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| Posted By | Discussion Topic: Gonzo's Official Dictionary Of Pussy. Pussy For Dummies... | ||||
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| GonzoStyle | posted on 03-16-2001 @ 4:40 AM |    | |||
| Hanger-On Registered: Jan. 70  | There's lists and breakdowns of everything out there. Everything from 500 types of shit to thousands of disorders. There's lists for everything out there to describe things. Well what about mans best friend? yes pussy, what man doesn't love it? well except marco... now i know i'm the last perso you'd expect this from. But when there's no 6 year old boys out there to find or any in my basement i guess i turn to the next best thing... and when i can't find any dead people at the funeral homes i turn to the 3rd best thing and if i can't find any road kill on the highway or then i turn to the final alternative and that's the comforts of a woman. Plus *** you can read this with the family have no fear no nasty stuff here. Unless you're a tight ass chick who feels this demoralizes women and i say go fuck yourself cause most women lib chicks are dykes and lesbians anyway. The official list of types of pussy found throughout the land.  1. Expensive pussy: Most pussy falls into this definition. Expensive pussy can be recognized by the following - fur coats, $500 dresses, spandex, bright colored shorts, and shirts with greek letters on them. 98% of the pussy found on the USC campus falls into this catagory. Advantages: If you can afford it, it will be great. Disadvantages: Many, mostly in the form of checking account depletion. Often not worth it. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 2. Cheap pussy: Very rare. Usually comes in the form of a girlfriend of yours who will not go away no matter what you do. Cheap pussy can be recognized by the following - she will often pay for dinner, understands when you are broke, calls every day, wants it constantly, easily hurt, but shakes it off. Advantages: Inexpensive, guaranteed, loving, will try anything once and sometimes twice. You're lucky if you find this. Disadvantages: Won't go away, possessive, bugs you all the time, can keep you from the tasks of finding other pussy, will eventually want to get married and/or have children soon thus ruining it. Often not worth it. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 3. Hired pussy: Found in the Hollywood area of Southern Cal and in every other large city in the US and abroad. Recognized by scanty clothes and come-hither looks. Expense varies greatly with the quality. The difference between Hired pussy and Expensive pussy is that the money is up-front. Advantages: You don't have to stick around, won't tell your girlfriend, doesn't care who you are or what you look like, often very experienced, usually cheaper than Expensive pussy. Disadvantages: More expensive than Cheap pussy in the long run, risk of disease is high, is illegal in most areas and the risk of jail time is high. Often not worth it. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 4. Virgin pussy: This type is getting rarer each day. Recognized by conservative clothes, good manners, and a marked distaste for dirty jokes and porno movies. Can be very loving if you promise marriage, but will cause you more problems as you go along. Frustration level is high as Virgin pussy tends to want to stay that way for some unknown reason. Advantages: Risk of disease is very low, will offer a very tight "fit" if it gives in, sometimes open to new experience, will often offer "other" services if Virginity is to be maintained. Disadvantages: Usually will not give in until marriage, will cause discomfort upon use, not very imaginative, not usually using birth control which can cause "accidents," can only be used once. Usually not worth it unless you're into that sort of thing. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 5. Nympho pussy: Very rare. Recognized by the tendency to drag you by your balls into bed and going at it to the point of exhaustion. Very experienced, will teach you things you never knew. Expense varies depending on level of Nymphomania. Advantages: Will send you into la-la land, will try anything once. Disadvantages: You are probably not the only one, thus disease risk can be high, will tire you out and ask for more, can be unstable, will not give a steady relationship. Often not worth it. