME number, you say "I guess you don't want anyone bothering you at home, right?" The telemarketer will agree and you say, "Now you know how I feel!" Say goodbye and Hang up. 2. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke. "Come on Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how's your momma?" 1. And first and foremost: Tell them to talk VERY SLOWLY, because you want to write EVERY WORD down.  She's got a date at midnight With Nosferatu Oh, baby, Lilly Munster Ain't got nothing on you Now when I called her evil She just laughed She put that spell on me Boo Bitch Craft Accepting applications into the School of Altered Reality[Email]spitfire@opieanthony.com">E-Mail Me This message was edited by spitfire421 on 8-24-01 @ 1:25 PM | ||||
| CriticsLoveSnatch i know better than to ask for a status from you mean ol' mods I shall call him mini-FTL | posted on 08-24-2001 @ 1:12 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Oct. 00 | whenever one of those telemarketing guys calls me i very politely ask them to hold on and then hang up on them. sometimes i wonder if they actually stay on the line expecting me to come back, and for how long. Too much from the wounded But I see, See through it all See through, And see you. | ||||
| Doc Smith I Love Anthony Zinni | posted on 08-24-2001 @ 1:15 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Sep. 00 | I flirt with them By the time I get to "Well, you sound cute" in the conversation, they usually hang up and never call back  If I ever had twins I'd use one for parts This message was edited by Doc Smith on 8-24-01 @ 1:17 PM | ||||
| hornygoatweed I've Got A Vagina With Teeth. G.O.O.F.B.A.H.G.S. Dragoon Battalion My friends call me Weed | posted on 08-24-2001 @ 1:16 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Jan. 01 | I just got a mailing with my latest phone bill talking about a new feature called Call Intercept. Basically, it answers the call for you, prompting the caller to leave their name first. You pick up the phone and hear who it is, and decide whether you want to take the call or not. If not, the service tells the caller that calls are not being taken from that person. It may not be a big deal to people who get these calls occassionally, but for someone like me who spends most of his time and money online, my name gets thrown around all over so I get these calls on a daily basis. With Verizon, its like $5 a month and you need caller ID. It might be beneficial to people who just dont want to take these calls at all. The caller ID works with people listed as "unavailable" (in my experience, thats always a telemarketer so I just don't answer) but I know some people that aren't listed and their names come up as "anonymous" and some telemarketers come through that way as well. MDLax84 has decided to earn his degree in Goatweed University. If anyone sees him cheating on exams, let me know ASAP! Email me here or AIM me at Organic999 to apply for a seat - I have one left, and they usually fill fast. | ||||
| TeenWeek what's a status? | posted on 08-24-2001 @ 1:24 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Oct. 00 | Anyone ever see the Seinfeld episode where Jerry asks the telemarketer to give him his number and he would call him back. And the telemarketer would not give it to him because he did not want to be bothered by him. | ||||
| AFDude | posted on 08-24-2001 @ 1:26 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Oct. 00 | I have that too HGW, except BellSouth calls it "Privacy Director" anyone who tries to block their # or who is calling LD has to leave their name at a prompt, and that helps me decide if I want to bother with them or not. First ever grad from the Newbie Academy: Lord Duvious....now able to fly solo. Currently training Thrillhouse and SA_Like_It_Is until 8-24 If you want to be adopted, | ||||
| RonRon5477 | posted on 08-24-2001 @ 1:32 PM | | |||
| Psychopath Registered: Apr. 01 | telemarketers are great!! they call me asking for some of my info. for some reason, some companies think i am a 35 year old, divorced 4 times, 6 kids, bought an apartment on the upper east side, go to school at NYU, and run my own garbage company. the kicker is at the end, i tell them i am being deported back to my home country. They usually hang up by then. go figure. President Clinton visiting Vietnam, shooting out the door of Air Force 1 (from the Clinton in Vietnam audio clip): Clinton's advisor:"Mr. President, how can you shoot innocent women and children?" Clinton:"It's easy. Just don't lead'em as much!"  Want to use the O&A EZPass lane? here's how (only for NY listeners, sorry PA): The URL base is: http://ronron5477.homestead.com/files/______ For the html file, figure out these clues: "OA"+previous phone screener before Stinky+previous phone screener's girlfriend's name+".html" | ||||
| Arthur Dent | posted on 08-24-2001 @ 1:40 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Nov. 00 | Got a call once from a woman selling CREDIT CARD INSURANCE. After I said hello, she just started talking and didn't pause for a second. So, I put the phone down and continued watching TV while she continued on for five minutes straight. Finally I heard, muffled through the couch cushions something that sounded like "Hello? Hello?" So I picked up the phone and asked who she was looking for. After a pause she said is this *****. "No, I'm sorry, he's not home right now, goodnight. CLICK. Mercenaries: Don't Fight till the Profits Right. A much wittier reply came to mind immediately after I clicked the 'Send' button. I have adopted VooDude. Room for one more. | ||||
| Dan | posted on 08-24-2001 @ 3:14 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Jul. 00 | Like Arthur Dent said, the best thing to do is just put the phone down. They can't hang up until you do...wasting their time is the best you can do. If you want to hear some funny ways to fuck with telemarketers, check out Jim Florentine Official Sarcastic Bastard of OpieAnthony.com It's crazy I'm thinking Just knowing that the world is round Here I'm dancing on the ground Am I right side up or upside down Is this real or am I dreaming Waste a few minutes reading my mindless drivel on foundrymusic.com:Visit this Website | ||||
| RottenVinny I have no fucking clue what happened to Sluggo667. VinnyWS6: chicks? they dont have the penis so why would i care about them VinnyWS6: froy is quite hansome VinnyWS6: I want froys cock! | posted on 08-24-2001 @ 10:15 PM | | |||
| Psychopath Registered: Jun. 01 | Just say " Put me on your do not call list" By law they can not call you for 6 months. -Vinny <"http://www.vatican.rotten.com/triggerlocks/URL"> | ||||
| crx girl Newbie! vg Y's me ugo girl Limey Mothercocker | posted on 08-25-2001 @ 1:48 AM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Oct. 00 | i'll join you in that fu. my b/f actually told mci i was dead once. usually i just put the phone down, or play the silent game... An invasion of armies can be resisted, but not an idea whose time has come. --Victor Hugo regardless of my status, i am a nice person. no really, i am, i swear;) crack hitler belongs to me :) need me? try: crxgirl@opieanthony.com red rocket is under my supervision until 8/27 | ||||
| short hills mall | posted on 08-25-2001 @ 2:10 AM | | |||
| Psychopath Registered: Mar. 01 | Newsday is so fucked up. I subscribe to newsday and once every week, some schmo from newsday calls me to ask If I want to subscribe. Best Telemarketer rebuttal scene: The Boiler Room Sometimes it is fun to play along with their games but mostly no. Foreign=hang up. Hot sounding chick, I might listen for awhile. 
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| FeelMyFunBags | posted on 08-25-2001 @ 5:47 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Jan. 01 | LMAO I agree with this FU more than any FU I have ever read! I like telling people from the New York Post that I don't read their rag of a newspaper and that I would rather save my money to afford 2-ply.  why do I say I'm fine when it's obvious I'm not? why's it so hard to tell you what I want? why can't you just read my mind? | ||||
Displaying 1-15 of 15 messages in this thread. |