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| Posted By | Discussion Topic: DR. GONZO'S (TM) GUIDE TO SPICING UP YOUR ASEXUAL LIFE. | ||||
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| GonzoStyle | posted on 04-20-2001 @ 4:06 AM |    | |||
| Hanger-On Registered: Jan. 70  | SURGEON GONZO'S(tm) WARNING: Please do not try these at home folks you must be a profesional sick fucked up person to pull these off. But enjoy reading the horror that lies within, please feel free to share. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Swat! I like to grab my balls until they turn blue. Then I swat them with a fly swatter. After that I put icy-hot on my balls and shaft and it gives them a hot burning sensation -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Boiled eggs Before starting to masturbate, take a beer bottle, drink it, and shove it up your asshole. I don't need anything else, but I sometimes wank at the same time and close my eyes and pour boiling hot water on my penis. This gives smashing orgasm. The first time I tried it, it was beyond belief! You might get burns but after they heal and masturbate it will feel double as good because you're loaded with cum. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Tacky fun Take a mason ball jar. Fill it with a mixture of metal-head thumbtacks and Vaseline. Mix it thoroughly so the thumbtacks are nice and slick. Then, stick your hard dick into the jar and go to town. Yes, it will hurt some, but the pleasure is beyond description!!! Trust me on this. All my friends swear by it....ok i don't have friends but i do like it! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Bake off I use the Oven. What I do is turn it on at 350 degrees, place my dick on a cookie sheet and stick the cookie sheet in the oven on the middle rack with my penis on the edge of it. I have to literally straddle the oven by hugging it tight, but my wad is guaranteed to spurt all over the inside of the oven in a matter of minutes. This can be dangerous and very hot, so please be careful. I was once brave enough to pour grease in the bottom of the cookie sheet and wait until it started to boil and burn my penis. This can hurt, but once you let you penis cool you can pick the scabs, let the pus run and .. bammo .. instant lubrication. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Brooklyn cheese A La Gonzo(tm) When I want to jack off.... I like to rub my cock on a cheese grater. The blood makes for great lube. Then I touch the tip of my cock to a searing hot light bulb and it makes my cock blister and bubble. OOHHH YEAHHH!!! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Twisty ties What I love to do is to wrap my penis in twisty bread ties (or garbage bag ties). I wrap about 6 or 7 ties really tight around my cock then I put my cock underneath the toilet seat and then proceed to slam the seat hard as I can on top of my cock! I come so hard some times I bleed!! Yes i bleed i am a gonzo(tm) but i bleed dammit. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Take my temperature Apply a 1/4 teaspoon of Vaseline on the tip of your dick. Using the bulb end of a rectal thermometer "push" the Vaseline into your urethra. After three pushes with the bulb take your fingers and squeegee the Vaseline down the urethra towards the base. Repeat this two or three times to get the urethra coated well with the Vaseline. Then lube up your entire shaft and the thermometer with Vaseline and slowly insert the thermometer into your dick. Go slowly at first because this will cause irritation. As you get accustomed to this you will start to feel pleasures that you never thought possible! After you are comfortable with this and are no longer feeling any discomfort, try this, after inserting the thermometer all the way down into your dick. Hold onto the end and rock your hips in the same way as you would when fucking. You are literally fucking your own dick! BE VERY CAREFUL!!! Do not get too wild or you will injure the urethra. Also remember the thermometer is made of glass, to break it while inside would not be good at all! With practice this feels great! On average I do this one to two times a week. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Pluck For men and women--- just when you're at the point of orgasm, yank out a few pubes with your other hand. This pain hyper-sensitizes your fun spots creating an explosion pleasure like you've never felt before. For those who are shaven--- inserting a small pin or needle into your peehole has the same effect. Remember You Must Be A Proffesional To Perfrom these Sensless Acts Of Self Violence.   And The Earth Becomes My Throne I Adapt To The Unknown By Myself But Not Alone. I Ask No One And My Ties Are Severed Clean The Less I Have The More I Gain Off The Beaten Path I Reign She-Mail Me Here | ||||
