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The Unofficial Opie & Anthony Message Board - Ask Dear Grumpy - Part II (Serious Questions Only)

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Displaying 26-50 of 108 messages in this thread.

Posted By	Discussion Topic: Ask Dear Grumpy - Part II (Serious Questions Only)
Rookie Have you ever seen a grown man naked? Stature of an Oompa Loompa! JBA's Stalker. Post Whore One Week, Fart In The Wind The Next	posted on 03-15-2001 @ 1:40 PM
O&A Board Regular Registered: Jan. 01	Dear Grumpy, For the past two days, my employers have been filling my time with work. It has been seriously cutting into my board time, and I'm starting to have a problem with it. I mean, come on, do they actually expect me to EARN my salary? I chose my career so I could sit around and surf the Internet all day, and lately it's not living up to my expectations... What should I do? Sincerely, Disgruntled Lazy Fuck Shut up and play, mothereffer!! I have adopted hornygoatweed23

GonzoStyle	posted on 03-15-2001 @ 1:47 PM
Hanger-On Registered: Jan. 70	Dear Frumpy Since you're away i am leaving you a big one. This has to be one of my biggest problems I have a sexual problem! Every time I am shopping at the grocery store I buy lots of large eggplants - for fucks sake man - I fill two or three shopping carts full. Then I take them home (the eggplants) and dress them up in little clothing items and whatnot. Then I place them around the kitchen table and play 'house' When we are done eating our oatmeal I pick the biggest one, yank the fucker up by the remaining vine, slap a fuckin MAXX Condom on the bastard, hit it with two cups of canola oil and spend the rest of the evening trying to stuff the 'fukin whore' eggplant up my ass. The problem is - my girlfriend thinks this is slightly abnormal behavior, but then she likes for me to grease up those large turkey-fat-free-sausages and forcefully ram them up her cats pussy while she masterbates to old Clit Eastwoody movies: 'The Good, The Bad and the Fugly' for instance. Well - by God - at the same time she wants me to lick her piss-stained panty croth and scream" Jesus is a fucking Fag" and stuff like that . Then my mom wheels herself down the ramp and starts wanting me to eat her MS numbed twat while she shits in cellophane. Needless to say - the crux of my goddamn sexual problem is as follows : I can't bust a nut when a large eggplant is in my ass because my mom is shitting in cellophane and the cat is clawing my nut-sack to a bloody pulp? What the fuck should I do goddamnitt??? Sincerly Bloody Yambag Kid Touching Freak Of OpieAnthony.com Touching Children One At A Time

FukMeBoobs	posted on 03-15-2001 @ 1:52 PM
Psychopath Registered: Feb. 01	quote: Maybe a vertically challenged individual with a prowness to helping others. :::note to self::: Midgets do it better. I'll definately get into contact with your receptionist for that coughprivatecough session..maybe even lend a helping hand in the ass-kicking. Thanks again for your input.(no pun intended) Proud to be Tequila's 1st adoptee.

Grumpy SAGILLID The Midget Message Board Mauler rides his trusty mount Wilbur once again!! Internet Idiots beware!!	posted on 03-15-2001 @ 1:53 PM
O&A Board Veteran Registered: Dec. 00	Dear Disgruntled Lazy Fuck, I feel your pain. Not everyone has the luxury of being able to post on such a auspicitious site AND get paid for it. Here's what I suggest you do. It requires some time and dedication and a complete lack of morals but it will work. Follow your immediate supervisor home and everywhere else he goes. Find out his schedule and arrange to have a whore.. I mean a lovely young lady meet him and set up a rendevous. She drugs him, you take "interesting" pictures of him that find their way onto his desk with a note saying "leave the dlf alone and give him a 50% raise" and viiiioooolla , you get to post and get paid more for it. Thank you for asking Dear Grumpy. I hope I've been able to shed light on your problem. Grumpy Newest members of the Grumpy's: FDA & ItsASickness Report all of their inappropriate behaviors to me. The Nicey-Nice Midget "Welcome to Camp Nicey-Nice. Now take a number, sit down and shut the fuck up" - The Late Great CBH

