2008 FBHW forum MVP Round One EAST

[Biff]

Top two advance

[hotzester]

I was going to vote for someone other than myself, but then I remembered that I was nominated for being able to bring facts to the table in any debate, and I convinced myself to vote for myself.

[Rock Monster]

I was going to vote for someone other than myself, but then I remembered that I was nominated for being able to bring facts to the table in any debate, and I convinced myself to vote for myself.

So, where are the facts to back the side to vote for you?

[Titan!]

Vote for 'Zester. He's F'ind Yoda man.

[hotzester]

So, where are the facts to back the side to vote for you?

Vote for me because:

-I smell fantastic.
-I'm quite punctual.
-I'm an excellent cook.
-I won't raise your taxes.

[Allyson]

About me:

People seem to like me because I am polite and I am rarely late. I like to eat ice cream and I really enjoy a nice pair of slacks. Years later, a doctor will tell me that I have an I.Q. of 48 and am what some people call mentally retarded.

[hotzester]

I think Allyson just called me Brick Tamland in a subversive, mocking way.

[Rock Monster]

About me:

People seem to like me because I am polite and I am rarely late. I like to eat ice cream and I really enjoy a nice pair of slacks. Years later, a doctor will tell me that I have an I.Q. of 48 and am what some people call mentally retarded.

+1

ilovelamp

[Allyson]

I think Allyson just called me Brick Tamland in a subversive, mocking way.

Oh, it's on.

[dino]

About me:

People seem to like me because I am polite and I am rarely late. I like to eat ice cream and I really enjoy a nice pair of slacks. Years later, a doctor will tell me that I have an I.Q. of 48 and am what some people call mentally retarded.

You're so wise. You're like a miniature Buddha, covered in hair.

[burnking]

If I wasn't conceited and didn't vote for myself, I'd probably go for Allyson because her little quote makes me laugh everytime.

"If I ever saw an amputee getting hanged, I

[hotzester]

Dammit...Allyson gets the punctual amputee vote. Time to start organizing the base.

[burnking]

Plus, Ballston Spa doesn't do anything for me.

[hotzester]

I'll keep that in mind while the Albany Common Council is discussing whether or not to require bicycles to be registered.

[burnking]

Hey, I never said Albany was better. I'd say both are pretty terrible.

[Allyson]

I was going to vote for someone other than myself, but then I remembered that I was nominated for being able to bring facts to the table in any debate, and I convinced myself to vote for myself.

If I wasn't conceited and didn't vote for myself, I'd probably go for Allyson because her little quote makes me laugh everytime.

Damn it, I knew I should have voted for me.

[Allyson]

My friends,

Before you cast your vote on the Board MVP East, let me remind you of these few facts.


Burnking regularly effs his hermaphrodite sister, Lola, in the while trying to drive his P.O.S. Bonneville. He has killed countless women and children by not paying attention behind the wheel. Is this the 'man' you want representing your precious FB&HW board?

Peachs is suffers from a highly contagious disease known as gingervitis. She tries to pass it off as a cute chick with orange hair, but don't let her fool you. This daywalker is just waiting to attack the rest of us once she is crowned MVP. Scary.

Hotzester is a slaveowner who plans to sell Michigan to Canada before bleaching his hair and growing a soul patch reminiscent of pubes, then fleeing to France to escape ridicule. Don't give him that power.


Now don't get me wrong. I'm not telling you who to vote for, I'm just telling you who not to vote for. Make the right decision.

[hotzester]

My friends,

Before you cast your vote on the Board MVP East, let me remind you of these few facts.


Burnking regularly effs his hermaphrodite sister, Lola, in the while trying to drive his P.O.S. Bonneville. He has killed countless women an children by not paying attention behind the wheel. Is this the 'man' you want representing your precious FB&HW board?

Peachs is suffers from a highly contagious disease known as gingervitis. She tries to pass it off as a cute chick with orange hair, but don't let her fool you. This daywalker is just waiting to attack the rest of us once she is crowned MVP. Scary.

Hotzester is a slaveowner who plans to sell Michigan to Canada before bleaching his hair blonde and growing a soul patch reminiscent of pubes, then fleeing to France to escape ridicule. Don't give him that power.


Now don't get me wrong. I'm not telling you who to vote for, I'm just telling you who not to vote for. Make the right decision.

My fellow posters,

Allyson would have you believe that her three opponents in the Eastern Division are evil deviants. Allyson wants to paint us as manical monsters with ulterior motives, just waiting to win your vote so we can unleash our minions upon you all to satisfy our wicked agendas.

Her recent attacks on Burnking were unwarranted and lacked originality. In fact, her claim that Burnking regularly effs his sister in a P.O.S. Bonneville were blatantly plagiarized. This quote can be attributed the moderators of the forum she so badly wants to represent as your MVP.

Allyson has also attacked Peachs, saying that Peachs suffers from a disease called "Gingervitis". Posters, there is no disease called "gingervitis". What Allyson was obviously trying to do was evoke fear in you all. A fear of poor oral hygiene. Don't fall victim to this fear mongering. Oral hygiene is a serious issue in this country. How can Allyson have a solution to this national tragedy when she can't even spell it?