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 6. Frigid pussy: Less rare. See (4) for recognition. Difference is that this pussy will not yield no matter what. Any expense involved is simply wasted (unless you are into real frustration). Advantages: There are no advantages. Disadvantages: Too many to list here. Best to stay away once recognized. Never worth it. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 7. Innocent Nympho pussy: Rare. Recognized by being in a small, sweet, innocent package which you would never in a million years think would give in, but when it does, you are in for a hell of a surprise. Often mistaken for (4). Expense varies, but usually falls into the cheaper catagory. Advantages: The surprise is blissful. Always worth it. Keep it if you can. Disadvantages: If (4) is mistaken for (7), serious consequences may result. May or may not be faithful. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 8. Party pussy: Found at bars and at parties. Recognized by glass of wine in hand and bloodshot eyes. Will engage in group festivities while completely ripped. Expense usually covers drinks. Make sure you are not ripped as to better enjoy the experience. Advantages: Easy to obtain unless you are real unlucky. Be sure to say the right things. Disadvantages: Disease risk is high, will not usually remain faithful, the Support System may tend to puke all over you. Often not worth it. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 9. Nutsy pussy: Support System has psychological problems. Recognized by the fact that she will go out with you, then spill her problems on you. May tend to kill you while you sleep. Gives in for no apparent reason. Usually found as a quiet co-worker. Advantages: Easy. Disadvantages: Never really worth it.  Kid Touching Freak Of OpieAnthony.com Touching Children One At A Time | ||||
| CrackSweat | posted on 03-16-2001 @ 6:46 AM | | |||
| Psychopath Registered: Oct. 00 | WOW>> I need me a whole LOT of # 5 with a touch of #2 and #7 = a 14, got any of that? ;) This message was edited by CrackSweat on 3-16-01 @ 6:51 AM | ||||
| o&aswallow | posted on 03-16-2001 @ 8:31 AM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Jan. 01 | Gonzo, You overlooked one major piece of pussy, understandable seeing as you may not have encountered this one yet. Married Pussy - Appears in massive quantities during the dating and engaged years. Will do things to you that you never thought were possible. Costs little initially, cooks for you, worships you and is in or on your face at a momments notice. Suddenly, almost on command when Married Pussy hears the words, "I now pronounce you" it suddenly and unexpetantly slams itself shut. It dries up, becomes demanding, spends your money like it was water and threatens you the rest of your life with the known birthright of owning at minimum, half of everything that is yours. It will also harrass you, bitch at you anytime you fart, belch want to watch football turn your TV up to loud, throw your dirty underware on the floor or completely react opposite to anyway it reacted prior to hearing those words. Advantages - None Disadvantages - Everything   o&aswallow Recognized His Destiny Early. Too Many Hotties, Not Enough Horny Goat Weed It at first you don't succeed, keep on sucking till you do suck seed. - Curly Howard. | ||||
| Drunk Boy | posted on 03-16-2001 @ 8:59 AM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Sep. 00 | You know, I didn't want to puke after reading this. I think GonzoStyle is losing touch. Usually I read one of his posts and have to lay down for a bit. This one was not at all like that. What the hell happened man? Too many little boys? ;) Fyfetallica is my Newbie! | ||||
| spitfire421 | posted on 03-16-2001 @ 10:14 AM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Dec. 00 | Here's one gonzo: Teasing Pussy: Can be found abundance in bars, clubs, pool halls, message boards, etc. etc. This may even be a platonic friend. They like to get you all hot and bothered and then leave you saying "what just happened here?" They think boys are a fun game, but don't be fooled into thinking you'll be getting any. Also, use caution if you're in a dark room/never seen this person before...don't get your hopes up until the lights come on at the end of the night and/or you meet this pussy in person. Advantages: They make your days/nights go by rather quickly...this type of pussy can be quite entertaining. You always want what you can't get. Disadvantages: Warning: this pussy may be attached. Proceed with caution Also, may leave you with blue balls or cleanup problems.   | ||||