Cap'n Fudge	posted on 03-15-2001 @ 1:54 PM
O&A Board Regular Registered: Oct. 00	Grumpy, I have a problem with teen girls...Not the perverted type, I mean, yeah, I imagine myself with my schmekie deep inside my teen neighbor's young love tunnel, and occassionally we live that and other fantasies out, like the one where she begs me to pooop her and I say no until she does all her home work and masturbates while I smell her panties, but I digress...The problem is, we can never agree on which boy band is better...She says it N'sync, but I say its the Backside Boys...how do we solve this conflict?? Signed Delusional in New York Ventriliquist Detective capnfudge@opieanthony.com

Grumpy SAGILLID The Midget Message Board Mauler rides his trusty mount Wilbur once again!! Internet Idiots beware!!	posted on 03-15-2001 @ 1:59 PM
O&A Board Veteran Registered: Dec. 00	Dear Bloody Yambag, Dude, I do not ever ever want to feel your pain. Whoaaaa! I go for a walk and come back to this? Okay, here's the deal - Kill the cat now - fuck your mom daily - Stuff the eggplant in your girlfriends ass - and become a meat eater. Please see KidA, Dog and Maynard for assistance. All three are very good at eating meat. All in that order. Thank you for asking Dear Grumpy. I hope I've been able to shed light on your problem. Grumpy Newest members of the Grumpy's: FDA & ItsASickness Report all of their inappropriate behaviors to me. The Nicey-Nice Midget "Welcome to Camp Nicey-Nice. Now take a number, sit down and shut the fuck up" - The Late Great CBH This message was edited by Grumpy on 3-15-01 @ 2:10 PM

Corpsegrinderjunk	posted on 03-15-2001 @ 2:10 PM
O&A Board Veteran Registered: Aug. 00	Dear Frumpy, I have a serious problem here. I have this place that only a few people know about called the mashroom. Only few have asked about the whereabouts and the content, and now I need to know what to tell them because there are only a few keys for it, should I make more keys? Or just give the keys out to people who don't want to redecorate the place..also, I'm having this issue, called not knowing how to make a good sig pic. I need to figure this shit out. So any advice your dwarf self can give me would be appreciated Sincerely, Mr. Mashroom FU Buttmunch and Fez is a dick! "Think before you write" - Froy E-Mail Me

Ronreddog	posted on 03-15-2001 @ 2:17 PM
O&A Board Regular Registered: Oct. 00	I knew Grumpy would use this thread to get sexual favors! You fucking whore you! And, no, Gonzo, I have no advise for you. This dog is strictly a lover, not a therapist, or The rapist. Ever notice that about that term? HMMMMM My first adoptee: Inappropriate Belle My second adoptee: King F-Tard GRRRRRR! E-Mail Me This message was edited by Ronreddog on 3-15-01 @ 2:29 PM

gonzo	posted on 03-15-2001 @ 2:34 PM
Psychopath Registered: Oct. 00	Dear Grumpy, I have but one question: Why does it hurt when I pee? It seems to be happening ever since I sodomized this pig I kidnapped last week and...umm.....oops....nevermind.............. By the way, I once again need to state that GonzoStyle and I are two different people. Two VERY different people. Eggplants? Please...everyone knows squashes make much better whores.... Hey Rookie...nice SG in your sig pic...same exact guitar I use live (except mine has a WOW sticker on it). SIG PIC UNDER CONSTRUCTION "The guy who said `there's nothing to fear but fear itself`....HE NEVER MET ME." -Triple H "Just your friendly neighborhood rabbit and squirrel, not a plastic explosive or anything..." -Caddyshack This message was edited by gonzo on 3-15-01 @ 2:40 PM

SNAKEBITE	posted on 03-15-2001 @ 3:09 PM
Psychopath Registered: Jan. 01	Dear Grumpy After reading all of GonzoStyles issues/problem I'm afraid that we may have convicted an innocent man by the name of Jeffrey Dommer (sorry for the sp) I am starting to have nightmares and I'm not even asleep. Is there any hope for me? Remember don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things This message was edited by SNAKEBITE on 3-15-01 @ 3:19 PM

