The Unofficial Opie & Anthony Message Board - Favorite Comedy Bit of All Time

Home | Search | FAQ

The Unofficial Opie & Anthony Message Board - Favorite Comedy Bit of All Time

Page 1 2

Displaying 1-25 of 32 messages in this thread.

Posted By	Discussion Topic: Favorite Comedy Bit of All Time
Arthur Dent	posted on 10-30-2001 @ 11:50 AM
O&A Board Regular Registered: Nov. 00	Mr. Bun: Morning. Waitress: Morning. Mr. Bun: Well, what you got? Waitress: Well, there's egg and bacon; egg, sausage and bacon; egg and spam; egg, bacon and spam; egg, bacon, sausage and spam; spam, bacon, sausage and spam; spam, egg, spam, spam, bacon and spam; spam, sausage, spam, spam, spam, bacon, spam, tomato and spam; spam, spam, spam, egg and spam; (Vikings start singing in background) spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, baked beans, spam, spam, spam and spam. Vikings: Spam, spam, spam, spam, lovely spam, lovely spam. Waitress: (cont) or Lobster Thermidor au Crevettes with a mornay sauce served in a Provencale manner with shallots and aubergines garnished with truffle pate, brandy and with a fried egg on top and spam. Mrs. Bun: Have you got anything without spam? Waitress: Well, there's spam, egg, sausage and spam. That's not got much spam in it. Mrs. Bun: I don't want any spam! Mr. Bun: Why can't she have egg, bacon, spam and sausage? Mrs. Bun: That's got spam in it. Mr. Bun: It hasn't got as much spam in it as spam, egg, sausage and spam has it? Mrs. Bun: (over Vikings starting again) Could you do me egg, bacon, spam and sausage without the spam then? Waitress: Ech! Mrs. Bun: What do you mean ech! I don't like spam! Vikings: Lovely spam, wonderful spam....etc Waitress: Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Bloody vikings. You can't have egg, bacon, spam and sausage without the spam. Mrs. Bun: I don't like spam! Mr. Bun: Shh dear, don't cause a fuss. I'll have your spam. I love it. I'm having spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, baked beans, spam, spam, spam and spam. (starts Vikings off again) Vikings: Lovely spam, wonderful spam...etc Waitress: Shut up! Baked beans are off. Mr. Bun: Well, can I have her spam instead of the baked beans? Waitress: You mean spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, and spam? Vikings: (singing a wonderful cantata) Spam, spam, spam, spam. Lovely spam! Wonderful spaaam! lovely spam! Wonderful spam. Spa-a-a-a-a-a-a-am! Spa-a-a-a-a-a-a-am! Spa-a-a-a-a-a-a-am! Spa-a-a-a-a-a-a-am! Lovely spam! (Lovely spam!) Lovely spam! (Lovely spam!) Lovely spaaam! Spam, spam, spam, spaaaaam! ::Your turn::

