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| Posted By | Discussion Topic: The Return Of Gonzo's Sick Sex Shenanigans: Who Says Masturbation Can't Be Fun? | ||||
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| GonzoStyle | posted on 09-24-2001 @ 6:28 AM |    | |||
| Hanger-On Registered: Jan. 70  | It's been a while since my last installment of a sick sex thread and in lieu of recent events figured why not post one? Give people a chance to atleast for a minute to leave reality and come into my sick world. This weeks topic is one of my favorite topics and that is masturbation ideas, please folks I am a trained master in bation so do these with great care and on your own warning. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The FloydSwat I like to grab my balls until they turn blue. Then I swat them with a fly swatter. After that I put icy-hot on my balls and shaft and it gives them a hot burning sensation as i think of froy. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Boiled eggs Before starting to masturbate, take a beer bottle, drink it, and shove it up your asshole. I don't need anything else, but I sometimes wank at the same time and close my eyes and pour boiling hot water on my penis. This gives smashing orgasm. The first time I tried it, it was beyond belief! You might get burns but after they heal and masturbate it will feel double as good because you're loaded with cum. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Tacky fun Take a mason ball jar. Fill it with a mixture of metal-head thumbtacks and Vaseline. Mix it thoroughly so the thumbtacks are nice and slick. Then, stick your hard dick into the jar and go to town. Yes, it will hurt some, but the pleasure is beyond description!!! Trust me on this. All my friends swear by it! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Like a Hoover The classic getting off with a shop vac. There's a whole website on this subject! Here's the safe way to use a shop vac (a canister model). First of all, no attachments, just the BIG hose. The small hose can be useful if your trying for lengthening but I didn't find it exciting! The basic technique is to slide your cock into the end of the hose/tube while the vac is running. As you move the hose around, the air flow (don't block the end with your body) will reach a place where your cock starts flapping in the breeze. If you get the motion going with the sensitive lower part of your member hitting the side of the tube, you can't keep from cumming for long!! And there is no cleanup! Two CAUTIONS. Be careful of getting your balls sucked in with your cock; while not damaging, it is uncomfortable. And make sure no one is around if you don't want to get caught being sucked off by a vacuum cleaner! The noise kind of makes discretion impossible! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Bake off I use the Oven. What I do is turn it on at 350 degrees, place my dick on a cookie sheet and stick the cookie sheet in the oven on the middle rack with my penis on the edge of it. I have to literally straddle the oven by hugging it tight, but my wad is guaranteed to spurt all over the inside of the oven in a matter of minutes. This can be dangerous and very hot, so please be careful. I was once brave enough to pour grease in the bottom of the cookie sheet and wait until it started to boil and burn my penis. This can hurt, but once you let you penis cool you can pick the scabs, let the pus run and .. bammo .. instant lube. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Twisty ties What I love to do is to wrap my penis in twisty bread ties (or garbage bag ties). I wrap about 6 or 7 ties really tight around my cock then I put my cock underneath the toilet seat and then proceed to slam the seat hard as I can on top of my cock! I come so hard some times I bleed!! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Sand it smooth Take two power sanders wrapped in tinfoil (lube optional). Place on either side of penis and turn on! Try not to electrocute yourself. Avoid annoying chafing by using a lubricant. Crisco works best, but beware, it's flammable -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Pluck For men and women--- just when you're at the point of orgasm, yank out a few pubes with your other hand. This pain hyper-sensitizes your fun spots creating an explosion pleasure like you've never felt before. For those who are shaven--- inserting a small pin or needle into your peehole has the same effect. -GonzoStyle  "For all we have and are, for all our children's fate, stand up and take the war, the Hun is at the gate!" --- Rudyard Kipling She-Mail Me Here This message was edited by GonzoStyle on 9-24-01 @ 6:34 AM | ||||
| IrishAlkey Chucky Official OA.com Homo CUNT ROCKETTE Look who's laughing now, fuckers!!! Is It In Yet? JYD-4-LIFE [Sarcasm]Subzero316 fan since day one!!1!![/Sarcasm] "my mod powers are on temporary hiatus" This status is sponsored by: P®oJë©T M@¥hέm | posted on 09-24-2001 @ 6:37 AM | | |||
| O&A Board Veteran Registered: Aug. 01 | quote: Out of morbid curiosity, does it have to be set on wet or dry? BTW: I asked because if you unload in a shop vac and it's set on dry I thought the thing might electrocute your cock, but after further test...I mean contemplation, it would appear that this would heighten the sense of euphoria.  This message was edited by IrishAlkey on 9-24-01 @ 6:53 AM | ||||
| GonzoStyle | posted on 09-24-2001 @ 6:46 AM | | |||
| Hanger-On Registered: Jan. 70 | quote: Well why would you set it to dry? Do you want your cock to be dry? hey i mean whatever floats ypour boat ofcourse. "For all we have and are, for all our children's fate, stand up and take the war, the Hun is at the gate!" --- Rudyard Kipling She-Mail Me Here | ||||
| skydiver | posted on 09-24-2001 @ 8:58 AM | | |||
