12-22-2006, 07:41 PM
In no particular order:
1. Leave an upper decker in somebody’s toilet. I had the perfect opportunity to do this several years ago but unfortunately was unaware of what an upper decker was. The ideal situation would be to see the person’s reaction after they flush, but something of this magnitude probably warrants a shit and run.
2. Take a lie detector test. I am a phenomenal liar. It’s really fun sometimes to just lie for no apparent reason, with nothing at all to gain from it. I am very confident in my ability to pass a polygraph and am extremely curious to find out.
3. Play tetherball again. It’s been way too long.
4. Take 2-3 months off during a summer to drive around the country and see a MLB game in every stadium. I’ve only been to 3 stadiums, and that just will not suffice.
5. Experience every illegal drug at least once: peyote, LSD, heroin, PCP, meth, crack, cocaine
6. Be tortured for information. I’ve always maintained that I have a very strong pain tolerance, but I can never be truly sure how strong until forced into such an extreme situation. I am very intrigued to see just how much pain I’d be able to endure. Plus, it would be a big confidence boost knowing that I am harboring information that is THAT important to somebody.
7. Take a shit in a urinal. Not just a little turd but a huge, full blown haven’t shit in 3 days, t-rex sized shit. Again, people’s reactions are the best part of any shit crime, none more so than the urinal shit. In a perfect world I’d set a small camera up. Those who laugh hysterically are people to hang out with. Those that are disgusted or, worse yet, try to flush it, should be destroyed. Something like that happens so infrequently that it needs to be shared with others. There is no worse act man can do than prevent others from seeing shit in a urinal. Now that I think about it, seeing shit in a urinal would probably be just as satisfying (and less risky) as actually performing the shit.
8. Go to space. Not for very long, and not so much to explore other planets or anything like that. But to just see the entire Earth with your own 2 eyes I imagine is a pretty humbling experience.
9. Kill a man. This could easily be split apart into their own categories as there are many ways to accomplish this. Beating someone to death with my bare hands, decapitation, snapping a neck, shotgun to the face, slitting a throat, etc. Not only would killing someone be tremendously cathartic, it would be a great learning experience. One that everybody should have the chance to have. On a similar note, I would like to see if I can plan out and execute a perfect murder without ever being caught. Ultimately, this is where #2 would come into play.
10. Be involved in a natural disaster. Hurricane, tornado, earthquake, tsunami, volcanic eruption, avalanche, blizzard, whatever. Bring it on, they look like loads of fun! I’d be hard pressed to think of a more exciting event a human can partake in.
1. Leave an upper decker in somebody’s toilet. I had the perfect opportunity to do this several years ago but unfortunately was unaware of what an upper decker was. The ideal situation would be to see the person’s reaction after they flush, but something of this magnitude probably warrants a shit and run.
2. Take a lie detector test. I am a phenomenal liar. It’s really fun sometimes to just lie for no apparent reason, with nothing at all to gain from it. I am very confident in my ability to pass a polygraph and am extremely curious to find out.
3. Play tetherball again. It’s been way too long.
4. Take 2-3 months off during a summer to drive around the country and see a MLB game in every stadium. I’ve only been to 3 stadiums, and that just will not suffice.
5. Experience every illegal drug at least once: peyote, LSD, heroin, PCP, meth, crack, cocaine
6. Be tortured for information. I’ve always maintained that I have a very strong pain tolerance, but I can never be truly sure how strong until forced into such an extreme situation. I am very intrigued to see just how much pain I’d be able to endure. Plus, it would be a big confidence boost knowing that I am harboring information that is THAT important to somebody.
7. Take a shit in a urinal. Not just a little turd but a huge, full blown haven’t shit in 3 days, t-rex sized shit. Again, people’s reactions are the best part of any shit crime, none more so than the urinal shit. In a perfect world I’d set a small camera up. Those who laugh hysterically are people to hang out with. Those that are disgusted or, worse yet, try to flush it, should be destroyed. Something like that happens so infrequently that it needs to be shared with others. There is no worse act man can do than prevent others from seeing shit in a urinal. Now that I think about it, seeing shit in a urinal would probably be just as satisfying (and less risky) as actually performing the shit.
8. Go to space. Not for very long, and not so much to explore other planets or anything like that. But to just see the entire Earth with your own 2 eyes I imagine is a pretty humbling experience.
9. Kill a man. This could easily be split apart into their own categories as there are many ways to accomplish this. Beating someone to death with my bare hands, decapitation, snapping a neck, shotgun to the face, slitting a throat, etc. Not only would killing someone be tremendously cathartic, it would be a great learning experience. One that everybody should have the chance to have. On a similar note, I would like to see if I can plan out and execute a perfect murder without ever being caught. Ultimately, this is where #2 would come into play.
10. Be involved in a natural disaster. Hurricane, tornado, earthquake, tsunami, volcanic eruption, avalanche, blizzard, whatever. Bring it on, they look like loads of fun! I’d be hard pressed to think of a more exciting event a human can partake in.