What do you think?

[Mad Dog]

I had a first date on Sunday afternoon and it went very well but then it went south fast. I asked when we could get together again and she said next Sunday. I balked because it because I really liked her and didn't want to wait a whole seven days to see her again. I changed her mind and we set a new date for Monday. I also invited her to travel to my hometown Thursday night to watch my nephew play football. She said maybe, she'd have to see.

About an hour before before our second date was supposed to commence she called to cancel. Her reason was because her 15 year old son hadn't gotten his homework done over the weekend and she felt compelled to stay home and help him. I was disappointed, but she said she would make it up to me. So we rescheduled our second date until Tuesday.

About an hour before we saw each other on our second date Tuesday, She called to inform me that her and her son had an emotional talk, that he didn't want to be alone, and that he'd be coming with us, if I didn't mind. He would bring a video game an set and wait in the car. I said "OK, I suppose" but I wasn't really happy about it.

I went to the restaurant where we were to meet, and I met her son, and except for a few minutes, he did sit in the car. Our second date didn't really have the spark the first one did. But it went ok. I asked her if she had given any thought to the football game I invited her to and she said no because she was worried about leaving her 15 year old alone for a few hours. As we left the restaurant she told me to call her before I went to bed.

So when I did call her, somewhere in our conversation I told her that I wasn't sure if she was ready yet for a relationship. And the next day she dumped me. Can somebody please tell me what just happened here?

[Torque]

Sorry man, that sounds rather fishy and light on closure. Unless she explains to you in the future what really happened between date one and date two it's hard to make educated assumptions but I will say that it seems she was looking for an "excuse" to take a backwards step from you and she intentionally/unintentionally used her son. It just seems weird, maybe something is really going on with the kid, but a normal 15year old would LOVE to be home alone for a little, hell more than a little. Maybe you were too gung-ho to her and she felt pressured. I guess it may have been for the best because a football game even if you don't like football is a rather stress-free type of date. I hope something works out for you

[0rz0ski]

Aw, man, that sucks. I pretty much agree with Torque, and if she was willing to use her kid to backpedal in the relationship instead of telling you directly, she probably wasn't worth keeping anyway. Ditto on hoping something works out for you.

[Titan!]

Forget her man, move on.

The best advice I've ever gotten about dealing with a break up:

The best way to get over someone old, is to get under someone new.

[Allyson]

First impressions are often misleading and as such, even though you really liked her at first, it sounds to me like it's a good thing you got out when you did. She seems like a weirdo and is way insecure and she definitely isn't ready for a relationship. Call her back in 3 years if she lets her son goes away to college.

[landmammaldolphin]

Bitchez be crazy! On a serious note, Torque summed up exactly what I would have said. She felt uncomfortable on the second date and used her son as a buffer/excuse. You don't need that. Don't worry, when the time is right, you'll find the right gal.

[fustercluck]

To small of a dick and to small of a wallet.

She used the kid card to get herself out quickly.

[Queenie]

Nice Trogdor.

Maddog, don't think another thing about this woman. Chalk it up to experience and don't carry it to the next lady you date. When it's right, you'll know it. I know you've talked about the fact that you wanted to date, and I'm sure this is one of your first few. Don't be so eager to jump into a relationship. People our age tend to want to find someone and settle down immediately, or at least spend every waking moment with them. That can be very intimidating to someone who has been alone for a period longer than you have and enjoys their own space. Good luck in your quest. I'm sure Ms. Right is waiting around the corner.

[fetusfacedwindbag]

I think that there are several problems with the situation....

....but in the words of the great LeVar Burton....Don't take my word for it.

First mess up. You totally tried to be pushy too soon. I know you wanted to see her again, but you could've waited a week after the first date....at least longer than one day.

2 - I don't know how far away you two live from each other, but why couldn't you drive to her instead of the other way around?

3 - You let her son sit in the car while the two of you ate dinner. I don't know about every woman in the world, but if I was a woman and had a son, I would totally not want you in my life if you weren't willing to bring my son in to eat as well. If you wanted time alone, you should have waited until there was a day that her son had other things to do ro something.