Cranky Ass	posted on 10-30-2001 @ 11:54 AM
Psychopath Registered: Feb. 01	Carlin's 7 Words You Can't Say On Television. ________________ Read Me On Foundry \| Listen To Me On RonFez.net Radio \| AIM Me \| E-Mail Me Support Firemen, Red Cross, United Way, Salvation Army, and everyone else helping restore peace. In a show of unbridled adolescent arrogance, the brash, young Netscape thumbed its nose at the world by developing a clever little tag called BLINK. "We own the Web," it seemed to shout, "and you and your silly little standards can't do a thing about it." The tag was the antithesis of what HTML stood for, a blatant scar on the purity of a structural language. Even so, the mightiest of all software companies would not be outdone. Microsoft, in a moment of profound significance, volleyed back with marquee. Moving far beyond simple blinking text, this tag spewed words across the screen like a stock market ticker tape in an endless line of marching characters. If you'll agree with me for a moment that they are equally atrocious blemishes on the face of HTML, then I'll take a step into dangerous territory. I'll argue that BLINK is actually better than marquee. That's right, the most derided tag of all time, the source of endless rants, is actually a much more appropriate addition to electronic publishing than its Internet Explorer competitor. Here's why: BLINK, for all its annoying abuses, is actually an idiom that knows no real-world counterpart. As useful as marquee may appear at face value, it actually relies on a mechanical-age information-delivery mechanism that was designed the way it was because there was no choice. Ticker-tape machines from the 19th century were created to constantly stream stock-market information in a manner that made sense at the time: If you can't display the bits on a screen (because, well, they just didn't exist), then you'd have to print them on paper. And in order for the paper to be continuously fed into the machine, it would have to be a long tape. Therefore, the business leaders of the day grew accustomed to being fed their data on little strips of horizontal media. Now flash forward to the Web. Ever notice how every "paradigm-shifting" technology we see offers a new and improved way of getting stock quotes? Makes sense, I suppose, considering the people you have to convince to fund your start-up company are going to be attracted to that sort of information. Therefore, almost since the beginning of the commercial Web, stock quotes have been the killer app. And what better way to show stock quotes than the historically proven method of a ticker tape, which just happens to be really easy to emulate on a computer screen. Bingo! Every Web-enabled application in the world, including Internet Explorer, suddenly required a marquee-like feature. So why is this bad? And why on earth is BLINK better? Because the ubiquitous stock ticker relies on a mechanical interface, not a digital one. Would the designers of the original ticker-tape machines have used the long strip of paper if they could have relied on digital technology to display the information? Of course not. So why should you, on your Web pages? Another example: Remember those communication applications that used a telephone keypad on the screen to dial your modem? You had to poke at the buttons with your cursor to enter the number - ridiculous! Let mechanical interfaces stay in the real world, where we have things like physical laws to deal with. In the digital world, we're free to develop all the new idioms and interfaces we can imagine, free of the constraints of the old days. And that's why BLINK is better. It may be annoying. It may be the worst addition to the Web yet. But it's a far better step in the right direction. Only in the digital world can text methodically turn on and off. It's an idiom from the world of consumer electronics - digital clocks and VCRs asking to be programmed, blinking to the world that they need attention. Of course, that doesn't mean you should actually use it.... ACK (Anthony Cumia) + 2.15 ... OPIE (Opie Hughes) - 0.30 ... FAG (Rick Delgado) + 5.15 ... EARL (Black Earl) - 10.15 ... TWTO (Sandy Cane) - 23.15 ... PRST (Pornstars Not Getting Naked) - 66.15 ... GOAT (Jim Bruer) + 29.15 ... MBOP (Andrew Dice Clay) - 14.15 ... MOHR (Jay Mohr) + 5.15 ... PEDO (Jim Norton) + 25.15

o&aswallow	posted on 10-30-2001 @ 11:54 AM
O&A Board Regular Registered: Jan. 01	With your permission, I will be a bit more brief. George Carlin's masturbation bit. Comics talking masturbation = always funny. I know the task of satisfying the hotties is monumentous, but I am up to the task! American Patriot, Pennsylvania resident, but original NYC listener.

JackDan1974	posted on 10-30-2001 @ 12:16 PM
O&A Board Regular Registered: Jul. 01	Eddie Murphey - Delirious All time favorite

CriticsLoveSnatch i know better than to ask for a status from you mean ol' mods Emo Fag Emo Fag Emo Fag Emo Fag Emo Fag Emo Fag Emo Fag Emo Fag Emo Fag Emo Fag Emo Fag Emo Fag Emo Fag Emo Fag Emo Fag I shall call him mini-FTL	posted on 10-30-2001 @ 12:27 PM
O&A Board Regular Registered: Oct. 00	George Carlin's bits on the death penalty and his "4 prison farms" - fucking hysterical. And I'm still here waiting there, to catch you if you fall I don't know why I care so much, when I shouldn't care at all GO TERPS! GO YANKEES!

