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| Posted By | Discussion Topic: Jar Jar Binks is really a Fuck Toy | ||||
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| Shifty | posted on 03-14-2002 @ 4:18 PM |    | |||
| Psychopath Registered: May. 00  | These landover baptist people are hilarious. Here's the link. http://www.landoverbaptist.org/news0899/jar.html Life Sized Satanic Doll Serves As Masturbation Toy For America's Youth -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- When Mrs. Tawny Huxton opened her son Timmy's bedroom door, she was shocked to see his innocent white hiney nestled into the new 7ft Jar Jar Binks doll she had bought him for his birthday. Lately, many Americans have suffered similar incidents. Young children are being seduced by the character of George Lucas' latest Star Wars Movie. Jar Jar's soothing voice, and timid childlike manners, seem to lure young teens into a world of lustful abandon. Unsuspecting parents purchase the popular life-size doll, only to find out later that it is being used by the child as a masturbation toy. Under the guise of family entertainment, Lucas' "Star Wars" prequel has contaminated America's youth with subliminal sexual innuendo. Pastor Ebeneezer Smith of the Landover Baptist Church commented, "The demonic characteristics of the Jar Jar binks creature become obvious when one pays close attention. His forked tongue, his lapping, his malignant features, are all too noticeable to the Christ centered man." Experts who have examined the life-sized doll that has become the favorite 'toy' of 12-14 year old children, say that the evidence is overwhelming. The doll was created for the sole purpose of masturbation. It has four openings, and three extrusions, making it compatible for male or female pleasure. Members of The Landover Baptist Church are outraged at the Satanic subtlety in which marketing geniuses have moved this horrific abomination into the homes of America's youth. "One Mother was concerned that her young daughter was not interested in boys," a Pastor noted, "she asked her little girl, 'why don't you talk about the cute boys at school?' Her daughter replied, 'oh momma, nobody I know is cuter than Jar Jar Binks.' The mother was horrified." Landover Baptist Church finds that the only way to resolve this problem is to ban not only life sized Jar Jar Binks dolls from American homes, but to ban any life sized doll. "Any child that has seen this movie is finding that their natural attraction to members of the opposite sex is being replaced with an attraction to a 7ft devil with elephant feet, a 25 inch tongue, polka dot skin, a fish snout, and two phallic eyes that jut out like hard erotic pokers. For the Love of God! If you've got this devil in your house, remove it as soon as possible! | ||||
| IkeaBoy P.L.F. Portugese Liberation Front- Liberating Status' everywhere from the Tyranny of Portugal I will die a traitor's death | posted on 03-14-2002 @ 4:25 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Veteran Registered: Sep. 00 | Well a lot of Star Wars fans did consider Jar Jar satan "It appears my wee wee has been strucken with rigor mortis." | ||||
| darthziggy Isles fan for life | posted on 03-14-2002 @ 4:41 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Aug. 00 | He seemed to have as much brains as a fuck toy, although it seems the toy is a lot more fun to be around than the movie version. darthziggy@opieanthony.com Currently a student at Franklin Pierce College. Go Ravens! LET'S GO ISLANDERS My Website | ||||
| IrishAlkey Chucky Official OA.com Homo CUNT ROCKETTE Look who's laughing now, fuckers!!! Is It In Yet? JYD-4-LIFE [Sarcasm]Subzero316 fan since day one!!1!![/Sarcasm] "my mod powers are on temporary hiatus" This status is sponsored by: P®oJë©T M@¥hέm | posted on 03-14-2002 @ 4:48 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Veteran Registered: Aug. 01 | Meesa thinksa thatsa hot. | ||||
| HyBriD FN Moron is an indian giver!! I had my cool status for about 10 min. then it was gone. GONE! G.O.O.F.B.A.H.G.S. Agent WD40 Licensed to Kill My spoon is TOO BIG. (finally) Hanger-on to the JYDs for LIFE I INVENTED ORANGE MOTHERFUCKER This status is sponsored by: P®oJë©T M@¥hέm | posted on 03-14-2002 @ 4:54 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Sep. 01 | that's pretty fuckin weird. >) >) >) >) >) >) >) And even now the robot starts to think I wonder what it dreams | ||||
| handcock | posted on 03-14-2002 @ 4:55 PM | | |||
| Psychopath Registered: Feb. 02 | I think these people lost it. Check half way down the page, in the middle of the article: Billy Crystal - Talking Testicle In New Film Tiny Penis Found on Grinch Doll! Lucas Comissions Candy Sex Tounges! Satan's New Film: Toy Story 2 Potter Books Drive Children Insane! Pokemon: Pocket Demons N'SYNC Killed My Baby! Is Dancing A Sin? Not If It's For Jesus! Ricky Martin's Music Gets Girls Pregnant Is this for real?  "Every once in a while, when I think that I've had too much to drink, I realize that it's just the alchohol talking" "Life sucks, get a fuckin helmet"-Leary | ||||
| Shifty | posted on 03-14-2002 @ 5:02 PM | | |||
| Psychopath Registered: May. 00 | I actually spent like 30 minutes staring at this site wondering if it's real or just some kind of extremely fucked up comedy site. I still havent quite figured it out. | ||||
| darthziggy Isles fan for life | posted on 03-14-2002 @ 5:04 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Aug. 00 | quote: I don't know about the rest of the website, haven't looked at it, but this is a real "issue" in some places. I'm taking a class on Banned Books, and this was one of the first we talked about, because it has been challenged by tons of Bible-thumpers everywhere (mostly in the south, duh). They claim that Harry's use of witchcraft creates an unsafe influence on children and all that bullshit. There's also the issue about no parents and child abuse (being locked in a closet, and so on), but the religious groups are focusing mainly on the witch idea. darthziggy@opieanthony.com Currently a student at Franklin Pierce College. Go Ravens! LET'S GO ISLANDERS My Website | ||||
| handcock | posted on 03-14-2002 @ 5:06 PM | | |||
| Psychopath Registered: Feb. 02 | I feel your pain Shif-T, I hope it's fake, you really can't tell these days. Some of this shit is just f.....d "Every once in a while, when I think that I've had too much to drink, I realize that it's just the alchohol talking" "Life sucks, get a fuckin helmet"-Leary This message was edited by handcock on 3-14-02 @ 5:12 PM | ||||
| IkeaBoy P.L.F. Portugese Liberation Front- Liberating Status' everywhere from the Tyranny of Portugal I will die a traitor's death | posted on 03-14-2002 @ 5:14 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Veteran Registered: Sep. 00 | You know I want to call shenanigans on the whole thing. It just seems like The Onion. I thought the handcock post was a joke but it was officially on the site. Here's the potter articlequote:Why would a wizard use a butcher knife? I think this site is fake. "It appears my wee wee has been strucken with rigor mortis." | ||||
| IkeaBoy P.L.F. Portugese Liberation Front- Liberating Status' everywhere from the Tyranny of Portugal I will die a traitor's death | posted on 03-14-2002 @ 5:14 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Veteran Registered: Sep. 00 | / This message was edited by IkeaBoy on 3-14-02 @ 5:20 PM | ||||
| Turk ...btw, this thread will now self destruct in about 10 posts...sorry for the inconvenience... | posted on 03-14-2002 @ 5:15 PM | | |||
| Psychopath Registered: Sep. 00 | this link Visit this Website off of the bottom of the page on the origianl link states it is a "satirical website" however... quote: is probably the truth... | ||||
Displaying 1-12 of 12 messages in this thread. |