05-07-2004, 04:54 PM
THIS WEEKS THEME....
<font size=5>WOMAN TROUBLE</font>
![[Image: badgirl.jpg]](http://www.yakresearch.com/gifs/goldmedal2/badgirl.jpg)
Dear GIPPY,
Welcome back from your fun romp in California.
My girlfriend who is 19 and I (22years) have been together for the past 4 years. She is very outgoing and attractive, and likes to go out the the bars with her single girlfriend a few times a week. I have come into the bars that shes at and theres been plenty of times that she has been talking to a guy or group of guys. I really don't have a problem with this because I want her to be happy and outgoing but I wonder if she is interested in meeting someone else. She has about 20 guys numbers on her phone most of which I don't know and figure that she has got these while at the bar, although she insists there all just friends. She is also insistent on just her and her friend going out, without me most of the time. Our realtionship has been pretty rocky the past month, and even though I know that we love eachother alot I think she wants to see what else is out their since we have been together so long and from such a young age.
Also, she has mentioned a few times a guy a work that she thinks is really cool and fun, and also physically attractive, she insists that she only has interest in him as a friend. Last night she went out to the bar with her friend, and had planned on sleeping at her house which is about a mile from where I live. In the morning she calls and tells me that she went over to the guy from works house after the bar and drank more and eventually ended up sleeping over at his house, after she took her friend to her home. She told me that his girlfriend was there and his two roommates, and that she slept on the couch. She was honest enough to tell me and most likely nothing sexual happened, and she was just having fun. But it does kind of worry me. I have never met this guy before. What do you guys think about this? Do you think I have anything to worry about or am I just being jealous.
Lastly, after telling her that I wasnt happy about this, she felt that I am limiting her social activity, like I don't like her being out or talking to other guys. She has told me that she doesnt want to deal with our realtionship and just wants to take it as it goes and not be so serious, although she does want to stay together. I guess basically she wants a some space. How do I give her this space, without giving her so much that she ends up with someone else. She knows she has the upper hand on me and that I really want things to work, and probobly figures she can do what she wants and I'll be right there waiting for her.
So my questions are, do you think shes looking for another guy, do you think her relationship with this guy at work is innocent, and how do I give her space without giving her to much, or do I just let her go free and see if she comes back. I know this is alot to ask of you since i don't know all the details, but if you have ever been through anything like this please let me know what your thoughts are. Thank you
-A Silly Man in NJ
<b>GIPPY WRITES...</b>
Dear Silly Man,
Hell, I don't think you're being paranoid. Any guy in your position would feel uncomfortable with their girlfriend going out to bars all the time without you, staying at guys' houses, etc. I would go nuts if I were in your position.
It sounds like she's at a stage in her life where she wants to be going out and meeting lots of people. I suppose you can't blame her - 19 is a pretty typical age to want to do all this stuff. Now, if she was older, well, hell...thats a bit of a deeper issue.
Perhaps because you two have been together for so long, she takes you for granted a bit and so although she wants to hang out with other guys, she sees you as a bit of a 'security blanket'? I don't know, you know her better than all of us here, but perhaps she 'wants to have her cake and eat it too' - you know, meet new people, but still have the security of a long-term boyfriend to 'fall back on'.
Personally I think she's a bit selfish if she thinks she can have this arrangement without upsetting you. I guess you have to figure out if you're prepared to keep this arrangement going. If not, then I think you should consider giving her an ultimatum. Tell her 'look, I don't want to go out with you if you're going to always go out with other people without me, sleep at other guys' places, etc'. I think that's perfectly reasonable. If she can't commit to you, then may be it wasn't meant to be.
And, on top of that, never forget the 'get out first principle' - when a relationship is on the rocks, it's usually the person who gets dumped who ends up messed up afterwards. So if you think it's inevitable that the relationship will end, perhaps you should make sure you 'get out first' and avoid the psychological mess of being dumped (who knows, perhaps breaking it off with her might 'jolt' her into reality and make her realise how much she loves you? or just make her realize what a selfish ass she really is being?)
Silly Man, you're a person with feelings and you deserve to be in a relationship where you're not bossed around and your feelings are respected. It's sad, but perhaps your girlfriend has 'come of age' and can no longer give you the meaningful relationship you're looking for...or maybe you don't have what you think you had to begin with??? Most of all you can't sit there and be controlled and have your feelings stepped on...relationships are two-way streets, and based on trust...and sounds like she is using that trust on your end to do some potentially not-so-trustful things herself. And thats called being taken advantage of. So drop her like a bad habit, before you get dropped more brutally.
Good luck, old boy! Thanks for writing...
Your Truly,
GIPPY
And remember folks, as Henry David Thoreau once said, and it is so true....