| geedagreek | posted on 04-20-2001 @ 4:11 AM | | |||
| Psychopath Registered: Sep. 00 | well, thats what i get for not being able to sleep...now im numb to the shock, so does that make me evil, too? i can just imagine what CBH has in store for his return.... "DO you know what a love letter is?...It's a bullet from a FUCKING GUN...staight through your heart....." Jesse Jones, Yuppicide | ||||
| Sephiroth | posted on 04-20-2001 @ 4:22 AM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Dec. 00 | Sweet Mother of Christ, "Take my Tempeture"?!? And you wonder why the girls run away screaming from you. Good job Gonzo. LOL  "In my veins courses the blood of the ancients... I am one of the rightful heirs to this planet!" "What I have shown you is reality. What you remember, that is the illusion."-Sephiroth "Jesus Christ buddy, you are WHITE! Do you live underground or something?"- Vos Have any anime questions? Send me a E-mail or IM me at AIM: Hitokiri182 Go to foundry Chat, home of NUDE TEEN Chatters I am Master Shredder....I am Ninja Master | ||||
| GonzoStyle | posted on 04-20-2001 @ 4:23 AM | | |||
| Hanger-On Registered: Jan. 70 | Hey come on don't forget i have a new sig pic now. Sorry hope i don't give you nightmares now grk. quote: Yeah actually i do? maybe it is because i am such a revelutionary? And The Earth Becomes My Throne I Adapt To The Unknown By Myself But Not Alone. I Ask No One And My Ties Are Severed Clean The Less I Have The More I Gain Off The Beaten Path I Reign She-Mail Me Here This message was edited by GonzoStyle on 4-20-01 @ 4:26 AM | ||||
| geedagreek | posted on 04-20-2001 @ 4:26 AM | | |||
| Psychopath Registered: Sep. 00 | oh yeah, nice sig, that one's not disturbing....ENOUGH..... "DO you know what a love letter is?...It's a bullet from a FUCKING GUN...staight through your heart....." Jesse Jones, Yuppicide | ||||
| GonzoStyle | posted on 04-20-2001 @ 4:28 AM | | |||
| Hanger-On Registered: Jan. 70 | quote: hey just trying to keep up with the whole kid thing, anyway i like touching kids schmekels and then just grabbing them up. whores are asking for it anyway. And The Earth Becomes My Throne I Adapt To The Unknown By Myself But Not Alone. I Ask No One And My Ties Are Severed Clean The Less I Have The More I Gain Off The Beaten Path I Reign She-Mail Me Here | ||||
| geedagreek | posted on 04-20-2001 @ 4:31 AM | | |||
| Psychopath Registered: Sep. 00 | i would comment if i could stop laughing...and they do ask for ti, lickin their lollipops, playing with their guns, i mean, they should know theyre turnin ya on right??? "DO you know what a love letter is?...It's a bullet from a FUCKING GUN...staight through your heart....." Jesse Jones, Yuppicide | ||||
| Sephiroth | posted on 04-20-2001 @ 4:34 AM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Dec. 00 | quote: Oh, i get it. Dr. Jack Kevorkian did it with Assisted Suicide. You are doing it with Molesting children, murdering them, and making humerous posts about it. "In my veins courses the blood of the ancients... I am one of the rightful heirs to this planet!" "What I have shown you is reality. What you remember, that is the illusion."-Sephiroth "Jesus Christ buddy, you are WHITE! Do you live underground or something?"- Vos Have any anime questions? Send me a E-mail or IM me at AIM: Hitokiri182 Go to foundry Chat, home of NUDE TEEN Chatters I am Master Shredder....I am Ninja Master | ||||
| geedagreek | posted on 04-20-2001 @ 4:37 AM | | |||
| Psychopath Registered: Sep. 00 | quote: its not that hes murdering them, its he finds fun new ways HOW to do it that makes him revolutionary... "DO you know what a love letter is?...It's a bullet from a FUCKING GUN...staight through your heart....." Jesse Jones, Yuppicide | ||||
| GonzoStyle | posted on 04-20-2001 @ 4:38 AM | | |||
