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The Royal Tenenbaums - Black Lazerus - 04-13-2004 Richie nods. Silence. ROYAL (CONT’D) Why’d you choke out there that day, Baumer? RICHIE (pause) I don’t know, Dad. INSERT: (CONTINUED) A television set tuned in to network coverage of a tennis match on grass courts. Richie is playing an Indian player dressed all in white. A title identifies him as Sanjay Gandhi. Gandhi serves. With a bizarre swing, Richie hits his return directly off the court and deep into the stands. He shakes his head and talks to himself. It is briefly revealed that he is wearing no shoes and only one sock. ANNOUNCER (V.O.) That’s seventy-two unforced errors for Richie Tenenbaum. He’s playing the worst tennis of his life. What’s he feeling right now, Tex Hayward? TEX HAYWARD (V.O.) I don’t know, Jim. There’s obviously something wrong with him. He’s taken off his shoes and one of his socks, and - - actually, I think he’s crying. Richie is shown preparing to serve with tears all over his face. He hesitates. He looks into the stands. ANNOUNCER (V.O.) Who’s he looking at in the friends’ box, Tex? Margot and Raleigh, holding hands, watch from their seats in a courtside box. They look very concerned. TEX HAYWARD (V.O.) That’s his sister, Margot, and her new husband, Raleigh St. Clair. They were just married yesterday, Jim. Richie stares at Margot and Raleigh. He looks to Chas, with Rachael, Ari and Uzi. He looks to Etheline. He looks to Royal in a lonely seat up in the nosebleed section. Royal stands up and walks towards the exit. Richie serves suddenly, underhand, barely tossing the ball into the air. Gandhi nails his return, and Richie attempts to play it by throwing his racket at the ball. CUT TO: Royal and Richie standing together. ROYAL I kind of disappeared after that, didn’t I? 49. CONTINUED: (2) (CONTINUED) RICHIE (shrugs) Yeah, but I understood. I know you’re not very good with disappointment. Royal nods. He kicks a pebble on the ground. CUT TO: Royal scraping some dirt off of Rachael’s gravestone with his foot. Chas stands beside him. ROYAL You still got that little BB in your hand, Chassie? Chas looks to Royal. He holds up his hand and shows Royal a little round bump between two knuckles. Royal taps it with his finger. It moves slightly. CHAS Why’d you shoot me? Silence. Royal says quietly: ROYAL It was the object of the game, wasn’t it? CHAS No. We were on the same team. ROYAL Were we? Chas does not respond. Royal sighs. ROYAL (CONT’D) Well, you sued me. Twice. And got me disbarred. But I don’t hold it against you, do I? INT. JUDGE’S CHAMBERS. DAY. A lawyer in a robe sits behind his desk. Chas and Royal and two attorneys sit across from him. A stenographer sits at a metal stand, typing. JUDGE And how was it possible for Mr. Tenenbaum to withdraw these funds without your written authorization? ROYAL Objection, your honor. Now, dammit -- 50. CONTINUED: (3) (CONTINUED) ROYAL’S LAWYER This isn’t a courtroom, Royal. Don’t object. CHAS Because I started the corporation when I was a minor, so my father was the primary signatory on most of my accounts. Chas’ attorney whispers something into his ear. CHAS (CONT’D) He also stole bonds out of my safety deposit box when I was fourteen. The judge looks to Royal. Royal looks guilty. CUT TO: Royal and Chas surrounded with Ari and Uzi. ROYAL You think you could start forgiving me? CHAS Why should I? ROYAL Because you’re hurting me. Chas turns and walks away. Uzi looks to Royal. UZI Were you in prison? ROYAL Kind of. Minimum security. I got jacked by the IRS. Should we split? ARI Yes, sir. ROYAL Call me Mr. Tenenbaum. ARI OK. ROYAL I’m kidding. Call me Pappy. ARI OK. Royal yells across the cemetery to Richie and Margot. 51. CONTINUED: (CONTINUED) ROYAL Come on! Let’s shag ass! CUT TO: Margot and Richie walking toward the cemetery gates. RICHIE How are you and Raleigh getting along? You think you’re going to get back together? MARGOT (pause) I don’t know. RICHIE Well, if you need someone to talk to, let me know, OK? I like Raleigh very much. I know he’s a lot older than you are, and you’re having some problems, but -- Anyway, maybe I can help. MARGOT OK. Thanks. A maintenance man with a shovel in his hand yells from across the cemetery: MAINTENANCE MAN Hey, Baumer! All right! Richie smiles and waves to the maintenance man. MARGOT By the way, I heard about that letter you sent to Eli. Silence. Richie starts to say something. He hesitates. A pack of cigarettes falls out of Margot’s pocket on to the ground. They stop walking and look at it. RICHIE You dropped some cigarettes. MARGOT Those aren’t mine. RICHIE Well, they just fell out of your pocket. Margot picks up the pack of cigarettes and puts it back in her pocket. 52. CONTINUED: (2) INT. ELI CASH’S TOWNHOUSE. DAY. Eli walks into the vestibule smoking a joint which he keeps in his mouth at all times like a cigarette. He opens the front door. Richie stands on the top step. ELI Oh, my Lord. Look at you. Eli embraces Richie. They smile sadly at each other. CUT TO: Richie and Eli walking into the front room of the house. It is furnished like a house in the English countryside, with antiques and potted flowers and old rugs. RICHIE Did you tell Margot about that letter I wrote you? ELI (hesitates) Why? Did she mention it? Richie does not respond. ELI (CONT’D) Yes, I did. RICHIE Eli, that was meant to be just between you and me. ELI I know. I’m sorry. Why would she have repeated that, I wonder? RICHIE Well, I would ask you the same question. ELI (pause) Rightly so. INT. STUDIO. DAY. Richie and Eli walk into the next room. Eli’s wife, Sabrina, is painting in her studio. She is very beautiful and wears spectacles and a white sari. She is barefoot. Classical music plays quietly on the record player. ELI Sabrina? Sabrina does not look up. She seems irritated. 53. (CONTINUED) SABRINA What? ELI Look what I found on the doorstep. Sabrina looks to Richie. She is only mildly surprised. She has an English accent. SABRINA Hello, darling. Sabrina hugs and kisses Richie. ELI Charlotte? Stetson? Say hello to Uncle Richie. There are two children in the corner. Stetson is six. He works at a spinning potter’s wheel, molding a hunk of clay. Charlotte is five. She is painting a set of teacups. She has a cast in a sling on her arm. They are both blond and fair. The children do not respond to Eli. Eli does not appear to notice this, as he is in the process of relighting his joint. RICHIE How’d she break her arm? ELI (sadly) I fell down the stairs with her. Richie looks disturbed. He notices a nude, teenaged girl standing on the table. She has a deep tan, except where she wore a bikini. She is Sabrina’s model, Cinnamon. ELI (CONT’D) That’s Cinnamon. Hello, Cinnamon. Cinnamon looks at Eli coldly. INT. ELI’S STUDY. DAY. Eli sits on a couch across from Richie. They are both drinking wine. There is a large zip-lock bag of marijuana on the table. There is a large, frightening painting on the wall of five men wearing African masks and sitting on dirtbikes. Silence. ELI What’d you say? 54. CONTINUED: (CONTINUED) RICHIE (pause) Hm? ELI What? RICHIE I didn’t say anything. ELI When? Right now? (pause) I’m sorry. Don’t listen to me. (barely audible) I’m on mescaline. I’ve been spaced out all day. Eli pours himself another glass of wine. RICHIE Did you say you’re on mescaline? ELI (nods) I did, indeed. Very much so. Richie reflects on this for a minute. RICHIE How often do you -- ELI I’m worried about you, Richie. RICHIE (pause) Why? ELI Well, actually, Margot is, for some reason. But I did find it odd when you said you were in love with her. (pause) She’s married, you know. RICHIE Yeah. ELI And she’s your sister. RICHIE (quickly) Adopted. INSERT: 55. CONTINUED: (CONTINUED) Page 112 of The Royal Tenenbaums. It says “Chapter Five.†EXT. LINDBERGH PALACE HOTEL. DAY. The side entrance of the hotel. Royal goes in through revolving doors. INT. LOBBY. DAY. Royal comes into the lobby and freezes. A large number of trunks, suitcases and boxes are stacked and piled on four carts next to the front desk. There are also several dozen hanging garments on a rack with wheels on it. A bellboy rolls a fifth cart next to the others. The manager and his assistant come over and watch Royal study his possessions. Royal says suddenly: ROYAL Where’re my encyclopedias? MANAGER They’ve been placed in storage. ROYAL (shaking his head) Damn you. You’re taking my encyclopedias. This is humiliating. MANAGER I’m sorry. Would you like to -- ROYAL Where am I supposed to go? You’re turning me into a goddamn hobo. MANAGER I’d be happy to make a reservation for you at another hotel. ROYAL You son of a bitch. MANAGER Frederick? The manager looks to the bellboy. The bellboy begins to roll one of the carts across the lobby. The manager walks away. Dusty, the elevator operator, appears at Royal’s side. ROYAL Hello, Dusty. MANAGER Hello, sir. 56. CONTINUED: (2) (CONTINUED) ROYAL Spot me a quarter, will you? MANAGER Of course. INT. TELEPHONE BOOTH. DAY. Royal places a call from the lobby. ROYAL Richie? It’s your dad. INT. DINING ROOM. NIGHT. Etheline, Henry, Chas, Margot, Richie, Ari and Uzi sit at the table eating dessert. RICHIE I think he’s very lonely. Lonelier than he lets on, and maybe lonelier than he even realizes. ETHELINE Have you spoken to him about this? RICHIE Briefly. And he agreed that -- CHAS I’m sorry. Maybe I’m a little confused. What are you suggesting? RICHIE That he come here and stay in my room. CHAS Are you out of your mind? RICHIE (sincerely) No, I’m not. Anyway, I think he’d be much more comfortable here than -- CHAS Who gives a shit? RICHIE I do. CHAS You poor sucker. You poor, washed-up poppa’s boy. Henry puts his hand gently on Chas’ arm. 57. CONTINUED: (CONTINUED) HENRY All right. Let’s not get out of hand. Chas jerks his arm away. CHAS Don’t get in the middle of this, Mr. Sherman. This is a family matter. MARGOT Don’t talk to him like that. HENRY Please, call me Henry. CHAS I prefer Mr. Sherman. ETHELINE Call him Henry. CHAS Why? I don’t know him that well. ETHELINE You’ve known him for ten years. CHAS As your accountant, Mr. Sherman, yes. ARI (to Richie) Where are you going to sleep? RICHIE I’ll just camp out upstairs. UZI We brought an extra sleeping bag you can use. RICHIE Oh, that’s OK. I’ve got an old Scout cot and a couple of army blankets. UZI You want to borrow our electric -- CHAS Uzi. ARI We don’t mind, Dad. We like him. UZI Who? Pappy? 