- You could've offered to cook for her at her house/ your house.
- Women like romantic things. A football game? That sounds totally like at least a fourth date activity to me. You've got to do romantic things for them....at least in the beginning. Even atypical girls like to be treated like queens.
- You seemed to play the "needy" type according to your story, and most women don't want that at all ....from what I understand.



Ok. Now disregard everything I said, and take the advice of the women because they truly know what women think.

[plungerhand]

Should have taken her to a sports bar and played ping pong....But, don't let her win.




workseverytime

[Queenie]

Should have taken her to a sports bar and played ping pong....But, don't let her win.




workseverytime

+1

[potthole]

The saying that it happens when you least expect it is so very true. When I met my wife, I had basically decided to blow off dating and relationships. I had tried to force the issue for awhile and nothing seemed to turn out. Coming into the summer one year I just decided I'd take a break for dating for awhile, and then boom, a couple months later, here comes this wonderful woman into my life.

[plungerhand]

The saying that it happens when you least expect it is so very true. When I met my wife, I had basically decided to blow off dating and relationships. I had tried to force the issue for awhile and nothing seemed to turn out. Coming into the summer one year I just decided I'd take a break for dating for awhile, and then boom, a couple months later, here comes this wonderful woman into my life.

Could not agree more. That's exactly how it happens. Sounds stupid, but the minute you stop looking for it, there it is.

[Queenie]

The saying that it happens when you least expect it is so very true. When I met my wife, I had basically decided to blow off dating and relationships. I had tried to force the issue for awhile and nothing seemed to turn out. Coming into the summer one year I just decided I'd take a break for dating for awhile, and then boom, a couple months later, here comes this wonderful woman into my life.

That's exactly how it happened for me and Plungee. We both had "sworn" off dating, and it probably helped that we weren't looking for the "right one". It took some of the pressure off to make this one right, and look what happened! We celebrate our one year anniversary next month!!

[fistor!@#]

The girl clothes buying Muppet fanatic wins this thread.

Move on dog. Next time don't be so desperate.

[landmammaldolphin]

The saying that it happens when you least expect it is so very true. When I met my wife, I had basically decided to blow off dating and relationships. I had tried to force the issue for awhile and nothing seemed to turn out. Coming into the summer one year I just decided I'd take a break for dating for awhile, and then boom, a couple months later, here comes this wonderful woman into my life.

My wife and I went to HS together but didn't really know eachother. Both our Mothers were teachers together and kept trying to hook us up. We had both just come off of breakups and didn't want to start dating again. We agreed that we couldn't take our parent's hounding anymore and decided to go out 1 time to get them off of our backs.....She never left my side after that date. It was relaxed and easy going. No strings attached, just dinner and a movie. We have been married for going on 7 years and have rarely left eachothers side. I am always happy to admit that she is the best thing that has ever happened to me (as well as my daughter) and we have all of that from 1 outing that wasn't a "date" and was meant to just get our parents off of our backs.

It's funny how things like that work out!

[fetusfacedwindbag]

The girl clothes buying Muppet fanatic wins this thread.

Move on dog. Next time don't be so desperate.

You sure have been awarding me wins a lot. Maybe next time I'll think a little harder before I tell you that you didn't win a thread.

[fistor!@#]

The girl clothes buying Muppet fanatic wins this thread.

Move on dog. Next time don't be so desperate.

You sure have been awarding me wins a lot.

Yes. This makes one in a row now.

Good work.

[fetusfacedwindbag]

i think it's two.....maybe that was someone else. Oh well.

Way to pay attention fetus.

[Mad Dog]

I don't have alot of time right because of the football game tonight, but I think I actually have a written transcript of e-mails that we sent to each other at the time I last spoke to her, and if you guys would like to read them, I'll see if I can post them. It probably would explain everything.

[fetusfacedwindbag]

I don't have alot of time right because of the football game tonight, but I think I actually have a written transcript of e-mails that we sent to each other at the time I last spoke to her, and if you guys would like to read them, I'll see if I can poat them. It probably would explain everything.

You are totally over analyzing this. You should move on.

This one didn't work out, and if you try too hard, you're going to scare her away even more.

