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Dad Your Not Dead!!
#1
I am starting this thread because I was so nervous telling my story to the guys last Thursday and I couldn't get it all out before Zane started mumbling:


On Friday, early summer afternoon when I was about thirteen, the phone rang and I answered it. My Aunt Sharon on the phone, frantic, telling us to turn the radio on. I could make out that she was trying to tell us that the people on the radio were saying that a Jack Salsbury had died in car accident in St.Louis Michigan. Jack Salsbury is my dads name and I was stunned. I ran to our radio and turned it on and after a couple of cheezy country tunes later, sure enough, they announced that Jack Salsbury had been traveling through St. Louis at a high rate of speed, collided with a telephone pole and was pronounced dead on the scene.

By this time, my mother and my two younger brothers had gathered around the radio, listening intently to every word. We all busted out crying and wailing at the same time. We were absolutely distraught and I collapsed to the ground sobbing. Soon my relatives began to show up to console us in our grief. I was sick to my stomach, tears covering my face.

The rest of the afternoon wore on and became early evening and it grew to be time that my dad would normally be home. No dad. He was never coming home again. I sat in my living room grieving. About an hour later. I hear the familiar sound of my dads car pulling up the driveway. My eyebrows popped up!!!
As sad and grief stricken as I was, in an instant my heart rose and was over come by pure joy!!!

I got up and sprinted outside shouting "Dad!!! Your Alive" I didn't even slow down and I buried my head into his chest and got the best hug ever, tears streaming down my face, now tears of joy. He had just had to work late. No big deal. No such thing as cell phones back then, so he couldn't call home. Everyone felt a wave of instant relief. He decided we should all go to the store and buy an eight pack of pop to celebrate.

The next day was surreal. People from all over the county began to show up to offer their condolences. Many brought dishes to pass and we began to get a house full. Many of these people I had never met before and as it turned out they were people from the church that we would eventually attend. Needless to say they were at the same time shocked and over joyed to see my dad sitting in the living room, still very much alive. I remember dad shouting out to a new arrival bringing food "Just sit it in the kitchen over there by the rest of it!!"

Many people in town, however, did not get the word that it wasn't my dad that had died, but another Jack Salsbury that had quietly moved into town, and quietly kept to himself for a year or two, until he decided to go out in a blaze of glory. Many people went to his funeral, thinking it was my dad and of course, it was a closed casket service. It was estimated that 90% of all the flowers this guy received were meant for my father. Even a couple of years later, this incident caused problems.

Once apparently, My dad and mom were at a wedding reception, where the food was served buffet style and he was filling his plate and happened to notice a guy he hadn't seen in years. "Hey George how's it going?" dad said. George started turning white as a sheet, and his plate slid out of his hands and his plate clanged on the floor. George thought he saw a ghost.
"Sir, You need to get out of your car, there is a train comming."
"Why ummm... uhhh did you ummm... feel the need to errrrr, god why can't I type!!"
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#2
:clap: :clap: :clap:
Go fuck yourself. Hard.
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#3
Seriously, I think just about everything in the world has happened to you. You need to get all these things sent off to a movie studio, because there could be some interesting films made based off of what you've shared from your life.
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#4
potthole Wrote:Seriously, I think just about everything in the world has happened to you. You need to get all these things sent off to a movie studio, because there could be some interesting films made based off of what you've shared from your life.
.

Totally agree. It would be better than Tina Turner's movie.
Hey doc, do you know the address of that place?
Oh, you know, I do know the address. It's at the corner of go fuck yourself and buy a map!
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#5
potthole Wrote:Seriously, I think just about everything in the world has happened to you. You need to get all these things sent off to a movie studio, because there could be some interesting films made based off of what you've shared from your life.

put them in memoirs at the very least. be like that Oprah dude. only real.
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#6
Or maybe when you're really old and have some horrible disease, one of us could come over and spend time with you...and then write your book "Tuesdays with Mad Dog".
Everyday you reinvent yourself into a bigger cock-shite than ever. It's incredible. I don't know how you do it. I admire you.

I think that this situation absolutely requires a really futile and stupid gesture be done on somebody's part.
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#7
Big Grin Thanks Guys. I really have had alot of shit happen to me, Haven't I ? It just takes the right stuff to jog my memory and I can usually come up with some crazy experiences I've had.
"Sir, You need to get out of your car, there is a train comming."
"Why ummm... uhhh did you ummm... feel the need to errrrr, god why can't I type!!"
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#8
beckyp Wrote:
potthole Wrote:Seriously, I think just about everything in the world has happened to you. You need to get all these things sent off to a movie studio, because there could be some interesting films made based off of what you've shared from your life.

put them in memoirs at the very least. be like that Oprah dude. only real.

[Image: 41SDlNf8txL._SX320_SY240_.jpg]

No, you're a towel!
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