| Hanger-On Registered: Jan. 70 | quote: yes yes seph now you are learning you fuckin slope. Rape a kid, slit their throats, and help over population. You chinks are over populating the world anyway. 1.2 billion chinks i mean come on. And The Earth Becomes My Throne I Adapt To The Unknown By Myself But Not Alone. I Ask No One And My Ties Are Severed Clean The Less I Have The More I Gain Off The Beaten Path I Reign She-Mail Me Here | ||||
| Sephiroth | posted on 04-20-2001 @ 4:45 AM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Dec. 00 | quote: We have alot of Children for a reason Gonzo. Because you end up killing half of them every year on your monthly "Business Trips". Why else do you think we just haul the sick ones out to the airport to you? So you take them, board the plane again, and leave the goods ones alone! "In my veins courses the blood of the ancients... I am one of the rightful heirs to this planet!" "What I have shown you is reality. What you remember, that is the illusion."-Sephiroth "Jesus Christ buddy, you are WHITE! Do you live underground or something?"- Vos Have any anime questions? Send me a E-mail or IM me at AIM: Hitokiri182 Go to foundry Chat, home of NUDE TEEN Chatters I am Master Shredder....I am Ninja Master | ||||
| Mi1o Yambag | posted on 04-20-2001 @ 5:43 AM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Oct. 00 | Congratulationss! You have officially reaffi9mes yourself as the sicket fuck i have evetr met A friend with weed is a friend indeed. A friend without it is a friend in need. "Prohibition...goes beyond the bounds of reason in that it attempts to control a man's appetite by legislation and makes a crime out of things that are not crimes. A prohibition law strikes a blow at the very principles upon which our government was founded." --Abraham Lincoln "Make the most of hemp seed, sow it everywhere." --George Washington | ||||
| Brokenjaw Always will bow down to the power of the Faceman!!!! | posted on 04-20-2001 @ 6:19 AM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Nov. 00 | GOD DAMN IT you kid touching freak you. I want my 45 seconds back for reading that, damn nowI have to go to work with the image of you puting your dick on a cookie sheet in the oven. Gonzo my friend you are fucked up.But I must say I ROFLMMFAO when I read it.. DAMN YOU DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL!!1 | ||||
| FeelMyFunBags | posted on 04-20-2001 @ 9:31 AM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Jan. 01 | Ok...I am disturbed....very very disturbed. Any of you boys want to try the thermometer game? ;) GS...just when I think you can't get any stranger, you go out and amaze me yet again...by the way nice new sig....  How I'm craving you, yeah! Every time I'm near you I always want to swallow you down I'll be right here if ya' need me In my life, I'll need you here, don't ask why I'll never disappear | ||||
| FukMeBoobs | posted on 04-20-2001 @ 10:17 AM | | |||
| Psychopath Registered: Feb. 01 | ug the worst visual has to be Brooklyn Cheese a La Gonzo (TM)...yikes and the horrific part is the whole searing hot light bulb bit. It effin hurts when you touch one with your finger! Care to stick your hot dog in between my buns? | ||||
| Grumpy SAGILLID The Midget Message Board Mauler rides his trusty mount Wilbur once again!! Internet Idiots beware!! | posted on 04-20-2001 @ 10:35 AM | | |||
| O&A Board Veteran Registered: Dec. 00 | ::walks in , reads the thread, shakes his head in confusion from a sense of deja vu:: Pnderous, fn pnderous.. GS - seek therapy. and quickly. BTW - fuckin hysterical new sig pic. LMMFBO  5 Million sperm and YOU had to be the one to get through? | ||||
| The Brain | posted on 04-20-2001 @ 12:10 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Feb. 01 | I don't know whether to be more shocked by an appearance from Grumpy or Dr. Gonzo's (TM) new sig... in either case, goddamn Gonzo you are out of your friggin' mind, man! LMMFAO "ARE YOU PONDERING WHAT I'M PONDERING?" | ||||
| Mr. Brownstone | posted on 04-20-2001 @ 2:34 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Dec. 00 | I can't wait 'till the FBI gets a hold of this thread. Life's a gas, Life's a gas, Life's a gas, a gas, oh yeah Life's a gas, Life's a gas, Life's a gas, a gas, oh yeah So don't be sad 'cause I'll be there Don't be sad at all ---Joey Ramone. | ||||
