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Posted By	Discussion Topic: This is just too friggin' hilarious
Hello! Hello! Diamond Dust! Hello!	posted on 07-06-2001 @ 6:55 PM
Psychopath Registered: Feb. 01	Hey, i just saw this on a website my friend gave me, it is too funny. This is actually Part Three of a damn "Revenge of the Nerds" parody where two wrestling internet geeks try to take over the WWF. It is just too funny and the Shane Douglas shit is just priceless. To go to the actual website where you can get Parts 1 and 2 as well as the audio clips at the parts where they say "He made THIS sound" or whatever, go to: theshooters.net. (Sorry, the URL link seems to be screwed up here and I, like a tool, forgot what to type for a link.) Now enjoy: Shooters / The Lighter Side / GH and Joe ====================Scene 32==================== [The activities at WWF Axxess kick off with Good Ol JR and Kevin Nash as the emcees] JR - "I'd like to welcome all our fans to WWF Axxess. It's a great opportunity for us to get up close and personal with the people who support our product. We have a special treat for you folks today as our superstars are going to be competing against each other in three different competitions. The first will be field events, the second will be a charity fund raising booth, and the third will be a musical skit presentation." [Crowd pops] Nash - "Okay, our first event will be a 20 lap tricycle race. The participants will stop every lap to chug a beer and continue the race. The first to cross the finish line wins." [Austin and Tajiri line up at the starting line.] Austin - "You got no chance Tie-jiri. I'm a beer drinkin son of a bitch!" Tajiri - "Oooh, good ruck to you too." Austin - "Fuck off." Tajiri - "Sank you." Nash - "Let me tell you somethin folks, there's gonna be more people in no condition to perform after this than there was when Shawn, Scott, and I used to run the lockerroom! Heh heh!" [Crowd is silent] Nash - "Sigh. On your marks, get set...GO!" [When Tajiri stops for the first lap, Jeff Hardy gives him a special drug that reverses the effects of alcohol in his system. Tajiri and Austin run neck and neck for 19 laps and pull in again for the last beer stop.] Dave - "How do you feel Tajiri?" Tajiri - "Ohhh, focking great!" HHH - "Steve, if you let that smart beat you, you're nothing! You either want this, or you don't!" [Austin, being in a drunken stupor, tries to give HHH one of his jealous Vince Mcmahon hugs.] HHH - "Dammit, get off of me and get out there!" [Tajiri and Austin run neck and neck for the final lap. Austin begins ramming into Tajiri trying to cause him to lose. Tajiri retaliates with some of his stiff kicks to Austin's face. Click HERE to listen. Just as they are about to cross the finish line, Tajiri blows green mist in Austin's face. Austin tumbles off his tricycle, allowing Tajiri to get the victory.] [HHH watches in disgust with Stephanie] - "These smarts are a threat to our livelihood Stephanie." Stephanie - "If they win MYYYY DADDY will think they're something special." HHH - "We'll be up to our necks in puro-ree-shoo shit or whatever the hell they call it." ====================Scene 33==================== JR - "Our next competition will be the Trojan horse." [Lash Leroux is shown straddling a steel garbage can with a saddle on it. There are ropes attached to the side of the can to hold it up in the air.] [Rhyno and Triple H shake the ropes as hard as they can and toss Lash off in less than 3 seconds.] [Rhyno is up next. Rhyno straddles the can while holding the KOTR trophy, which is once again filled with beer. All of the smarts desperately try to knock Rhyno off of the can by moving the ropes. Their attempts fail as they use all their weight to try and move the ropes but they don't even make it budge. Rhyno takes a huge gulp of beer and spits it into the air.] [As the scoreboard is updated, we see the Main Eventers going into the lead, 15-10.] ====================Scene 34==================== [The next event is the arm-wrestling contest.] [The first match-up is Lash Leroux vs. Trish Stratus.] [Lash Leroux struggles to take Trish's arm over with all his might. Triple H walks by and "accidentally" spills his Evian over Trish's white shirt. Lash's instincts kick in and he immediately tries to grab some boobay. Trish takes advantage of this situation and overpowers Lash's arm for the win. Triple H points to his head as he walks into area