58. CONTINUED: (CONTINUED) Chas looks shocked and then revolted. CHAS It’s not your decision, goddammit. ETHELINE Nor is it yours. RICHIE Well, he’s already up there. Silence. RICHIE (CONT’D) I think he’s asleep, because of the medication he’s on. But I guess you can wake him up and throw him out, if Mom says it’s OK. INT. RICHIE’S BEDROOM. NIGHT. Richie’s room has been converted into a makeshift hospital room. Royal lies on an electric hospital bed. He has an IV in his arm and a tube in his nose. There are several monitors and machines breathing and humming. There are numerous bottles of pills and medicines on the night stand. Pagoda has on a surgical mask and scrubs. Chas stands in the doorway. Richie is behind him. CHAS Get out. ROYAL All right. Let me just collect my things. Royal sits up on the edge of the bed. He is dressed in pink surgical scrubs. ROYAL (CONT’D) Would you mind handing me my cane, Richie? Richie hands Royal his cane. Royal struggles to his feet. He rolls the IV stand beside him. ROYAL (CONT’D) Let’s see, now. Where’s my suitcase? Royal’s knee gives out. He staggers a step. He grips the back of a chair and looks to Richie with a surprised expression. He collapses on to the floor. He produces a wooden spoon, which he takes between his teeth. RICHIE Dad? 59. CONTINUED: (2) (CONTINUED) Richie and Pagoda rush over and kneel on the floor beside Royal. Chas frowns. Richie yells out the door: RICHIE (CONT’D) Mom! ROYAL Grab me a Nembutal, son. Richie runs to the night stand and pops open a bottle of pills. Chas looks down at Royal. CHAS Are you OK? Royal takes the spoon out of his mouth. ROYAL Fuck do you care? Richie gives Royal a pill with a glass of water. Etheline comes to the door. ETHELINE Oh, my goodness! ROYAL Pagoda. Call Dr. McClure. CUT TO: Forty-five minutes later. Royal is back in bed. He is being examined by Dusty, the elevator operator from the Lindbergh Palace. Dusty is dressed in a white lab coat and elevatoroperator pants with a red stripe down the side. He checks Royal’s pulse while everyone watches. INT. HALLWAY. NIGHT. Dusty speaks with the Tenenbaums in the hallway outside Richie’s bedroom. DUSTY His condition is stable. The attack was just a side-effect. I recommend that you push fluids and continue the stomach cancer medication. Dusty’s beeper goes off. He looks at it. INSERT: Dusty’s beeper has a digital message on it: “Smitty worked a double yesterday. Can you sub for him tonight?†CUT TO: 60. CONTINUED: (CONTINUED) Dusty pushing a button on his beeper. CHAS Can we move him? DUSTY Absolutely not. CHAS For how long? DUSTY We’ll have to wait and see. RICHIE Is he going to be all right? DUSTY That depends. Is he a fighter? RICHIE Yeah. DUSTY (solemnly) Then that’s the best we’ve got. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have another call to make. INT. RICHIE’S BEDROOM. NIGHT. Etheline sits next to Royal’s bed. Pagoda comes in and hands Royal a small brown paper sack. ROYAL Pagoda is in possession of a parcel that contains my will and some instructions regarding the funeral, including my epitaph, for when the time comes. Etheline nods. ROYAL (CONT’D) Proof-read it for me before they carve it on the headstone, OK? ETHELINE OK. ROYAL I never did stop loving you, by the way. Do you believe that? ETHELINE Not really. 61. CONTINUED: (CONTINUED) ROYAL You look terrific. That dress is stunning. ETHELINE (pause) Thanks. Royal raises an eyebrow. Etheline shakes her head and goes out of the room. Royal opens the paper sack and withdraws a cheeseburger wrapped in aluminum foil. He unwraps it and takes a bite. He hesitates. Henry is standing in the doorway. He walks away. A dalmation mouse eats some crumbs off the floor. CUT TO: An hour later. Royal lies in bed, drinking a milkshake, reading a spy novel. Chas appears in the doorway. CHAS Lights out, old man. Chas turns out the light. ROYAL I was going to read for a little bit, Chas. CHAS Sorry. 11:30. Lights out. ROYAL I’m in the middle of a sentence. CHAS Have to finish it up in the morning. Them’s the rules. Silence. Royal says in a quiet, strangely upbeat voice in the darkness: ROYAL Goodnight, m’boy. Chas hesitates. He closes the door. INT. BALLROOM. NIGHT. The ballroom on the top floor of the house. There are chairs and tables with sheets over them lined up along the walls. Near the center of the room, there is a yellow nylon puptent. The room is dark except for a lamp glowing inside the tent. 62. CONTINUED: INT. TENT. NIGHT. There is a Boy Scout sleeping bag on an air mattress on a cot inside the tent. There is a photograph of the Tenenbaum family taped to the nylon wall. There is a small table with a stack of books and some of Richie’s Matchbox cars and tennis trophies on it. Richie lies on the cot reading Three Plays by Margot Tenenbaum. Chas comes into the tent. Richie looks up, startled. CHAS Looks like you and Dad are back together again, huh? RICHIE (pause) He’s your dad, too, Chas. CHAS No, he’s not. (pause) You really hate me, don’t you? RICHIE (puzzled) No, I don’t. I love you. Chas looks disturbed by this. CHAS Well, I don’t know what you think you’re going to get out of this. But believe me, whatever it is, it’s not worth it. RICHIE I don’t want to hurt you, Chas. I know what you and the boys have been through. You’re my brother, and I love you. CHAS (gritting his teeth) Stop saying that. EXT. RICHIE’S BEDROOM. DAY. The next morning. Royal sits on the window sill smoking a cigarette. Pagoda sits next to him drinking a cup of coffee. Royal throws his cigarette out the window. He looks down at the street. He frowns. Eli is climbing out a window on the second floor. ROYAL What’s that jackass doing here? 63. (CONTINUED) Pagoda looks down at Eli. Eli drops to the sidewalk. He sees Royal’s cigarette burning on the ground. He steps on it. He looks up to Royal. Their eyes meet. Royal yells: ROYAL (CONT’D) I know you, asshole! Eli hesitates. He smiles defiantly. He runs away. INSERT: An article on Eli in the Sunday magazine section. The headline says “Where the Wild Things Are.†There is a photograph of Eli in the desert holding a dead rattlesnake by the tail in each hand. A note stapled to the top says: “Dear Mrs. Tenenbaum, Just in case you missed it. Love, Eli.†CUT TO: Margot and Etheline sitting together in Etheline’s study. Margot is reading Henry’s book, Accounting for Everything. Etheline is reading the article on Eli. Margot looks at it. MARGOT Did Eli send you that? ETHELINE (nods) He always sends me his clippings. MARGOT (incredulous) What for? ETHELINE I think he just likes the encouragement. He’s done it for years. He used to send me his grades in college. MARGOT (frowns) That’s ridiculous. There is a rap on the glass. Margot and Etheline look up. Raleigh is standing in the window. He looks miserable. EXT. GARDEN. DAY. The backyard. Margot and Raleigh sit at a metal table drinking tea. RALEIGH How long do you intend to stay here? MARGOT I don’t know. 64. CONTINUED: (CONTINUED) RALEIGH Are you ever coming home? MARGOT (pause) Maybe not. But -- RALEIGH You’re joking. MARGOT No. But -- RALEIGH I want to die. Raleigh crumples into a ball on the ground and stays there. Margot puts her hand on his back. MARGOT Raleigh, please. For God’s sake. Raleigh sits up suddenly. RALEIGH Have you met someone else? MARGOT (pause) I couldn’t begin to even think about knowing how to answer that question. Raleigh stands up and walks away. INT. HALLWAY. DAY. Royal watches down the stairwell as Margot comes up. He knocks on the railing. She looks up at him. Silence. ROYAL I don’t like the way you’re treating Raleigh. MARGOT What are you talking about? You don’t even know him. ROYAL I’ve met him. And I don’t think he deserves -- MARGOT Stay out of it. Margot walks toward her room. Royal steps on to the landing at the top of the stairs. 