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I wrote a story.
#1
Tongue

It all started so long ago, in a cabin built on the edge of cliff. My friend, mentor, and inventor of fire, Jedi Hans, built that cabin as cabin-like as he could get without his no arms. NO ARMS HE HAD! And that is the story I shall tell you

Once my he had lived in town, and what a shit town it was, Jedi decided it was time to leave that horrible place and so he stripped off his clothes and ran into the woods naked as the day he was born.

He ran through the trees for three days until he collapsed in a clearing, and in this clearing was a lion. Jedi, still exhausted from running for 3 days challenged the lion, he strangled the lion with his bear hands then headbutt till it died. He ripped open the lion, emptied it, and climbed inside. He made the skin into a suit which he wore every second of everyday. He spent the next week or so banging hot lionesses, eating and strangled and headbutting anything he wasn't balls deep in, most of which were buffalo and more gee deeed lions, it's like holy shit there's too many lions here.

As he spent his days living like an animal he eventually thought he was one.
It was very sad actually. He found his way back into town eventually as a mindless rodent of Satan's fury. He began stealing things, like songs from the interwebs, and glances. However he was caught red-pawed by the Sheriff, not knowing, in all honesty, what to make of this lionman. So he cut off his arms. His own arms, he was THAT confused by Lionman. Then Lionman became the sheriff. Crime ceased almost immediately.

I say almost because like always, there is someone who is slow. They paid with their lives and anal virginity, as Lionman raped and decapitated them at the same time. Lionman brought forth a new era of peace with nature during this time. People started looking out for each other and marrying beavers, mostly for the money. But then, tragedy struck one day when Lionman was patrolling Mane Street. The Piranhas decided they had been gettin a raw deal recently and started fighting back.

They built a large barrel on treads and began going around eating people bt tricking them to dive into the barrel. Lionman knew only one way to stop them. By strangling them. He pounced on the barrel, trying to find its throat to strangle, but alas all he did was tip the barrel over and fall amongst the gasping piranhas. Seeing the real threat he began strangling the piranhas themselves!!! However the biggest advantage the piranhas has was Lionman couldn't strangle them all at once, and he dare not attempt to rape them. So as he killed one they ambushed him tearing into his arms and devouring them. As he bled everyplace and waved his stumps in rage he stamped the remaining fish, killing them all. At what cost though, at what cost?

The shock of losing that much blood was enough to bring him back to reality and for the first time in about a month or so, climbed out of his lionsuit and wandered, naked and drenched in own blood and bile back into the wild...
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#2
I read the first paragraph and refuse to go any further you hippie bastard.
Well, I guess that we all learned a lesson today. That it's what's inside a person that counts. And that on the inside, midgets are thieving little bastards.
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#3
I'm hardly a hippie...
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#4
[Image: retarded8oi5.jpg]

Wink
Hey doc, do you know the address of that place?
Oh, you know, I do know the address. It's at the corner of go fuck yourself and buy a map!
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#5
Where's YOUR story?
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#6
http://www.talonse.com/audioinsults/ThisSucks.wav
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#7
[drop]Daddoooo Suupaaaaa bowwwww!!!![/drop]
"Sir, You need to get out of your car, there is a train comming."
"Why ummm... uhhh did you ummm... feel the need to errrrr, god why can't I type!!"
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#8
Doktor Wrote:Where's YOUR story?

Doktor sucks at story writing.

the end.
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#9
Jo Wrote:
Doktor Wrote:Where's YOUR story?

Doktor sucks at story writing.

the end.

8-)
3/30/2009 1:38 PM Loose Wendy wrote: "I would rather masturbate using a baseball bat wrapped in barbed wire than have sex with Joe."
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#10
And you suck at trolling.

the end.
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#11
Doktor Wrote:And you suck at trolling.

the end.

That's a bad thing?
3/30/2009 1:38 PM Loose Wendy wrote: "I would rather masturbate using a baseball bat wrapped in barbed wire than have sex with Joe."
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#12
Doktor Wrote:And you suck at trolling.

the end.
say "troll" more.

or post more stupid stories no one cares about. same idea.
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#13
Ok.

Troll More, faggots.
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#14
I smite thee because this entire topic is retarded.
"I'm glad to see those 'Worthless Whore' lessons turned out well for you."
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#15
Doktor Wrote:Ok.

Troll More, faggots.


