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swamp ass
#1
So, I took a shower and everything today. I haven't taken a dump all day. I haven't been farting today. I haven't eating mexican food or anything. I'm not hot and sweaty. I'm not angry. I'm not nervous.

For some reason I just got a whiff of my own ass, and it smelled like I shit myself. I was in the middle of phone call and I shifted my seat and the sewage smell hit me. The smell was the same as if you walk into a bathroom that has a shit sitting in the toilet. and then proceed to stick your face inside the bowl.

But I had to finish up my call (great trading call by the way. I'm brilliant) and had to wait about 5 or 10 minutes. I couldn't imagine how bad the smell was. I was shocked that I wasn't getting looks from other people I work with -- that's how bad it was.

I finally walked into the bathroom and whiped my ass (I ddin't take a shit, I just whiped my ass.)

THREE WIPES. THREE. It took three wipes to clean all the ffeces off my ass. That's how much it takes to clean off a marginally sloppy shit right afterwards. I'm about to vomit at the fact that I had that much festering in my pants all day.

I want to burn my underpants.
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