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| Posted By | Discussion Topic: Some Nice Masturbation Ideas... in the gonzostyle | ||||
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| GonzoStyle | posted on 04-15-2001 @ 4:26 AM |    | |||
| Hanger-On Registered: Jan. 70  | It's been a while since i have posted something revolting. i figured i'd go back to my old masturbation ideas post and come up with some new additions along with some old favorites. All this serious talk is great but we need to get back to basics. Stinging Bees Find a bee hive usually these can be found easily. When you are fully aroused gently insert your fully arounsed shaft into the hive and begin thrusting your manhood in back and forth. This will anger the bees who will ofcourse protect their turf by stinging you repeatedly. The stinging effect will provoke a fantastic hard on and wonderful ejaculation. Try this on a picnic, your loved one will have fun teasing you with the bees. If you're alone, you'll love the sensation for as long as you can stand the stinging. But be forewarned to have a cutting tool because your penis will swell up sometimes to three times its normal size. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Here Kitty I sometimes enjoy rubbing tuna oil on my penis and having the cat lick it off my balls. This give me an instant erection. I then begin beating the cat in the head with the shaft of my penis which cause the cat to begin biting my nut sack and clawing away at my penis and then i smack the cat away and start rubbing myself and the mixture of blood and oil makes me cum. oil and water may not mix but oil and blood works magic -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- With Grater Ease I have an affinity for cheesegraters, i guess it is my love for cheese. I like to take a huge chunk of swiss cheese and lubricate it with mustard cause i love my cheese with mustard. I then hump the cheese till i get an erection. I then grab a cheesegrater and i begin grating the swiis chunk onto a piece of bread i greate around the hunk so as to note grate away my entire penis. The friction of the grater coupled with the burning of the mustard that gives me instant pain and pleasure makes me splooge everywhere and i usually get some drippings on the bread. I then enjoy my cheese sandwich after the great sex as i soak my penis in a vinegar and lemon juice solution. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Tartar sauce I like to wrap my balls in barbwire and then run a straight razor up my pee-hole until blood starts to flow. Then I get excited and let my load go and it mixes with the blood and then I use it for tarter sauce in my fries. This is a good idea if you don't have catsup handy. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Light Up my world i picked this up working in a hardware store. I was storing away light bulbs and i dropped one and i watched it shatter. It gave me an idea. I took a couple regular bulbs and some small halogen bulbs. I stuck a halogen in my pee hole and i shoved two bulbs up my ass i then smack my ass cheeks together and the instant feelings of thousands of piece of glass in my ass gets me hard. I then smack my penis on a rock shattering the bulb inside my penis and it makes me spew dick snot, blood and shards of glass all over myself. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Oh, the pain I am only able to get an erection while cutting my penis. As you can imagine there are not many people (none in fact) who are willing to share in my perversities so I am forced to sit at home alone all day cutting myself. Sometimes when I am really angry at the world then I will take a Stanley knife to my bell-end and cut all the way around before ramming my penis into a solution of vinegar and lemon juice. This turns me on so much that I ejaculate immediately. As I have no lock on my bedroom door and still live with my parents I am frequently embarrassed when my mum will walk in, finding me breaking bottles over my penis, etc. I have tried on several occasions to explain my problems to her but she simply shouts 'Get out of the bathroom this instant- stop watching me in the shower.' and refuses to let me discuss anything with her. God, I'm so depressed. I think I'll go jab some pins into my testicles. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Pusshead Christ!!! My cock is in a right state. I've got blisters down the shaft usually from the bee hive. The sweat from my hands when I masturbate hurts like shit and makes it worse. The doctor says I've got to stop picking it. One day I wore a condom for the whole day to try and stop the infection. Within hours, my penis had shriveled up like a prawn and the condom had filled with puss. Last week I picked a hole clean through. I won't heal because my piss breaks the scab off. Someone help me. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Here, grandma I like to take a razor blade and cut open my scrotum sac and pull out the testicles. Then, I cut the cords to the nuts with the same razor blade. Finally, I feed my balls to my grandmother while she masturbates [Disclaimer: the views expressed in this post are by an extremely fucked up individual. Who has a history of mental illness and who is a psychotic kid touching blue freak. ummm actually i don't have a point to all this]  Have you come here for forgiveness Have you come to raise the dead Have you come here to play Jesus To the lepers in your head She-Mail Me Here This message was edited by GonzoStyle on 4-15-01 @ 4:50 AM | ||||
| WfairyOdustW | posted on 04-15-2001 @ 4:58 AM | | |||
| Hanger-On Registered: Feb. 01 | AHHHH My eyes!! Why did I just spend 5 min reading that!! Will I ever learn that any thread talking about sex started by GS will result in great discomfort and pain even tho im a girl. WARNING!! run away as fast as you can!! tee hee tee hee