[fistor!@#]

I don't have alot of time right because of the football game tonight, but I think I actually have a written transcript of e-mails that we sent to each other at the time I last spoke to her, and if you guys would like to read them, I'll see if I can post them. It probably would explain everything.

Nope. Time to move on.

[Howie Feltersnatch]

I don't have alot of time right because of the football game tonight, but I think I actually have a written transcript of e-mails that we sent to each other at the time I last spoke to her, and if you guys would like to read them, I'll see if I can post them. It probably would explain everything.

Nope. Time to move on.

agreed.

i haven't read this entire thread as all i do is follow and read fistor's posts all day. but what I say is that you weren't together for very long and she's probably not worth all the headache you are causing yourself.

with the housing market the way it is it'll be easy as hell to get a chick to move in with you anyway

[elranito]

The fact that you even made this post is part of the problem. You care waaaay too much and are trying waaaay too hard.

Try not being so transparent.

[Biff]

If you like Asian women........my wife has a friend......

[Mad Dog]

The fact that you even made this post is part of the problem. You care waaaay too much and are trying waaaay too hard.

Try not being so transparent.

Actually you've hit my personality right on the button, since I've always been this way, I don't know how to be any other way.

[Mad Dog]

I don't have alot of time right because of the football game tonight, but I think I actually have a written transcript of e-mails that we sent to each other at the time I last spoke to her, and if you guys would like to read them, I'll see if I can poat them. It probably would explain everything.

You are totally over analyzing this. You should move on.

This one didn't work out, and if you try too hard, you're going to scare her away even more.

Oh shes totally gone. When I posted this I was kinda pissed, not so much at her but the situation. I'm not analyzing this so I can try to get her back. A break up after two dates, I'm not even that stupid. Honestly, I didn't know what to think, I just wanted to know what you guys had to think. And thank you, I've got some things to chew on.

[Mad Dog]

To small of a dick and to small of a wallet.

She used the kid card to get herself out quickly.

Well at least you've got small of wallet and kid card right. Two out of three aint bad.

[Mad Dog]

Nice Trogdor.

Maddog, don't think another thing about this woman. Chalk it up to experience and don't carry it to the next lady you date. When it's right, you'll know it. I know you've talked about the fact that you wanted to date, and I'm sure this is one of your first few. Don't be so eager to jump into a relationship. People our age tend to want to find someone and settle down immediately, or at least spend every waking moment with them. That can be very intimidating to someone who has been alone for a period longer than you have and enjoys their own space. Good luck in your quest. I'm sure Ms. Right is waiting around the corner.

Thanks Queenie, your exactly right and thats great advice. +1

[fistor!@#]

I've got some things to chew on.

There inlies the problem. Stop overthinking. Or at least letting the wimmens know that you're an overthinker-obsessive type. Just chillax.

[Mad Dog]

I've got some things to chew on.

There inlies the problem. Stop overthinking. Or at least letting the wimmens know that you're an overthinker-obsessive type. Just chillax.

More very good advice, I'll think about it for a while and get back with you. lol Seriously, it's really hard to change your root nature. And I hate fakeing it. I guess thats why I like Freebeer and Hotwings so much. There not fake. I always try to show people the real me, whether its on the message boards or in person. Sometimes it works, sometimes it dosen't

[fistor!@#]

There inlies the problem. Stop overthinking. Or at least letting the wimmens know that you're an overthinker-obsessive type. Just chillax.

More very good advice, I'll think about it for a while and get back with you. lol Seriously, it's really hard to change your root nature. And I hate fakeing it. I guess thats why I like Freebeer and Hotwings so much. There not fake. I always try to show people the real me, whether its on the message boards or in person. Sometimes it works, sometimes it dosen't

Understood. I'm not saying you have to change who you are, because that's pretty much impossible. I'm just saying you should kinda put a cap on it when you're first getting to know someone. Or at the very least, tell her that sometimes you find it difficult to not experience paralysis by analysis, and it's something that you're working on. That makes you seem intelligent and self-aware, as well as vulnerable to a point. People know people are flawed, and no one likes people who try to portray themselves as perfect, so I wouldn't be shy about mentioning this when you're in the get-to-know-someone stages.