red rocket Secret Sex Chat	posted on 10-30-2001 @ 12:29 PM
O&A Board Regular Registered: Aug. 01	Here is on of my fav's: Abbott & Costello's Who's on First? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Abbott: Well Costello, I'm going to New York with you. The Yankee's manager gave me a job as coach for as long as you're on the team. Costello: Look Abbott, if you're the coach, you must know all the players. Abbott: I certainly do. Costello: Well you know I've never met the guys. So you'll have to tell me their names, and then I'll know who's playing on the team. Abbott: Oh, I'll tell you their names, but you know it seems to me they give these ball players now-a-days very peculiar names. Costello: You mean funny names? Abbott: Strange names, pet names ... like Dizzy Dean ... Costello: His brother Daffy Abbott: Daffy Dean ... Costello: And their French cousin. Abbott: French? Costello: Goofe' Abbott: Goofe' Dean. Well, let's see, we have on the bags, Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know is on third ... Costello: That's what I want to find out. Abbott: I say Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know's on third. Costello: Are you the manager? Abbott: Yes. Costello: You gonna be the coach too? Abbott: Yes. Costello: And you don't know the fellows' names. Abbott: Well I should. Costello: Well then who's on first? Abbott: Yes. Costello: I mean the fellow's name. Abbott: Who. Costello: The guy on first. Abbott: Who. Costello: The first baseman. Abbott: Who. Costello: The guy playing ... Abbott: Who is on first! Costello: I'm asking you who's on first. Abbott: That's the man's name. Costello: That's who's name? Abbott: Yes. Costello: Well go ahead and tell me. Abbott: That's it. Costello: That's who? Abbott: Yes. PAUSE Costello: Look, you gotta first baseman? Abbott: Certainly. Costello: Who's playing first? Abbott: That's right. Costello: When you pay off the first baseman every month, who gets the money? Abbott: Every dollar of it. Costello: All I'm trying to find out is the fellow's name on first base. Abbott: Who. Costello: The guy that gets ... Abbott: That's it. Costello: Who gets the money ... Abbott: He does, every dollar of it. Sometimes his wife comes down and collects it. Costello: Who's wife? Abbott: Yes. PAUSE Abbott: What's wrong with that? Costello: Look, all I wanna know is when you sign up the first baseman, how does he sign his name? Abbott: Who. Costello: The guy. Abbott: Who. Costello: How does he sign ... Abbott: That's how he signs it. Costello: Who? Abbott: Yes. PAUSE Costello: All I'm trying to find out is what's the guys name on first base. Abbott: No. What is on second base. Costello: I'm not asking you who's on second. Abbott: Who's on first. Costello: One base at a time! Abbott: Well, don't change the players around. Costello: I'm not changing nobody! Abbott: Take it easy, buddy. Costello: I'm only asking you, who's the guy on first base? Abbott: That's right. Costello: Ok. Abbott: Alright. PAUSE Costello: What's the guy's name on first base? Abbott: No. What is on second. Costello: I'm not asking you who's on second. Abbott: Who's on first. Costello: I don't know. Abbott: He's on third, we're not talking about him. Costello: Now how did I get on third base? Abbott: Why you mentioned his name. Costello: If I mentioned the third baseman's name, who did I say is playing third? Abbott: No. Who's playing first. Costello: What's on base? Abbott: What's on second. Costello: I don't know. Abbott: He's on third. Costello: There I go, back on third again! PAUSE Costello: Would you just stay on third base and don't go off it. Abbott: Alright, what do you want to know? Costello: Now who's playing third base? Abbott: Why do you insist on putting Who on third base? Costello: What am I putting on third. Abbott: No. What is on second. Costello: You don't want who on second? Abbott: Who is on first. Costello: I don't know. Together: Third base! PAUSE Costello: Look, you gotta outfield? Abbott: Sure. Costello: The left fielder's name? Abbott: Why. Costello: I just thought I'd ask you. Abbott: Well, I just thought I'd tell ya. Costello: Then tell me who's playing left field. Abbott: Who's playing first. Costello: I'm not ... stay out of the infield!!! I want to know what's the guy's name in left field? Abbott: No, What is on second. Costello: I'm not asking you who's on second. Abbott: Who's on first! Costello: I don't know. Together: Third base! PAUSE Costello: The left fielder's name? Abbott: Why. Costello: Because! Abbott: Oh, he's center field. PAUSE Costello: Look, You gotta pitcher on this team? Abbott: Sure. Costello: The pitcher's name? Abbott: Tomorrow. Costello: You don't want to tell me today? Abbott: I'm telling you now. Costello: Then go ahead. Abbott: Tomorrow! Costello: What time? Abbott: What time what? Costello: What time tomorrow are you gonna tell me who's pitching? Abbott: Now listen. Who is not pitching. Costello: I'll break your arm if you say who's on first!!! I want to know what's the pitcher's name? Abbott: What's on second. Costello: I don't know. Together: Third base! PAUSE Costello: Gotta a catcher? Abbott: Certainly. Costello: The catcher's name? Abbott: Today. Costello: Today, and tomorrow's pitching. Abbott: Now you've got it. Costello: All we got is a couple of days on the team. PAUSE Costello: You know I'm a catcher too. Abbott: So they tell me. Costello: I get behind the plate to do some fancy catching, Tomorrow's pitching on my team and a heavy hitter gets up. Now the heavy hitter bunts the ball. When he bunts the ball, me, being a good catcher, I'm gonna throw the guy out at first. So I pick up the ball and throw it to who? Abbott: Now that's the first thing you've said right. Costello: I don't even know what I'm talking about! PAUSE Abbott: That's all you have to do. Costello: Is to throw the ball to first base. Abbott: Yes! Costello: Now who's got it? Abbott: Naturally. PAUSE Costello: Look, if I throw the ball to first base, somebody's gotta get it. Now who has it? Abbott: Naturally. Costello: Who? Abbott: Naturally. Costello: Naturally? Abbott: Naturally. Costello: So I pick up the ball and I throw it to Naturally. Abbott: No you don't you throw the ball to Who. Costello: Naturally. Abbott: That's different. Costello: That's what I said. Abbott: Your not saying it ... Costello: I throw the ball to Naturally. Abbott: You throw it to Who. Costello: Naturally. Abbott: That's it. Costello: That's what I said! Abbott: You ask me. Costello: I throw the ball to who? Abbott: Naturally. Costello: Now you ask me. Abbott: You throw the ball to Who? Costello: Naturally. Abbott: That's it. Costello: Same as you! Same as YOU!!! I throw the ball to who. Whoever it is drops the ball and the guy runs to second. Who picks up the ball and throws it to What. What throws it to I Don't Know. I Don't Know throws it back to Tomorrow, Triple play. Another guy gets up and hits a long fly ball to Because. Why? I don't know! He's on third and I don't give a darn! Abbott: What? Costello: I said I don't give a darn! Abbott: Oh, that's our shortstop. Our Flag always stands. God Bless The USA.