I Need An Old Priest And A Young Priest | posted on 03-16-2001 @ 10:25 AM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Oct. 00 | GonzoStyle, any of the above pussy listed is fine by me. Looking for somebody to adopt | ||||
USA Autoban Head Slap... Swim Move... | posted on 03-16-2001 @ 10:36 AM | | |||
| O&A Board Veteran Registered: Oct. 00 | quote: Isn't that like saying we like Country and Western music? But, I digress. Great book GonzoStyle. How about: MAIL ORDER PUSSY: I don't mean any of those devices you see in the back of the glossy porno mags, I mean the real, live pussy you can order from the back of those newspaper-like publications that only hard-core freaks read. (I saw one at Gonzo's place, ahem) These are the Asian, Eastern European and African pussy who are essentially slaves to be bought and sold. They have no say in what they can and cannot do and if you train them right, all you have to do is feed them and keep the doors and windows locked. Advantages: This pussy is just happy not to be beaten. Will try anything, anytime because it fears punishment. Also, if you play your cards right, will never be able to learn English and therefore will make you immune to meaningless conversation. Disadvantages: This is NOT legal. You have to sound proof the house and keep said pussy out of sight of the neighbors. Also, if you have a kind heart you might be tempted to let this pussy watch television. Once this pussy gets a view of American life, it has to be discarded, because it will start to become needy. Also, disposal of this pussy can be problematic.  Corpse is bringing the food, don't worry! | ||||
| GonzoStyle | posted on 03-16-2001 @ 1:29 PM | | |||
| Hanger-On Registered: Jan. 70 | quote: It's more like saying gonzo likes small philipino boys, it's a known fact. Kid Touching Freak Of OpieAnthony.com Touching Children One At A Time | ||||
USA Autoban Head Slap... Swim Move... | posted on 03-16-2001 @ 1:34 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Veteran Registered: Oct. 00 | Oh, yeah. My bad. Sorry. Corpse is bringing the food, don't worry! | ||||
| DaYellowJuandasun | posted on 03-16-2001 @ 2:08 PM | | |||
| Psychopath Registered: Jan. 01 | err.so where do i get one of these newspapers, its not for me, my friend wants it. "you, your very good you, I'm gonna be seeing alot of you" | ||||
| GonzoStyle | posted on 03-16-2001 @ 2:15 PM | | |||
| Hanger-On Registered: Jan. 70 | quote: Send all payments of 12.95 check or m/o made payable to Mr.Gonzo Style c/o Bellvue Mental Ward 598 houston New York, Ny 10..... shit i gotta go med time. Kid Touching Freak Of OpieAnthony.com Touching Children One At A Time | ||||
| Rog2K | posted on 03-16-2001 @ 2:20 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Jan. 01 | quote: No kidding! I did one of those half-squinted looks when I opened the thread and by the time I got to the end, my eyes were wide open! Good topic Gonzo!  E-F-F-E-C-T! A smooth operator operating correctly... | ||||
| darthziggy Isles fan for life | posted on 03-16-2001 @ 4:32 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Aug. 00 | great job gonz, this has been very informative to a youngin like me, might have to bookmark this for future reference. altho, swallow's might be the best advice of all :)  darthziggy@opieanthony.com shelle says i'm "pretty good of a friend" :p My adopted newbie: devil's a-hole, when he decides to post that is LET'S GO ISLANDERS | ||||
| o&aswallow | posted on 03-16-2001 @ 4:54 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Jan. 01 | Darth, I am sworn to educating the males of our society in learning the whole story of the institution they call marriage. Nobody will ever be able to say to me "why didn't you warn me dude?". The women get the picket fence, knight in shinning armor story, I 'll give you the rest of the story! o&aswallow Recognized His Destiny Early. Too Many Hotties, Not Enough Horny Goat Weed It at first you don't succeed, keep on sucking till you do suck seed. - Curly Howard. | ||||
| darthziggy Isles fan for life | posted on 03-16-2001 @ 6:47 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Aug. 00 | thanks a lot man, i'll remember to send you a thank you card at some point and not to invite you to my wedding ;) darthziggy@opieanthony.com shelle says i'm "pretty good of a friend" :p My unofficial adopted newbie: devil's a-hole, when he decides to post that is LET'S GO ISLANDERS | ||||
Displaying 1-15 of 15 messages in this thread. |