See Dick Post. See Dick Flame. See Dick Get Banned. Don't Be A Dick
"Golf requires goofy pants and a fat ass. You should talk to my neighbor the accountant. Probably a great golfer. Huge ass!"
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#16
Krystal Wrote:I smite thee because this entire topic is retarded.

I'm heartbroken because Karma means SO MUCH. ;D
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#17
It's not the act, but the thought that counts. Like Christmas.
"I'm glad to see those 'Worthless Whore' lessons turned out well for you."
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#18
Hardly.
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#19
Doktor Wrote:[. . . ] built that cabin as cabin-like as he could get without his no arms. NO ARMS HE HAD! And that is the story I shall tell you


[. . . ]he strangled the lion with his bear hands then headbutt till it died.

How can someone with no arms strangle something with his bare [sic] hands?
"I'm glad to see those 'Worthless Whore' lessons turned out well for you."
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#20
Everything past the first paragraph is a flashback.
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#21
I hope you were on shrooms at the time.
"I'm glad to see those 'Worthless Whore' lessons turned out well for you."
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#22
If i was on shrooms, i probably couldn't find the right keys to type it up. But no I was just in a really silly mood.
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#23
It hurts my brain.
But this line made me giggle:
"paid with their lives and anal virginity"
"I'm glad to see those 'Worthless Whore' lessons turned out well for you."
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#24
Moral of the Story:
You don't mess with Jedi Hans...

I have actually written serious things before so none of my other works are like this one.
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#25
Good to know. B/c this one made you sound like a fifteen year-old sci-fi geek.
"I'm glad to see those 'Worthless Whore' lessons turned out well for you."
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#26
Well That's only HALF true.
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#27
I'm thinking the sci-fi half.
"I'm glad to see those 'Worthless Whore' lessons turned out well for you."
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#28
I just figured this out... Doktor is actually David Mayo! That explains all the half-assed crappy posts!
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#29
@krys: yep

@potthole: Who?
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#30
Doktor Wrote:Moral of the Story:
You don't mess with Jedi Hans...

I have actually written serious things before so none of my other works are like this one.

Do you live in your moms basement?
Do you play DN'D on the weekends?
Do you masturbate to naked photos of Star Trek Chicks?

If you can answer yes to any of these questions, then I have successfully pegged who you are in this society...
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#31
Hahaha.
"I'm glad to see those 'Worthless Whore' lessons turned out well for you."
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#32
Krystal Wrote:
Doktor Wrote:[. . . ] built that cabin as cabin-like as he could get without his no arms. NO ARMS HE HAD! And that is the story I shall tell you


[. . . ]he strangled the lion with his bear hands then headbutt till it died.

How can someone with no arms strangle something with his bare [sic] hands?

You used the [sic] incorrectly. In the original story he used the word "bear" which was the incorrect word, when quoting someone using an incorrect meaning or spelling, you use their original misspelling/misusage and then add the [sic] showing that they are stupid, and you are smart enough to recognize their stupidity. Also it's usually italicized.
Wowie Groovie !
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#33
At the law firm I work for when we correcting opposing counsel, we correct and [sic] to notate their error.
"I'm glad to see those 'Worthless Whore' lessons turned out well for you."
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#34
well that's incorrect
Wowie Groovie !
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#35
Photo Bitch is right on this one.... according to wiki anyway.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sic
3/30/2009 1:38 PM Loose Wendy wrote: "I would rather masturbate using a baseball bat wrapped in barbed wire than have sex with Joe."
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#36
Thanks Rock Bitch :o
Wowie Groovie !
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#37
I think I may start calling everyone bitch...

Photo Bitch
Queen Bitch
Plunger Bitch
Bitchersnatch
AlyBitch
JoBitch
3/30/2009 1:38 PM Loose Wendy wrote: "I would rather masturbate using a baseball bat wrapped in barbed wire than have sex with Joe."
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#38
Bitchdong
"Golf requires goofy pants and a fat ass. You should talk to my neighbor the accountant. Probably a great golfer. Huge ass!"
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#39
Rock Monster Wrote:I think I may start calling everyone bitch...

Photo Bitch
Queen Bitch
Plunger Bitch
Bitchersnatch
AlyBitch
JoBitch

I dare you to call her Queen Bitch Tongue
Wowie Groovie !
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#40
Jiggy Bitch
3/30/2009 1:38 PM Loose Wendy wrote: "I would rather masturbate using a baseball bat wrapped in barbed wire than have sex with Joe."
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