GrkqtOandAfan Claim staked by FTL.	posted on 10-30-2001 @ 12:34 PM
O&A Board Regular Registered: Oct. 00	Hmmm... Eddie Murphy Delerious and Raw Bill Cosby - Himself John Leguizamo's Mambo Mouth, Spic-o-rama, and Freak favorite actual bit from one of the above has to be Bill Cosby when he talks about going to the dentist I know it's wrong and it makes you nauseous. But I'm not suspicious, I'm cautious. And you know I want to love and trust you. But it's really a lot to try and adjust to. This message was edited by GrkqtOandAfan on 10-30-01 @ 12:41 PM

GonzoStyle	posted on 10-30-2001 @ 12:37 PM
Hanger-On Registered: Jan. 70	I love the who's on first and there are dozens of Honeymooners and other gleason bits I love. But as far as one of probably the greatest and my favs is. Richard Pryor's, Mudbone skit: from live on the sunset strip. It's a great 15 minute skit which is really funny and all improvised as he went on. Honorable mention ofcourse Belushi's samuri and beethoven sketches and the famous "cheesebuga" sketch. If I could capture the rage of today's youth and bottle it Crush the glass with my bare hands and swallow it And spit it back in the face of you racists And hypocrites who think the same shit but don't say shit You Liberaces, Versaces and Nazi's watch me You motherfuckers wanna judge me cuz you're not me She-Mail Me Here This message was edited by GonzoStyle on 10-30-01 @ 12:40 PM

prototype	posted on 10-30-2001 @ 12:47 PM
Psychopath Registered: Aug. 01	Eddie Murphey-Raw and I have an old Cheech and Chong record that funny as hell. USA Bin Laden is a dead man Free Northern Ireland

