12-30-2003, 05:56 AM
First and foremost, I would like to say life is at the bottom of the barrel. I have become a shell of my former self and it tears me up inside to acknowledge that fact. I've become old,depressed, and ugly at the fact that I hate life and everything in it so damn much. I'm consumed day by day in solidity of depression so deep, only suicide would be my only friend right now, would it not be for the shining smiling face of my 8 month old daughter, torn apart at what mommy had done. Friends are nonexistant. I live in a world so isolated (literally from the real world 7 miles away from the nearest town,) that my only consolation is seeing a car drive down the road. How fucking sad, I get really excited if they have NY plates on them. I even talk to the animals now. Within the past year, my mother was diagnosed with lung cancer and I've lost 2 of the closest people I've ever known. I'm not even a soldier anymore. I'm just a single, unwed mom of 27, Living with her future in laws, who sleeps in a bed next to someone who I pray gives up and runs away, because I loathe him as much as I love him. Well thanks I needed this off of my chest. Tank
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