| MaynardGKrebs | posted on 04-20-2001 @ 2:49 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Veteran Registered: Jan. 01 | You are a bastard GS. I don't mind all the kid touching posts. I don't mind the shoving the eggplant up your ass posts. I dtn't even mind the fucking your dead aunt posts either. But this has to stop. You're talking about mutilating your own penis man. Please. You're killing us. | ||||
| Kim | posted on 04-20-2001 @ 3:00 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Jan. 01 | At least he's not doing it to your penis... | ||||
| Crybaby Howie ORIGINAL DOUCHEBAG!! | posted on 04-20-2001 @ 3:13 PM | | |||
| Psychopath Registered: Apr. 01 | Ya want penis mutilation...try having Grumps little sister slob your rape hammer...between her seizures and those braces on her "Graveyard" teeth she leaves your kid candy resembling a pile of maggot infested warm roast beef..lol!! I found it easier if ya remover her from her wheelchair first before fouling her cum funnel!! | ||||
| GonzoStyle | posted on 04-20-2001 @ 3:35 PM | | |||
| Hanger-On Registered: Jan. 70 | quote: Howie this is why i always loved you my friend, finally the only man who understands me is back. "Rape Hammer" dude that is priceless, i usually it call it my "dangling fury." But i gotta admit that what you do with grumpy's sister is this. When you have her wart ridden ass in the wheel chair since she has no legs grab onto her stumps like a couple of gear shifts and ram your cocl in her mouth, i don't mind the braces cause they would rip the warts on my cock and filled cum riddled mouth with puss and would remove the film from her "summer teeth". And The Earth Becomes My Throne I Adapt To The Unknown By Myself But Not Alone. I Ask No One And My Ties Are Severed Clean The Less I Have The More I Gain Off The Beaten Path I Reign She-Mail Me Here | ||||
| Crybaby Howie ORIGINAL DOUCHEBAG!! | posted on 04-20-2001 @ 3:42 PM | | |||
| Psychopath Registered: Apr. 01 | LMGCBPMCO -- Laughing My Greasy Chlymidia Blister Pock Marked Cock Off..lol!! Yes i do indeed understand your style Gonzo..lol!! And as for your membership goes....i spoke with the big cheeses at NAMBLA and they said you got in a long time ago...you should have received your membership kit and special edition Jon Benet Ramsey Real Doll with the Prom Queen Lips..lol!! I'm gonna work on bringing a 3rd disgustin party to round out this equation...remember JimmySnuka?? He's still one of the most foul fucks i've ever met along with you..lol!!! He's the only one i know who gets a raging Blood Pop when walking past the Toddlers panties section at Kids-R-Us..LOL!! | ||||
| GonzoStyle | posted on 04-20-2001 @ 4:01 PM | | |||
| Hanger-On Registered: Jan. 70 | quote: i did howie i paid my 35 bucks and the membership kit is in. I even got it in, in time for the exclusive "Jon benet Ramsey Autopsy Erotica Photos" Is snuka still alive, lol? Whenever i visit the kids panties section at toys r us i can't help but rip a pair of powder puff girls panties off the rack. Drop them on the floor and whip out my raging snot rocket and hump the panties in aisle 3 of the store. Then i go down to the childrens pick up section of the local nursery with a cloth some cholorform and a box cutter. Life is good my friend having you back here. And The Earth Becomes My Throne I Adapt To The Unknown By Myself But Not Alone. I Ask No One And My Ties Are Severed Clean The Less I Have The More I Gain Off The Beaten Path I Reign She-Mail Me Here | ||||
| Crybaby Howie ORIGINAL DOUCHEBAG!! | posted on 04-20-2001 @ 4:06 PM | | |||
| Psychopath Registered: Apr. 01 | You lucky shit!! You got the 'Autopsy Erotica" photos?? I guess i was too late...I got the doll with the "Self-Adjusting Tonsils" and a pair of pissed on bedsheets..lol!! After soaking the piss stains in a lemonade jar with a little Absolut, it made a pretty interesting drink. Kinda tasted like a mouthful of rusted nails with a hint of blood and alcohol..and the aroma of Baby wipes!! LOL!! ...and with that you jizz guzzling Colon teasers, I'm off to plow Gonzo's mom like an Idaho Potato field..Lol!! Have fun tools! Catch ya tomorrow!! This message was edited by Crybaby Howie on 4-20-01 @ 4:13 PM | ||||
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Displaying 1-25 of 31 messages in this thread. |