<i>There is no remedy for love but to love more</i>
...one to grow on.
PEACE OUT!
<font size=5>WOMAN TROUBLE</font>
Dear GIPPY,
Welcome back from your fun romp in California.
My girlfriend who is 19 and I (22years) have been together for the past 4 years. She is very outgoing and attractive, and likes to go out the the bars with her single girlfriend a few times a week. I have come into the bars that shes at and theres been plenty of times that she has been talking to a guy or group of guys. I really don't have a problem with this because I want her to be happy and outgoing but I wonder if she is interested in meeting someone else. She has about 20 guys numbers on her phone most of which I don't know and figure that she has got these while at the bar, although she insists there all just friends. She is also insistent on just her and her friend going out, without me most of the time. Our realtionship has been pretty rocky the past month, and even though I know that we love eachother alot I think she wants to see what else is out their since we have been together so long and from such a young age.
Also, she has mentioned a few times a guy a work that she thinks is really cool and fun, and also physically attractive, she insists that she only has interest in him as a friend. Last night she went out to the bar with her friend, and had planned on sleeping at her house which is about a mile from where I live. In the morning she calls and tells me that she went over to the guy from works house after the bar and drank more and eventually ended up sleeping over at his house, after she took her friend to her home. She told me that his girlfriend was there and his two roommates, and that she slept on the couch. She was honest enough to tell me and most likely nothing sexual happened, and she was just having fun. But it does kind of worry me. I have never met this guy before. What do you guys think about this? Do you think I have anything to worry about or am I just being jealous.
Lastly, after telling her that I wasnt happy about this, she felt that I am limiting her social activity, like I don't like her being out or talking to other guys. She has told me that she doesnt want to deal with our realtionship and just wants to take it as it goes and not be so serious, although she does want to stay together. I guess basically she wants a some space. How do I give her this space, without giving her so much that she ends up with someone else. She knows she has the upper hand on me and that I really want things to work, and probobly figures she can do what she wants and I'll be right there waiting for her.
So my questions are, do you think shes looking for another guy, do you think her relationship with this guy at work is innocent, and how do I give her space without giving her to much, or do I just let her go free and see if she comes back. I know this is alot to ask of you since i don't know all the details, but if you have ever been through anything like this please let me know what your thoughts are. Thank you
-A Silly Man in NJ
<b>GIPPY WRITES...</b>
Dear Silly Man,
Hell, I don't think you're being paranoid. Any guy in your position would feel uncomfortable with their girlfriend going out to bars all the time without you, staying at guys' houses, etc. I would go nuts if I were in your position.
It sounds like she's at a stage in her life where she wants to be going out and meeting lots of people. I suppose you can't blame her - 19 is a pretty typical age to want to do all this stuff. Now, if she was older, well, hell...thats a bit of a deeper issue.
Perhaps because you two have been together for so long, she takes you for granted a bit and so although she wants to hang out with other guys, she sees you as a bit of a 'security blanket'? I don't know, you know her better than all of us here, but perhaps she 'wants to have her cake and eat it too' - you know, meet new people, but still have the security of a long-term boyfriend to 'fall back on'.
Personally I think she's a bit selfish if she thinks she can have this arrangement without upsetting you. I guess you have to figure out if you're prepared to keep this arrangement going. If not, then I think you should consider giving her an ultimatum. Tell her 'look, I don't want to go out with you if you're going to always go out with other people without me, sleep at other guys' places, etc'. I think that's perfectly reasonable. If she can't commit to you, then may be it wasn't meant to be.
And, on top of that, never forget the 'get out first principle' - when a relationship is on the rocks, it's usually the person who gets dumped who ends up messed up afterwards. So if you think it's inevitable that the relationship will end, perhaps you should make sure you 'get out first' and avoid the psychological mess of being dumped (who knows, perhaps breaking it off with her might 'jolt' her into reality and make her realise how much she loves you? or just make her realize what a selfish ass she really is being?)
Silly Man, you're a person with feelings and you deserve to be in a relationship where you're not bossed around and your feelings are respected. It's sad, but perhaps your girlfriend has 'come of age' and can no longer give you the meaningful relationship you're looking for...or maybe you don't have what you think you had to begin with??? Most of all you can't sit there and be controlled and have your feelings stepped on...relationships are two-way streets, and based on trust...and sounds like she is using that trust on your end to do some potentially not-so-trustful things herself. And thats called being taken advantage of. So drop her like a bad habit, before you get dropped more brutally.
Good luck, old boy! Thanks for writing...
Your Truly,
GIPPY
And remember folks, as Henry David Thoreau once said, and it is so true....
<i>There is no remedy for love but to love more</i>
...one to grow on.
PEACE OUT!