spitfire421	posted on 10-30-2001 @ 1:00 PM
O&A Board Regular Registered: Dec. 00	Too (TWO!) many to mention, especially from the likes of Pryor, Murphy, Carlin, Belushi, Leary, etc. Saturday Night Lives had some of the best bits too, from Murphy as Buckwheat to Farley's motivational speaker "I live in a van...down by the river" guy Here's one that always makes me laugh, though [Sound of crickets. Guy walks across grass] [Joe:] "Hey pal! How ya doin?" [M2:] "I'm so wasted, man." [Joe:] "Yeah, you are, oh ho ho!" [M2:] "Thanks man." [Joe:] "It's good party, huh?" [M2:] "Oh, it's great man." [Joe:] "Hey that's some good acid, huh?" [M2:] "Oh, killer man." [Joe:] "Hey, my pleasure." [M2:] "I've never been higher." [Joe:] "Oh ho, you must be freaking out." [M2:] "Acid's great man." [Joe:] "It's the best." [M2:] "Everytime I do acid man, I'm so high." [Joe:] "Yeah, oh, you must be flipping out right now." [M2:] "This is the best acid, man." [Joe:] "What are you seein, man?" [M2:] "Oh, I, that cloud up there, man." [Joe:] "Whoa" [M2:] "It's got a vein in it." [Joe:] "Oh-Holy Cow! Really!?" [M2:] "And it's bleeding on me, man." [Joe:] "It's bleeding on ya? Well watch out!" [M2:] "Look at my hand, man." [Joe:] "Yeah?" [M2:] "It-It's moving, but it's not moving." [Joe:] "It's not?" [M2:] "It's still there, but it looks like it's moving." [Joe:] "Hey, yeah to you it is." [M2:] "I'm so high." [Joe:] "Yeah, you must be flipping out." [M2:] "I'm flipping out off it." [Joe:] "Hallucinations, man." [M2:] "Acid..right." [Joe:] "Hey, I got some news fer ya." [M2:] "I'm seeing stuff, man." [Joe:] "Yeah, yer seeing stuff." [M2:] "RIght." [Joe:] "Well, that's what happens when you take acid, but you know what?" [M2:] "What man?" [Joe:] "Uhhh, that really wasn't acid. That was just a little piece of paper I ripped off of my notebook." [Silence] [M2:] "Wha? It's probly this weed I'm smokin', man." [Joe:] "Oh, that weed." [M2:] "That Thai bud, man." [Joe:] "Whoa." [M2: Laughing] "Everything's hilarious." [Joe: Laughing] "That's funny man. Look at that guy." [M2: Laughing] "That's funny man." [Joe: Laughing] "Look at that guy's hat man." [M2: Laughing] "Everything's funny to me, man." [Joe:] "Right. Hey, how man bones didya smoke? A few joints, man?" [M2:] "I had about four." [Joe:] "Whoa, that's a lot of bones to be smokin', man." [M2:] "The whole thing's man." [Joe:] "Yeah, you sucked 'em down yerself." [M2:] "Ain't that hilarious!?" [Joe:] "You didn't wanna share, didja?" [M2:] "It was great stuff, man." [Joe:] "Aww, yeah, hey I got some news on that stuff too." [M2:] "Hey what man?" [Joe:] "That's the stuff I sold you, right? [M2:] "Yeah, right." [Joe:] "Yeah" [M2:] "It's funny, man." [Joe:] "Well, well, uh.." [M2:] "I'm wasted off it, man." [Joe:] "Yeah, well that's good. You smoked it, right?" [M2:] "Right." [Joe:] "Well that really wans't weed." [Pause] [Joe:] "No it wasn't, it was pencil shavings in a bag." [Silence] [Joe:] "Yeah." [M2:] "Well, it's probably this beer. This beer I'm drinking, man. I must be drunk off it or something. Ya know, I had about eighteen of them, man." [Joe:] "Whoa, oh really!?" [M2:] "I'm just..wasted off 'em." [Joe:] "That's a lot of beer for a man to drink." [M2:] "Man, I gotta pea pretty soon, man." [Joe:] "You didn't dump 'em out in the woods, didja?" [M2:] "No..no..no.. I drank all of them." [Joe:] "Right, yeah. I saw you..that's good. Hey didja eat today?" [M2:]"No, I'm on an empty stomach." [Joe:] "Whoa, you must be ..yea.. extra buzz for you." [M2:] "..And that's why I'm so wasted off it man, it's like I'm seeing things, man." [Joe:] "Yeah, you can hardly stand, man." [M2:] "You should take my car keys, cuz I can't drive, man." [Joe:] "Right, right." [M2:] "I can barely walk." [Joe:] "Hey man, you better open those eyes up, they're half shut." [M2:] "There's two of you, man. I can't see anymore, man, I'm blind!" [Joe:] "Right.. I got the beers, huh? I'm the man, right?" [M2:] "Yeah, you are the man." [Joe:] "Say it. Say I'm the man." [M2:] "Yer da man!!" [Joe:] "Okay, well that beer.." [M2:] "Yeah?" [Joe:] "There was no alcohol in that beer." [Pause] [Joe:] "That was non-alcoholic. So..uhh..again, I'm gonna have to bust you on this one. You're lying." [Silence] [M2: Mumbling] "I'll be right back." [Joe:] "Ok, buddy, you go sober up." [Walking different directions, gun goes off] [Joe:] "Oh my God! He killed himself! He killed himself!" [Runs over] [Joe:] "Oh my God! You killed yerself, buddy." [M2:] "Yeah, I'm dead, man." [Joe:] "Oh my, oh yer dead." [M2:] "Yeah, I'm dead, man." [Joe:] "That is awefull." [M2:] "There's a big white light and everything, man." [Joe:] "Yeah! Well you showed us all, man." [M2:] "Oh man, I'm so peaceful here man." [Joe:] "Yeah, you see anything weird, or.." [M2:] "My relatives, man, a big white light, and my grandfather's there and.." [Joe:] "Ooooh, I remember him, he's a good guy." [M2:] "He's still wearing the same clothes, and.." [Joe:] "Hey, say hello fer me, huh?" [M2:] "Hey man, Joe says hi, man." [Joe: Chuckling] "Right." [M2:] "It's yeah..My uncle's here and..." [Joe:] "Right..right.. Hey I got some news for ya. This is so funny." [M2:] "Yeah? What, man?" [Joe:] "Yeah, yeah, before you go, up to heaven. The gun, you killed yerself with, that's the one I sold you, right?" [M2:] "Yeah." [Joe:] "Yeah, well that was a cap gun. So, there's no way you could have killed yourself." [Pause] [Joe:] "Yeah, that's right, ok.. I'm going back to the party. Ok, take care." [Walks back] [M2: Whimpering and crying] "I'm moving to a different town man." [Four weeks later] [Pouring drink] [M2:] "Oh this beer is great, man. This tequila is really strong, man. It's got a worm, and everything in it, man." [Buffoon:] "Fuckin' shit!" [M2:] "All being in the sun, you're even more wasted. Fuckin' shit is right, man! I am totally wasted now, man. I should maybe get an umbrella or something and go in the shade." [Buffoon:] "I know a guy who can suck his own dick." [M2:] "Yeah, I know a guy who can do that too. He's the drummer from Molly Hatchet and one night we had two cases of Southern Comfort, man. We were so wasted off it. I'm serious man." *Old School? New School? Shit, I didn't even go to school!* NEVER FORGET!!!