| Psychopath Registered: Aug. 01 | *TV disclaimer guy voice* Don't try these at home without adult supervision. These people are trained professionals! quote: I was um, er, told yeah told that using toothpaste as lube has the same effect. | ||||
| King f-tard | posted on 09-24-2001 @ 10:26 AM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Feb. 01 | quote: Naah, but then your cock will smell like mint. Who wants that, except to maybe have the dog lick it clean afterwords. And its funny, I just got a new shop vac yesterday. I might have to perform some tests to clarify if your theory works.  | ||||
| GrkqtOandAfan Claim staked by FTL. | posted on 09-24-2001 @ 10:31 AM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Oct. 00 | Why is it that I am like a moth attracted to the freakin porch light when it comes to these Gonzo sex threads ::shudders:: I can't believe the news today Oh, I can't close my eyes And make it go away | ||||
| Drunken GW I Pissed on a Church to get this Status. | posted on 09-24-2001 @ 10:34 AM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Dec. 00 | quote: Okay, my bagel with cream cheese doesn't look to tempting anymore. Thanx GS, not only does my caf. rip me off on the price of a bagel, now I can't even eat it. The word "sick" doesn't do you justice. Props.  If your parents never had children, chances are you won't either. | ||||
| Jennitalia | posted on 09-24-2001 @ 10:45 AM | | |||
| Psychopath Registered: Sep. 00 | damn, i wish i had a penis! :) "Like, Mother, it's my life ok...so if i want to live on a beach and walk around naked..." | ||||
| Sluggo667 SLASH's New Buddy, but shhh... I am not allowed to tell anyone. | posted on 09-24-2001 @ 11:08 AM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Apr. 01 | quote:Girls? Any suggestions? And Gonzo...I've tried many of your techniques, Just this morning as a matter of fact... If you use burn cream as a lube it kills two birds with one stone...  Sluggo667 PROUD AMERICAN!!! | ||||
| sykopathchik Hey... Buckaroo! Yes, everyone knows I type in a unique manner. No need to comment. | posted on 09-24-2001 @ 3:37 PM | | |||
| Psychopath Registered: Mar. 01 | quote: UHMm to avoiD chafing ... why Not Use baybe oiL ... seeMS to be the easyest no? i think Soo! but as a girL i Do Not wiSe i haD a peniS .. ha id never leave my hoUSe i have suM *fake*oneS and stiLL i sit for hOurs ahhhaa ! dayum penis people... LOL ! :) :)  | ||||
| skydiver | posted on 09-24-2001 @ 3:44 PM | | |||
| Psychopath Registered: Aug. 01 | quote: actually, that doesn't avoid chafing. The friction heats up the oil and then it burns. | ||||
| Noellevious Teh cute. Look at that. You could bounce quarters off of it. Incredible. | posted on 09-24-2001 @ 3:47 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Sep. 01 | If you're getting off this often and this elaborately...when do you find time to type? Under the superior tutelage of FollowThisLogic "God may have mercy on you, but we won't." - John McCain | ||||
| Noellevious Teh cute. Look at that. You could bounce quarters off of it. Incredible. | posted on 09-24-2001 @ 3:50 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Sep. 01 | quote: Well, duh. Under the superior tutelage of FollowThisLogic "God may have mercy on you, but we won't." - John McCain | ||||
| 2 tired 2 give N F One of the Teen Tomatoe Boys is Retarted... Guess which one I am!!! | posted on 09-24-2001 @ 4:18 PM | | |||
| Psychopath Registered: Jan. 01 | quote: You could use mine... codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=5,0,0,0" WIDTH=250 HEIGHT=250> "As I sail through the night... Let us not forget, There is hope..." | ||||
| fbdlingfrg wow, my name looks odd without 5 lines of type below it in bold and purple and red G.O.O.F.B.A.H.G.S. Red Wings Captain Cecil JBA~Remove the Pick & Click NOW! | posted on 09-24-2001 @ 4:22 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Oct. 00 | ouch...ouch ouch ouch...ouch ouch.just reading this one hurt i may be a little catholic boy, but i'm still HLJC 4 LIFE! | ||||
| Ants in My Pants Billy Prettiest Butterfly in the garden All Blow job poems ©Fez 2002-2003. I'm obsessed with Alkey's penis. | posted on 09-24-2001 @ 4:26 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Apr. 01 | Let me save Froy the trouble... "Lovely".  This message was edited by Ants in My Pants on 9-25-01 @ 3:50 AM | ||||
| Jennitalia | posted on 09-24-2001 @ 5:11 PM | | |||
| Psychopath Registered: Sep. 00 | quote: 2 tired, you are 2 kind :) It'd be my pleasure. "Like, Mother, it's my life ok...so if i want to live on a beach and walk around naked..." | ||||
| Joe Soprano | posted on 09-25-2001 @ 12:11 AM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Sep. 00 | Jenn: Who's that in your sig pic? Isn't that that broad from the Muppets who looks like she's one T-cell away from FBA? Gonz: How would you like to write a weekly column for Foundry Magazine? ;)  | ||||
| Sephiroth | posted on 09-25-2001 @ 12:19 AM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Dec. 00 | quote: So does your boyfriend.  | ||||
| IrishAlkey Chucky Official OA.com Homo CUNT ROCKETTE Look who's laughing now, fuckers!!! Is It In Yet? JYD-4-LIFE [Sarcasm]Subzero316 fan since day one!!1!![/Sarcasm] "my mod powers are on temporary hiatus" This status is sponsored by: P®oJë©T M@¥hέm | posted on 09-25-2001 @ 3:46 AM | | |||
| O&A Board Veteran Registered: Aug. 01 | quote: ::rimshot:: | ||||
| GonzoStyle | posted on 09-25-2001 @ 5:21 AM | | |||
| Hanger-On Registered: Jan. 70 | quote: Is this where i grin from ear to ear and yell thank you, lol Sorry joe been offered it but i am loyal only to OA.com for my services as column writer. I don't prostitute my gift, plus I already was told this won't fly on foundry but i may do another type of column. "For all we have and are, for all our children's fate, stand up and take the war, the Hun is at the gate!" --- Rudyard Kipling She-Mail Me Here | ||||
Displaying 1-21 of 21 messages in this thread. |