65. CONTINUED: (CONTINUED) ROYAL You’re two-timing him with that bloodsucker Eli Cash. Margot stops. She stands still with her back to Royal. ROYAL (CONT’D) It’s not right, dammit. You used to be a genius. Margot turns to Royal. They look at each other for a long minute. She says in a quiet voice: MARGOT No, I didn’t. ROYAL (hesitates) Well, anyway, that’s what they used to say. Margot goes into her room and closes the door. EXT. ROOF. DAY. Raleigh stands at the edge of the roof looking down to the ground while Richie cleans the empty falcon’s coop. RALEIGH Richard, I know you’re terribly close to Margot, and perhaps you understand her better than anyone else. RICHIE I doubt it. RALEIGH Nevertheless, may I confide in you? RICHIE (pause) OK. RALEIGH I believe she’s having an affair. Silence. Richie comes out of the coop and goes over to Raleigh. RALEIGH (CONT’D) I’m utterly devastated. I don’t know where else to turn. Will you advise me? RICHIE I don’t know. What do you want to do? 66. CONTINUED: (CONTINUED) RALEIGH Well, I thought, perhaps -- RICHIE Find the guy and get him? RALEIGH (pause) Well, no. I thought we might -- Richie punches his hand through the attic window. He kicks it. Raleigh looks shocked. He stares at Richie’s bloody hand. RICHIE Who do you think it might be? RALEIGH (hesitates) I don’t know, at the moment. INT. CHAS’ BEDROOM. DAY. Royal comes down the hallway and looks in the doorway to Chas’ room. There are five computers, four telephones, the Xerox machine and a television and VCR on a cart. Three secretaries make copies and take messages. Chas is on the telephone. A messenger waits for him to sign a document. Ari and Uzi sit working with a calculator and a ledger pad at a small desk in the corner. Royal says to them: ROYAL Let’s go down to Little Tokyo and get some firecrackers. Chas covers the receiver with his hand. CHAS What do you need? ROYAL (hesitates) Nothing. You got them crunching numbers for you, huh? CHAS Please, don’t come in this room. INT. ETHELINE’S STUDY. DAY. Etheline sits at her desk writing numbers on little bits of pottery and recording it in a notebook. Royal stands in the garden, looking in the window. His IV bag hangs on a rolling stand beside him. 67. CONTINUED: (CONTINUED) ROYAL Chassie’s got those boys cooped up like a pair of jackrabbits, Ethel. ETHELINE He has his reasons. ROYAL I know it. But you can’t raise boys to be scared of life. You got to brew some recklessness into them. ETHELINE I think that’s terrible advice. ROYAL (pause) No, you don’t. INT. RICHIE’S BEDROOM. DAY. Royal listens to Ari over the intercom while Pagoda does yoga exercises in the corner: ARI (V.O.) We take boxing and self-defense class. Royal pushes a button to talk. ROYAL I’m not talking about dance lessons. I’m talking about putting a brick through the other guy’s windshield. I’m talking about taking it out and chopping it up. Silence. Ari says over the intercom: ARI (V.O.) What do you mean? MONTAGE: (Royal, Ari and Uzi laugh continuously throughout the following montage.) Royal, Ari and Uzi jump off a high scaffold into the indoor pool at the 375th Street Y. Royal, Ari and Uzi jaywalk through heavy traffic. Royal, Ari and Uzi ride horses in the park. Royal leads them at a full gallop down a ravine and over a stone wall. Royal, Ari and Uzi race go-carts up and down loading ramps and in between fork-lifts in a large warehouse. 68. CONTINUED: (CONTINUED) Royal, Ari and Uzi throw water balloons at a gypsy cab. Royal, Ari and Uzi hide cartons of chocolate milk under their jackets and walk quickly out the door of a bodega. Royal, Ari and Uzi ride on the back of a speeding garbage truck. EXT. STREET. DAY. ROYAL (indicating Pagoda) He saved my life, you know. Thirty years ago. I was knifed at a bazaar in Calcutta, and he carried me to the hospital on his back. ARI Who stabbed you? Royal motions to Pagoda again. ROYAL He did. There was a price on my head, and he was a hired assassin. Stuck me in the gut with a shiv. INT. CHAS’ BEDROOM. DAY. The three secretaries are still at work, and Chas is on the telephone. He sees Royal, Ari and Uzi walking by the hallway. Chas hangs up the telephone. CHAS Where’ve you been? Chas goes to the doorway. He glares at Ari, Uzi and Royal. ROYAL Just stepped out to get some air. How’s the -- CHAS (concerned) What’s that? Chas points to a spot of dried blood on Uzi’s forehead. ROYAL Holy shit. That’s not -- What is that? Royal licks his finger and rubs away the blood. ROYAL (CONT’D) No. That’s dog’s blood. 69. CONTINUED: (CONTINUED) Chas frowns. He looks to Royal. Royal hesitates. Chas grabs Royal by the arm and pulls him into the closet across the hall. INT. CLOSET. DAY. Chas closes the door and turns on the light. There are hundreds of board games, most of which are about thirty years old, in shelves up to the ceiling. CHAS Stay away from my children. Do you understand? ROYAL (looking around) My God. I haven’t been in here in years. CHAS (screams) Are you listening to me? ROYAL Yes, I am. And I think you’re having a nervous breakdown. I don’t believe you’ve recovered from Rachael’s death. I think -- Chas turns off the light, goes out of the closet, and closes the door. Royal stands alone in the dark. He switches the light back on and looks down at the floor. He smiles. ROYAL (CONT’D) There you are. The stuffed boar’s head is under the bottom shelf, in the corner, covered with dust. EXT. PARK. DAY. Royal and Etheline walk along a path through the park. Royal rolls his hanging IV bag at his side. ETHELINE How are you feeling? ROYAL Oh, I’m having a ball. Scrapping and yelling. Mixing it up. Loving every minute with this damn crew. (sincerely) I’d like to thank you for raising our children, by the way. 70. CONTINUED: (CONTINUED) ETHELINE (pause) OK. ROYAL I’m not kidding. Etheline shrugs. ROYAL (CONT’D) You always put them first, didn’t you? ETHELINE I tried to. Lately, I feel like maybe I didn’t do such a great job. ROYAL Goddammit, don’t do that to yourself. I’m the one who failed them. Or, anyway, it’s nobody’s fault. (pause) Plus, it doesn’t -- ETHELINE Well, then why didn’t you give a damn about us, Royal? Why didn’t you care? ROYAL I don’t know, but I’m ashamed of myself. I’ll tell you one thing, though. You’ve got more grit, and fire, and guts than any bob-tailed fox I ever damn hunted, and if -- Etheline laughs. Royal smiles. ROYAL (CONT’D) What? What’s so funny? ETHELINE Nothing. ROYAL No, tell me. ETHELINE Nothing. Just these little expressions of yours. ROYAL (pause) I don’t know what you’re talking about. But I’ll take it as a compliment. They look at each other for a long minute. 71. CONTINUED: (CONTINUED) ROYAL (CONT’D) You’re true blue, Ethel. You really are. CUT TO: Henry with two bags of groceries in his arms, watching from behind a stone wall above the path. He listens as Royal says: ROYAL (CONT’D) How’s your love life? ETHELINE None of your business. Henry frowns. INSERT: Page 147 of The Royal Tenenbaums. It says “Chapter Six.†EXT. SIDEWALK. EVENING. Etheline and Henry come down the front steps of the Tenenbaum house. Henry is dressed in black tie. The ends of a pair of theatre tickets stick out of his breast pocket. Pagoda holds a gypsy cab for them at the curb. HENRY I’d like you to talk to Royal about us, if you don’t mind. ETHELINE (hesitates) I don’t think the timing’s right for that, Henry. HENRY Well, I’d agree if I thought he was really going to die in six weeks. But I don’t. Etheline stops at the bottom of the steps. Silence. ETHELINE Well, I hope you’re right. (pause) Actually, I don’t believe I’m going to join you tonight. I’ll call you in the morning. Etheline turns around and goes back up the steps. Henry watches her. He looks sad and stunned. Pagoda watches Henry. Etheline goes inside and closes the door. 72. CONTINUED: (2) INT. CLOSET. NIGHT. Royal and Pagoda stand together in the board-game-filled closet drinking Martinis and smoking cigarettes. Royal has a half-eaten cheeseburger in his hand. He whispers excitedly: ROYAL She said that? Pagoda nods. Royal snaps his fingers. ROYAL (CONT’D) We got the sucker on the ropes. INT. KITCHEN. DAY. The next morning. Henry stands at the counter reading the Wall Street Journal. He has on reading glasses. Royal comes into the kitchen eating a cheeseburger. Henry looks at him blankly. Royal sits on a stool. ROYAL Can I ask you something? HENRY (pause) OK. ROYAL Are you trying to steal my woman? HENRY (pause) I beg your pardon? ROYAL You heard me, Coltrane. HENRY (long pause) Coltrane? ROYAL What? HENRY Did you just call me Coltrane? ROYAL No. HENRY You didn’t? ROYAL No. 73. (CONTINUED) HENRY (pause) OK. ROYAL But if I did? Silence. Henry waits for Royal to continue. ROYAL (CONT’D) You wouldn’t be able to do anything about it, would you? HENRY You don’t think so? ROYAL No, I don’t. HENRY (seething) Listen, Royal. If you think -- ROYAL You want to talk some jive? Henry hesitates. He looks puzzled. ROYAL (CONT’D) I’ll talk some jive with you. Royal stands up. He screams: ROYAL (CONT’D) I’ll talk some jive like you never heard! HENRY (yelling) Oh, yeah? ROYAL Right on! HENRY Sit down! ROYAL What? Royal starts doing a little dance in front of Henry. ROYAL (CONT’D) What’d you say? HENRY I said, sit down, goddammit! 74. CONTINUED: (CONTINUED) ROYAL Oh, I heard you. Henry jumps to his feet. Royal stops dancing. He says darkly: ROYAL (CONT’D) I want you out of my house. HENRY This is not your house. ROYAL Don’t play semantics with me. I want your raggedy ass back on the -- ETHELINE What’s going on here? Henry and Royal look to Etheline. She stands in the doorway. ROYAL Nothing. Royal goes to the refrigerator and opens it. He takes out a jar of peanut butter and a jar of grape jelly. Etheline looks to Henry. Henry walks out of the room. INT. RICHIE’S BEDROOM. DAY. Henry goes into Richie’s room and takes a bottle of Royal’s pills off the night stand. He goes back out of the room. INT. TELEPHONE ROOM. DAY. Henry reads the label on the bottle while he places a call. HENRY Hello. I’m calling in regards to a Dr. McClure. Yes. At Colby General. The name of the patient is Royal Tenenbaum. Henry takes out a pill and examines it. INSERT: The pill. It has pink and blue sparkles all over it and the word “Tic-Tac†printed on the side. INT. STAIRWAY. DAY. Henry goes up the stairs with a cold, determined look on his face. He has the bottle of pills in his hand. 75. CONTINUED: (2) INT. PAGODA’S ROOM. DAY. A small room with an Indian pattern on the wallpaper. Pagoda lies on a hammock listening to Indian music on a portable record player. There is a knock on the door, and then it opens. Henry stands in the doorway. He stares at Pagoda. HENRY How much is he paying you? Pagoda looks scared. INSERT: A television set tuned in to an interview show. The host is a tall, distinguished-looking man in his fifties. He is Peter Bradley. Eli is his guest. They sit at a round table lit at the center of a pitch-black room. ELI Well, I grew up with the Tenenbaum family, you know. PETER Right. They’ve come on hard times now, haven’t they? Eli nods sadly. CUT TO: Richie’s room. Margot