But then do everything you can to not obsess. Talk about how you're working on it, but don't show it.

Like I said, chillax. Outwardly. Inwardly you'll be the Guns of the Navarone. And that's cool.

[elranito]

There inlies the problem. Stop overthinking. Or at least letting the wimmens know that you're an overthinker-obsessive type. Just chillax.

More very good advice, I'll think about it for a while and get back with you. lol Seriously, it's really hard to change your root nature. And I hate fakeing it. I guess thats why I like Freebeer and Hotwings so much. There not fake. I always try to show people the real me, whether its on the message boards or in person. Sometimes it works, sometimes it dosen't

Fake it for long enough and it is who you will be and sometimes that isn't a bad thing. Like Kurt Vonnegut said, "We are what we pretend to be".

Change isn't easy, especially not after being one way for so long. However, you simply have to be willing to make a conscious decision and stick with it even when you feel like saying things you know are probably best kept to yourself. After a while it will become easier and eventually it will be natural.

You'd be amazed what can be accomplished with a little dedication and willpower.

[airhornahole]

More very good advice, I'll think about it for a while and get back with you. lol Seriously, it's really hard to change your root nature. And I hate fakeing it. I guess thats why I like Freebeer and Hotwings so much. There not fake. I always try to show people the real me, whether its on the message boards or in person. Sometimes it works, sometimes it dosen't

Fake it for long enough and it is who you will be and sometimes that isn't a bad thing. Like Kurt Vonnegut said, "We are what we pretend to be".

Change isn't easy, especially not after being one way for so long. However, you simply have to be willing to make a conscious decision and stick with it even when you feel like saying things you know are probably best kept to yourself. After a while it will become easier and eventually it will be natural.

You'd be amazed what can be accomplished with a little dedication and willpower.

Plus, you might want to rub one out before the date, ala "Something about Mary". Just make sure to check your ear.

No seriously, it sounds like you just need to relax.

[Mad Dog]

Fake it for long enough and it is who you will be and sometimes that isn't a bad thing. Like Kurt Vonnegut said, "We are what we pretend to be".

Change isn't easy, especially not after being one way for so long. However, you simply have to be willing to make a conscious decision and stick with it even when you feel like saying things you know are probably best kept to yourself. After a while it will become easier and eventually it will be natural.

You'd be amazed what can be accomplished with a little dedication and willpower.

Plus, you might want to rub one out before the date, ala "Something about Mary". Just make sure to check your ear.

No seriously, it sounds like you just need to relax.

Before you date.... Masturbate!! Another good Idea!! You make it sound like i was holding her down and sticking my tongue in her ear. Actually I only got two hugs and didn't even kiss her. Didn't even get to first base. I actually consciencely thought about taking this (potential) relationship very slowly (for me). because I honestly didn't want to scare her away. But she didn't treat me very well by bringing her kid and I realized early that she wasn't really ready for the type of relationship I had in mind for us, so I called her on it. Thats what broke it up. :-[

[Torque]

I agree with the calming down advice, but not with the faking it/toning down yourself. Instead of repressing I think it would be better to figure out WHY you do what you do. i.e. you not wanting to wait a whole week for a second date may not be because you are inherently an impatient and quickly swooning individual, you may just have issues feeling pressured that if you don't "capture" someone quickly you may lose the chance or something. Just try to be more confident in that taking your time and letting things happen naturally, someone good for you will be understanding enough to not hurry or get to certain "stages" by certain deadlines, because you should want it to take the rest of your lives to learn about and be interested in each other. There's no disappearing pumpkin and fall of cinderella at midnight.

[Mad Dog]

Well, I certainly am pretty sick of being alone. And I'm also sick of having dud relationships. I don't think I'm desperate, but I don't know, I don't have to deal with me. Lets put it this way, I try to act cool and not desperate. There is a fine line between being aggressive and being desperate.

My son told me the other day "The easiest thing you will ever do in life is scare away a girl" I think it is wisdom beyond his years. But....some girls LIKE aggressive guys. Almost no girl will ask a guy out, and thats the way it is. Guys ask the Girls. And who ever brings it the best wins.