And finally, there is the attack on me. Allyson claims that I'm a slave owner. Never in the history of this democratic process has there been a more unfounded barrage. If Allyson had asked me just one time, I could have given her the facts. Slave owner? Hardly. My family came to this country aboard the Mayflower. Edward Doty was an indentured servant to Steven Hopkins. Does this sound like someone who would breed slave-owner descendants to you?

As for my plans to bleach my hair blonde, again, this is untrue. Fact - I'm 33 years old, and my hair has been receding for a few years now. I don't want to put any chemicals on my hair that would expedite this process.

I believe that you're all above this sort of rhetoric. It is time to make a statement that we can not be sold a bill of goods that is factually inaccurate, morally reprehensible, and grammatically retarded.

I'm Hotzester and I approve this message.

[0rz0ski]

More! More!

[burnking]

Board members,

I could tell you all about my various contributions to this board, and why I would be the best representative of the east, but I took it to the streets of the messageboard and let my opponents speak in an unedited manner.

Do you want someone who supports.... child abuse?!

I usually cook this baby...

...Right after the injection of Roofies and before they take your underpants off.

Do you want someone who supports... idiocy?!

I have an I.Q. of 48 and am what some people call mentally retarded.

Eyy, who do you tink you aah tawkin to me like dat.

Do you want someone who... overeats and displays paranoia?!

feeling nauseous... dinner didn't agree with me

sick feeling.... ufghhhhhh

wishing my tummy didn't hate me....

I'm just glad that I wasn't mentioned anywhere in there... who knows how many of my enemies listen to the show and know that I use "peachs" for everything....

Straight from the mouths of my opponents, completely unedited in any way:

The only thing that would make burnking more attractive would be if he were younger.

Dat burnking be teh bestest. If I coud make sum sweet lovin ta one memember of teh bored, it wud be Dr. Stoopid... but burnking is a close second

I moved to upstate NY just to be closer to burnking. He's so smart and considerate, and if there were an MVP of the board, he should be it.

I'm just giving you the facts, you need to make the right choice.

[hotzester]

My fellow posters,

Once again, my opponents have made it clear that they're perfectly content running negative campaigns full of lies and misrepresented facts. They claim to be speaking the truth. They'll say that they're "giving you the facts". But friends, facts can't be manipulated.

I've earned the respect of even my harshest opponents. Take Titan for example. On day one of the message boards, Titan and I went all day debating the issues. We still don't agree, but we respect one another's opinions and today we co-exist peacefully. Just the other day, Titan endorsed me as the candidate from the Eastern Division claiming I was "Yoda".

When deciding for whom to vote, vote for the candidate who can reach across forum lines and unify even the most steadfast of opponents. Cast your vote for Hotzester. Vote for Yoda.

Hotzester am I and this message I approve.

[burnking]

Cast your vote for Hotzester. Vote for Yoda.

Hotzester am I and this message I approve.

[drop]Hey look, it's Sergeant Dork![/drop]

[Allyson]

My fellow posters,

Once again, my opponents have made it clear that they're perfectly content running negative campaigns full of lies and misrepresented facts. They claim to be speaking the truth. They'll say that they're "giving you the facts". But friends, facts can't be manipulated.

I've earned the respect of even my harshest opponents. Take Titan for example. On day one of the message boards, Titan and I went all day debating the issues. We still don't agree, but we respect one another's opinions and today we co-exist peacefully. Just the other day, Titan endorsed me as the candidate from the Eastern Division claiming I was "Yoda".

When deciding for whom to vote, vote for the candidate who can reach across forum lines and unify even the most steadfast of opponents. Cast your vote for Hotzester. Vote for Yoda.

Hotzester am I and this message I approve.

[drop]Wow, cool story horrible bitch.[/drop]

[hotzester]

My friends, it is time we put aside the petty bickering and schoolyard taunts, and focus our sights on what really matters....Me.

I've dedicated my life to the service of others. At the age of 18, I enlisted in the United States Marine Corps. It is there that the values instilled in me by my parents were reinforced and strengthened. It was the Marines who reminded me the importance of selfless service.

It was this selfless service and sense of community that lead me to become a volunteer firefighter at the age of 22. While most my age were racing cars and bar hopping, I was running into burning buildings - buildings that most people would flee from - to face the danger head on.

And now, at 33, with a baby on the way in a matter of days, I've accepted my nomination as the Free Beer and Hot Wings Message Board MVP so I can continue that service to others, so that I can be an inspiration to my infant child, much in the way my parents were an inspiration to me.

Also, there's a prize involved.

When casting your vote, think about who will best represent you in the general election. The girl with the goofy face as an avatar, the guy who stole the identity of one of the actual show members, the girl who can't spell the plural of a common fruit, or the Marine who rescued kittens and puppies from burning orphanages?

I'm hotzester and I like prizes.

[vsangelchick]

wow....all these attack ads.....and the one "clean" campaign.....hmmm...ok...sorry....gotta go with the uniforms.....

[Biff]

Allyson and The Burn King advance........

[Allyson]

Opa!

[linzi]

CONGRATULATIONS!!!! Good luck.........................................

[burnking]

Opa!

You're going down, Jersey.

[Allyson]

Opa!

You're going down, Jersey.

Bitch, please.