GonzoStyle	posted on 03-15-2001 @ 3:38 PM
Hanger-On Registered: Jan. 70	Dear Frumpy One night when I was at this party, I met this girl. We were on our way upstairs to fuck. She went first, and I stopped to brag to one of my friends about getting laid by this totally hot chick! I went upstairs and opened the bedroom door. There was a girl laying on the bed, passed out, so I took off her pants and started to fuck her. After a while, my friends came to bug me about getting laid, and they turned on the light. Everyone stopped because we all realized that i was fucking my sister. How do I look her in the face now? We don't talk and everyone still makes fun of us for that night. Sister-Fucker Kid Touching Freak Of OpieAnthony.com Touching Children One At A Time

MaynardGKrebs	posted on 03-15-2001 @ 3:49 PM
O&A Board Veteran Registered: Jan. 01	That old gag. Trainwreck Radio

Kid Afrika	posted on 03-15-2001 @ 4:02 PM
Hanger-On Registered: Jan. 70	quote: Please see KidA, Dog and Maynard for assistance. All three are very good at eating meat. Dear frumpy, ever hear the cliche' "pissing into the wind"? Confessed Vagitarian One in the chamber for the anger that I build inside, For the mothers that cried, for my homies that died. The begining is an ending, am I just a slave? So I got to be brave from the cradle to the grave. I have adopted zootybang

Grumpy SAGILLID The Midget Message Board Mauler rides his trusty mount Wilbur once again!! Internet Idiots beware!!	posted on 03-15-2001 @ 4:19 PM
O&A Board Veteran Registered: Dec. 00	Okay - since the buildup is here, I guess I'll answer a few letters. Dear Reddog, I have no idea what you're talking about. Grumpy ====================================== Dear Gonzo, I hope you feel pain. Scientifically, the sodomization of pigs, boars, and animals within the swine family has been proven to cause a rare disease call Yurf uckman Syndrome. The sypmtoms include irritation when urinating, hallucinations and the inability to play really bad music properly at local bars and clubs. There is a cure. Its a simple involves a scalpel, two clamps, your testicals,a plate and a fork. Its the patented Kutbalzoff Neatem procedure. You can do it yourself, however it is extremely painful and not recommended. Just ask GonzoStyle. He's had the same procedure. Thank you for asking Dear Grumpy. I hope I've been able to shed light on your problem. Grumpy =============================================== Dear Snakebite, Based on our past sessions, I still believe that your fears stem from your inability to accept your feminine side. You may be suffering from Kokinass Sydrome as described by Yurgey Fagatov. Accept your feminine side. Pleasure the woman in you. Don't be afraid. Go shopping for that cute little pink summer dress. Fishnets are good for your soul. Once you learn to accept yourself for what you want, sleeping with men, I mean sleeping will not be a problem. Thank you for asking Dear Grumpy. I hope I've been able to shed light on your problem. Grumpy ================================================ Dear Sister-Fucker, If memory serves me correct you were one of two boys in your family. I also remember a session with your brother where he had sexuality issues and wanted to be a woman. This was some time ago and I haven't heard from him since. How is your dear brother. Please have him call me. With regards to your problem. It's not a dire situation as you make it out to be. Sex with the opposite sex is much better than sex with, let say, with another man. If that were to happen then you'd have deeper issues to deal with. All in all, it's all good. Get over it. Thank you for asking Dear Grumpy. I hope I've been able to shed light on your problem. Grumpy Newest members of the Grumpy's: FDA & ItsASickness Report all of their inappropriate behaviors to me. The Nicey-Nice Midget "Welcome to Camp Nicey-Nice. Now take a number, sit down and shut the fuck up" - The Late Great CBH

Ronreddog	posted on 03-15-2001 @ 4:21 PM
O&A Board Regular Registered: Oct. 00	Yeah, Kid, what's up with the references to us? I have been mentioned in at least three of his replies. Like I said, he is whoring for women! That little fucking dwarf! Gonzo, man you have some serious issues, but, sorry, I have to laugh! LMMFAO! My first adoptee: Inappropriate Belle My second adoptee: King F-Tard GRRRRRR! E-Mail Me

Fez The sky is blue	posted on 03-15-2001 @ 4:25 PM
O&A Board Veteran Registered: Oct. 00	Dear Grumpy, I've been having a problem for about two weeks now. Everyone I know, my friends, parents, messageboard goers, EVERYONE seems to call me "Dick." I've tried to confront the problem but all I get is the same "Dick" answer. What should I do? I'm up to my head in dicks! -Dickless in your front lawn See My Sig Pics! If you want to be adopted by me IM me at fezoanda and email me at meguyelvis@hotmail.com Currently I've adopted usofar and Bumpkinhead

