Help me get my teeth their whitest......

[KensPen]

Did I ever mention I have never had a cavity??

have I?
have I?

anyway, despite the pristine condition of my teeth, the years of soda, wine and coffee has taken the luster off my pearly whites.....

I bought an at home whitening thing,
you brush it on the teeth,
but after using it a couple times, it is NOT feeling good on my lips when I close my mouth, whatever eats through the stains is also eating through my skin....(slightly, but annoyingly so)

so what successes has anyone out there had?