where the Main Eventers are standing.] [Shane Douglas is up against Jackie. Jackie begins to overpower Shane after a few minutes and it looks like she may pick up a win. Shane is wearing a shirt that reads "Who the fuck fucking farted?"] [Shane thinks quickly and utters a 15-minute promo about how he was miss-treated in the WWF and WCW.] [A graphic comes on the screen that says, "15 minutes later and Shane is still rambling.] Shane - "AND THAT'S WHEN I KNEW THAT THE WWF WORLD TITLE MEANT SHIT IN THIS SPORT!" [Jackie's eyes close and she begins to snore. Shane pushes her arm down and picks up the win. Shane walks to his circle of friends as the crowd watching boos.] Shane - "SIT DOWN AND SHUT THE FUCK UP!" [Our next match-up pits Rhyno against Molly Holly. Molly shockingly begins to push Rhyno's arm down almost to the point of getting a win. The crowd begins to chant for Rhyno and he begins to gain leverage and starts to push Molly's hand down. They struggle with each other for another 60 seconds until Rhyno finally pushes Molly's hand down to get the win.] Rhyno - "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" [In frustration, Rhyno kicks up the table and gores Molly into oblivion. Rhyno then kneels down, covers his face, and cries in embarrassment.] [The scoreboard is updated with the Smarts still behind the Main Eventers.] ====================Scene 35==================== [JR is back onstage.] JR - "Now quite frankly, I'm not too crazy about this next event, but it has become a tradition here at WWF Axxess... the cursing contest!" [crowd cheers] JR - "Our first of two finalists... Terry Gerin" [Rhyno walks over to JR hunchback-style and whispers to JR.] Rhyno whispering - "Rhyno you fucking cocksucker!" JR - "Rhyno you fucking cocksucker. I apologize ladies and gentlemen... Rhyno" [Rhyno walks to the mic with great confidence.] Rhyno - "SUCK MY FUCKING COCK!" [Crowd cheers wildly.] [Rhyno shakes his head, sticks his tongue out and gore a stagehand off of the stage.] JR - "And from the Workrate-Rat team, Shane Douglas!" Shane - "FRANCHISE FUCKER!" JR - "Franchise." [Shane takes the mic, looks side to side, takes a deep breath, and lets go.] Shane - "FUCKING CUT THE FUCKING MUSIC YOU MOTHERFUCKING FUCKING FUCKING PIECE OF FUCKING GODDAMN MOTHERFUCKING FUCKING SHIT CAUSE YOU SUCK BISCHOFF'S ASS!!!!!!!" [Crowd erupts into a huge pop.] [Shane smiles and nods his head.] JR - "Good Lord, I apologize ladies and gentlemen!" [Rhyno hangs his head in shame as Coach Nash helps him off the stage.] [The scoreboard is updated and we see that the smarts are closing in on the Main Eventers with the score of 40-25.] ====================Scene 36==================== JR - "Our next event is one that goes all the way back to the Peloponnesian war, the javelin throw." [Farooq is the first up. Farooq charges and throws the javelin a very healthy distance. The crowd cheers his great throw.] [Triple H is up next. Triple H charges, plants his foot, and throws the javelin as far his he can. The javelin lands 10 feet farther then Farooq's throw. We pan back to see Triple H holding his thigh in great pain. Stephanie runs up to him.] Steph - "Hunter?! What's the matter?!" Triple H - "I uhhh injured my damn thigh..." Steph - "But all you did was throw a javelin, is that a normal injury for someone as strong as you?" Triple H - "What are you trying to say?" Steph - "Oh nothing!" [The camera pans to show Jeff Hardy from his feet up. Jeff is wearing LA Gears with flashing lights, a pair of size 75 waist jeans, and a neon shirt with the word "One Rave Nation" on it and sucking on a pacifier. The javelin he is holding is adorned with glitter, glowsticks, and it's own mini-flashing strobe light.] Bryan - "Wait till you see Jeff's throw." Dave - "How come?" Bryan - "Lash is a master at aerodynamics and he designed the javelin to go with Jeff's unique spastic raving throwing style." [Dramatic electronic music plays as Jeff begins to run in slow motion.] [Jeff jumps up on a curved railing holding the fans back, he runs around it, jumps down, throws the javelin, and immediately does his dance he does at the top of the ramp on Raw.] [The camera shows the javelin flying in slow motion as the strobe light flashes wildly, the glitter sparkles, and a fast thumping bass sound is heard. The javelin lands down 15 feet farther then Triple H's. The top of the javelin then splits open and a mini-fog machine fills the area with a