and Royal are watching Eli on television. ROYAL Bullshit. Change it. The door opens. Richie comes into the room. His hand is wrapped with bloody bandages. Margot looks concerned. MARGOT What’d you do to your hand? RICHIE Nothing. Richie goes into the closet. Two dalmation mice dart out across the floor. They run under the radiator. Royal frowns. ROYAL You think we could get somebody to come over here and kill some of these mice for us? 76. (CONTINUED) MARGOT No. Those belong to Chas. Or, anyway, he invented them. Richie drags a large trunk out of the closet. ROYAL Well, tell him to stick them in a fucking cage or something. Henry and Pagoda come into the room. Henry goes over to the intercom and presses a button on it. HENRY Etheline? Would you mind coming up here for a minute, please? Royal looks at Henry suspiciously. ROYAL What’s cooking, Pops? HENRY You’ll see. ETHELINE (O.S.) (on the intercom) OK. INSERT: The television set. Eli’s interview continues. PETER Now, your previous novel -- ELI Wildcattin’. PETER Right. Not a success. Why? ELI Hm. Well, Wildcattin’ was written in a kind of obsolete vernacular, much like the -- Eli freezes. He looks quickly across the room. ELI (CONT’D) Holy shit. PETER (looking around) What? 77. CONTINUED: (CONTINUED) A look of sheer horror crosses Eli’s face. He braces himself against the edge of the table. Peter looks concerned. PETER (CONT’D) Are you all right? ELI (concerned) Why is it so dense in here? Peter hesitates. Eli removes his microphone, stands up, and walks off the set. Peter Bradley watches him go. CUT TO: Everyone watching in Richie’s bedroom. They look stunned. ROYAL Son of a bitch. What the hell kind of way to act is that? RICHIE (pause) He’s on drugs. MARGOT (worried) I’ll be right back. Margot goes to the telephone. Etheline and Chas come into the room. Chas is eating a sandwich. Ari, Uzi and Buckley follow them. HENRY Hold on a minute, please. Henry steps in front of the television set and turns it off. HENRY (CONT’D) Pagoda has something to say. Everyone looks to Pagoda. Silence. Pagoda looks worried. He turns to Royal and points at him. PAGODA He has the cancer. HENRY (angrily) No, he doesn’t. Royal sits up. Henry stares at Royal. HENRY (CONT’D) I know what stomach cancer looks like. I’ve seen it. 78. CONTINUED: (2) (MORE) (CONTINUED) And you don’t eat three cheeseburgers a day with french fries when you’ve got it. The pain is excruciating. ROYAL How would you know? HENRY My wife had it. Silence. Royal pulls out his IV and the other tubes that are attached to him. He goes into the bathroom and closes the door. Henry turns to Etheline. HENRY (CONT’D) Not only is there no Dr. McClure at Colby General, there’s no Colby General. It closed in 1974. Chas crushes his sandwich in his hand. PAGODA Ah, shit, man. ETHELINE But why would he -- Chas slams his hand against the bathroom door as hard as he can. He sits down on the bed and picks up the phone. He places a call. CHAS Yes. Can you send a taxi to 111 Archer Avenue? Right away, please. Thank you. Chas hangs up. Royal comes out of the bathroom. He is fully dressed in a suit, and he is zipping up a small leather bag. He picks up one of his bottles of pills off the night stand and leaves the rest. He looks to Pagoda. ROYAL I guess we’re back on the street, pal. Etheline looks to Pagoda. She frowns. Pagoda looks uneasy. ETHELINE Were you part of this? HENRY Of course he was. Etheline looks to Royal. Royal looks to Pagoda. He says regretfully: ROYAL Time to come clean. No more lies. 79. CONTINUED: (3) HENRY (CONT’D) (CONTINUED) Pagoda stares at Royal bitterly. Richie points at the hospital bed and life-support machines. RICHIE How’d you get all these medical supplies? ROYAL (pause) A guy at St. Pete’s owed me a favor. I did some malpractice work for him. I do have high blood pressure, though. Royal swallows one of his pills. He turns and stands in front of everyone. ROYAL (CONT’D) Look. I know I’m the bad guy on this one, but I just want to say that the last six days have been the best six days of, probably, my whole life. A strange, sad expression crosses Royal’s face. NARRATOR (V.O.) Immediately after making this statement, Royal realized that it was true. Royal begins to gather his possessions. INT. HALLWAY. DAY. Royal comes out of Richie’s room with his suitcases. Etheline stands at the end of the hall. ETHELINE Why’d you do this to us, Royal? Royal stops. ETHELINE (CONT’D) What was the point? ROYAL (pause) I thought maybe I could win you back. Or, anyway, I thought I could get rid of Henry and keep things status quo. ETHELINE But we hadn’t spoken in seven years. ROYAL I know. Plus, I was broke, and I got kicked out of my hotel. 80. CONTINUED: (4) (CONTINUED) ETHELINE (pause) You’re a bastard. Royal nods. Etheline stares at him angrily, with tears in her eyes. ETHELINE (CONT’D) Goodbye, Royal. Royal turns and walks down the stairs. INT. STAIRWELL. DAY. Chas stands at the bottom of the stairs and watches Royal come down with his suitcases. Royal stops in front of him. ROYAL Take it easy on those boys, Chassie. I don’t want this to happen to you. Chas hesitates. Royal walks past him and goes out the front door. EXT. STREET. DAY. Richie and Royal stand on the sidewalk. Royal’s suitcases are beside him. Margot and Henry stand at the top of the steps, in the front doorway. ROYAL You know, Richie, this illness, this closeness to death. It’s been very profound for me. I feel like a different person. I really do. RICHIE Dad. You were never dying. ROYAL (smiles) But I’m going to live. Richie shakes his head. He turns away and goes up the steps, past Margot and Henry, into the house. Royal and Margot look at each other. Royal points to Henry. ROYAL (CONT’D) He’s not your father. MARGOT (pause) Neither are you. Margot closes the door. Royal puts his hands in his pockets. He stares into space. He begins to cry. A gypsy cab pulls over to the curb. Royal waves to the driver. 81. CONTINUED: (CONTINUED) The front door of the house opens. Pagoda comes down the steps with two suitcases. He looks furious. ROYAL How you doing, pal? Pagoda drops his suitcases to the ground. PAGODA You son of a bitch. Pagoda’s teeth flash as he goes over to Royal and stabs him with a penknife. Royal screams. He clutches his side. He falls on the ground. The gypsy cab driver watches blankly. ROYAL Goddammit! That’s the last time I get knifed by you! You hear me? Pagoda helps Royal to his feet. He collects his suitcases. Royal leans on Pagoda as they get into the gypsy cab. Royal says to the driver: ROYAL (CONT’D) The 375th Street Y, please. INSERT: Page 198 of The Royal Tenenbaums. It says “Chapter Seven.†EXT. 375TH STREET Y. DAY. A huge building that looks like a castle. A sign next to the door says “375th Street Y.†INT. 375TH STREET Y. DAY. An extremely small room with a low ceiling and a single bed. Royal stands in front of a mirror while Pagoda stitches up the knife-wound in his side. He holds a bottle of iodine in one hand and a box of bandages in the other. ROYAL Everyone’s against me. PAGODA You can’t blame them, man. ROYAL I know. But, dammit, I want to be loved by this family. Pagoda pours some iodine on a cotton ball and applies it to Royal’s knife wound. Royal grimaces. ROYAL (CONT’D) How much money you got? 82. CONTINUED: (CONTINUED) PAGODA I don’t have. ROYAL (frowns) What do you mean? You’re broke? Pagoda nods. Royal looks furious. ROYAL (CONT’D) You got to be kidding me. How’re we supposed to pay for the damn room? Pagoda looks up at Royal coldly. Silence. ROYAL (CONT’D) All right. We’ll figure something out. INT. HENRY’S APARTMENT. NIGHT. Henry’s bedroom is filled with paintings and sculptures from the fifties and sixties. He puts on a slow jazz record and sits down across from Etheline at a small table with a vase of roses, two bottles of wine, and three candles on it. Henry has on pale-blue silk pajamas. Etheline wears a cream silk nightgown. The doors to the balcony are open, and there is a gentle breeze. They look at each other fondly for a minute. HENRY Would you like another glass of wine? ETHELINE Yes, please. Henry refills Etheline’s glass. He clinks his glass against hers and takes a small sip. She drinks her whole glass all at once. Henry looks uneasy. Etheline says suddenly: ETHELINE (CONT’D) Maybe we’re rushing things, Henry. HENRY (relieved) You’re right. It’s awkward sitting here in our pajamas and everything. We don’t have to do this right now. Let’s just try and have a nice time. ETHELINE OK. Henry gets up and changes the record to a more upbeat number. 83. CONTINUED: (CONTINUED) HENRY Yes, I think we’re both a little uneasy, and there’s no need for us to force anything. There’s no hurry. Let’s just - ETHELINE Actually, I should go. Silence. Henry nods. He looks disappointed. HENRY Can I, at least, offer you some dessert? Henry points to a dessert cart with a lemon meringue pie, two cheesecakes, a bowl of strawberries, a chocolate mousse, and a crepe suzette on it. Etheline hesitates. Henry quickly strikes a match and sets the crepe suzette on fire. His napkin catches on fire, and he dips it in his water glass. He looks to Etheline. ETHELINE No, I think you’re right. I should go. Etheline picks up her overnight bag off a chair and goes into the bathroom. Henry sits alone. He gets up and turns off the record player. EXT. BRIDGE. DAY. A footbridge over the river. Margot waits in the middle of the bridge. Eli walks towards her from the opposite bank. His face is smeared with dirt and traces of paint. His clothes look severely dishevelled. He stops a few feet away from Margot. ELI I’m not in love with you any more. MARGOT I didn’t know you ever were. ELI Let’s not make this any more difficult than it already is. MARGOT (pause) OK. ELI OK, what? MARGOT OK, I’m not in love with you, either. 