Mrs. Moosen You think Flock is the real mod? Ha! Think again. USA	posted on 10-30-2001 @ 1:02 PM
Psychopath Registered: May. 01	I love Eddie Murphy RAW, Bill Cosby's "Toss of the Coin" bit, and Jim Carrey's Fire Marshall Bill. What that man can do with his face! Wanna use these cannons?

danked Dankarella!	posted on 10-30-2001 @ 1:12 PM
O&A Board Regular Registered: Aug. 00	I am King Shit of Fuck Mountain! heh, ever see Mr. Show? Zen and the Art of Message Board Posting

IrishAlkey Chucky Official OA.com Homo Nothing makes me harder than the thought of my lips wrapped around a pulsating cock, awaiting that one second when it will explode with semen, flooding my throat and nostrils until I choke. Jokes on you... This won't be here much longer... BTW: me and Ants have had sex multiple times and I ALWAYS catch. PORTUGAL CUNT ROCKETTE Look who's laughing now, fuckers!!! Is It In Yet? JYD-4-LIFE [Sarcasm]Subzero316 fan since day one!!1!![/Sarcasm] "my mod powers are on temporary hiatus" This status is sponsored by: P®oJë©T M@¥hέm	posted on 10-30-2001 @ 2:05 PM
O&A Board Veteran Registered: Aug. 01	Seph? I washed my ass, my taint is better now. Freedom is worth fighting for.Austin U. Graduate...can't ya tell?GrkQT = sig Queen!

Black Lazerus	posted on 10-30-2001 @ 2:16 PM
Psychopath Registered: May. 01	Vos: " I got a car" Black guy in back: " no you don't" The Leader Of The Black Revolutionary Army In God We Trust " all others pay Cash. Have 2 spots for Revolutionaries E-mail me @ snakeyes_08873@yahoo.com

barch97 BBTB The barch gots lots a dick Theoretically, if I were to smack you in the face with my penis, it would leave a bruise in the shape of a mushroom. I kind of enjoy my anonymity on the board WOW Forum Ambassador	posted on 10-30-2001 @ 2:28 PM
O&A Board Veteran Registered: Jul. 00	ass pennies Long Live the "Syndication Underground" This message was edited by barch97 on 10-30-01 @ 2:29 PM

disgustip8ed	posted on 10-30-2001 @ 2:40 PM
Psychopath Registered: Mar. 01	quote: Here is on of my fav's: Abbott & Costello's Who's on First? anyone else think that at the end of reading that skit, you would expect to hear "That's who you are now, Ah na, ah na. Now its mine." 'Wear your crutch like a crown of negativity. Calculate what we will not tolerate. Desperate to control, all and everything. Unable to forgive, Scarlet letterman.' MJK

SweetAngel	posted on 10-30-2001 @ 5:45 PM
Psychopath Registered: May. 01	Hudson & Landry - "Ajax Mortuary" *Graduated from the now-closed Brokenjaw school for newbies*

Sephiroth	posted on 10-30-2001 @ 5:55 PM
O&A Board Regular Registered: Dec. 00	quote: ass pennies Man #1- You Stick Pennies up your ass? Man #2- Sure do. $30 in pennies go up my ass everyday. Man #1- Why the hell would you do that!? Man #2- Simple, it's a confidence builder. Whenever i feel nervous or something like that, i just remember that any penny you have in your pocket was probably up my ass at some point. Then i get real confident! Great fucking sketch. quote: Seph? What? Vengence be thy name. Death be thy Chore. Move swiftly, Move silently and cede thy Wrath. AIM \| E-MAIL \| CHAT PREPARE FOR SCREAMING TEMPORAL DOOM !!

