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| Posted By | Discussion Topic: Blonde Jokes (or other tasteless or offensive humor) | ||||
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| o&aswallow | posted on 05-07-2001 @ 3:09 PM |    | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Jan. 01  | OK, what appears to be one very slow board day, let's pass on some chuckles by sharing your favorite blonde joke. Your not limited to blonde jokes, other lifestyles or groups are also welcome. If you feel obligated to tell a racist joke, have enough respect to ring the bell after your joke. There was a blonde woman named Valerie who was having financial troubles so she decided to kidnap a child and demand a ransom. She went to a local park, grabbed a little boy, took him behind a tree and wrote this note: "I have kidnapped your child. Leave $10,000 in a plain brown bag behind the big oak tree in the park tomorrow at 7 AM. Signed, Valerie, The Blonde." She pinned the note to the boy's jacket and told him to go straight home. The next morning, Valerie returned to the park to find the $10,000 in a brown bag behind the big oak tree, just as she had instructed. Also inside the bag was the following note... "Here is your money. I cannot believe that one blonde would do this to another!"  o&aswallow Recognized His Destiny Early. Too Many Hotties, Not Enough Horny Goat Weed It at first you don't succeed, keep on sucking till you do suck seed. - Curly Howard. | ||||
| Drunken GW I Pissed on a Church to get this Status. | posted on 05-07-2001 @ 3:40 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Dec. 00 | The wedding date was set and the groom's three pals, a carpenter, an electrician, and a dentist, were deciding what pranks to play on the couple on their wedding night. The carpenter decided that he would saw the slats off their bed. The electrician figured that wiring the bed with alternating current would give them a few chuckles. The dentist would not tell the others what he had done, and wore a sly grin, simply suggesting that his gag would be a memorable one. The wedding and reception went as planned. A few days later, each of the groom's three friends received a letter which read as follows. Dear friends, We didn't mind the bed slats being sawed. The electric shock was only a minor setback. But, I swear to God Almighty, I'm going to kill the idiot who put Novocain in the K-Y Jelly.  Half assing it. | ||||
| Banana_juice | posted on 05-07-2001 @ 3:53 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Jan. 01 | A man and a woman are sitting next to each other at a bar getting drunk. The man turns to the woman and asks her why she's so down. "My husband just left me. He said I'm too kinky in bed," she said. "What a coincidence! My wife just left me," said the man, "she told me that I was too kinky for her, too!" The two talk a little while longer, and finding that they have so much in common they decide to go back to the woman's house to have kinky sex. When they get to the woman's house she turns to the man and says, "Give me ten minutes, I want to slip into something more comfortable." She goes into the bathroom and changes into a full leather dominatrix outfit. However, as she is coming out of her bathroom, the man is putting on his coat and walking out the door. "What happened?" She said, "I thought you wanted to have kinky sex?" He looks at her and says, "Well, I just screwed your cat and shit in your purse. I'm done." proud graduate of Newbie University. Honor Student of Lord Magus's class. E-Mail Me | ||||
| adolescentmasturbator | posted on 05-07-2001 @ 3:54 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Jan. 01 | A blonde gets a phone call saying that her mother has died. She starts to cry and her boss asks if she needs to go home and she says she is ok. The next hour she gets another phone call. She bursts into tears. Her boss asks her what happened and she says "I just got another phone call, my sister's mother died too."  E-Mail Me IM me at stickysituation2 | ||||
| HOSPITALIANO | posted on 05-07-2001 @ 3:59 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Oct. 00 | What does a Blonde say after sex? "Are you guys all on the same team?"  Sometimes you have to be the bigger man. E-Mail Me Adopted Newbies: Matchbox20Money, paulie da bus driver and MONGO!!! | ||||
| O+A_Armyman | posted on 05-07-2001 @ 4:15 PM | | |||
| Psychopath Registered: Dec. 00 | Wow I've actually never heard those blonde jokes. Proud grunt of the O+A army I know where my towel is. | ||||
| hugenuge42 | posted on 05-07-2001 @ 4:19 PM | | |||
| Psychopath Registered: Mar. 01 | Three blondes died in an accident trying to jump the Grand Canyon. They are at the pearly gates of Heaven. St. Peter tells them that they can enter the gates only if they can answer one simple religious question. The question posed by St. Peter is, “What is Easter?†The first blonde replies, “Oh, that’s easy! It’s the holiday in November when we all get together, eat turkey and are thankful.†“Wrong!, you are not welcome here, I’m afraid. You must go to the other place!†replies St. Peter. Then he turns to the second blonde, and asks her the same question, “What is Easter?†The second blonde replies, “Easter is the holiday in December when we put up a nice tree, exchange presents, and celebrate the birth of Jesus.†St. Peter looks at the second blonde, bangs his head on the pearly gates in disgust and tells her she’s wrong and will have to join her friend in the other place; she is not welcome in Heaven. He then peers over his glasses at the third blonde and asks, “Do YOU know what Easter is?†The third blonde smiles confidently and looks St. Peter in the eyes, “I know what Easter is.†“Oh?†says St. Peter, incredulously. “Easter is the Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish celebration of Passover. Jesus and his disciples were eating at the last supper and Jesus was later deceived and turned over to the Romans by one of his disciples. The Romans took him to be crucified and he was stabbed in the side, made to wear a crown of thorns, and was hung on a cross with nails through his hands and feet. He was buried in a nearby cave which was sealed off by a large boulder.†St. Peter smiles broadly with delight. Then the third blonde continues, “Every year the boulder is moved aside so that Jesus can come out and, if he sees his shadow, there will be six more weeks of winter!†HEY! | ||||