84. CONTINUED: (CONTINUED) ELI I know. You’re in love with Richie. Which is sick and gross. Silence. Margot nods. MARGOT Do you send my mother your clippings? Eli hesitates. MARGOT (CONT’D) And your grades in -- ELI Please, stop ridiculing me. Eli turns away and looks sadly out at the river. Margot goes over and stands beside him. ELI (CONT’D) You never gave me the time of day until I started getting good reviews. MARGOT Your reviews aren’t that good. ELI But the sales are. CUT TO: A second bridge, two hundred yards away. A large man in a coat and tie takes photographs of Margot and Eli with a telephoto lens. INT. PRIVATE DETECTIVE’S OFFICE. DAY. A small room on the 30th floor of an office building. Raleigh, Richie and Dudley sit across a desk from the large man in the coat and tie. He is a detective. DETECTIVE How much do you already know, gentlemen? RALEIGH Very little, I assure you. DETECTIVE Would you like to examine the report? RALEIGH We would, rather. Yes. The detective hands Raleigh a manila folder. He opens and begins to read. Richie looks over his shoulder. 85. CONTINUED: (CONTINUED) MONTAGE: Margot at age twelve buys a pack of cigarettes in a bodega. She smokes one on the roof of the house, leaning against the chimney, next to the falcon’s coop. (In each of the following images, Margot smokes a cigarette.) Margot climbs out the window of a girls’ dormitory. She carries a small suitcase. She shimmies down the gutter and runs across the lawn. Margot stands inside a torch-lit shack among a group of dancing Rastafarians in Jamaica. She holds hands with one of them while he lights a large brown-paper-wrapped marijuana cigarette. A man dressed in a black shirt with a priest’s collar places a string of shells around Margot’s neck. Another man has a small machine gun. There is a goat in the doorway, and the ocean glimmers outside. Margot opens a window and looks out at the Eifel Tower. She wears a bra and a slip. A topless girl appears next to her, eating a croissant. The girl puts her arms around Margot’s waist, and Margot runs her hands through the girl’s hair. Margot stands in a pool of water facing a young tribesman in New Guinea. He has on warpaint and wears a large tusk in his nose. Margot kisses him on the mouth. Margot sits in a make-up chair at a television studio. Peter Bradley comes up behind her and puts his hands down her shirt. Margot smiles at him mischievously. Margot makes out with: - a Puerto Rican teenager in the back seat of a taxi; - a skinny guy with a Mohawk on a city bus; - a tough-looking Irishman on the deck of a ferry; - Eli in a deserted subway train going full speed at night. CUT TO: Raleigh turning to the last page of the report. He closes the folder and looks to Richie. Richie looks stunned. Silence. RALEIGH (CONT’D) She smokes. DETECTIVE Yes. 86. CONTINUED: INT. BASEMENT. DAY. Royal, Pagoda, Dusty and the manager of the hotel sit at a table in the laundry room of the Lindbergh Palace. The manager is reviewing a typewritten document. MANAGER All right. Everything seems to be in order. I’ll contact you in the next twenty-four hours. ROYAL I appreciate that. Which way are you leaning, by the way? MANAGER I’ll inform you of my decision at the appropriate time. ROYAL I get it. Put in a good word for us, Dusty. DUSTY I already did. INT. RALEIGH’S LABORATORY. DAY. Raleigh lies face down on the couch with his head buried in the cushions. Dudley walks over to him with a box of building blocks. He says quietly: DUDLEY You want to play some word games or do some experiments on me or anything? Raleigh answers without moving. His voice is muffled. RALEIGH No. Richie walks by in a bathrobe. He carries a pair of scissors. He goes into the bathroom, closes the door, and locks it. INT. BATHROOM. DAY. Hot water runs full blast in the shower and the sink. Richie stands in front of the mirror. He holds a pair of scissors in his hand. He has clipped off his beard. He opens the medicine cabinet and takes out a can of shaving cream and a straight razor. He covers his face with the shaving cream. He picks up the razor. He looks back in the mirror. He pushes his hand back through his hair, takes a deep breath, and says quietly: 87. (CONTINUED) RICHIE I’m going to kill myself tomorrow. Silence. Richie slices the razor deeply, four times, along his left forearm. Blood runs into the sink. He switches hands with the razor and slashes his other wrist. He sits down on the floor. CUT TO: The bathroom door slamming open. Dudley bursts into the room. He looks horrified. The floor is flooded with water and blood. Richie is slumped in the corner with shaving cream all over his face. Dudley screams hysterically. MONTAGE: Three paramedics race down a corridor pushing Richie on a gurney. Raleigh and Dudley run beside him. They are covered with blood. Etheline hangs up the telephone and runs into the hallway. She throws open the closet door and grabs her coat. Chas, Ari and Uzi hold on as Anwar weaves the BMW in and out of traffic. Buckley has his head out the window. Margot bursts through the doors of the emergency room. She looks around frantically. She sees Dudley. She sees blood on him. She rushes over and grabs his arms. MARGOT Where is he, Dudley? DUDLEY (pause) Who? INT. HOSPITAL ROOM. DAY. Everyone is gathered around Richie in his hospital bed. His arms are covered with bandages. A doctor gives him an injection and says to Etheline: DOCTOR He’ll probably sleep for several hours, and then I’ll come back to check on him. Etheline nods. She has tears all over her face. The doctor leaves the room. Margot holds Richie’s hand. MARGOT How do you feel? 88. CONTINUED: (CONTINUED) RICHIE Fine, thanks. ETHELINE Are you in any pain? RICHIE Not really. CHAS Why’d you try to kill yourself? ETHELINE Don’t press him right now. RICHIE I wrote a suicide note. MARGOT You did? RICHIE Yeah. Right after I regained consciousness. Everyone looks slightly confused. CHAS Can we read it? RICHIE No. CHAS Could you paraphrase it for us? RICHIE I don’t think so. CHAS Is it dark? RICHIE Of course it’s dark. It’s a suicide note. ETHELINE All right. That’s enough. The doctor said to let him sleep. INT. WAITING AREA. DAY. The corridor outside Richie’s room. Etheline fills out some insurance forms. Ari and Uzi sit on Chas’ lap. Margot sits next to Raleigh. Raleigh stares into space. 89. CONTINUED: (CONTINUED) RALEIGH You’ve made a cuckold of me. Everyone looks at Raleigh and Margot. Silence. MARGOT I know. RALEIGH Many times over. MARGOT I’m sorry. RALEIGH And you’ve nearly killed your poor brother. ETHELINE What’s he talking about? MARGOT It doesn’t matter. RALEIGH She’s balling Eli Cash. Everyone looks surprised and extremely uncomfortable. ETHELINE Oh, my goodness. RALEIGH May I have a cigarette? MARGOT What? RALEIGH Shall I repeat the question? MARGOT You don’t smoke. RALEIGH (bitterly) I bloody well know that. Raleigh stares at Margot in silence. Margot sighs. She reaches into her pocket and takes out a pack of cigarettes. She gives one to Raleigh. He puts it in his mouth. RALEIGH (CONT’D) And a light, please? Margot takes out some matches and lights Raleigh’s cigarette. 90. CONTINUED: (CONTINUED) RALEIGH (CONT’D) Thank you. Raleigh stands up and walks away, down the hall, out the door. Silence. Margot lights a cigarette for herself. Etheline looks disturbed. ETHELINE How long have you been a smoker? MARGOT (pause) Twenty-two years. ETHELINE Well, I think you should quit. Margot nods. The door opens at the end of the hall. Henry Sherman comes in. Etheline sees him and stands up. He goes over to her. He starts to put on his glasses. As he unfolds them, he unintentionally clamps them to his necktie and pulls his necktie up to his temple. He says earnestly: HENRY How can I help? Etheline begins to point to Henry’s necktie suspended near his ear, but she hesitates. Henry senses something wrong in his peripheral vision and looks confused. He swats at the necktie, hurling his glasses off his face and on to the floor. Henry picks up his glasses and puts them back on. He looks to Etheline with an embarrassed expression. Etheline puts her arms around him. She hugs him tightly and starts to cry. EXT. STREET. NIGHT. Three hours later. A gypsy cab stops in front of the hospital. Royal and Pagoda get out and walk quickly into the building. They are both dressed in hotel elevator-operator uniforms. INT. HOSPITAL. NIGHT. Royal speaks anxiously to a nurse at the registration desk. Pagoda stands behind him. ROYAL Richie Tenenbaum, please. NURSE Your name? 91. CONTINUED: (2) (CONTINUED) ROYAL Royal Tenenbaum. The nurse looks down at her registration book. She frowns. She looks back to Royal. NURSE I’m afraid visiting hours are over, sir. ROYAL (hesitates) Why? What does it say there? They don’t want me? NURSE I’m sorry. I have to refer you to Dr. Burroughs. He’ll be in tomorrow afternoon. Silence. EXT. SIDEWALK. NIGHT. Royal and Pagoda stand in front of the hospital. Royal points to the edge of the roof. He sounds desperate. ROYAL I think if we shimmy up that gutter and jump across the window ledge we can pry open the ventilation shaft and -- PAGODA There he is, man. Pagoda points to Richie waiting at the bus stop on the corner. He is dressed in surgical scrubs and bedroom slippers. His arms are covered with bandages. Royal looks puzzled. A bus pulls over in front of Richie. The doors open. Royal calls out: ROYAL Richie? Richie looks to Royal and Pagoda. He sees their uniforms. He hesitates. ROYAL (CONT’D) Where’re you going? Silence. Richie gets on the bus. Royal and Pagoda watch it drive away. Royal looks very upset. ROYAL (CONT’D) I have to say, he didn’t look half bad for a suicide. Attempted suicide, anyway. 