Grumpy SAGILLID The Midget Message Board Mauler rides his trusty mount Wilbur once again!! Internet Idiots beware!!	posted on 03-15-2001 @ 4:37 PM
O&A Board Veteran Registered: Dec. 00	Dear Mr. Mashroom, Often times private institutions have internal organizations that handle certain situations within the organization. The nature of how they handle is often times left alone. Handing the keys out would cause distress to the solidarity within the controls. In a nutshell, tell them to mind their own fucking business. They had to be their to understand. Thank you for asking Dear Grumpy. I hope I've been able to shed light on your problem. Grumpy ========================================= Dear Dickless in My Frontlawn, I have to concur. You are, sir, a dick. Acceptance of that fact is the only thing you can do. Have solence in knowning you are only a dick. If people were to refer to you as a PRICK, I'd find a high mountain and jump of the top into a painful death. In closing, you're a dick. Be proud of that. Stand tall and erect you dick. Show the world you have balls and fear not their lude comments. Thank you for asking Dear Grumpy. I hope I've been able to shed light on your problem. Grumpy Newest members of the Grumpy's: FDA & ItsASickness Report all of their inappropriate behaviors to me. The Nicey-Nice Midget "Welcome to Camp Nicey-Nice. Now take a number, sit down and shut the fuck up" - The Late Great CBH

Grumpy SAGILLID The Midget Message Board Mauler rides his trusty mount Wilbur once again!! Internet Idiots beware!!	posted on 03-15-2001 @ 4:42 PM
O&A Board Veteran Registered: Dec. 00	PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT Dear Loyal Readers, Every year, the pet population explodes at an alarming rate. You can help control the population by Neutering your pets. Especially those that own large fat dogs with drooping cheeks and druel continuously. They are the worst offenders. Also, please refrain from sodomizing your pets. Love your pets, but don't love your pets. Thank You Grumpy Newest members of the Grumpy's: FDA & ItsASickness Report all of their inappropriate behaviors to me. The Nicey-Nice Midget "Welcome to Camp Nicey-Nice. Now take a number, sit down and shut the fuck up" - The Late Great CBH This message was edited by Grumpy on 3-15-01 @ 4:46 PM

gonzo	posted on 03-15-2001 @ 5:29 PM
Psychopath Registered: Oct. 00	But Grumpy, the pig makes such a wonderful squeal when he's being sodomized, I can't believe you haven't taken advantage yourself! Seriously, dude, you're fun to fuck with but your one funny bastard. Keep it up. SIG PIC UNDER CONSTRUCTION "The guy who said `there's nothing to fear but fear itself`....HE NEVER MET ME." -Triple H "Just your friendly neighborhood rabbit and squirrel, not a plastic explosive or anything..." -Caddyshack

Sgt Krusty	posted on 03-15-2001 @ 5:47 PM
Psychopath Registered: Oct. 00	Dear Grumpy, I'm hesitant to voice this in public,but you're probably the only one who can help me. I have this compulsion to collect things. Newspaper,bicycle seats,tin-foil[which comes in handy to block the alien space rays],comic books etc.But especially large refrigerator boxes. My wife and kids have moved out in disgust,and you can't walk in my house. I can't work,because I feel someone might steal my stuff while I'm out. Can you give me some advice? You're my last hope. Respectfully yours, Sgt Krusty Sig by PanterA(tm) Currently under CriticsLoveSnatch's rule. E-Mail Me

GonzoStyle	posted on 03-16-2001 @ 12:11 AM
Hanger-On Registered: Jan. 70	Dearest Frumpy Since your the guy with the answers help me on this one. I have a burning desire to have sweet anal love with a chineese monkey. I don't want rough sex, but rather gentle and meaningfull sex. Since I was a young lad I've always fantasized about a monkey named Huang, Oh how his tender ass beckoned my calling. Is this normal? Please advise. Sincerly Red Ass Love in hell Kid Touching Freak Of OpieAnthony.com Touching Children One At A Time