Cunt-Twat No real… its cool to wear childrens Band-Aids. I'm not a Cockblocker, I'm a COCKSUCKER!	posted on 10-30-2001 @ 6:23 PM
O&A Board Regular Registered: Jan. 01	quote: Vos: "I got a car" Black guy in the back: "no you don't" i agree!! that was very funny!! Remember-Laughter heals.

Froy King Shit board owner	posted on 10-30-2001 @ 7:27 PM
O&A Board Veteran Registered: Feb. 01	An absolute classic. John Cleese at his best... A customer enters a pet shop. Customer: 'Ello, I wish to register a complaint. (The owner does not respond.) C: 'Ello, Miss? Owner: What do you mean "miss"? C: I'm sorry, I have a cold. I wish to make a complaint! O: We're closin' for lunch. C: Never mind that, my lad. I wish to complain about this parrot what I purchased not half an hour ago from this very boutique. O: Oh yes, the, uh, the Norwegian Blue...What's,uh...What's wrong with it? C: I'll tell you what's wrong with it, my lad. 'E's dead, that's what's wrong with it! O: No, no, 'e's uh,...he's resting. C: Look, matey, I know a dead parrot when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now. O: No no he's not dead, he's, he's restin'! Remarkable bird, the Norwegian Blue, idn'it, ay? Beautiful plumage! C: The plumage don't enter into it. It's stone dead. O: Nononono, no, no! 'E's resting! C: All right then, if he's restin', I'll wake him up! (shouting at the cage) 'Ello, Mister Polly Parrot! I've got a lovely fresh cuttle fish for you if you show...(owner hits the cage) O: There, he moved! C: No, he didn't, that was you hitting the cage! O: I never!! C: Yes, you did! O: I never, never did anything... C: (yelling and hitting the cage repeatedly) 'ELLO POLLY!!!!! Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! This is your nine o'clock alarm call! (Takes parrot out of the cage and thumps its head on the counter. Throws it up in the air and watches it plummet to the floor.) C: Now that's what I call a dead parrot. O: No, no.....No, 'e's stunned! C: STUNNED?!? O: Yeah! You stunned him, just as he was wakin' up! Norwegian Blues stun easily, major. C: Um...now look...now look, mate, I've definitely 'ad enough of this. That parrot is definitely deceased, and when I purchased it not 'alf an hour ago, you assured me that its total lack of movement was due to it bein' tired and shagged out following a prolonged squawk. O: Well, he's...he's, ah...probably pining for the fjords. C: PININ' for the FJORDS?!?!?!? What kind of talk is that?, look, why did he fall flat on his back the moment I got 'im home? O: The Norwegian Blue prefers kippin' on it's back! Remarkable bird, id'nit, squire? Lovely plumage! C: Look, I took the liberty of examining that parrot when I got it home, and I discovered the only reason that it had been sitting on its perch in the first place was that it had been NAILED there. (pause) O: Well, o'course it was nailed there! If I hadn't nailed that bird down, it would have nuzzled up to those bars, bent 'em apart with its beak, and VOOM! Feeweeweewee! C: "VOOM"?!? Mate, this bird wouldn't "voom" if you put four million volts through it! 'E's bleedin' demised! O: No no! 'E's pining! C: 'E's not pinin'! 'E's passed on! This parrot is no more! He has ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker! 'E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed 'im to the perch 'e'd be pushing up the daisies! 'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E's off the twig! 'E's kicked the bucket, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisibile!! THIS IS AN EX-PARROT!! (pause) O: Well, I'd better replace it, then. (he takes a quick peek behind the counter) O: Sorry squire, I've had a look 'round the back of the shop, and uh, we're right out of parrots. C: I see. I see, I get the picture. O: I got a slug. (pause) C: (sweet as sugar) Pray, does it talk? O: Nnnnot really. C: WELL IT'S HARDLY A BLOODY REPLACEMENT, IS IT?!!???!!? O: Look, if you go to my brother's pet shop in Bolton, he'll replace the parrot for you. C: Bolton, eh? Very well. The customer leaves. The customer enters the same pet shop. The owner is putting on a false moustache. C: This is Bolton, is it? O: (with a fake mustache) No, it's Ipswitch. C: (looking at the camera) That's inter-city rail for you. The customer goes to the train station. He addresses a man standing behind a desk marked "Complaints". C: I wish to complain, British-Railways Person. Attendant: I DON'T HAVE TO DO THIS JOB, YOU KNOW!!! C: I beg your pardon...? A: I'm a qualified brain surgeon! I only do this job because I like being my own boss! C: Excuse me, this is irrelevant, isn't it? A: Yeah, well it's not easy to pad these python files out to 200 lines, you know. C: Well, I wish to complain. I got on the Bolton train and found myself deposited here in Ipswitch. A: No, this is Bolton. C: (to the camera) The pet shop man's brother was lying!! A: Can't blame British Rail for that. C: In that case, I shall return to the pet shop! He does. C: I understand this IS Bolton. O: (still with the fake mustache) Yes? C: You told me it was Ipswitch! O: ...It was a pun. C: (pause) A PUN?!? O: No, no...not a pun...What's that thing that spells the same backwards as forwards? C: (Long pause) A palindrome...? O: Yeah, that's it! C: It's not a palindrome! The palindrome of "Bolton" would be "Notlob"!! It don't work!! O: Well, what do you want? C: I'm not prepared to pursue my line of inquiry any longer as I think this is getting too silly! Sergeant-Major: Quite agree, quite agree, too silly, far too silly... I believe in the Faith... that can save me. I believe in the hope and I pray... That someday it may raise me... above these badlands