92. CONTINUED: (CONTINUED) Pagoda nods. He puts his arm around Royal’s shoulder. INT. BUS. NIGHT. An old city busy with trash on the floor and graffiti spraypainted on the walls. Richie sits in the back row and rides downtown. INT. BALLROOM. NIGHT. The ballroom on the top floor of the Tenenbaum house. Richie walks in and sees the lamp glowing inside his tent. Margot calls out from inside. MARGOT Who’s there? Richie does not respond. MARGOT (CONT’D) Hello? Richie looks at the seventeen paintings of Margot hanging in the corner. An unfinished eighteenth, with Margot slightly older, leans against the wall. Richie goes to the tent at the center of the room. INT. TENT. NIGHT. Richie looks into the tent. Margot is sitting on the floor next to a record player smoking a cigarette. She has a Rolling Stones record in her hand. She looks startled. RICHIE What are you doing in my tent? MARGOT (hesitates) Just listening to some records. Margot puts out her cigarette. She seems worried. MARGOT (CONT’D) I thought you were supposed to be in the hospital. RICHIE I checked myself out. MARGOT Well, shouldn’t you be on some kind of suicide watch or something? RICHIE (pause) Probably. 93. CONTINUED: (CONTINUED) Richie goes into the tent and sits down Indian-style in front of Margot. Margot sighs. She puts on the Rolling Stones record. It plays quietly. MARGOT How many stitches did you get? RICHIE I don’t know. You want to see? Margot nods. Richie unwraps one of his bandages. His arm is covered with jagged, crisscrossing stitches and dried blood. Margot looks stricken. MARGOT Jesus, Richie. That looks horrible. Richie nods. He wraps the bandage back around his arm. RICHIE I heard about your ex-husband. MARGOT (pause) Desmond? RICHIE (hesitates) I guess so. I didn’t get his name. MARGOT Yeah. I met him in the ocean. I was swimming, and he came out to me in a canoe. We were only married for nine days. RICHIE (nods) And I heard about Eli. MARGOT (sighs) I know. Poor Eli. Anyway, we mostly just talked about you. RICHIE (surprised) You did? MARGOT Yeah. I guess that was the attraction, if you know what I mean. Silence. Richie says quietly: RICHIE I have to tell you something. 94. CONTINUED: (CONTINUED) MARGOT What’s that? RICHIE I love you. MARGOT (sadly) I love you, too. Richie kisses Margot on the mouth, and she kisses him back. She puts her hands on the back of his head. Richie pulls away from her and looks into her eyes. RICHIE I can’t stop thinking about you. I went away for a year, and it only got worse. I don’t know what to do. MARGOT Let’s lie down for a minute. Richie lies down on the cot. Margot looks at his Boy Scout sleeping bag. MARGOT (CONT’D) This is the one we took to the museum, isn’t it? Richie nods. Margot sighs. She lies down next to Richie and puts her arm around his shoulder. She smooths back his hair. They listen to the music for a minute. MARGOT (CONT’D) Why’d you do it? Because of me? RICHIE Yeah, but it’s not your fault. MARGOT You’re not going to do it again, are you? RICHIE (pause) I doubt it. Margot nods. She starts crying. She kisses Richie’s hand. Richie looks worried. Margot gets up and goes out of the tent. Richie sits alone for a minute. Margot looks back into the tent. MARGOT I think we’re just going to have to be secretly in love with each other and leave it at that, Richie. 95. CONTINUED: (2) (CONTINUED) They look at each other for a long minute. Richie nods. Margot turns away and goes out the tent. Richie picks up the stack of books off the table next to his cot. The book on top is Family of Geniuses. Then there are Margot’s books, Raleigh’s book, Henry’s book and Eli’s book. He spreads them out on the floor among his Matchbox cars and tennis trophies. A dalmation mouse appears and crawls among them. The record ends. INSERT: Page 230 of The Royal Tenenbaums. It says “Chapter Eight.†INT. HALLWAY. DAY. The next morning. Richie comes downstairs in his pajamas. He carries the stuffed boar’s head. He hangs it on the wall in its place. INT. ELEVATOR. DAY. The elevator at the Lindbergh Palace. Royal is dressed in his elevator-operator uniform. He takes three well-dressed businessmen down to the lobby. He looks exhausted and depressed. The doors open. One of the businessmen hands Royal a dollar as they walk out into the lobby. ROYAL Thank you, sir. Royal sees Richie standing in front of the elevator. Royal looks surprised. The doors of another elevator open. Pagoda is the operator. Richie looks at him. Pagoda hesitates. He waves to Richie. Richie waves back. ROYAL (CONT’D) Going up? Richie looks back to Royal. He nods. He steps into Royal’s elevator. ROYAL (CONT’D) What floor? RICHIE It doesn’t matter. Royal closes the doors and pulls a lever. The elevator goes up. Royal stands with his back to Richie. RICHIE (CONT’D) So you’re elevator operators now. ROYAL Yeah. We just started, but we’ll get a bump when we join the union. 96. CONTINUED: (3) (CONTINUED) RICHIE What made you decide to do that? ROYAL Well, we’re broke. But, in answer to your question, I guess I’m trying to prove I can pay my dues and what-not. I just hope somebody knows. Richie nods. Silence. RICHIE You asked me why I choked out there that day. Royal turns around quickly and looks to Richie. He nods. RICHIE (CONT’D) Well, I think I know the answer, and I wanted your advice. Royal looks surprised and moved. He says quietly: ROYAL Sure. EXT. ROOF. DAY. Royal and Richie stand on the edge of the roof, looking out at the city. Silence. ROYAL Margot Tenenbaum? RICHIE Yeah. ROYAL Since when? RICHIE Since always. ROYAL Does she know? RICHIE Uh-huh. ROYAL And what’s her feeling about it? RICHIE I think she feels confused. 97. CONTINUED: (CONTINUED) ROYAL I can understand that. It’s probably illegal. RICHIE I don’t think so. We’re not related by blood. ROYAL (pause) That’s true. Silence. Royal nods. ROYAL (CONT’D) It’s still frowned upon, but then what isn’t these days, right? Richie nods. Royal shrugs. ROYAL (CONT’D) I don’t know. Maybe it works. Why not? Hell, you love each other, and nobody knows what’s going to happen, so -- Royal stops short. His expression changes. ROYAL (CONT’D) You know what? Don’t listen to me. I never understood her, myself. I never understood any of us. I wish I knew what to tell you, but I just don’t. RICHIE (pause) That’s OK. ROYAL No, it’s not. Royal looks very sad. He stares down at the ground. He takes a deep breath. He says quietly: ROYAL (CONT’D) Do you still consider me your father? RICHIE Sure, I do. ROYAL I wish I had a little more to offer in that department. RICHIE I know you do, Pop. Royal nods. He keeps looking down at the ground. 98. CONTINUED: (CONTINUED) ROYAL I don’t blame you, by the way. Richie looks off into the distance. He frowns. ROYAL (CONT’D) She’s a great looking girl, and she’s smart as a whip, and -- RICHIE Mordecai? Royal looks up. A falcon flies in a low circle around the building. Royal and Richie watch as it lands on the railing in front of them. Silence. ROYAL Holy shit. Richie slowly reaches out to the falcon. He smooths out the feathers on its neck and says softly: RICHIE You came back. Royal looks up at the sky. He seems frightened. ROYAL Jiminy Cricket. He must have a goddamn radar in his brain. Richie frowns. He hesitates. RICHIE I’m not so sure this is Mordecai. ROYAL What do you mean? He flew right in here. RICHIE Yeah, but now he has white feathers on his neck. Royal and Richie study the falcon. Richie seems uncertain. ROYAL Well, the son of a bitch must be molting. INT. ELEVATOR. DAY. Richie and Royal ride down in the elevator. The falcon is perched on Richie’s arm. RICHIE I need your help with something else. 99. CONTINUED: (2) (CONTINUED) ROYAL (excitedly) You got it. What’s the situation? RICHIE Well, I think -- ROYAL Hang on. Royal throws the lever on the elevator to full speed. It accelerates and starts shaking violently. He yells into a walkie-talkie: ROYAL (CONT’D) Pagoda! Let’s hit it! RICHIE (hesitates) I didn’t mean right this second. INT. ELI’S STUDY. DAY. Eli sits on the couch in his study working on a jigsaw puzzle of the Beatles crossing Abbey Road. Three Egyptian men are chopping up yellow powder on the table. Electronic music blasts form the stereo. There is a knock on the door. Everyone looks up. Silence. ELI Yes? The door opens and Richie looks inside. Eli and the Egyptian men stare at Richie. Eli has yellow powder on his nose. He says awkwardly: ELI (CONT’D) Hey, Richie. Richie walks into the room. Royal and Pagoda follow him. They are dressed in their elevator-operator uniforms. Eli looks confused and uneasy. RICHIE We want to take you to get some help. ELI (pause) Is it just you guys? Richie looks slightly confused. ELI (CONT’D) I guess Margot and your mother couldn’t make it. 100. CONTINUED: (CONTINUED) Eli looks disappointed. He sees the bandages around Richie’s arms. ELI (CONT’D) What happened there? RICHIE (hesitates) Nothing. Royal looks to the Egyptian men. ROYAL Would you excuse us, please? The Egyptian men hesitate. Pagoda points to the door. The Egyptian men leave the room. RICHIE Where’s Sabrina? ELI (pause) They went back to England. Richie nods. He sits down next to Eli. Royal and Pagoda sit across from them. RICHIE Are we still friends? Eli seems embarrassed and hurt. ELI What do you mean? RICHIE Are we? ELI Of course. I can’t believe you would ask me that. RICHIE It doesn’t matter. I heard about you and Margot. Silence. Eli gets up and goes over to the window. He looks out at the backyard. Richie goes over and stands next to him. Eli looks deeply depressed. ELI I’m sorry. I don’t know what to say. RICHIE You don’t have to say anything. 