Grumpy SAGILLID The Midget Message Board Mauler rides his trusty mount Wilbur once again!! Internet Idiots beware!!	posted on 03-16-2001 @ 9:14 AM
O&A Board Veteran Registered: Dec. 00	Dear Sgt. Krusty, I feel your pain. Collection of things is a true sign of a feeling of inadequecy about yourself. You add to make up for what you don't have. It must be very painful to live your life with a .... uhm... small penis. There are cures than can help you. I believe you can contact a NAMBLA member who'll be able to refer you to the proper physicians as he's been through this procedure several times. There's a few of lying around here. They shouldn't be that difficult to find. In the meantime, to add to your collection, I'd like to give you this in honor of the day of the Drunk Irish. Thank you for asking Dear Grumpy. I hope I've been able to shed light on your problem. Grumpy ====================================== Dear Red Ass, Although the Chinese monkey's are nice, have you thought about adopting a chimpanzee? If gentle meaningful sex is what you're looking for, the chimps are known for their affection, caring and ability to give incredible hummers. Just a thought. Hope it helps. Thank you for asking Dear Grumpy. I hope I've been able to shed light on your problem. Grumpy Newest members of the Grumpy's: FDA & ItsASickness Report all of their inappropriate behaviors to me. Erin Gah Braugh - And take off your bra bend over if ya'd like a little Irish in ya!

Cap'n Fudge	posted on 03-16-2001 @ 11:24 AM
O&A Board Regular Registered: Oct. 00	Dear Grumpy, My problem involves cleaning the house...does this make a man less of a man, or is it perfectly normal behavior? I need to know before I go for my final fitting on my french maid's uniform... Signed Dusty! It's time for the smoking of the green! St. Patty's Day capnfudge@opieanthony.com

TFEC Coming Soon!!! The Grand Opening of The Junkyard Bar & Grill!	posted on 03-16-2001 @ 11:47 AM
O&A Board Regular Registered: Sep. 00	Dear Midget(Hoo hoo I invented midgets hoo hoo) Are all women insane or is it just the I-talian women? Also I seem to have the burning hershey squirts today, ya got any advice besides bangin drunken underage...oops....umm....forget that last part!!! FUCK 5 MINUTES!!! THE BOMBING STARTS NOW!!!!!!!!!!! LONG LIVE SYNDICATION UNDERGROUND!!! LET'S GO DEVILS!!!! LET'S GO GIANTS!!!!

Grumpy SAGILLID The Midget Message Board Mauler rides his trusty mount Wilbur once again!! Internet Idiots beware!!	posted on 03-16-2001 @ 12:56 PM
O&A Board Veteran Registered: Dec. 00	Dear Dusty, Cleaning is not bad. Depends on how and when you do it. If the guys are over and you're in your maid outfit, you're dead. move to another country. If no one is home, go crazy. Here's some helpful hints from Hellonwheels: - To remove that nasty smell that you don't know where it's coming from, look for the fish. - When removing bloodstains from material, use hydrogen peroxide - To dissolve a human body in 4 days, throw naked corpse in bathtub and fill with hydrogen peroxide - When doing laundry, use the sniff test. Pick up clothing, sniff continuously as you bring it closer and closer to your face. If you can't smell it within 10 inches of your nose, it's clean, put it back in the drawer. By the way - did you get the little red outfit with lace or the black leather dominatrix kind. Just curious. Thank you for asking Dear Grumpy. I hope I've been able to shed light on your problem. Grumpy ============================================= Dear TooFuCked, I-talian women have a higher concentration of a chemical first discovered by Prof. Pistov of PMS University. However, they are not more prone to insanity that other women. If you find yourself confronted by your wife or girlfriend in "one of her moods" try a combination of any of these phrases. - Yes Dear - I'm Sorry - You're right You can use them in combination as well. As for you 'Hershey' problem, you can eliminate that feeling by not eating the chocolate that was given to you at the zoo by the primates. They were laxatives, not really chocolate. Thank you for asking Dear Grumpy. I hope I've been able to shed light on your problem. Grumpy Newest members of the Grumpy's: FDA & ItsASickness Report all of their inappropriate behaviors to me. Erin Gah Braugh - And take off your bra Do ya have any Irish in ya? No? Bend over and I'll give ya some.

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Displaying 26-50 of 108 messages in this thread.