| Inappropriate Belle | posted on 05-07-2001 @ 4:44 PM | | |||
| Psychopath Registered: Feb. 01 | What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant? "Are you sure it's mine?" Why did the blonde have a bruised belly button? Her boyfriend was blonde too. What do you call a brunette between 2 blondes? An interpreter.  | ||||
| Inappropriate Belle | posted on 05-07-2001 @ 4:47 PM | | |||
| Psychopath Registered: Feb. 01 | 3 women, a white woman, a black woman, and a hispanic woman get together and decide they're sick of cooking every night. They make a pact that they will not put supper on the table until their husbands do it at least once. The next week, they get together again to dsicuss the results. The white woman says "The first night, I didn't see any food on the table, but the second night my husband apologized profusely and cooked a 3 course meal for me." The black woman says "The first night, I didn't see any food on the table, the second night I didn't see any food on the table, but the third night my husband cooked us some TV dinners." The hispanic woman says "The first night, I didn't see any food on the table, the second night I didn't see any food on the table, but the third night my eye opened up a little." DING DING DING!!! | ||||
| Mobyworm | posted on 05-07-2001 @ 4:48 PM | | |||
| Psychopath Registered: Oct. 00 | What's has two legs and bleeds? Half of a dog. What's red and wears a funny hat? The pope with an ax in his face. After learning that his wife was in a serious accident, a man goes to the hospital. Her doctor says, "I have good news and bad news." The man asks to hear the bad news first. "Your wife has lost both legs and one arm, she has lost sight in both eyes and hearing in both ears. You will have to feed her, bathe her, carry her everywhere and tend to all of her needs for the rest of her life." The man is shocked and terrified, but asks, "What's the good news?" "I'm just kidding...she's dead!" yuk yuk yuk Mobyworm coming to get ya baby!!! | ||||
| o&aswallow | posted on 05-07-2001 @ 5:29 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Jan. 01 | Who knew a blonde that was so stupid...... - she called me to get my phone number. - she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said "concentrate." - she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind. - she got stabbed in a shoot-out. - she told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DON'T WALK." - she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order. - she sat on the TV and watched the couch. - she sent me a fax with a stamp on it. - she tried to drown a fish. - she thought a quarterback was a refund. - she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death. - if you gave her a penny for her thoughts, you'd get change back. - they had to burn the school down to get her out of third grade. - under "education" on her job application, she put "Hooked On Phonics." - she tripped over a cordless phone. - she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept. - at the bottom of the application where it says "sign here"...she put Sagittarius." - she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store. - it takes her two hours to watch 60 Minutes. - if she spoke her mind, she'd probably be speechless. - she studied for a blood test. - she thought Boyz II Men was a daycare center. - she thought Meow Mix was a record for cats. - she thought she needed a token to get on Soul Train. - she sold the car for gas money. - when she saw the "NC-17" (under 17 not admitted), she went home and got 16 friends. - when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved. - she thinks Taco Bell is where you pay your phone bill. - when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead. - when she took you to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left" she turned around and went home. o&aswallow Recognized His Destiny Early. Too Many Hotties, Not Enough Horny Goat Weed It at first you don't succeed, keep on sucking till you do suck seed. - Curly Howard. | ||||
| TFEC Coming Soon!!! The Grand Opening of The Junkyard Bar & Grill! | posted on 05-07-2001 @ 6:16 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Sep. 00 | What do you get when a blonde stands on her head? A brunette with bad breath LONG LIVE SYNDICATION UNDERGROUND!!! LET'S GO DEVILS!!!! LET'S GO GIANTS!!!! | ||||
| The Hitman | posted on 05-07-2001 @ 6:24 PM | | |||
| Hanger-On Registered: May. 01 | What do u call to gay guys in a sleeping bag? A fruit rollup. Why do black people always think about sex? Because they have pubic hairs on their heads. Why weren't there any spanish people on startrek?Cuz they aint workin in the future either. DING DING DING This message was edited by The Hitman on 5-7-01 @ 6:32 PM | ||||
| Kingpin KEEPER OF THE FLAME. I have a little Wick. PROUD TO BE AN AMERICAN. | posted on 05-07-2001 @ 6:45 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Oct. 00 | What is the smartest thing to come out of a womans mouth?????????????? Einsteins cock  NOBODY WANTS TO BE ADOPTED BY ME!!! EVERYTHING ENDS BADLY, OTHERWISE IT WOULDN'T END. E-Mail Me | ||||
| Rone | posted on 05-07-2001 @ 6:51 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Jan. 01 | Where does an Italian family hide their money? Under the soap.  | ||||
Displaying 1-15 of 15 messages in this thread. |