101. CONTINUED: (CONTINUED) ELI I always wanted to be a Tenenbaum, you know? Richie nods. Eli looks to Royal. Royal nods and says quietly: ROYAL Me, too. Me, too. ELI But it doesn’t mean what it used to, does it? Richie shakes his head. Eli opens the window, reaches out, and picks a dead leaf off a branch of a tree. He looks to Richie. ELI (CONT’D) I wish you’d’ve done this for me when I was a kid. RICHIE (pause) But you didn’t have a drug problem then. ELI Yeah, but it still would’ve meant a lot to me. Anyway, I really appreciate your coming over here now. I do recognize that I have a problem, and I want to get better. Let me just get my things. Eli goes into the bathroom and locks the door. Pagoda goes over to the window and looks out. He sees Eli running down the fire escape. PAGODA There he goes. Royal and Richie rush over to the window. They watch Eli drop to the ground, run into the street, and hail a taxi. He has on socks but no shoes. INT. ICE-CREAM PARLOR. DAY. A room decorated like a birthday cake. Every booth is filled with divorced fathers and their young daughters. Margot sits across from Royal. Royal is dressed in his elevator-operator uniform. A waiter stands next to him. ROYAL I want to order some ice cream for my daughter, please. What would you like, Margot? 102. CONTINUED: (2) (CONTINUED) MARGOT I told you. Nothing. I only have five min The Royal Tenenbaums - Black Lazerus - 04-13-2004 ROYAL (CONT’D) I love you, Etheline. And congratulations, both of you. Royal looks to Henry. He turns back to Etheline. ROYAL (CONT’D) I didn’t think so much of him at first, but now I get it. He’s everything I’m not. (CONTINUED) Royal smiles. He turns away suddenly, runs to the bus, and jumps inside. He looks back to Etheline. He yells: ROYAL (CONT’D) Take back Pagoda, will you? Etheline hesitates. She nods. The door closes. Etheline and Henry stand watching with Sanchez. INT. ELI’S CAR. NIGHT. Eli drives through a tunnel at top speed in the middle of the night. He has on sunglasses, and he is covered with grass and dirt. Electronic music blasts from the stereo. He looks lost and sad. CUT TO: Page 258. It says “Chapter Nine.†INSERT: An invitation to Etheline’s and Henry’s wedding at the house on Archer Avenue. It is nearly identical to the invitation on the cover of the first edition of The Royal Tenenbaums. EXT. STREET. DAY. Ari, Uzi and Pagoda stand in front of the house with Buckley, receiving the wedding guests. They help people out of their cars, give them programs for the ceremony, and direct them to the front door. There are about fifty guests. Half of them are black and half are white. The members of the wedding party are dressed in morning suits. Royal and Dusty get out of a gypsy cab. Royal smiles at Ari and Uzi. He hugs Pagoda and kisses Ari and Uzi on the tops of their heads. He looks around. He whispers: ROYAL I got you some jawbreakers. Royal slips Ari and Uzi each a large purple-and-green-striped jawbreaker. They hide them in their jackets. INT. CHAS’ BEDROOM. DAY. A twenty-one-year-old black Navy midshipman helps Henry finish tying his bow tie. The midshipman is Walter. Henry studies his tie in the mirror. HENRY It’s slightly uneven. 106. CONTINUED: (2) (CONTINUED) Henry unties his knot and starts from scratch. Richie cracks open the door and looks into the room. RICHIE Henry? Henry looks to the door. HENRY Hello, Richie. This is my son, Walter Sherman. Richie comes into the room. He and Walter shake hands. RICHIE Nice to meet you, Walter. WALTER Nice to meet you. CHAS Henry’s your dad? Chas is standing in the doorway. Walter hesitates. He nods. Chas looks to Henry. CHAS (CONT’D) So you’ve been married before? HENRY Yes. I’m a widower. CHAS Oh, yeah. I forgot. (pause) You know, I’m a widower myself. HENRY I know you are, Chas. INT. MARGOT’S BEDROOM. DAY. Margot looks out the window at the guests arriving on the street while Etheline finishes her make-up. Margot has a white plastic inhaler in her mouth. ETHELINE What are you chewing on? MARGOT My nicotine inhaler. It’s supposed to help me quit. ETHELINE Is it working? 107. CONTINUED: (CONTINUED) MARGOT Not really. EXT. STREET. DAY. Ari and Uzi tie Buckley’s leash around a pole in front of the house. Royal and a very small Irish priest stand together at the top of the steps. ROYAL Well, of course, I’m half Hebrew, but the children are three-quarters Mick- Catholic. PRIEST (nods) So they were raised in the church. ROYAL (pause) I believe so. I really don’t know. A car’s tires squeal around the corner. Royal and the priest look down the block. Eli’s convertible skids through the turn on to Archer Avenue. Royal and the priest frown. INT. ELI’S CAR. DAY. Eli’s face is covered with Apache warpaint. He is dressed in a morning suit. He wears a distracted smile. He downshifts, accelerates, and steers toward the Tenenbaum house. He whispers: ELI Here I come. CUT TO: Ari, Uzi and Buckley watching frozen as Eli’s car races toward them. Royal looks panicked. He looks to Ari and Uzi and hollers: ROYAL Boys! Royal jumps down the stairs. INT. MARGOT’S BEDROOM. DAY. There is a tremendous crashing boom and the sound of shattering glass. Etheline rushes over next to Margot at the window. ETHELINE What was that? 108. CONTINUED: (CONTINUED) MARGOT Eli just crashed his car into the front of the house. ETHELINE Oh, my God. INT. STAIRWELL. DAY. Chas sprints down the stairs three at a time. He falls and bangs against the wall. He gets back up and keeps running. INT. LIVING ROOM. DAY. Eli sits on the floor, barefoot, covered in glass and debris. He is bleeding from a head wound. Three dalmation mice dart around the room in confusion. Several guests help Eli stagger to his feet. They look alarmed at his appearance, particularly the warpaint. ELI Where are my shoes? Dudley finds one of Eli’s shoes in the fireplace. He hands it to Eli. Eli puts it on. EXT. SIDEWALK. DAY. The wedding guests quickly begin to come out the front door and gather around the smashed car. There is also a crushed mailbox, and mail is scattered all over the sidewalk. The lighter airmail envelopes drift about in the wind. Chas runs down the steps. He yells: CHAS Where are you? Royal and Richie stand up among the rubble. Royal holds Ari under one arm and Uzi under the other. He sets them down. Chas runs over to them. ROYAL They’re OK, Chas. Chas grabs Ari and Uzi. He examines them. ROYAL (CONT’D) It’s OK. They’re safe. ARI Dad, they ran over Buckley. CHAS What? 109. CONTINUED: (CONTINUED) Chas looks to Royal. Royal nods. He turns to the wreckage. Buckley’s leash remains tied to the railing and extends taut beneath the wheels of Eli’s car. ROYAL I think we lost Buckley. Ari and Uzi start to cry. Richie brushes some debris off Uzi’s hair. He looks to Chas and points to Royal. RICHIE He saved them. Kind of. Chas looks to Richie. He says blankly: CHAS He did? Richie nods. Chas looks to Royal. Royal shrugs. Eli appears in the broken front window of the home. ELI Did I hit anybody? Everyone looks to Eli. ELI (CONT’D) Is everybody okay? Eli sees Chas staring at him. Eli hesitates. He darts away from the window. Chas bolts up the steps, banging his way through the crowd. ROYAL Chas! Wait! INT. HALLWAY. DAY. Chas bursts into the house. He screams: CHAS Eli! The guests panic as Eli jumps over a couch, knocks over a chair, and ducks into the kitchen. INT. KITCHEN. DAY. Pagoda looks up from a tray of canapes he is preparing. He does not appear to notice Eli’s strange appearance and injuries. He holds one of the canapes to him. PAGODA This is the quail’s egg. Eli takes it quickly. Chas smashes open the door. Eli bodychecks him and breaks out of the room. 110. CONTINUED: (CONTINUED) They slam past the priest and knock him down the basement stairs. The wedding guests scream and yell and try to break it up or get away. Eli slips out the back door and sprints into the garden. EXT. BACKYARD. DAY. Eli runs to the back wall and tries the gate. It is locked. Chas tackles him hard. Chas grabs him by the arm, swings him around, and slams him against the wall. Eli yells. People rush into the backyard. Richie runs outside. RICHIE Chas! Don’t! Richie tries to pull Chas off Eli. Chas elbows Richie in the face. Richie falls backwards into the bushes. Chas picks up Eli and tries to throw him over the wall. Eli scratches and clutches. ELI Help! Please! Chas yells insanely. He throws Eli over the wall. He turns to everyone watching him. They look stunned. Chas breathes heavily. Richie sits up in the bushes. He has his hand over his eye. RICHIE Chas? Chas hesitates. He climbs over the wall. EXT. NEIGHBOR’S YARD. DAY. Chas lands in a Zen garden, next to Eli. Eli is stretched out on his back. He and Chas look at each other. Chas lies down on the ground. He seems drained. It is very quiet. They both stare up at the sky. There are bonsai trees all around them. ELI Did I hit the dog? CHAS Yeah. ELI (pause) Is he dead? CHAS Yeah. ELI (pause) I need help. 111. CONTINUED: (CONTINUED) CHAS So do I. Walter looks over the top of the wall, down at Chas and Eli. He looks back behind him and yells to someone: WALTER Go around to the other side! EXT. EMBASSY. DAY. Henry and Royal run around the corner and up the steps of a neighbor’s house. A plaque next to the front door says “Residence of the Japanese Ambassador.†Royal knocks. They wait. Royal looks to Henry. He says suddenly: ROYAL Can I say something to you, Henry? Henry looks to Royal. ROYAL (CONT’D) I’ve been considered an asshole for about as long as I can remember. That’s just my style. But I’d feel pretty blue if I didn’t think you were going to forgive me. Henry nods. He says gently: HENRY I don’t think you’re an asshole, Royal. You’re just a kind of a son of a bitch. Royal seems genuinely moved by this remark. ROYAL Well, I appreciate that. The door opens. A small Asian woman in a kimono looks out at them. ROYAL (CONT’D) Can we get into your backyard, ma’am? We got a couple of boys out there. EXT. SIDEWALK. DAY. There are two police cars, an ambulance, a tow-truck and a fire engine in front of the house. Raleigh and two paramedics roll the priest on a gurney. Raleigh holds the priest’s hand. PARAMEDIC I think he may’ve broken his ankle. 