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| Posted By | Discussion Topic: Beer Trouble Shooting Guide | ||||
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| NJDrunkrone | posted on 07-25-2001 @ 10:18 AM |    | |||
| Psychopath Registered: Feb. 01  | Beer Trouble Shooting Guide SYMPTOM: Beer is crystal-clear. > FAULT: It's water. Somebody is trying to sober you up. > ACTION: Punch him. > > SYMPTOM: Don't recognize anyone, don't recognize the room you're in > FAULT: You've wandered into the wrong party. > ACTION: See if they have free beer. > > SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet. > FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle. > ACTION: Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling. > > SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet. > FAULT: Improper bladder control. > ACTION: Stand next to nearest dog, complain about house training. > > SYMPTOM: Beer unusually pale and tasteless. > FAULT: Glass empty. > ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer. > > SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights. > FAULT: You have fallen over backward. > ACTION: Have yourself chained to bar. > > SYMPTOM: Mouth contains cigarette butts. > FAULT: You have fallen forward. > ACTION: See above. > > SYMPTOM: Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet. > FAULT: Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face. > ACTION: Retire to restroom, practice in mirror. > > SYMPTOM: Floor blurred. > FAULT: You are looking through bottom of empty glass. > ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer. > > SYMPTOM: Floor moving. > FAULT: You are being carried out. > ACTION: Find out if you are being taken to another bar. > > SYMPTOM: Room seems unusually dark. > FAULT: Bar has closed. > ACTION: Confirm home address with bartender, take taxi home. > > SYMPTOM: Taxi's interior suddenly takes on colorful aspect and textures. > FAULT: Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations. > ACTION: Cover mouth. > > SYMPTOM: Everyone looks up to you and smiles. > FAULT: You are dancing on the table. > ACTION: Fall on somebody cushy-looking. > > SYMPTOM: Hands hurts, nose hurts, mind unusually clear. > FAULT: You have been in a fight. > ACTION: Apologize to everyone you see, just in case it was them. > > SYMPTOM: Your singing sounds distorted. > FAULT: The beer is too weak. > ACTION: Have more beer until your voice improves. > > SYMPTOM: Don't remember the words to the song. > FAULT: Beer is just right. > ACTION: Play air guitar. > > SYMPTOM: Ugly woman in your sights. > FAULT: Insufficient beer intake. > ACTION: Up the dosage. > > SYMPTOM: Shins and toes hurt. > FAULT: You've been walking into things. > ACTION: Maintain dosage. > > SYMPTOM: Squishy feeling in the hands. > FAULT: You have grabbed hold of a woman's breasts. > ACTION: Duck to avoid boyfriend's fist. > > SYMPTOM: Bed is bumping around. > FAULT: Taking an ambulance ride. > ACTION: It's too late, you made an ass of yourself.  | ||||
| Is Don on the phone? | posted on 07-25-2001 @ 8:39 PM | | |||
| Psychopath Registered: Jan. 01 | Classic. AIM:isdononthephone | ||||
| Tequila Fez claims this land in the name of Portugal! Why worry about the train if it never makes it around the tracks?? IrishAlkey wuz here!!! | posted on 07-25-2001 @ 8:46 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Veteran Registered: Jan. 01 | you have alot of free time on your hands I see;) AOL/AIM - oanda1027fm | ||||
I Need An Old Priest And A Young Priest | posted on 07-25-2001 @ 9:17 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Oct. 00 | quote: Or he just cut and paste the e-mail that we were all forwarded 20 times already.  opieanthony.com; Like a retarded yoyo, you will keep coming back. | ||||
Displaying 1-4 of 4 messages in this thread. |