i'm a walking joint I wish I was still FNMoron's wet dream... but he left me for a BONG!	posted on 10-30-2001 @ 7:32 PM
Psychopath Registered: Jan. 01	i also like the Cosby bit. the part where he goes through someone getting drunk and vomitting is the best. the person claiming this is the last time i drink is right on and makes me laugh everytime. i also like the andy kaufman/jerry lawler bit they did a while ago. the Tennesse wrestling fans are such white trash. they really believe the stuff and want to kill Kaufman. funny stuff again.

short hills mall	posted on 10-30-2001 @ 11:19 PM
Psychopath Registered: Mar. 01	Probably the first time I saw Dice do his Nursery Rhymes-Summer '88 and also the first time I saw Denis Leary ('91)talk about smoking. How he want's a stoma so that he can smoke two cigarettes at once. I almost pissed myself laughing so hard. Bill Cosby was great too. PROUD MEMBER OF O&A'S ARMORED DIVISION Proud Uncle to Meatball Nip's Son-Zachary Ryan Flynn 9lbs 7oz 9-24-01 7:56pm

Joe Soprano	posted on 10-30-2001 @ 11:26 PM
O&A Board Regular Registered: Sep. 00	Delirious ("Goony goo goo!") is the tops on video. Tops on CD: The late great Kinison, "Have You Seen Me Lately?" Honorable mention: Bill Hicks "Rant in E Minor" "Who made you the comedy police?" - Mike Dinacola Semprini? GO BUCS

Joey BigArms I Need An Old Priest And A Young Priest	posted on 10-30-2001 @ 11:42 PM
O&A Board Regular Registered: Oct. 00	quote: Vos: " I got a car" Black guy in back: " no you don't" But that is not a bit Laz, you do have is car. Best bits; Abbott & Costello's whoâ€™s on first, Tequila being Italian, George Carlin on Airplanes, Eddie Murphey Ice Cream and Cheech & Chong getting pulled over by the cops. opieanthony.com; Like a retarded yoyo, you will keep coming back. *"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times" Charles Dickens*

HydratedPeach So... how did you get your spiffy new status? Age-Challenged Sexual Tension Relief Worker	posted on 10-31-2001 @ 12:34 AM
O&A Board Regular Registered: Jul. 01	Just about anything by Mitch Hedberg; his delivery alone cracks me up every time. "I think Pringle's started out to make tennis balls. But on the day the rubber was supposed to arrive, a truck full of potatoes showed up. But Pringle's is a very laid-back company. They said, 'Fuck it! Cut 'em up!'" "When someone tries to hand me a flier, it's like they're saying, 'Here, YOU throw this away.'" "Foosball is a combination of soccer and shish kebab." "I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it." "...Frogs are cool. When I see a frog hopping towards me I think, hey there is a frog coming towards me...cool. Maybe he will settle near me, and I will pet him. I can put him in a mayonnaise jar...with a stick and a leaf...because that is his natural environment, that is what he is used to." HydratedPeach Don't just stare at me...EAT ME.

Page 1 2
Displaying 1-25 of 32 messages in this thread.

The Leader Of The Black Revolutionary Army