112. CONTINUED: (CONTINUED) RALEIGH That’s not terribly serious, is it? (to the priest) Do you have an alternative? The priest shakes his head. Eli is being questioned by a police officer. His warpaint is smeared, and there are several bandages on his head and arms. He looks very upset. ELI At which point I apparently lost control of the vehicle, smashed it into the house, and killed that poor dog. The police officer studies Eli’s driver’s license. POLICE OFFICER You’re Eli Cash. ELI (pause) I am, indeed. POLICE OFFICER I love your work. ELI (touched) How sweet of you to say so. Royal stands among a group of firemen with a dalmation. ROYAL I think he’s part mutt. What kind of papers you got for him? One of the firemen shrugs. Royal points at the dalmation. ROYAL (CONT’D) Sparkplug. Sit. The dalmation sits. Royal looks impressed. Dusty stands with Richie on the sidewalk and examines his eye. It is scratched badly and looks terrible. DUSTY Can you see out of it? Richie covers his good eye to test his bad eye. RICHIE Not really. 113. CONTINUED: (CONTINUED) DUSTY Uh-huh. Minor corneal damage. Page me if it spreads to the other eye. Raleigh and Dudley stand next to each other wearing firemen’s helmets. Dudley laughs crazily. RALEIGH What’s so funny, Dudley? DUDLEY You look great! Henry and Walter survey the scene from the smashed-out living room window. Walter points to the rubble. WALTER But these aren’t structure-bearing elements, Dad. HENRY It doesn’t matter. It’s still best to file under force majeure and recoup the deductible. Ari and Uzi try to look at Buckley under Eli’s car as several firemen and tow-truck drivers attach straps and chains to the wheels and axle. Etheline goes over to them. ETHELINE You boys come over here with me. ARI But Buckley’s still under there. ETHELINE I know, but there’s nothing we can do for him, at the moment. Royal takes the dalmation over to Chas. ROYAL I got you a new dog for the boys. Chas looks at the dalmation. He looks back to Royal. CHAS What’s this? ROYAL I just bought him. CHAS You did? Royal nods. Silence. 114. CONTINUED: (2) (CONTINUED) ROYAL I’m sorry I let you down, Chas. All of you. I’ve been trying to make it up to you. Royal holds out the leash. Chas hesitates. He takes it. CHAS What’s his name? ROYAL (quietly) Sparkplug. CHAS Thank you. ROYAL You’re welcome. Chas suddenly starts crying. He stares at the ground. CHAS We’ve had a rough year, Dad. ROYAL I know you have, Chassie. Royal puts his hand on Chas’ head. Chas looks to Royal and takes a deep breath. He nods. Royal watches as Chas takes the dalmation over to Ari and Uzi and talks to them quietly for a minute. Uzi pets the dalmation. Ari takes the leash. Etheline looks to Royal. Royal looks back at her. Etheline smiles sadly. EXT. ROOF. DAY. Richie and Margot sit near the edge of the roof, next to the falcon in its coop. Richie has an ice pack over his eye. He brushes his hand against the white feathers on the falcon’s neck. MARGOT I wonder what happened to him. RICHIE I don’t know. (pause) Sometimes when people have a traumatic experience, their hair turns white. Silence. Margot says quietly: MARGOT Well, I’m sure he’ll get over it. 115. CONTINUED: (3) (CONTINUED) Richie nods. Margot looks at him for a minute. She takes her inhaler out of her mouth and puts it in her pocket. She turns and looks at the top of the chimney. She pulls out a loose brick. She reaches behind it and takes out a pack of cigarettes and a matchbook. She looks to Richie. She points at the chimney. MARGOT (CONT’D) This was one of my first hiding places. Richie studies the pack of cigarettes. It is still sealed, but the wrapper has faded. RICHIE How old you think those are? Margot opens the pack, takes out a cigarette, puts it in her mouth, and lights it. She takes a puff. MARGOT I’d say about ten years. Richie nods. Margot offers him a cigarette. He takes it, and she lights it. Margot puts her arm around Richie’s shoulder, and they smoke their stale cigarettes together. EXT. GARDEN. DAY. Ari, Uzi and Chas watch Royal throw dirt on to a grave in the backyard. They have tears in their eyes. The dalmation sits on the ground next to them. NARRATOR (V.O.) Royal dug a hole for Buckley behind the garden shed, and buried him in a canvas duffle bag. Chas hands Royal a bottle of scotch, and Royal takes a drink. ROYAL All right, boys. Say a prayer -- Ari begins, with a jawbreaker in his mouth: ARI Dear Heavenly Father -- INT. OFFICE. DAY. Henry and Etheline stand side by side in front of a judge in a small office with green carpet and an exercise bicycle. Henry has his left hand raised and his right hand on a bible. HENRY So help me God. 116. CONTINUED: (CONTINUED) The judge extends the Bible to Etheline. She puts her hand on it. NARRATOR (V.O.) Etheline and Henry were married fortyeight hours later, in judge’s chambers. INT. THEATRE. NIGHT. A stage-set for a play that appears to take place in a network of tree houses on a tropical island. A father introduces his daughter to a group of native tribesmen. FATHER This is my adopted daughter, Elaine Levinson. The house is sold out. Royal sits in the front row with the other Tenenbaums. He laughs quietly and shakes his head. The rest of the audience is silent. NARRATOR (V.O.) Margot’s new play, The Levinsons in the Trees, was produced at the Cavendish Theatre. CUT TO: Margot standing alone outside the theatre, under the marquee, smoking a cigarette. NARRATOR (CONT’D) It ran for just under two weeks and received mixed reviews. INT. AUDITORIUM. DAY. Brooks College. Raleigh and Dudley sit onstage at a table in front of an audience of doctors and medical students. Raleigh takes a question. MEDICAL STUDENT Can he tell time? RALEIGH Oh, my Lord, no. Dudley shakes his head emphatically. NARRATOR (V.O.) Raleigh and Dudley went on a lecture tour to eleven universities in the promotion of their new book. INSERT: 117. CONTINUED: (CONTINUED) A copy of Raleigh’s new book, Dudley’s World. On the dust jacket there is a yearbook photograph of Dudley with his Henry Aaron-style glasses flipped up. His expression is almost impossibly blank. EXT. HOSPITAL. DAY. A resort compound on the high plains. Eli practices with a lasso in front of several young addicts. He has stitches on his forehead. NARRATOR (V.O.) Eli checked himself into a rehabilitation hospital in North Dakota. A tall, skinny, Native American man in his late forties walks over to Eli. He and Eli are dressed in matching deerskin jackets. Eli points to him. ELI This is my sponsor, Runs with Two Horses. INT. 375TH STREET Y ROOFTOP. DAY. A concrete tennis court with a chain-link net. Ari, Uzi and a group of children dressed in tennis clothes watch as Richie demonstrates the continental style of grip to them. Richie has a white gauze patch taped over his eye. RICHIE Rod Laver used it. You know who Laver is? Uzi steps up to the service line. He bounces a ball and gets ready to serve. NARRATOR (V.O.) Richie started a programme teaching competitive tennis to eight- to twelveyear- olds at the 375th Street Y. Uzi hits a fast serve to Richie’s forehand. Richie fires his return full-speed straight down the line. Uzi watches it race past him. EXT. STREET. DAY. Royal, Chas, Ari and Uzi ride on the back of a speeding garbage truck. They are all laughing. NARRATOR (V.O.) Royal had a heart attack at the age of sixty-eight. 118. CONTINUED: INT. AMBULANCE. DAY. Royal is strapped on to a gurney with tubes sticking out of his arms and an oxygen mask on his face. Chas sits beside him, holding his hand. The ambulance races full-speed up the wrong side of the street. NARRATOR (V.O.) Chas rode with him in the ambulance, and was the only witness to his father’s death. Royal appears to be smiling underneath his oxygen mask. He looks up at Chas. Chas puts his hand on Royal’s cheek. Royal closes his eyes. NARRATOR (CONT’D) In his will, he stipulated that his funeral take place at dusk. INSERT: Page 275 of The Royal Tenenbaums. It says “Epilogue.†EXT. CEMETERY. DAY. Snow falls lightly, and the sky is getting dark. Everyone in the family is gathered around as Chas, Richie, Henry, Raleigh, Eli, Dusty and Pagoda lower the casket. They are all bundled up in coats and scarves. They step away from the grave. Henry stands next to Etheline. She takes his arm. Pagoda wears Royal’s sunglasses. Tears stream down his face. Dusty stands beside him. Margot has her arm around Richie’s shoulder. She smokes a cigarette. Raleigh stands next to Dudley. Eli stands next to Walter. The priest is on crutches. Chas looks to Ari and Uzi standing a few yards away. He nods. Ari and Uzi fire several shots into the air with Chas’ and Royal’s old BB guns. Royal’s gravestone sits in a wheelbarrow next to a pile of dirt. It reads “Royal O’Reilly Tenenbaum (1932-2001).†Epitaph: “Died tragically rescuing his family from the wreckage of a destroyed sinking battleship.†The priest sees this and hesitates. He looks puzzled. He smiles slightly. Richie throws a white flower into the grave. They all stand in silence for a minute before they turn away and walk to their waiting car. -- THE END -- 119. The Royal Tenenbaums - GreasyItalianPrincess - 04-13-2004 Oh, that's right. We got another body buried here. The Royal Tenenbaums - Lush - 04-13-2004 Someone was bored The Royal Tenenbaums - GreasyItalianPrincess - 04-13-2004 Immediately after making this statement, Royal realized that it was true. The Royal Tenenbaums - Lush - 04-13-2004 That's cheating All the quotes are there The Royal Tenenbaums - GreasyItalianPrincess - 04-13-2004 Immediately after making this statement, Royal realized that it was true. |