thick fog smoke.] [Jeff runs over to his smart friends with his arms down and his hands open.] [Jeff in a high pitched voice] - "I can't believe that! Did you see that?" [Jeff gives everyone on his team a sweaty raver hug.] [JR gives his applause in approval.] [The scoreboard is updated to show the smarts only 10 points behind the Main Eventers.] ====================Scene 37==================== [The Fundraising Event is up next. JR says that this is an important event and whoever makes the most money will win.] [The Main Eventers have set-up a kissing booth with the WWF Diva's] [Triple H, wearing wrestling mask, walks up to Stephanie to see how things are going.] [Dave walks up to Stephanie who is manning the booth.] Dave - "Hey Steph!" Steph - "A smart... I'm not kissing a smart!" Dave - "You have to, I paid my money." Steph - "It's uhh time for my break." Triple H - "Kiss this smart!" [Chyna takes Stephanie's place and purses her lips for Dave.] [The scene cuts to show Stephanie and Hunter talking.] Steph - "Hunter, I want to do it, all this kissing is making me horny." Hunter - "Damn Steph, you're like an emu." [Steph storms off in anger into the Fun House.] [Dave pulls a Jushin Liger mask out of his back pocket, puts it on, and follows Steph into the Fun House.] [As Dave enters the Fun House, JD Roth asks him for a ticket. He hands him a ticket, and walks in.] ====================Scene 38==================== [Inside of the Fun House, Stephanie is standing around in the funny mirrors room. Dave walks in still wearing his Liger mask.] Steph - "Hunter! You changed your mind?" [Dave silently nods his head.] Steph - "I'm glad, come on!" [The camera shows the view from the eyeholes in the Liger mask as Dave follows Steph to the Moonwalk room.] Steph - "You wanna do it on the moon?" [The camera bobs up and down as Dave shakes his head saying "yes"] [Steph lays down on the water-mattress and Dave lays on top.] Steph - "Take off your mask? [Steph grabs the mask, but Dave pushes her hands away and pins them down. Dave shakes his head "no".] Steph - "You're so kinky!" [The camera pans up and away from the two as things start to get heated.] ====================Scene 39==================== [The next thing we see is the Main Eventers/Diva's kissing booth.] Dusty - "How we doin' if you weeel?" Triple H - "Great, $1,258, better then last year." Dusty - "Well let me tell ya somethin'.. ya see tha smartshhh if you weeeel are over $2000, they got a line goin' wrappin' around the buildin'! THEY TAKIN' IT TO THE PAY WINDAH!" Triple H - "From selling pies? Let's go check it out!" [Triple H, Rhyno, and Dusty storm over to the Smart's booth. Triple H sends Rhyno over to get a pie.] [Rhyno sees a young teen walking off with a pie. He hunches over, charges him, and gores him. The pie flies out of his hand, and Rhyno catches it. Rhyno walks back to Hunter and Dusty while eating the pie.] Triple H - "How is it?" Rhyno - "It's good." Triple H - "Just good? Then what the hell are they selling so many for?" Rhyno - "THIS WHY! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" [Rhyno wipes away the pie filling to see a picture of Triple H as Terra Rizing] Rhyno - "UH OH!" [Triple H's face turns bright red as he stares straight ahead.] [Kevin Nash calls a special meeting with all the main eventers.] ====================Scene 40==================== [Back on the Moonwalk, Stephanie is shown laying down looking very satisfied.] Steph - "Oh Hunter, that was wonderful. You did things to me you've never done before." [Dave takes his mask off and looks Steph in the eye.] Steph - "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH You're that smart!" Dave - "Yeah!" Steph - "God, you were wonderful." Steph - "Are all smarts as good as you?" Dave - "Yes." Steph - "How come?" Dave - "Cause all main eventers care about is putting themselves over. All we thinking about is helping the other person look good." Steph - "What's your name?" Dave - "How's it going Stephanie? This is Dave Meltzer!" Steph - "David, would you meet me after the pep rally tonight? Dave - "Yes." [Dave and Stephanie begin to make out as the camera once again pans up.] ====================Scene 41==================== [JR's voice booms over the loudspeaker] JR - "It's all tied up ladies and gentlemen, which means the musical show and skit competition will decide the winner. I HAVE A FEELING BUSINESS IS ABOUT TO PICK UP!" [Several groups are shown doing short