04-13-2009, 09:34 AM
Dear 17 year old Mark,
Sup. I'm writing this to you from the FUTURE, and as your friend I'd like to let you in on a few secrets that will help you sidestep some of the retarded things that you do that make your life way more difficult than it should be.
First off, stop being such an overly nice asshole. It's one thing to be a nice guy but jesus, man...you're a little TOO nice and trust me, it will burn you in the long run from people taking advantage of you. Plus, you may think that girls want a nice guy, but has it gotten you anywhere thus far? Exactly. Don't be afraid to say "no" to things once in awhile. You have this stupid idea that you can make everyone happy. This is not possible and you're only hurting yourself by doing so.
Secondly, you know all of those popular kids that act snooty and stuck up? They actually figure out that they're retarded and start acting cool in your last year of high school, so become their friends, go to some parties and get drunk already! Contrary to what your teachers have taught you, alcohol does not, in fact, ruin your life and kill you immediately if you drink it. It's awesome and it makes you feel great, so do it already! You'll bang more chicks that way. Everyone wins!
Also, start working out. Immediately. Girls do not find guys that weigh 119 pounds to be attractive. In fact, that time that you took your shirt off at track practice probably frightened more girls than it impressed. YOU DO NOT LOOK GOOD.
Working out will also help you in your future plans to join the military. You'll do just fine in bootcamp, but bulking up a bit will help you from getting singled out by your insane drill instructors! Speaking of the military, when you get to Japan, don't wait a MONTH to venture off base and explore. Again, scare tactics work way too well with you and the sooner you figure out that you're not as stupid as a vast majority of people, the more fun you will have as a result.
Aviod a girl named Sarah Hickey at all costs. She will lead you on for months to take advantage of you because she is terrible with money and you are willing to take her out to dinner. She does not like you, and hanging out with her will eventually lead you to getting punched in the face by a massive dude for something that you didn't do.
So, in conclusion, you're a goofy looking asshole but that's still true to this day.
Your friend,
24 year old Mark
Sup. I'm writing this to you from the FUTURE, and as your friend I'd like to let you in on a few secrets that will help you sidestep some of the retarded things that you do that make your life way more difficult than it should be.
First off, stop being such an overly nice asshole. It's one thing to be a nice guy but jesus, man...you're a little TOO nice and trust me, it will burn you in the long run from people taking advantage of you. Plus, you may think that girls want a nice guy, but has it gotten you anywhere thus far? Exactly. Don't be afraid to say "no" to things once in awhile. You have this stupid idea that you can make everyone happy. This is not possible and you're only hurting yourself by doing so.
Secondly, you know all of those popular kids that act snooty and stuck up? They actually figure out that they're retarded and start acting cool in your last year of high school, so become their friends, go to some parties and get drunk already! Contrary to what your teachers have taught you, alcohol does not, in fact, ruin your life and kill you immediately if you drink it. It's awesome and it makes you feel great, so do it already! You'll bang more chicks that way. Everyone wins!
Also, start working out. Immediately. Girls do not find guys that weigh 119 pounds to be attractive. In fact, that time that you took your shirt off at track practice probably frightened more girls than it impressed. YOU DO NOT LOOK GOOD.
Working out will also help you in your future plans to join the military. You'll do just fine in bootcamp, but bulking up a bit will help you from getting singled out by your insane drill instructors! Speaking of the military, when you get to Japan, don't wait a MONTH to venture off base and explore. Again, scare tactics work way too well with you and the sooner you figure out that you're not as stupid as a vast majority of people, the more fun you will have as a result.
Aviod a girl named Sarah Hickey at all costs. She will lead you on for months to take advantage of you because she is terrible with money and you are willing to take her out to dinner. She does not like you, and hanging out with her will eventually lead you to getting punched in the face by a massive dude for something that you didn't do.
So, in conclusion, you're a goofy looking asshole but that's still true to this day.
Your friend,
24 year old Mark