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| Bumpkinhead | posted on 04-15-2001 @ 7:03 AM | | |||
| Psychopath Registered: Jan. 01 | quote:Dick snot. I just dropped a lung. lmybo. I actually tried the "Stinging bees". IT hurts . I spent a week in the hospital. I had to stay fully aroused at all times. If I had gone soft I would have had to have my penis operated on. Thank GOD for porno.  | ||||
| Bumpkinhead | posted on 04-15-2001 @ 7:03 AM | | |||
| Psychopath Registered: Jan. 01 | quote:Dick snot. I just dropped a lung. lmybo. I actually tried the "Stinging bees". IT hurts . I spent a week in the hospital. I had to stay fully aroused at all times. If I had gone soft I would have had to have my penis operated on. Thank GOD for porno. | ||||
| That Guy | posted on 04-15-2001 @ 8:19 AM | | |||
| Psychopath Registered: Dec. 00 | Thank You Gonzo. It is wonderful that you share so much on this beautiful Easter Sunday. Are you going to hold that special little easter egg hunt in your basement for all the kids in your hood today? Make sure not to get any blood on the bunny suit. " I wanna easter egg ....I wanna easter egg .....I wanna easter egg!!!!!" "Cry havoc...and let slip the dogs of war!" This message was edited by That Guy on 4-15-01 @ 8:40 AM | ||||
| KeeKee
| posted on 04-15-2001 @ 8:54 AM | | |||
| Psychopath Registered: Sep. 00 | God Damn it GS it's Easter Sunday for christ sakes...wheres the suggestions about using eggs, red dye #5, wire and a strainer? How could you be so irresponsible  This message was edited by KeeKee on 4-15-01 @ 8:57 AM | ||||
| Tequila Fez claims this land in the name of Portugal! Why worry about the train if it never makes it around the tracks?? IrishAlkey wuz here!!! | posted on 04-15-2001 @ 11:38 AM | | |||
| O&A Board Veteran Registered: Jan. 01 | Thanks GS there is 5 minutes of my live I am not ever going to get back | ||||
| GonzoStyle | posted on 04-15-2001 @ 3:18 PM | | |||
| Hanger-On Registered: Jan. 70 | why don't you all follow in the lords footsteps on this easter sunday and learn from the ways of jesus... nail yourselfs to a fuckin cross and see if you make it back. Have you come here for forgiveness Have you come to raise the dead Have you come here to play Jesus To the lepers in your head She-Mail Me Here | ||||
| Fyfetallica | posted on 04-15-2001 @ 3:28 PM | | |||
| Psychopath Registered: Aug. 00 | quote: first off, gonz.... OH MY GOD! Ouch man, that was disturbing, but im not offended, i try to gross myself out at least once a day, to keep it real, im good for the month now thanx  A man lies in his bed in a room with no door He waits, hoping for a presence, something, anything to enter After spending half his life searching He still felt as blank as the ceiling at which he stared He is alive, but feels absolutely nothing, so is he? When he was six, he believed that the moon overhead followed him By nine, he deciphered the illusion, trading magic for fact, no trade-backs So this is what it's like to be an adult? If he only knew now what he knew then :)Official UN-Official Newbie father to radio-star and Claire:) This message was edited by Fyfetallica on 4-15-01 @ 3:30 PM | ||||
| Sephiroth | posted on 04-15-2001 @ 3:29 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Dec. 00 | I will never look at Masturbation the same way again. Thanks Gonzo. "In my veins courses the blood of the ancients... I am one of the rightful heirs to this planet!" "What I have shown you is reality. What you remember, that is the illusion."-Sephiroth "Jesus Christ buddy, you are WHITE! Do you live underground or something?"- Vos Have any anime questions? Send me a E-mail or IM me at AIM: Hitokiri182 Go to foundry Chat, home of NUDE TEEN Chatters I am Master Shredder....I am Ninja Master | ||||
| FeelMyFunBags | posted on 04-15-2001 @ 3:33 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Jan. 01 | What scares me more than anything is that I didn't find anything even remotely that disturbing.... How I'm craving you, yeah! Every time I'm near you I always want to swallow you down I'll be right here if ya' need me In my life, I'll need you here, don't ask why I'll never disappear | ||||
| GonzoStyle | posted on 04-15-2001 @ 5:04 PM | | |||
| Hanger-On Registered: Jan. 70 | quote: Tequila qouldn't you need to have a life to lose any part of it? Have you come here for forgiveness Have you come to raise the dead Have you come here to play Jesus To the lepers in your head She-Mail Me Here | ||||
| PatCooper | posted on 04-15-2001 @ 5:10 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Jan. 01 | quote: Did Jeseus nail himself to the cross.Or did someone else do the actual nailing?  | ||||
| geedagreek | posted on 04-15-2001 @ 5:15 PM | | |||
| Psychopath Registered: Sep. 00 | thank you gonz, next time i have the urge to spank it ill think of this thread...i wont be able to spank it for a month now....:-( official drunk driver of the fuck truck.... and my name IS satan, for your information!!!!! | ||||
| GonzoStyle | posted on 04-15-2001 @ 5:16 PM | | |||
| Hanger-On Registered: Jan. 70 | quote: since i am the resident jew, i will do all the nailing...happy? now laugh you prick!!! Have you come here for forgiveness Have you come to raise the dead Have you come here to play Jesus To the lepers in your head She-Mail Me Here | ||||
| SFShield | posted on 04-15-2001 @ 10:08 PM | | |||
| Psychopath Registered: Feb. 01 | The sick part is, I kept on reading it after the first two. -My boss is an f'n tool- -Official host of the wookie pool party- | ||||
| The Mrs. | posted on 04-15-2001 @ 11:43 PM | | |||
| Psychopath Registered: Feb. 01 | Makes me think twice about doing it...yeah ok...Must make mental note. Never read this again or i'll naver get in the mood! Yikes Guess who's heart I have? | ||||
Displaying 1-17 of 17 messages in this thread. |