skits. Kaientai does an "Indeed" promo and The APA does a 'Who's on First' routine.] [The Main Eventers/Diva's squad is up next. The Main Eventers are dressed up as Divas in cheerleading uniforms. They sing together.] Main Eventers - "Austin, Austin, he's our man, if he can't do it, Hunter can! Hunter! Hunter! He's our man if he can't do it, Rhyno can!" Austin - "Gimme a M!" crowd - "M" Rock - "Gimme an A" crowd - "A" Nash - "Gimme an I" crowd - "I" DDP - "GIMME A N!" crowd - "......" [security rushes in and wisk DDP away] Hunter - "Gimme a E!" crowd - "E" Rhyno - "GIMME A FUCKIN' V!" crowd "Fuckin' V!" Dusty - "AHAHAHHAH LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHIN AHHEHEH IF YOU WEELLLL! GIMME AN EEEEEEE IF YOU WEEEL!" Crowd - "Uhhhhhhhh E!" Kane - "Gimme a N!" crowd - "N!" Undertaker - "Gimme a T!" crowd - "T"! Main Eventers - "What's that spell?!" Crowd - "MAIN EVENT!" [The Diva's come running out and begin emulating the Main Eventers moves.] [Tori gives Jackie a powerbomb and Jackie pops out of her top.] [The crowd cheers wildly and Coach Nash smiles and claps in approval.] [Without warning, a huge C4 explosive goes off on the opposite stage.] Crowd - "OOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHH!" [The crowd rushes to the stage.] ====================Scene 42==================== [The stage is completely dark except for a neon sign of a figure giving someone a Tiger Driver 91] [A new wave/rap drumbeat kicks in as a spotlight shines onstage to show Dave and Bryan wearing a yellow Devo-like suit with 5 asterisks on them. There is a strap across their necks, which holds a laptop near their abdomens.] [Lash Leroux pops up and he begins playing an electric violin. The sound of the violin sound futuristic with a new wave vibe.] [Lash finishes his solo and the crowd pops huge] [A spotlight then shines on Shane Douglas as he sits down at an early version of a synthesizer. Shane raises up his hands as he prepares to play. The crowd prepares to hold their ears in expectation of the violent sound that a character like Shane Douglas would produce. Shane strikes his hands down and begins to play. Click Here to listen to his solo.] [As he finishes his solo, the crowd is left speechless. Women in the crowd are shown staring wide-eyed with their jaws dropped and their hands over their hearts. Men in the audience are shown weeping as well. A dove flies down and lands on Shane's shoulder.] Shane - "OH SHIT! THIS BIRD JUST FUCKING TOOK A SHIT ON ME!" [The crowd pops huge and the dove flies away in terror] [Lash plays his violin again while Tajiri is shown giving stiff kicks to a gong.] [Jeff Hardy comes out dressed in a Thriller jacket, with glowsticks attached, and huge Jnco jeans.] [The spotlight follows Jeff as he spastically dances to the center of the stage while waiving glowsticks wildly. Jeff begins to rap.] Jeff - "Twirl your glowsticks everybody! Now everybody Twirl your glowsticks! We Workrate Workrate Workrate annnnd Omega Rats! And we've come here on stage tonight on stage tonight to do are show for you! We got a ravin' rhythm and techno sound that'll make you move your body down to the ground. We've got Lash Leroux on the violin, and David and Bryan will be marking out for Jerry Lynn, we've got Franchise Douglas on the electric keys and a rap by little oh me Jeffery!." [Jeff begins to do a crazy liquid dance by moving one hand around and following its motions with the other hand.] Jeff - "We've got Tajiri kicking on his gong, The smarts and the Rats are clapping along. And just when you thought you've seen it all... along comes a wrestler with workrate 4-foot tall! So won't you come on out here on the floor, so we can work our bodies like never before! RAAAAAAAAAAAAVVVVVVVVVVVVE!" [A spotlight follows Dean Malenko as he peddles a Big Wheels bike onstage. The bike makes a loud rumbling sound as it comes across the floor. Dean slams on the breaks and the bike powerslides sideways to a stop. Dean hops off and starts wildly raving around with Jeff to the delight of the crowd.] [Tajiri kicks on the gong, Shane plays the synth, and Lash plays the violin for a few more minutes They stop playing and another C4 explosive goes off to signal the end of their song.] [The crowd goes absolutely crazy with cheers.] [Jim Ross is shown clapping in approval.] ====================Scene 43==================== [Jim Ross is standing on stage with the trophy for the carnival.] JR - "Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to present the trophy for this years champions... Workrate Workrate Workrate and Omega Rats!" [The smarts and the rats celebrate while the Main Eventers look on in humiliation.] JR - "They will be able to select a wrestler to join them in the new WCW!" Dave - "We've already made our decision. We choose Mick Foley!" [The crowd pops wildly] ====================Scene 44==================== Nash - "Look at you. You just got your asses whipped by a bunch of goddamn vanilla midgets. MIDGETS!! Well if I was you, I'd do something about it. I would go redeem myself in the eyes of Vincent K. Mcmahon!" Austin - "Smarts!" Rhyno - "SMAAAAAAARRRRRRRTS!!" HHH - "LET'S GET THOSE SMARTS!" [HHH and the gang head down to the ECW Arena and trash it. The smarts come back to find the walls covered in graffiti with phrases such as "DUD" and "SCOTT NORTON IS BEST PURO WORKER". Their wrestling database robot is also destroyed.] ====================Scene 45==================== [Dave looks over the ruins] - "I'm a smart." Bryan - "I never really wanted to believe that about myself." Dave - "It's ok." Bryan - "It's not ok. They destroyed the ECW Arena." Dave - "We'll just go to Wrestlers' Court-" Bryan - "Don't you get it? No one cares. Vince Mcmahon turns a blind eye! JR turns a blind eye! No one in that golldam dressing room does anything about it!" Dave - "I know you must be extremely frustrated over what's just happened." Bryan - "FRUSTRATED ISN'T THE GOLLDAMN WORD FOR IT! THIS IS--IS---" Shane - "BULLSHIT!" Bryan - "Yeah!" Dave - "Well, I'm not just gonna sit back and take it." Bryan - "You'll just end up getting your gym bag shat in again." Dave - "I don't care!" ====================Scene 45==================== [Dave runs back to WWF Axxess where the main eventers are doing a Q&A session with the fans. A single fan wearing a Joshi shirt recognizes Dave as he walks up to the stage where the wrestlers are.] Fan - "It's Dave Meltzer!" HHH - "Where do you think you're goin smart?!" Dave - "You guys went too far this time. This is worse than when Hulk Hogan burned an Observer during a PPV promo!" [Rhyno picks up Dave and piledrives him through a table. Dave is so frustrated he no sells it and gets right back up to a stunned reaction from the audience. Dave tries to take a microphone away from Kevin Nash and gets into a struggle.] JR - "Leave him alone!" Nash - "What did you say?! I got a good mind to give him some picture frame elbows in the corner!" JR - "You will do nothing of the sort, don't touch that boy!" Nash - "Says who?" JR - "Says me." [Nash shoves JR] JR - "I want you to look me in the eye when I do what I haven't done in a year, and that's SLAP [JR slaps Nash] THE HELL OUTTA SOMEBODY!" [Nash grabs JR by the collar when we hear Mick Foley's voice.] Foley - "Hold it right there!" [70's Blaxploitation music plays as Toshiaki Kawada, Chris Benoit, Sakuraba, and Misawa file in and face off with the main eventers. The other smarts run in to join the fray.] Foley - "Ok Dave, say what you gotta say...right here at WWF FAN AXXESS! [thumbs up]" Dave - "I'm a smart. I'm here to stand up for the rights of other smarts. All our lives we've been laughed at and been made to feel inferior, and tonight those bastards trashed the ECW Arena." [The crowd boos and starts a loud ECW chant.] Dave - "Why? Because we rate matches? Because we like psychology and head dropping? I'm a smart and I'm pretty proud of it." Bryan - "I'm a smart too, I just found that out tonight. We have news for the marks, there's a lot more of us than there is of you. Okay that's not true, but there's a lot of fans here tonight who might have been called a net geek, a smart, or a smark. Any of you who have ever felt stepped on, left out, picked on, whether you're a smart or not, come up here and join us. No one's really gonna be free until smart persecution ends." THIS SONG plays as the crowd joins the smarts on stage and the main eventers look on with a bit of remorse. JR - "You know Nash, I think I'm gonna let these boys back in Titan Towers and make you rebuild the ECW Arena." Nash - "Where are my boys gonna go?!" JR - "You're main eventers. You can go with Hulk Hogan at Universal Studios!" Dave and Bryan - "AAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" The End Roll the credits HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLO!

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